Reluctant Father

by Diana Palmer

  "As sure as you are," he replied. "Now stop brooding over it. I'll get the license and set up the blood test for you tomorrow. Sarah can go with you to the doctor, because it will only take a minute."

  "All right. It sounds like a nice day." She sighed.

  "Every day is nice with you, Meredith," he said unexpectedly and with a wry smile.

  But just as they started to go down to Bess's, a friend of Blake's arrived out of the blue, and Meredith went by herself, letting Sarah stay with her dad and his friend while she told Bess what was going on.

  Bess was overwhelmed when she heard the news. "Congratulations!" She laughed. "It's the best thing that could have happened to both of you. You'll make a good marriage."

  "Oh, I hope so." Meredith sighed. "I'll do my best, and at least Blake likes me."

  "At least," Bess said, and laughed. "If you need witnesses, Bobby and I will be glad to volunteer. Elissa and King, too."

  "You can all come," Meredith promised. "I'll need as much moral support as I can get." She shook her head. "It seems like a beautiful dream. I hope I don't wake up. Well, I'd better get my things and get back up to his place. I hope you don't mind, but he, uh, doesn't want me out of his sight until the ceremony Wednesday."

  "Fast mover, isn't he?" Bess grinned and hugged her friend warmly. "I'm so happy for you, Merry. And for Blake and Sarah. You'll make a lovely family."

  Meredith thought so, too. She carried her single suitcase out to the Porsche and drove up in front of Blake's house. Sarah Jane met her at the door as she set her case down, and Blake came out of the living room smiling.

  "Well, what did she say?" he asked. He answered her silent glance into the living room. "He's gone. What did Bess say?"

  "She said congratulations." Meredith laughed. "And that we'll make a lovely family."

  "Indeed we will," Blake murmured gently.

  "Merry, can I be a flower girl?" Sarah asked from behind her.

  "You certainly can," Meredith promised, kneeling beside the child to hug her. "You can carry an armload of roses."

  "But, Merry, they're all crushed."

  "Daddy will cut some more," Meredith said, warming when she remembered how the roses had gotten crushed. She glanced at Blake and the look in his eyes made her blush.

  The next two days went by in an unreal rush. The blood tests were done, the license obtained, and a minister was lined up to perform the ceremony at the local Baptist church where Meredith's parents had worshipped when she was a child. For reasons that Meredith still didn't understand, Blake had given her a guest room to sleep in until the wedding, and although he'd been friendly enough, he hadn't really attempted to make love to her. She preferred to think it was because she was still uncomfortable from their first time rather than because he had any regrets.

  The ceremony was held late Wednesday afternoon, with King and Elissa Roper and Bess and Bobby for witnesses. Meredith said her vows with tears in her eyes, so happy that her heart felt like it would overflow.

  She'd bought a white linen suit to be married in, with a tiny pillbox hat covered in lace. It was so sweet when Blake put the ring on her finger and lifted the veil to kiss her. She felt like Sleeping Beauty, as if she'd been asleep for years and years and now was waking to the most wonderful reality.

  The reception was held at the Ropers' sprawling white frame house outside Jack's Corner, and Danielle and Sarah Jane played quietly while the adults enjoyed champagne punch and a lavish catered buffet.

  "You didn't have to go to this kind of expense, for God's sake," Blake muttered to big King Roper.

  King pursed his lips and his dark eyes sparkled. "Yes, I did. Having you get close enough to a woman to marry again deserved something spectacular." He glanced at Meredith, who was talking animatedly to Elissa and Bess a few feet away while Bobby, the exact opposite in coloring to his half-brother, King, was watching the kids play.

  "She's a dish," King remarked. "And we all know how she felt about you when she left here." His dark eyes caught Blake's green ones. "It's not a good thing to live alone. A wife and children make all the difference. I know mine do."

  "Sarah likes her," Blake replied, sipping punch as his eyes slid over Meredith's exquisite figure like a paintbrush. "She's a born mother." King smiled. "Thinking of a large family, are you?" Blake glared at him. "I've only just got married."

