FATED

by Roberts, A. S

  ‘You have felt a connection to him, for like forever! I really believe you need to see what happens next and take a leap of faith. I have never had a guy look at me the way he looks at you, that’s for sure... Right OK lecture over, drink your tea up and go and call Aunty Jean.’

  ‘Yes, Sir.’ I gave her a mock salute in a silent piss take. She made it all sound so easy.

  After I took my now empty mug to the kitchen, I padded my way through to my bedroom, picking up the telephone en-route and I threw myself down onto the comfortable bed. Trying to work out exactly what it was I needed to say or ask Aunty Jean. But I knew I needed to do it quickly as it was coming up for 6pm here. Adding 5 hours on, she would be getting ready for bed. I closed my eyes and listened to the dialling tone stretching across the thousands of miles between us.

  ‘Hello,’ instantly I relaxed into her comforting voice.

  ‘Hi, Aunty,’

  ‘Oh, Frankie, how lovely to hear your voice, I was just making a drink and going off to bed. Are you OK darling?’ And there it was the ball park question.

  ‘I need to talk to you about something, but I can call back in the morning if you would prefer,’ almost grasping the opportunity to cut and run.

  ‘No dear, talk now. I am not often here in the mornings, Frankie.’ Her voice stated.

  ‘I met my boss today, Alex Blackmore. It turns out he is...’ I stopped, unable to actually annunciate the words.

  ‘I know who he is, Frankie.’

  Say what? Did she just say she knows?

  ‘Sorry, Aunty, I don’t think I quite caught what you just said. Could you repeat it please?’

  ‘You heard correctly darling. Your uncle and I have been in contact with him a few times now,’ she stopped speaking suddenly. ‘Frankie?’

  ‘I don’t know what to say, did you know I had taken this job from him?’ My voice rose.

  ‘I did love; he had asked us our opinion, on whether he should offer you the job in the first place.’

  ‘Did he now? But no one thought, that just maybe, I should be included in this little conversation?’ I hit back.

  ‘Now stop it, Frankie, it wasn’t like that, your uncle and I thought it would be a fantastic opportunity for you. You would get to be back with Bella. We knew how much you missed her. The job would be well paid and we knew he would look after you. If he had been truthful with you, I doubt very much you would have even considered taking the job. You need to move on with your life, JJ would want you to move on....’ Just when I thought she had finished she added, ‘Alex has always looked out for you dear, I feel he thinks he has some connection to you, and I certainly know you have a connection to him. I watched you at Coronado together. Every time we mentioned his name afterwards you would fight with feelings of disgust and yet at the same time, I could see you had other feelings for him too. Your face has always given you away.’

  The silence was screamingly loud.

  ‘I have feelings for him, Aunty Jean; I’m just not sure what those feelings are. It’s why I phoned you today.’

  ‘Life is short my love, if we remembered all the time that we could lose someone at any moment, we would love more strongly and without inhibition, without fear of the what ifs. Not because there is nothing to lose, but because everything can always be lost at any time.’

  I had tears rolling silently down my cheeks, one chasing the other.

  ‘Please, Frankie, you need to forgive him, and you need to forgive yourself. I am going to bed now my darling. Please phone me soon, I do so love to hear your voice.’

  ‘Night, night. I love you.’

  ‘We love you too; don’t let the bed bugs bite.’ I felt a smile tugging at the corners of my lips, hearing the words she always said when we were kids.

  I should shower, but the bed felt too comfortable. I began to fall asleep, utter over thinking causing my fatigue.

  Seventeen

  ALEX

  I leaned on the

  inside of my penthouse door, for what seemed like forever. I hated walking away from her, even though it was not my fucking choice. This was, it seemed, the very reason for my anger over this fucked up situation. This wasn’t my choice. I slammed my hand back smacking the hard wood frame.

  Ever since I had first been sent away from my family to England, even as an eleven-year-old, I had vowed to always be in control of everyone and everything I did, from that point on.

  Yeah that fucking prick had to send me away. He knew after years of abuse at his hands, the tide was turning, when I had squared up to him after nearly reaching his height, and just finally having had enough of his crap. I squeezed my eyes closed to expel him from my mind, he had no right there, and I never allowed him to stay.

  Slowly I slid down the door onto my ass, collecting my controller for the apartment on the way down from the hallway table. I could feel myself taking a few deep inhalations in my struggle not to reopen this fucking piece of wood and charge over to her and fuck her senseless. Pressing the buttons on the remote, I made the blinds come down that were in-between the layers of glass. I didn’t want to see the fucking city lights tonight. What I really needed was her pressed up against the cold glass, butt naked, with the cold of the glass making her nipples so hard they ached for me to warm them with my hot, wet tongue.

  I am a fucking pussy whipped prick.

  I forcibly leaned my head forward onto my knees and dragged my hands through my hair in exasperation.

  ‘Fuck you, Nathan!’ His fucking timing stank; she wasn’t supposed to know about me yet. Not with the shit hitting the fan back at the house, with Scott. But even in my fit of anger, I had to relent and acknowledge that I was relieved she knew. She hadn’t taken it too badly and that was a fucking relief. I was hopeful I could keep her away from the other crap going on in my life. After all I was the master of control, except of course when my idiotic little brother tried to one up me.

