Home All Along

by Beth Wiseman

  Andrea came into the kitchen carrying Bella. “I wanted to do something nice for you. I mean, you . . .” She shrugged. “You’ve done a lot for me and Bella.”

  Charlotte lifted the lid from the pot and inhaled. She’d have forced herself to eat what Andrea cooked, even if it was awful, but it smelled wonderful. After she put the lid on the pot, she kissed Bella’s cheek, patted Andrea’s arm, and started out of the kitchen.

  “I need a quick shower before I eat. The regular reporter at the newspaper didn’t go in.” She scowled. “Guess he missed the memo that said today was a mandatory workday.” She shook her head. “Anyway, they asked me to report on an accident. I had to slide on my rear down an embankment to see what was going on, and then a Life Flight helicopter landed and blew dirt all over me. But you and Bella start without me.”

  “I’ll feed Bella and wait for you.”

  Charlotte was tired, filthy, worried about Lena, and confused about Daniel. But for tonight, she was going to bask in things to be grateful for. Andrea was coming around, and Charlotte was getting to know her sister and her adorable niece. Ethan’s small house had become a home for Charlotte’s family. I wish you could be here, Ethan.

  After she’d showered and washed her hair, she threw on a pair of sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt, then wanted to check to see when she’d last written Ethan a letter. It was something her therapist had suggested Charlotte do while she was still living in Houston, but she’d been rather lax about it since she’d moved to Lancaster County. It would be nice to jot down her feelings in the form of a letter to Ethan after dinner, especially since things were going so well with Andrea.

  Charlotte opened her bedside drawer and pulled out her journal. She set it on the bed as a reminder for later, but as she started to close the drawer, her heart skipped a beat. She’d cashed her paycheck the day before yesterday and put the envelope inside the drawer, something she’d done for the past month. She was running on cash until all of her outstanding checks cleared, hoping to find out why she was 180 dollars off in her checking account. I’m sure I put it in there.

  She shuffled through bills, pens, a bottle of lotion, and other odds and ends, until everything was on her bed and the drawer was empty. And no envelope with cash. No wonder Andrea went to all this trouble.

  Charlotte left her bedroom and crossed through the living room like a speed walker nearing the finish line. “Where’s my money, Andrea?” She spoke slow and soft but deliberate since Bella got upset if anyone raised their voice.

  “What?” Andrea narrowed her eyebrows. Bella was sitting in a booster chair, courtesy of Dianda from work, nibbling on noodles. “What money?”

  Charlotte took a deep breath and released it slowly. She had a little money in her savings account, but that was for emergencies. And it was beside the point. “I can’t have you living here if you are going to steal from me. Did you think I wouldn’t know?”

  “What are you talking about?” Andrea took a step toward Charlotte as she pulled a chain that was tucked into her shirt out for Charlotte to see. “I only borrowed this, your cross. I’m sorry! I didn’t know it was worth money. I just—I’m sorry.” She reached around to unfasten the clasp. “It was on your nightstand, and I just put it on. I was going to give it back.”

  Her eyes started to water as her voice got louder. Once it was off, she held it out to Charlotte. “I thought if I wore it just for a day that I might feel something from God.”

  Charlotte’s eyes widened. “You can have the necklace. It’s the money from my paycheck I’m talking about. It’s gone. All of it!” Now, it was Charlotte whose voice was rising.

  Andrea took a step backward, enough that her arm touched the hot pot on the stove. Her sister cursed as she grabbed her arm below her elbow, then she cursed again, louder. “I didn’t steal your money!” She threw the cross onto the ground. “I borrowed your necklace, and I wasn’t going to keep it. But I didn’t take any money!”

  Charlotte stared at Jesus’ likeness staring up at her, and she could almost hear Him whispering, Love is patient, love is kind . . .

  Bella started to wail, the same way she’d done when she’d first arrived with Andrea weeks ago.

  Charlotte took another breath. “Okay, Andrea, just calm down.”

