Home All Along

by Beth Wiseman

  “I went to the library. I did the research. People in a coma can wake up weeks, months, or even years later. Aren’t we killing her by taking the machines away, depriving her of any opportunity to live out her years, to see her new baby daughter?” Daniel swiped at one of his eyes, fearful of the emotion that was building, not wanting to cry in front of Lena. “I don’t know if we are interfering with God’s will by keeping her alive with all this technology. Maybe God wants us to let her go home. I didn’t expect this to go on so long.”

  “All I can do is to answer your question honestly, about my own wishes. But I’m not saying that is what Eve would want. Only your family can make the decision.” Lena’s eyes watered up when a tear slipped down Daniel’s cheek.

  “I’m sorry,” he said in a whisper as he brushed it away.

  “Don’t be. God’s will is being done at this very moment, just by you being here. And He will continue to walk beside you until you are sure about what to do.”

  “Even if Annie and I were able to come to terms with disabling the machines, our father would never do that.” Daniel shook his head. “He won’t even leave the hospital.”

  Lena took another sip of coffee. “We love our children in a way that we’d give our lives for them, unconditionally. But we know they will eventually go off to live their own lives.” She smiled. “But a marriage is for life, and when one spouse goes home before the other, I suspect that person thinks he will never be whole again. So I understand your father’s way of thinking. And my husband’s way of thinking. But I’m ready to go home when the Lord calls me, and I don’t want any such technology keeping me away from the kingdom and my Father.”

  Daniel stared at Lena, his mouth opening a little. The woman was practically glowing when she talked about going home.

  “Continue to pray about it, Daniel. The answer will come on God’s time frame. Not ours.”

  He knew she was right, but his heart was in his throat, and he had no words.

  “Would you like for us to pray together now?” Lena’s soft, comforting voice caused his eyes to well up again, and he nodded.

  Charlotte parked Big Red, then shuffled through the grass in her front yard, one hand over her stomach. She wasn’t sure if it was the Chinese food she’d treated herself to while running errands or a bug, but she hoped the nausea subsided soon.

  “You’re early,” Andrea said from the couch. Beads, hooks, pliers, and other jewelry-making paraphernalia were scattered all over the coffee table, but the house still had a lemony scent, and Bella was happily stacking blocks in the corner.

  “My stomach is acting up.” She sat beside her sister, longing to scoop Bella into her arms but not wanting to get the baby sick if Charlotte had a bug. “Wow, Andrea, you’ve made some beautiful pieces.”

  Andrea’s face lit up. “I’m sorry you’re sick, but I’m bursting at the seams to tell you something!”

  Charlotte fought the urge to hurl, taking in a deep breath. “Yeah, what’s that?” She forced a smile, not wanting to deflate her sister’s excitement.

  “Remember how you said I might be able to sell some of my jewelry?”

  Charlotte nodded.

  “I contacted some local boutiques and sent pictures on my phone. Two of them are willing to take some bracelets and earrings on consignment.” Andrea almost squealed at the end. “I might make some money doing this, and I love it.”

  “That is great, Andrea.”

  Her sister’s expression fell. “Do you want me to make you some soup or something? You look awful.”

  Charlotte half smiled. “Gee. Thanks.” She shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, but I think I just want to lie down.”

  “Okay.” Andrea picked up the pliers and two small green beads. “Maybe if you feel better, we can take some of my jewelry to those shops.” She shrugged, smiling. “But if not, that’s okay too.”

  Charlotte was proud of the efforts Andrea was making, but she also suspected her sister had a touch of cabin fever. “Do you know how to drive a stick shift?”

  “Yeah. I learned how to drive in a little Toyota pickup, and it was a standard.”

  Charlotte reached into her purse and pulled out the keys. “It’s a beautiful afternoon if you want to take a drive and deliver some of your jewelry. You could leave Bella here, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I don’t want to get her sick.”

  Andrea’s eyes widened. “You’d let me drive your truck?”

