by Amanda Renee
Blink.
“How would you like to take Jigsaw out for a ride?”
Carina shook her head. “I’ll wait for Lane tomorrow.”
At least that was a good sign. She didn’t blame Lane for anything, but her demeanor had darkened from only moments ago. Lucy had taken a good day and destroyed it. Once again, her past complicated the present. It amazed her how one mistake could continue to affect lives so many years later.
“I need to close up my office before we leave. Why don’t you go check on Jigsaw? I’ll meet you at his stall.”
Carina left the room without a sound. Her boots didn’t even make a peep.
Lucy stopped in the kitchen and snagged two carrots from the refrigerator. After she grabbed her bag, she expected to find Carina in the corridor waiting. When she didn’t see her, she checked Jigsaw’s stall. Carina was on the far side of the horse, hugging his neck, speaking to him in Italian. She’d confided all her secrets to animals since she could talk.
Lucy knocked on the stall door. “Do you mind if I come in? I have something Jigsaw might like.”
“It’s open.” Carina sounded so much like her telling Ella the front door was unlocked whenever she stopped by.
Lucy handed Carina the carrots. “I know Jigsaw doesn’t replace the horses you lost, but I’m confident you won’t lose this one. It’s okay to love him. We’re not going anywhere and neither is he.”
“Papà didn’t think he was leaving, either,” Carina said.
“Is that what you’re afraid of?” Lucy asked. “That Jigsaw is going to die or leave us?”
Carina’s eyes shone with wetness. “Not just Jigsaw.”
“Oh, honey. Come here.” Lucy wrapped her arms around her daughter. All this time, Lucy had thought Carina’s greatest fear was people taking the things she loved away. She hadn’t realized her daughter feared death the most.
Lucy wanted to promise her daughter Jigsaw would be okay, that she’d be okay, but she couldn’t. Her daughter had learned the harsh reality that there were no guarantees in life. All they could do was hang on to the ones they loved...and never let go.
Chapter Nine
New-romance euphoria faded when you had to tell the other person they’d made a mistake. Lane had thought he was helping Lucy by doing many aspects of her job without her knowledge, but now he realized he’d been hindering her growth as a barn manager instead.
A trailer was waiting to transport six horses, and Lucy had never arranged for the Coggins reports. Every minute of delay cost the ranch money. To top it off, Cole Langtry had summoned them both to his office.
“I don’t know how this happened, and honestly, I don’t care.” Cole paced the length of his office. “I can’t have a driver waiting for us to track down Lexi to run a Coggins test, let alone six of them. We may be fortunate enough to have our own state-of-the-art on-site lab, but it doesn’t do us any good if our vet is on the other side of the county. I had to send the driver away and then deal with a very irate customer. I don’t like being screamed at over the phone.”
“It was my fault,” Lucy said. “I sent an email to Lexi about the tests yesterday, but when I checked my outbox, it was still sitting there. I knew how important this was. When I hadn’t received a confirmation back from Lexi, I should have followed up on it.”
Lane let out a breath of relief. At least she had remembered the tests. Her chances for survival after this meeting had increased exponentially.
Cole stopped pacing and faced Lucy. “Every day I see you trying to implement new programs and change things. While I admire your drive and dedication, I need you to focus on completing the job correctly instead.”
“Yes, sir,” Lucy squeaked out.
By the time Cole finished ripping them apart, half the day was gone. “We have a lot to do. I hope you don’t mind working late,” said Lane.
Lucy’s eyes widened. “I thought you were giving Carina a lesson after work.”
“I intended to.” Lane hated letting anyone down, especially Carina. “I have no choice. You have no choice. As innocent as it may have been, today’s mistake was huge. You’re lucky it was only six horses. If they had been moving twenty or thirty for a show and that had happened, you wouldn’t be here anymore.”
“I get it. I screwed up. And now my daughter has to pay the price, once again.” Lucy stormed away from him and then quickly doubled back. “When do I get to spend time with my kid other than my days off? Did Curly put in twelve-and fourteen-hour days?”
“He worked every day, rarely taking time off. And he was on salary, so he never took a penny more for the extra time he put in. But that was Curly. He didn’t have anyone to answer to other than himself.”
“So the answer is never.” Lucy chewed on her bottom lip. “That’s what you’re telling me, right?”