  Tears poured down her sister’s cheeks. “You know, Sis, you’re just like everyone else. I thought you were different, but you’re not. Once bad, always bad. And I’m bad!”

  Charlotte glanced back and forth between Andrea and Bella, trying to decide who to attend to first, but Andrea started crying hard, threw her hands up in the air, and caught the handle of the pot, sending dinner splattering all over the wooden floors. Bella’s wailing was earsplitting, but it was Andrea Charlotte took a step toward.

  “Get away from me!” Andrea pointed at Charlotte. “I knew this was a bad idea. Rotten parents, rotten foster parents, and rotten sister. I’m rotten too.”

  Charlotte’s jaw stayed dropped for a few seconds. “I thought you had a great childhood.” She edged closer to Bella to pick her up but kept her gaze on Andrea since her sister seemed almost hysterical.

  “Don’t touch her. She’s my baby, and you can’t have her. This entire little ploy was probably just so you can take Bella away from me. No one is going to take her from me, not even you!” Andrea jerked Bella out of the booster seat, still screaming, her tiny face beet red as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Don’t worry. We’re leaving.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” Charlotte was on Andrea’s heels as Bella reached for Charlotte over Andrea’s shoulders. “It’s almost dark. We’ll figure everything out. Maybe I misplaced the money. I’m sorry. Just stay.”

  Charlotte chased Andrea down the steps and reached for her sister’s shirt. “Andrea, stop!”

  She kept going, breaking into a slow jog, Bella bouncing on her hip and crying.

  “I’m not going to chase you!” Charlotte slammed her hands to her hips.

  But that’s exactly what Charlotte did. She took off running after them. Andrea was acting like a child, but it was the child on her sister’s hip that worried Charlotte the most. “At least leave Bella with me!”

  Andrea stopped dead in her tracks and spun around as Bella twisted and cried, trying to wiggle out of her mother’s arms. “You. Will. Never. Have. My. Daughter. Do you understand me?”

  Charlotte was familiar was hate and the expressions that went along with it, and every bit of that emotion was now leveled at her. So much so that Charlotte started to cry. “If you need some time to yourself, okay, but please leave Bella here.”

  “You are never going to see us again. Ever! And if you try to follow me, I swear I’ll call the police.” She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and held it above her head. “I’ll call 911 right now and say you’re trying to hurt Bella.”

  Charlotte put both hands to her chest as tears slipped down her cheeks. “Andrea, are you crazy? I would never hurt Bella. I love Bella.”

  Andrea pressed her lips together into a smile that looked anything but happy. “Of course you do. Because everyone loves Bella. Everyone always loves Bella.” Then she turned around, Bella screaming, still holding her phone in the air. “Do. Not. Follow. Me!”

  Daniel lay on his bed. It wasn’t even dark yet, but his body seemed to give out before his mind did lately. He stayed busy during the days, which kept his mind occupied, but in the evenings his parents consumed his thoughts. He’d had time to think about Charlotte’s opinions. It still seemed wrong to intentionally kill a person, especially a beloved family member, but watching his father deteriorate physically and mentally was causing him to rethink things. Were they interfering with God’s plans by allowing machines to keep his mother alive? If that was the case, then weren’t they interfering with the Lord’s plan every time someone took medication to rid him of a disease? And that thought brought him full circle to Lena. Annie had already told Daniel that Lena’s prognosis was grim.

  Closing his eyes, Dan
iel pleaded with the Lord to ease so much of the suffering going on around them, but his cell phone buzzed on the nightstand. Charlotte.

  “Is it too late for you to come over?” She was crying, and Daniel bolted straight up in bed.

  “Nee. I can come right now. What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” His heart thumped in his chest.

  “I’m not physically hurt, but I feel like my insides are torn to threads—about Lena, and now, Andrea got mad and ran out of the house with Bella. They have no car or place to stay, as far as I know.”

  Daniel could barely understand her, she was crying so hard.

  “Or I can come there, which would be faster.”

  “Nee, nee. It won’t take me long to hook up the buggy. I’ll leave right away.” It didn’t sound like Charlotte needed to be driving anywhere.