  Despite her queasy tummy, Charlotte laughed. “It’s not exactly a Cadillac. And Dianda from work gave me a car seat the other day. Her kids have outgrown it. It’s in the truck.” She paused, recalling their recent episode. “You won’t go far, right?”

  Andrea shook her head. “No. And thank you so much. I bet Bella’d like to get out for a while too. Maybe we’ll stop at the park or something.”

  Charlotte tossed her the keys. “Just be careful.”

  Andrea ran to Bella and picked her up, scooping up her Hello Kitty purse too. “Want to go see if we can sell some of Momma’s jewelry?”

  Seeing Andrea so happy and excited warmed Charlotte’s heart, but her stomach wasn’t in compliance with the rest of her. She wanted to lie down.

  “The gears are tricky so don’t worry if you kill it once or twice. Just go slow,” she said as Andrea loaded up the diaper bag. “And there’s a new package of diapers in the laundry room. They were on sale at Walmart, so I grabbed some.”

  “Thank you.” Andrea slung the bag up on her shoulder, then switched Bella to her other hip before she started toward the door.

  “Wait.” Charlotte snatched up the pack of cigarettes and lighter her sister kept on the mantel, then started toward Andrea. “You forgot these.” She hated that Andrea smoked, but at least her sister had never bickered about smoking outside.

  “Oh.” Andrea smiled. “I haven’t had one in three days. Maybe just leave them there a few more days, just to be sure I don’t, um . . . relapse.”

  “Deal.” Charlotte smiled back at her and waited on the porch until Andrea had Big Red out of the driveway, wishing she wasn’t feeling so badly so she could have kept Bella. But after a dose of Pepto-Bismol, Charlotte found her way to bed, curled up with a hand across her stomach, and hoped the sick feeling would go away soon.

  And she said a quick prayer that Andrea and Bella would be safe. Charlotte felt like she was raising two children, but maybe giving Andrea some freedoms would help her to feel good about herself. Charlotte had certainly had lots of help from her Amish friends, and she was happy to pay it forward.

  Annie sat in a chair next to her mother’s bed reading the Die Botschaft she’d brought from home, while her father watched another cowboys and Indians movie on television. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she hoped Daniel would be back soon. Annie missed baby Grace when she was away from her for too long. Aunt Faye was capable and good with Grace, but Annie was the one who felt like she’d bonded with the baby the most.

  “Daed.” Annie waited for her father to turn her way, and he scowled a bit, as if interrupting his television show irritated him. “Maybe I should bring Grace to the hospital for you to hold her.” She’d asked him before, but she hadn’t given up hope.

  “Nee, a hospital is no place for a boppli.” He turned his attention back to the television.

  Annie closed the newspaper and folded her hands atop it. “Why don’t you let me stay here with Mamm while you go home and get cleaned up? Aenti Faye will try to feed you, but Daniel and I keep back-up food in the basement too.” Annie had brought pickled oysters like her father had requested, but after no one ate them, one of the nurses asked if she could remove them. Her father had reluctantly agreed.

  “I do just fine using the bathroom here to bathe.” Daed ran his fingers through his beard, and Annie wondered if that was to ensure nothing was living in it.

  She crossed one leg over the other, kicking it into motion, but after a few seconds, she crossed the other leg and kicked even har
der. Then she slammed both feet to the ground. She was close to telling her father how she felt, but a sideways scowl from him quieted her.

  Annie had never been one to back talk. Her parents wouldn’t have allowed it. And as much as she wanted to yell and scream at her father, she still respected him too much to do so. She tried to imagine what it would be like to be married to a person for as long as her parents had been married, over thirty years. It seemed like a lifetime to Annie.

  She loved Jacob, and he’d repeatedly said how much he loved her and wanted a life together. But Jacob’s passionate kisses and roaming hands had made her question exactly which part of Annie he loved the most. Can I trust him not to leave me again?

  She picked up the newspaper, even though she couldn’t focus on the happenings in other districts, which she usually loved to read. Where are you, Daniel?