  With that thought I threw the remote across the hallway; it smashed as it skidded across the floor, spewing its guts over the grey marble. The very moment it stopped sliding and stilled was the moment the knock on the door came.

  ‘Alex,’ it was Edwards, not the voice I wanted to hear.

  I stood suddenly grasping the handle and swung open the door. ‘YES,’ I definitely sounded more irate than I intended and I forced myself to quickly control my temper. Edwards remained resolute at my bark and stood firm, the only tell was the raising slightly of a questioning eyebrow.

  ‘I just wanted to let you know that Nathan is now tucked up in bed, sleeping off his drink. Luckily, I had help undressing him, otherwise I would have just left him in the recovery position and let him sleep it off, uncomfortable or not. Anyway just wanted to let you know, and see if it’s OK to go off duty now?’

  ‘Bella helped?’

  ‘She did.’

  ‘OK... one thing, on your way out can you get George up with a new remote for the apartment, please. I dropped this one.’

  ‘Of course, Alex. No problem.’ I am sure I caught sight of a smirk, but let it go.

  ‘Night.’

  I decided to take myself off to the gym inside the apartment. If I couldn’t fuck her out of my system, I would run and pound her out. I changed into a pair of black running shorts, and dropped my clothes on the floor in my haste, with them I dropped the dark blue lacy thong I had acquired earlier. I resisted the fucking ridiculous urge to pick it up and inhale her scent again. That would have to wait until later, when I was sure I would need to wank at least once in order to get any fucking sleep at all. I did however relent and tuck them into the elasticated waist of my shorts. I couldn’t leave them behind; they were all I had of her.

  Turning on the wall mounted TV, and placing the headphones on my head, I tried to lose myself into the news that was on and I started up th
e running machine. Listening to the days latest and trying unsuccessfully to absorb what was happening as I felt my feet pounding ever quicker on the mechanical track. It didn’t matter how fucking steep I made it, or how fucking fast I set it. Apart from my body screaming at me and the whole of my upper torso being covered in sweat, it was doing nothing to erase my goddamn thoughts of her. Finally with what sounded like an animalistic roar I punched the stop button and leant on the handle bar, gasping for air. Stepping off the machine, legs shaking, I downed one bottle of water and tipped another over my head, I flicked the water off my face with a shake of my head. I pushed my messy hair up and out of my eyes.

  I started to strap up my hands ready to use the punch bag.

  Once ready I began to obliterate the heavy leather bag in front of my face, with a fast almost torturous rhythm. I needed to lose the mental picture of Frankie coming undone on my lap. My hard on throbbed in my shorts; I had been hard continuously since the helicopter ride and was going to need to fucking relieve it soon. The pain in my knuckles and the sudden onset of music around the apartment brought me to once more; I looked up in time to see George lifting up one arm in a gesture of goodbye from the other side of the glass wall that made up the gym. I was physically shattered and decided to call it a night.

  Undoing the glass door, I concentrated more on the music that was now playing, it was an old song, but so damned appropriate. So appropriate I decided to text it to Frankie.

  Picking up my phone from the bedroom floor, I sent her the text. Then I placed the phone down on my bedside table.

  Goddamn what the hell? I’m a pussy whipped prick. There was seriously no doubt.

  I made my way into my shower, stepping out of my running shorts as I went. Cock in one hand and her thong in the other. I allowed myself to take one sniff of her arousing scent and then carefully placed them on the hook that would normally hold a towel by the shower door. The water was warm as I stood underneath the strongest part of the spray, and I began to roughly soap up my body. Wincing occasionally as my hands ran over some of the bruising I had taken during today’s match. I used the soap to briskly move my hand up and down my throbbing cock, while envisaging the picture of her coming undone on my lap. I jerked suddenly and all too quickly, as I knew I would, I came all over the tiles in the shower cubicle.

  ‘Yes,’ I expelled from between gritted teeth.

  Leaning forward I turned the water to freezing and stood head bowed, leaning on my forearms, the water hitting the base of my neck and in between my shoulder blades. For the first time in what seemed like days my cock went semi flaccid, and semi, I realised, was probably all the relief I was going to get. At least, for the next couple of fucking long days.

  Eighteen

  Frankie

  I came to, beca

  use my mobile had just pinged with the sound of an incoming text. Through bleary eyes I tried to read what had been sent, it was from Alex of course, but somehow I knew it was going to be.

  One sentence and a song title.

  I don’t want to miss a thing – Aerosmith

  Listen to this...please. It epitomizes everything I feel, right now.

  I fell back on top of my covers and searched out the song on my phone. After listening to it a couple of times I reluctantly sat up and swung my legs over the side of the mattress. My blinds were still open and it had grown dark outside. My room was bathed with just a few lights from the city glow. I had been asleep for an hour and my stomach was growling. Sleepily I made my way out to the living room, still clutching my phone to me.