“I’m not saying that.” Lane knew he was screwed regardless of how he answered. His only option was to be honest. “You need to le— Once you learn the job better, the routine will come more naturally to you and it won’t take as long.”
“So you’re telling me to give it a chance?”
“More like pick up the pace.” Lane grimaced. “I know it isn’t what you want to hear—”
Lucy held up her hands to stop him. “That’s enough, thank you.” She turned and calmly walked down the main corridor to their office and closed the door behind her. The job had hit too close to home and he knew she’d struggle to keep up with the rigorous schedule it demanded. It wasn’t for lack of trying. She had great ideas. She was a hard worker and took every responsibility seriously. For the most part, she did everything correctly. But she just didn’t have the speed or skill necessary to do it all. She and Nicolino needed to face the fact Lucy didn’t have the experience to handle the job, and that would happen only if he stopped helping her and allowed her to stumble a few times.
* * *
LUCY SAT AT her desk and added to her growing double-check list. She hated that her daughter had to wait another day to try out her new saddle because of Lucy’s mistake. She dialed Ella and asked if she could once again watch Carina while Lucy worked late. Of course, it was never a problem, but that didn’t mean it felt right. This was a critical time in her daughter’s life and Lucy was rarely there for her.
“We need to talk,” Lane said, closing the door behind him.
“I’m sorry I got upset with you about Carina’s lesson,” Lucy began. “I don’t want you to think she’s some spoiled kid whose mom runs to her defense whenever she doesn’t get her way. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Antonio actually accused me of the opposite on more than one occasion. I found out something last night after you left for class. She’s afraid of me dying. Of Jigsaw dying and probably even you dying. That’s why she’s been so distant. She loved her father with all her heart and he left her.”
“I suspected that and told her a little bit about my situation. I didn’t get into too many specifics of what went on between my mom and dad, but I think she got the gist of it. I told her I would always be there for her to talk to if she wanted to.”
“But that’s the problem—she doesn’t trust that you’ll always be there. You could die tomorrow. So could I. All she needs to do is stand around and listen to conversations in the hallway about colic and equine influenza and West Nile. She knows it’s a part of life, but she doesn’t know how to deal with it. And when a psychologist tells you to take your child home because she won’t talk, it’s frustrating beyond words.”
Lane pulled her into his arms. She needed his warmth and strength, his heartbeat pressing against hers. She allowed herself the pleasure of his gentle caress against the back of her neck. He was safe. He always had been. Here he’d given Carina and her so much after the way she’d treated him ten years ago. She didn’t deserve his kindness, but she was thankful for it.
“We’ll figure it out,” he said against her hair. “I’ll help you. I won’t let you go.”
Lucy looked up at hi
m. Work be damned—she needed to feel his touch, to feel his mouth against hers. She kissed him boldly, grasping his face between her hands and bringing him closer. Her tongue urged his lips apart, eager to taste him. His hands splayed across her back, pressing her to him. She needed him, more than she’d ever needed any man.
* * *
SURPRISINGLY, CARINA HADN’T been upset about missing a lesson. She had a book report due in the morning and asked if she could work on it in Lucy and Lane’s office because Ella’s house was too noisy. The sun was setting on the horizon as they finished. Instead of heading home, Lane treated them to pizza in town. It wasn’t Italy, but Gino’s came pretty close to the real deal.
Lucy excused herself to the restroom. On the way out, she stopped and watched Lane and Carina. If she hadn’t known better, she’d have thought they were father and daughter. He made her laugh. He took the time to explain things she didn’t understand. He listened to her silliness. It gave her hope her daughter would accept their relationship if they chose to pursue one. The way they were heading, the possibility seemed more real each day.
It was late when they arrived home. Carina fell asleep in the car and was a bear to wake up. Lucy settled her in bed and joined Lane in the living room for a glass of wine.
“Did today feel like a hundred hours to you?” Lucy asked, rubbing her neck.
Lane sat his glass on the table and reached for her. “Let me.”
Lucy glanced toward Carina’s door, making sure it was still closed. She settled between his thighs, her back against his chest as his strong hands eased the knots and tension from her body. She didn’t want him to stop, and if she had her way, he wouldn’t. She didn’t want to take the chance of Carina walking in on them, though.
“It’s late,” Lane said against her hair. “I should head home.”