  Another twenty minutes went by, along with more shooting on the television, before the hospital door swung open. Aunt Faye burst into the room like an angered bull, her mouth scrolled into a frown, red lipstick badly applied, and strands of gray hair falling from a bun on the top of her head. As usual, she smelled a bit like mothballs and oysters, but a floral fragrance also comingled with the scent that made Annie’s stomach churn.

  “Faye, what are you doing here?” Daed turned the television off and stood.

  Annie stood too. “And where’s Gracie?” She brought a hand to her chest.

  Faye slammed her hands to her hips. “Grace is fine. She’s with Daniel at home. And I’ve got a driver waiting to take you and your father home. I’m taking the next shift here at the hospital.”

  Annie held her breath. To her knowledge their father hadn’t gone any farther than the vending machine downstairs in weeks.

  “Woman, are you out of your mind? Eve is mei fraa, and you will not come in here and dictate to me what I will or will not do.” Daed’s face was beet red as a muscle flicked in his jaw.

  Aunt Faye turned to Annie, smiled sweetly, and blinked. “Hon, you go on out in the hall now. Your father will join you in a minute.”

  Annie’s feet were rooted to the floor as Daed clenched his fists at his sides.

  “Go along with you, now.” Aunt Faye swooshed her arms at Annie like she was herding deer out of a garden.

  “Annie, take your aunt home!” Daed walked to the side of the hospital bed and laid a hand on Annie’s mother. “Both of you. Leave us be.”

  Aunt Faye inched closer to the other side of the bed, opposite Annie’s father, and she also laid a hand on Mamm.

  “Leave, Annie. Wait in the hallway.” Aunt Faye didn’t turn around when she spoke, and Annie was sure she’d never heard her great-aunt speak with such a growling authority.

  Annie forced herself to step outside.

  “Close the door, dear,” Aunt Faye said, still not turning around.

  Annie did as she was told. Her aunt was quirky, everyone knew that, but she was also almost always cheerful, even when she was trying to be stern. Rarely were her feathers ruffled. Annie stood perfectly still, recalling the time Aunt Faye chased Daniel with a baseball bat. But she could also remember her father chasing Daniel with a large switch after he’d taken on a green-broke horse that he wasn’t supposed to ride.

  She thought about a movie she’d seen with Jacob a long time ago, the only one she’d ever seen during her rumschpringe. At the end of the show, the main character had said, “Only one of us is going to come out alive.” That movie line was echoing in her mind.

  Sixteen

  Andrea set Bella in the high chair at the café and then placed the bowl of chocolate cake and ice cream down for them to share. It felt good to have a little money to spend on her daughter. Bella had eaten almost an entire grilled cheese sandwich, so Andrea was happy to share a dessert with her.

  The café had a Christmas tree in the corner, and Bing Crosby’s rendition of “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” played in the background. Even at lunchtime, the smell of the morning’s breakfast offerings still lingered in the air.

  Bella had a ring of chocolate around her mouth, and Andrea cautiously chose to submerse herself in joy. Today is a good day.

  “What a beautiful little girl.” An older woman slowed her steps near them.

  And for the second time recently, Andrea was proud—about her life, the changes she was making, and of the beautiful little munchkin beside her. “Thank you so much.”

  The lady waved at Bella before she walked on to her table.

  What had started out as a way to live off of her sister had turned into something Andrea couldn’t have predicted. Two boutiques had taken some of her jewelry on consignment, but another shop paid her outright for eight pairs of earrings, over a hundred dollars. Maybe she’d buy Bella a pair of new shoes at Walmart on her way back home.

  Home. It felt good.

  But as she fed Bella another bite of dessert, Blake’s thievery was under her skin in a big way. He had a lot of nerve coming into her sister’s house, going through the drawers, and leaving with the cash Charlotte had.

  Andrea straightened and stopped chewing. Was she any different? Yes, she decided. She’d dug up money that belonged to a woman who had probably played a part in her brother’s death. And the money wasn’t even on Edna’s property. Hmm . . . does that make it Charlotte’s money?