  "Speaking of which, why aren't you two going on a honeymoon?"

  "I'd like that," Blake confessed. "But neither Meredith nor I like the idea of leaving Sarah behind while we have one. She's had enough insecurity for one month. Anyway," he added, "Meredith's got that autographing in town Saturday, and she doesn't want to disappoint the bookstore."

  "She always was a sweet woman," King remarked. "I remember her ragged and barefoot as a child, helping her mother carry eggs to sell at Mackelroy's Grocery. She never minded hard work. In that," he added with a glance at his friend, "she's a lot like you."

  Blake smiled faintly. "I didn't have a choice. It was work or starve in my case. Now that I'm in the habit, I can't quit."

  King eyed him solemnly. "Don't ever let work come before Meredith and Sarah," he cautioned. "Bobby had to find that out the hard way, and he barely realized it in time."

  Blake was looking at Meredith with faint hunger in his narrow eyes. "It would take more than a job to overshadow Meredith," he said without thinking. He finished his punch. "And we'd better get going. I've got reservations at the Sun Room for six o'clock. You're sure you and Elissa don't mind having Sarah for the night?"

  "Not at all. And she loves the idea of sleeping in Danielle's room," King assured him. "If she needs you, I promise we'll call, even if it's two in the morning. Fair enough?" he added when he saw the worry in Blake's eyes.

  "Fair enough," Blake said with a sigh.

  A few minutes later, Blake and Meredith said their goodbyes, kissed Sarah good-night and went to the Sun Room for an expensive wedding supper.

  "I still can't quite believe it," Meredith confessed with a smile as she looked at her husband across the table. "That we're married," she added.

  "I know what you mean," he said quietly. His eyes caressed her face. "I swore when Nina left that I'd never marry again. But it seemed the most natural thing in the world with you."

  She smiled. "I hope I don't disappoint you. I can cook and clean, but I'm not terribly domestic, and when I'm writing, sometimes I pour coffee over ice and put mashed potatoes in the icebox and make coffee without putting a filter in it. I'm sort of absent-minded."

  "As long as you remember me once in a while, I won't complain," he promised. "Eat your dessert before it melts."

  She picked up a spoon to start on her baked alaska. "Sarah was so happy." She sighed.

  "You'll be good for her." He sipped his coffee and watched Meredith closely. "You'll be good for both of us."

  Meredith felt as if she were riding on a cloud for the rest of the evening. The Sun Room had a dance band as well as a wonderful restaurant. They danced until late, and Meredith was concealing a yawn when they got home.

  "Thank you for my honeymoon," she said with a mischievous smile when they were standing together in the hall. "It was wonderful."

  "Later on I'll give you a proper one," he promised. "We'll go away for several days. To Europe or the Caribbean."

  "Let's go to Australia and stay on a cattle station," she suggested. "I wrote about one of those in my last book, and it sounded like a great place to visit."

  "Haven't you traveled?" he asked.

  "Just to the Bahamas and Mexico," she said. "It was great, but no place is really exciting when you have to see it alone."

  "I know what you mean." He pulled her against him and bent to kiss her. "You still taste of ice cream," he murmured, and kissed her again.

  "You taste of coffee." She linked her arms around his neck and smiled at him. "I want to ask you something."

  "Be my guest."

  "Do you have any deeply buried scruples about in
timacy after marriage?" she asked somberly. "I mean, I wouldn't want to cause you any trauma."

  He smiled in spite of himself. "No," he replied. "I don't think I have any buried scruples about it. Why? Were you thinking of seducing me?"

  "I would if I knew how," she assured him. She smiled impishly. "Could you give me a few pointers?"

  He reached down and picked her up in his arms. "I think I might be able to help you out," he said. He started for the staircase with his lips brushing hers. "It might take a while," he added under his breath. "You don't mind, do you? You don't have any pressing appointments in the next few hours… ?"

  "Only one. With you," she whispered, and pressed her open mouth hungrily to his, shivering with delight as his tongue pushed softly inside it and tasted her. She moaned with the aching pleasure.