  Bella was curled up under a blanket, fire roaring and watching an old movie on the huge TV that dominated one wall. I recognised the film, but couldn’t think what it was called, and quite frankly had better things on my mind than to analyse it further. Without even looking towards me she lifted up one side of the fleecy blanket, gesticulating for me to enter. I did as I was silently asked and curled up against her side.

  ‘How are you doing?’ she asked

  ‘Well I had a chat with Aunty Jean, and here’s the thing, you are so not going to believe it. She and Uncle Robert already knew about Alex.’ I needed to look at her expressions now and untwisted myself from her side.

  ‘You know, I’m not surprised, I’ve been thinking about it whilst you’ve been in your room and that makes perfect sense. They seemed almost happy for you to come over here. I know that sounds wrong, as they have always been supportive of you and want you to have the life you want. But she almost pushed you onto the plane like she couldn’t wait to be rid of you. No that’s come out wrong, although I think you know what I mean, don’t you?’

  ‘Yeah I do, funny you should mention it.’

  Bella turned off the movie and gave me a hug. ‘So what else did she say?’

  ‘Well that I need to forgive Alex and forgive myself, and basically to get on with life as life is too short and all that.’

  ‘I’m inclined to agree with her, gorgeous girl. Now enough about Alex, although I will say one thing and one more thing only. In the space of a few hours you don’t call him Jabby at all anymore, you refer to him as Alex,’ she nodded at me hoping I was catching her drift.

  I let out a long sigh, all this constant thinking was wearing me out, but yes she was correct as always. I was only thinking of him as Alex now.

  ‘Right now I need to eat, and after, I must go and check on the drunkard next door.’

  ‘I tell you what Bella; let’s make a quick omelette... well I’ll make it,’ I said laughing at her lightly, ‘then we’ll both go next door and check he’s not lying in vomit.’

  It felt so cathartic to have a laugh with my bestie, or was it because I had made a decision about giving Alex and I a go?

  Once we were in the kitchen, I bent down and started pulling items from the fridge. Tomatoes, ham, cheese, onions, eggs and milk. God I was starving. Bella put the kettle on for a cup of tea and finding my iPhone I started playing the tune Alex had just sent.

  ‘OK that’s very fitting.’

  ‘Yeah, isn’t it?... Alex sent it a short while ago.’

  ‘Told you, Frankie, whatever it is that huge hunk of a man has got, he’s got it bad and it appears to all be for you.’ We looked at each other now and I broke into a smile.

  ‘I did tell you about him in all my dreams, and what he was like, didn’t I? But I obviously didn’t do him justice.’

  I carried on mixing the eggs and milk and adding the ingredients. We moved around the kitchen almost pre-empting each other’s movements. I put Aerosmith on repeat.

  ‘Frankie, you were so funny when you came out and saw him for the first time. I mean before he turned around and you looked as though you wanted to deck him, just before that you looked as though you were going to eat him alive.’ A laugh left her but before she continued she checked to see my expression.

  ‘I know, laugh at my expense won’t you.’

  The omelette was just what I needed and after finishing every scrap on my plate, I ran my finger through the last little drip of HP sauce that I had brought with me from England, smacking my lips together. I drained the last of my tea, looking up to meet Bella’s gaze.

  ‘So, gorgeous girl, hot screaming orgasms obviously agree with you?... well they certainly give you an appetite anyway.’

  ‘Enough, come on let’s go and see the bloke you’re lusting after,’ I raised my hand suddenly to her showing her my palm, ‘talk to the hand, don’t even bother denying it, even I can see the chemistry between you two.’

  ‘It’s just...’

  ‘No I don’t want to know, unless it’s the truth, and quite honestly I don’t think you are even aware of the truth yet.’

  ‘OK right... Yes, Nathan and I have a bloody arrangement, happy now?’ she forced out.

  ‘A bloody arrangement, what the he
ll is one of those?’

  ‘Come on even in your virginal mind, you must have heard of fuck buddies?’

  ‘OK, so let me get this straight, you and sex on crutches, with the just fucked hair, are fuck buddies?... good for you girl... I just hope neither of you get hurt at the end.’ I was standing, leaning on the worktop, hands crossed over my chest, giving her a knowing look.

  ‘Come on, Frankie... there you go again, over thinking everything and presuming one or both people in a perfectly adult agreement will get hurt. It doesn’t always happen you know?’ she had her hands on her hips, obviously trying to accentuate how strongly she felt.

  I just twisted my head at her and offered a wry smile.

  We made our way out from the kitchen and towards the front door.

  ‘How are we going to get in to check Nathan? I don’t think we’ve thought this through very well.’

  Bella started waving a key card in front of my face. I had to relinquish, that maybe actually she had.

  How long exactly had she had a key to his apartment?

  It was cooler in the hallway. I couldn’t help my eyes drifting to Alex’s door. I fought with myself to concentrate on following Bella, who was walking in front of me, as she opened Nathan’s door. She had obviously been over here quite a bit, as she could even find her way around the space in the semi darkness.

  The bitch, we were so going to have to have a more in depth discussion about the fuck buddies understanding she had going on. I understood the concept. But I needed many, many more details.