  Her sister clearly had no idea why anyone would be digging on the property, and Andrea had opted not to tell Charlotte that the digger was Edna. Would Edna be back, digging again when they weren’t around? Andrea doubted it, now that Edna knew Andrea was on to her. Guess it depends on how badly she wants the money.

  Andrea let Bella finish up the ice cream with her hands in the bowl while Andrea pulled out her cell phone and typed.

  You stole Charlotte’s money. We’re pressing charges, and you are going straight to jail, you piece of scum.

  Her finger hovered over the Send button for a few seconds before she deleted the text. Maybe she would give Charlotte the five hundred dollars from the metal box, and when Andrea had sold enough jewelry, she’d pay back the rest that Blake stole. She liked this new person she was becoming. It was confusing since she’d been told she was bad her entire life. But something was changing, and it was because of Charlotte.

  Andrea picked up a napkin, dipped it in water, then wiped the chocolate ring from Bella’s face. Sighing, she shook her head. “Bella, I have to fess up about the money, don’t I? I have to tell Charlotte I took it, right? That I dug it up?”

  “More.” Smiling, Bella dipped a finger into the bowl and pulled back a small piece of cake.

  Andrea leaned back in the chair, not sure she completely liked this new person. Five hundred dollars would buy a lot of stuff.

  She started texting again, if for no other reason than she felt conflicted and confused.

  You’re going to jail for stealing Charlotte’s money. We are pressing charges, you scumbag.

  She deleted the text, again, and spent the next few minutes wondering how to handle the five hundred dollars, wondering if she was any better than Blake. But her finger got itchy, and she pounded out another text message to Blake, worse than all the others put together. And she hit Send.

  Charlotte woke up that afternoon feeling better. And hungry. She shuffled across the living room in her socks toward the kitchen, opened a can of chicken noodle soup, and heated it on the stove top.

  She’d almost finished the entire bowlful when she heard the grinding of gears and crunching of gravel that could only mean Big Red and its occupants were returning. Charlotte breathed a huge sigh of relief that they were home.

  “Look, look, look!” Andrea walked into the kitchen toting four plastic bags from Walmart. “I got food, and I got Bella some new shoes. One of the shop owners paid me a little over a hundred dollars upfront! Two others took my jewelry on consignment.”

  Bella ran to Charlotte, lifting her arms, so Charlotte heaved her into her lap, throwing any sickness bug to the wind. She
smothered Bella in kisses. “I missed you.” Then she looked up at Andrea. “That is fantastic.”

  Charlotte gave Bella a final kiss before she put her down, then stood to help her sister unload the bags. “Wow. This is a ton of stuff for a hundred dollars.” She eyed the five-pound package of hamburger meat, three packages of chicken, and salad fixings. There was also baby food, crackers, chips, sodas, a tub of butter, a gallon of milk, two boxes of cookies, and other things that had never seen the inside of Charlotte’s fridge—like a gallon of chocolate milk and a huge box of kiddie drinks, the type with the little straws in them.

  “Oh, I know how to budget shop.” Andrea stashed the lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and cucumbers in the vegetable crisper.

  “Andrea, you didn’t have to do this. I have some money in savings. I would have made sure we ate.” Charlotte put the chocolate milk in the fridge.

  “I know. But we live here and I should contribute.” Andrea smiled as she pulled a bag of Hershey’s bars from one of the bags.

  Charlotte had known this was a permanent arrangement long before Andrea just admitted to it, but she’d seen some significant changes in her sister, and that made her heart smile.

  Daniel looked out the front window while Annie paced the living room holding the baby. His sister had ended up coming home alone while Aunt Faye stayed at the hospital to continue her chat with their father.

  Daniel recognized the blue van, driven by the same Englisch man who had brought Annie home earlier. Inside was either Daed or Aunt Faye.

  “This is not going to be a gut night.” Annie shook her head as she gently rocked Grace. “If it’s Daed, he’s going to be fit to be tied.” She stopped in the middle of the room. “And if it’s Aenti Faye . . . ach, well . . . she’s going to be fit to be tied too.”