  His lips drew back a little. "I like that," he whispered huskily. "Make a lot of noise. Tonight there's no one to hear you except me."

  Her teeth tugged at his lower lip and she obliged him with a slow, sultry moan that caused his mouth to grow rough with desire. She smiled under the heat of the kiss, and when he lifted his head and saw her expression, for just an instant he wondered if, like Nina, she was pretending pleasure that she didn't feel. And then he saw her eyes. And all his doubts fell away as his mouth bit hungrily into hers. He thought that in all his life he'd never seen such a fierce passion in woman's soft eyes.

  This time he left the lights on. He undressed her slowly, drawing it out, making her dizzy with pleasure as he kissed every inch of her as he uncovered her body. When the clothes were off, his mouth smoothed over her adoringly, lingering on her soft, warm breasts. He'd never realized how infallible instinct was until now. Apparently it didn't matter how skilled he was. She cared for him, and that made her delightfully receptive to anything he wanted. His heart swelled with the knowledge.

  By the time he'd undressed, she was trembling, her body waiting, her eyes so full of warm adoration that he felt like a lonely traveler finally coming home. This was nothing like the indifference Nina had shown when he'd touched her. He looked at Meredith's lovely face and wanted nothing more in life than her arms around him.

  She raised her feverish eyes to his, drowning in their green glitter. His lips parted and she trembled, because he wasn't in any hurry.

  His hard mouth brushed at hers while his hands touched her with reverence. His wife, Meredith was his wife, and she wanted him. He groaned softly. "Merry, love me," he whispered as his mouth bit hungrily into hers. "Love me."

  She felt her body trembling with delight as she heard the soft words and wondered dizzily if he even realized what he was saying. Poor, lonely man.

  Her arms went around him hungrily and she kissed him back, willing to give him anything as tenderness and love welled up within her.

  "You're… killing me," she bit off minutes later, when his slow, exquisitely tender caresses were making her shudder with need for him.

  "Liar," he told her, smiling gently at her even through his own trembling need. He moved suddenly, and watched her eyes dilate, felt her body react. "That's it. Help me," he coaxed. "Show me what you want, little one. Let me—love you," he groaned when she lifted her body up into his.

  Blinded with the passion they were sharing, she pulled his head down to her mouth and kissed him with all the lonely years and all her smothered love in her lips. She felt his powerful body tremble until it gave way under his hunger for her and he overwhelmed her with exquisite tenderness.

  Her cry was echoed in his as unbearable pleasure bound them, lifted them together in a fierce buffeting embrace and they clung to each other as the wave of fulfillment hit them together.

  Meredith could barely breathe when she felt the full weight of Blake's body against her. He was shivering, and her arms contracted around him.

  "Darling," she whispered. Her lips touched his cheek, his mouth, his throat, damp with sweat. "Darling, darling…!"

  The endearment went through his weary body like an electric current. He returned her tender kisses, smoothing her bare body against his and loving the soft curves caressing him. His hands felt almost too rough to be touching her. He savored the warm silk of her skin, the cologne scent of her, the pleasure of just being close to her.

  Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered whispering to her to love him. He buried his mouth in her throat, kissing it hungrily as his need broke through his reserve and made him just temporarily vulnerable.

  He pulled her into the hair-roughened curve of his chest and thighs, holding her with a new kind of possessiveness. His mouth brushed her forehead and her closed eyes with breathless tenderness. He felt the tension of pleasure slowly relax in her soft body, as it had in his own.

  "I've been alone all my life until now," he said quietly, his face solemn. "I never realized how cold it was until you warmed me."

  Tears formed in her eyes. "I'll warm you all my life if you'll let me," she assured him huskily.

  He searched her soft face and bent to take her mouth under his. "Warm me now," he breathed against her lips, and his hands slid to her hips. As he pulled her close, he heard her voice, heard the soft endearment that broke from her lips, and his heart almost burst with delight that she cared too much to be capable of hiding it.

  Later, curled up together with the lights out, Blake lay awake long after Meredith was enveloped in contented sleep. He couldn't quite believe what had happened so quickly in his life. He'd been alone, and now he had a daughter and a loving wife, and the way it was affecting him made him nervous.