  He dressed quickly, then scurried down the hallway in his socks before bolting down the stairs two at a time. He peeked into the former mudroom, now Aunt Faye’s cemetery room. She was humming quietly as she stared at family pictures she’d hung on the wall. A plate of something unidentifiable sat on the hutch, something pickled, but Daniel didn’t think it was oysters. He’d learned over the weeks that his aunt would pickle just about anything. Most recently, she’d pickled lemons and carrots. Surprisingly, the carrots were pretty good.

  “I’m going to Charlotte’s house for a while.”

  Aunt Faye eased her head around to face him, her eyes wet with moisture, her cheeks flushed. She nodded, then returned her attention to the photos, many of them relatives dressed in Amish clothes.

  How did she get the pictures since it wasn’t their way to pose for photos? It was an odd room, but it seemed of great importance to her. Daniel remembered a similar room his aunt had at her own home, with a comparable display of photos and memorabilia from those who had gone before her.

  Daniel was eager to get to Charlotte’s, but he couldn’t leave his aunt like this. “Are you okay, Aenti Faye?”

  The older woman nodded toward her wall of photos, before she looked back at him. “My mind is a blur sometimes, and with age comes forgetfulness.” She focused on the wall again. “I make sure to have a picture of everyone I love. Even loved ones who are still in the Old Order have let me photograph them.”

  A lot of the pictures were the old-timey Polaroid kind. His stomach roiled. “Are you going to be okay if I go to Charlotte’s house?” And where is Annie? Daniel had passed by his sister’s room. The door had been open, and all was dark. But it was still early.

  Aunt Faye smiled a little. “Yes, dear. I’ll be fine.”

  Daniel took a step to leave but stopped when his aunt picked up a picture and stared at it. Even in the distance Daniel recognized the photo of his mother, smiling, standing by her garden in a dark blue dress and black apron. Her signature smile crooked up on one side as she held a shovel out.

  Aunt Faye brought the photo to her chest. She was already preparing to let go of her niece, to add another photo in her cemetery room. Daniel’s heart was heavy, the burdens of life pressing down on him, as he forced himself to think about life without his mother. It was almost unbearable.

  Once again, he thought about Charlotte’s and his differing opinions when it came to machinery to keep a person alive. But the sound of Charlotte crying resurfaced in his mind, and he picked up the pace.

  Fourteen

  Sitting on the porch swing, Annie pried her lips from Jacob’s when the front door opened, then she spun to face her brother.

  “I’m pretty sure your lack of control has gotten you two in trouble before,” Daniel said in a gruff voice. As the sun made its final descent, the propane lamp in the yard lit the porch enough for Annie to see her brother’s red face. She was sure her own face was a similar color from embarrassment. “We’re not doing anything.”

  “Keep it that way.” Daniel pointed a finger at Jacob before he darted down the steps. “I’m going to Charlotte’s for a while.” He stopped, turned around. “Go check on Aenti Faye in a few minutes.”

  “Ya, okay.”

  Annie loved her aunt, and she’d check on her later, but right now other thoughts consumed her mind. She recalled the one time she and Jacob had succumbed to their desires. Their sinful act had left Annie thinking she was pregnant. Thankfully, she hadn’t been, but keeping their promise not to repeat the act was becoming more and more challenging. They’d almost crossed the line the other night, but they both corralled their actions and emotions and stepped back. Annie knew what these types of kisses could lead to. Even if she wasn’t clear what direction their relationship was headed.

  Jacob waited until Daniel had hooked the horse to the buggy and was down the road before he started kissing Annie again. She forced herself to back away.

  “What are we doing, Jacob?”

  He grinned. “Kissing.”

  She scowled. “I mean about us. Both of our mothers are ill. We’re using”—she bit her bottom lip—“this, um . . . affection . . . to distract us. I’m not sure that’s right.”

  Jacob had gained back some of the weight he’d lost. He looked healthier, more like the old Jacob she knew and loved, before he’d run away to the Englisch world.