  Something had happened tonight with Meredith. Something incredible. It hadn't been just the satisfying of a physical desire anymore. It went much deeper than that. There was something reverent about the way they made love, about the tenderness they gave to each other. He was being taken over by Meredith and he had cold feet. Could he really trust her not to walk out on him as Nina had? If he let himself fall in love with her, would she betray him? He looked down at her sleeping face, and even in the darkness he could see its warm glow. The distrust relaxed out of him. He could trust her.

  Of course he could, he told himself firmly. After all, he could live with her profession and she'd have Sarah to keep her busy. Her writing wasn't going to interfere in their lives. He'd make sure of it.

  Ten

  But Meredith's job did interfere with their marriage. Her autographing session-was the first indication of it. Blake and Sarah had gone to the bookstore Saturday to watch, and Blake had been fascinated by the number of people who'd come to have her sign their books. Dressed in a very sexy green-and-white ensemble, with a big white hat to match, Meredith looked very much the successful, urbane author. And she was suddenly speaking a language he didn't understand. Her instant rapport with people fascinated and disturbed him. He didn't get along well with people, and he certainly didn't seek them out. If she was really as gregarious as she seemed and started to expect to throw lavish parties and have weekend guests, things were going to get sticky pretty fast. As it happened, she wasn't a party girl. But she did have to do a lot of traveling in connection with the release of her latest book.

  Blake went through the ceiling when she announced her third out-of-state trip in less than three weeks.

  "I won't have it," he said coldly, bracing her in the study.

  "You won't have it?" Meredith replied with equal hauteur. "You told me when we married that you didn't mind if I worked."

  "And I don't, but this isn't working. It's jet-setting," he argued. "My God, you're never here! Amie's spending most of her time baby-sitting Sarah because you're forever getting on some damned airplane!"

  "I know," Meredith said miserably. "And I'm sorry. But I made this commitment to promote the book before I married you. You of all people wouldn't want me to go back on my word."

  "Wouldn't I?" he demanded, and he looked like the old Blake, all bristling masculinity and outraged pride. "Stay home, Meredith."

  "Or what?" she challenged, refu
sing to be ordered about like a child of Sarah's age. "What did you have in mind, tying me to a tree out in the backyard? Or moving to your club in town? You can't, you know, you don't have a club in town."

  "I could use one," he muttered darkly. "Okay, honey. If you want the job that much, go do it. But until you come to grips with the fact that this is a marriage, not a limited social engagement, I'm sleeping in the guest room."

  "Go ahead," she said recklessly. "I don't care. I won't be here!"

  "Isn't that the gospel truth," he said, glaring at her.

  She turned on her heel and went to pack.

  From then on, everything went downhill between them. She felt an occasional twinge of guilt as Blake reverted to his old, cold self. He was polite to her, but nothing more. He didn't touch her or talk to her. He acted as if she were a houseguest and treated her accordingly. It was a nightmarish change from the first days of their marriage, when every night had been a new and exciting adventure, when their closeness in bed had fostered an even deeper closeness the rest of the time. She'd been sure that he was halfway in love with her. And then her traveling had started to irritate him. Now he was like a stranger, and Meredith tossed and turned in the big bed every night, all alone. In the back of her mind, the knowledge that she had failed to conceive ate away at her confidence. As the days went on, Blake was becoming colder and colder.

  Only with Sarah was he different. That was amusing, and Meredith laughed at the spectacle of Blake being followed relentlessly every step he took by Sarah Jane. She was right behind him all weekend, watching him talk to the men, sitting with him while he did the books, riding with him when he went out over the fields in the pickup truck to see about fences and cattle and feed. Sarah Jane was his shadow, and he smiled tolerantly at her attempts to imitate his long strides and his habit of ramming his hands in his pockets and rocking back on his heels when he talked. Sarah was sublimely happy. Meredith was sublimely miserable.

  She tried once to talk to Blake, to make him understand that it wouldn't always be this way. But he walked off even as she began.