  He faced forward and leaned his head against the house, stilling the porch swing they were in. “I’m not going back to the Englisch world, Annie. That’s all behind me.”

  She wanted to believe him, but Jacob had gone back and forth about his feelings on the subject so many times, she didn’t trust his words anymore.

  “You don’t believe me, do you?” He sighed. “I don’t blame you, I reckon.”

  “I want to believe you, Jacob.” Annie took hold of his hand. “I tried to stop loving you when you left, but I guess love isn’t something we can control.” She closed her eyes, trying to picture her mother standing in the kitchen cooking and not hooked up to machines, lifeless. What should I do, Mamm?

  “I’ve always loved you too, Annie.” He pulled her to him and kissed her on the mouth, but the moment his breathing became heavier, she backed away.

  “I want you to love my heart. You know what will happen if we keep carrying on the way we are. And we promised each other—and God—that we wouldn’t fall into temptation again.”

  “I know.” Jacob eased his hand from hers and sighed again.

  Annie waited for him to say something to convince her that he loved her for the person she was, not just for the physical part. But he was quiet.

  She stayed quiet, too, wondering what their future held. Would it be together or separate?

  Charlotte ran across the yard and fell into Daniel’s arms the moment he stepped out of the buggy. His strong embrace comforted her, and he would know what to do.

  Running his hand the length of her hair, he held her tightly. She forced herself away and swiped at her face. “I’m so worried. She couldn’t have gotten that far, but there are acres of farmland I can’t drive in. If she doesn’t want to be found, she can easily hide.”

  Daniel tucked her hair behind both ears. “Hopefully she called someone to pick up her and the boppli. But maybe we should drive around and look for her.”

  Charlotte nodded. “Yeah, I think so.” They walked toward the house, hand in hand. “I just have to get my purse, phone, and keys. I’ve tried over and over to call her, but the call goes straight to voice mail.” She squeezed Daniel’s hand. “If anything happens to them . . .” She’d come to love Bella—and Andrea—despite her sister’s shortcomings.

  “We will find them.”

  She called Andrea again as they walked to the truck, but still no answer.

  There was a rumble in the distance. Thunder. “Andrea is terrified of lightning and thunder,” she said to Daniel as she climbed into the truck.

  Please, God . . . please keep them safe.

  Andrea crouched inside an Amish barn, no idea where she was, but she’d actually prayed to the God Charlotte loved so much. And behold, there was a basket of apples in the barn. She bit off a chunk a
nd gave it to Bella, afraid her daughter’s wailing would wake up the people who lived here.

  “I’m so sorry, Bella. I’m so sorry I’m not a better person, a better mother.” She cradled her daughter on her lap as Bella chewed on the slice of apple. “I want to be better,” she added in a whisper through her tears.

  Bella laid her head against Andrea’s chest, still clutching the apple. “Momma.”

  “Yep, I’m your momma, and I swore I’d be a good mother, not like my own mom who saw fit to give me away.” She cringed. Her store-bought parents probably wouldn’t have been so bad if Andrea hadn’t already been ruined by then. She’d been asking herself if she would have stolen Charlotte’s money if she’d known it was there. Probably. She’d already been guilty of stealing someone else’s money. But wasn’t buried money up for grabs to whoever found it?

  She was kicking herself for not taking the time to get the money she’d stashed underneath the couch cushions. Five hundred dollars would have gotten her a cheap room for a week and some food.

  “I’m sorry, Bella,” she whispered again, kissing the toddler on the forehead.

  Then she heard it. Thunder. Oh, God, please . . .

  As tears flooded her eyes, she bowed her head. And she prayed. As best she knew how.

  Daniel was quiet as they rode back to Charlotte’s house. She was concentrating on keeping Big Red on the road as rain pounded against the old truck.

  They’d driven around for an hour, but no sign of Charlotte’s sister or her baby. At one point they pulled over and prayed that Andrea and Bella were safe. They’d been torn between continuing to look for the duo and heading home before the weather got even worse. In the end they decided that Andrea was surely smart enough to take shelter.