She didn’t want him to go, but she knew he couldn’t stay, either. She eased off the couch and walked him to the door. “Thank you for dinner tonight. And dinner on Friday. Breakfast on Saturday and lunch on Sunday.” They both laughed. “The next meal is on me—I don’t care how much you argue.”
Lane lifted her chin with the crook of his finger and ran his thumb across her bottom lip. “You’re welcome.” His lips grazed hers, featherlight, gradually increasing pressure with each kiss. The slow, languid strokes of his tongue were intoxicating, more so than the wine.
“You will never take Papà’s place!” Carina shouted from behind them. “I won’t let you.”
“Oh no.” Lucy ran her hands down her face. This was what she’d been afraid of... Her daughter walking in on them together. She knew better and still chose to be irresponsible. “Lane isn’t trying to replace your father. Please apologize to him.”
Carina stomped into the living room like a disapproving parent.
Lane held up his hand. “Don’t force her. It’s okay. I understand.” Lane walked past Lucy and sat down on the coffee table in front of her. “I understand how you feel right now.”
Carina looked at him, tears running down her cheeks.
“When my mom started seeing someone after my dad died, I was mad, too. I thought my world had ended again. I probably asked my mom how she could betray my dad at least ten times.”
“You did?” Carina swiped her eyes with the back of her arm. “What did she do?”
“She stopped seeing him. My mom always put me first, the way your mom will always put you first.”
“Lane, I think it’s better if we don’t see each other awhile. Carina and I need time together, without anyone else.” Lucy actually felt herself stop breathing. Light-headed, she needed to sit down. She didn’t want to hurt her daughter, but she didn’t want to lose Lane again, either. Not after starting to feel good again. Regardless of how she felt, it was the right thing to do. “Carina, when you’re ready, if you’re ready, then maybe we can try this again.”
“I can still teach you how to ride,” Lane said to Carina. “Nothing has to change between you and me.” He stood and gave Carina a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. “Do you still want me to give you a lesson tomorrow?”
Carina nodded.
“Okay, then. You have your mom drop you off. It’ll be all right. I’m not going anywhere,” Lane said.
She wanted to walk him to the door, but Carina needed her more than he did. As the front door closed behind Lane, Lucy couldn’t help feeling as if he’d been telling her goodbye. Carina’s reaction had taken her by surprise. Here she was worried her daughter was substituting Lane for Antonio while her daughter felt the same way about her.
Carina turned back to her bedroom, but Lucy reached for her hand. “I want you to look at me. This walking away and not talking to me has to stop. You’ve hurt my feelings and you’ve hurt Lane’s, too.” Carina closed her eyes, shutting her out once again. She knew as long as she kept talking, Carina would hear her...eventually. “Nobody will ever replace your father. I won’t let them. Whether it’s Lane or any man. That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for somebody else in your life. Just because your father died doesn’t mean you have to forget about him. No one’s telling you to do that. I don’t want you to forget him. He will always be a part of us. You need to understand that above all else.”
Tears streamed down Carina’s face as heavy sobs heaved from her chest. Lucy knelt before her daughter, pulling her onto her lap. Carina had cried when Antonio died, but never to this extent. She was finally letting out the pain and anger she’d fought so hard to control. It was an emotion other than anger. Other than silence.
“It’s okay, mia gattina. I miss him, too.” Lucy stroked her daughter’s hair. “I’m here and I won’t let you go.”
* * *
LUCY WAS EXHAUSTED when she arrived at work the following morning. She and Carina had been up most of the night talking about Antonio. Carina wanted to know everything about her father and his family. There were even questions Lucy couldn’t answer. She told Carina she didn’t have to go to school today, but she had insisted. A light had reignited in her daughter. However faint, it was there.
When she entered her office, she was surprised to see Brad sitting at Lane’s desk.
“Working overtime?”
He gave her a puzzled look. “I guess you haven’t heard.”
“Haven’t heard what?” Had they fired her over the Coggins-report debacle?
Brad cocked his head to one side. “Lane and I have switched positions indefinitely.”
“You’ve what? On whose authority? He’s my employee.” How could they take her assistant away without discussing it with her first? What about his night classes?
“Nicolino called me around ten last night and told me Lane was coming in to work the rest of my shift and to take his in the morning. Believe me, I’m as surprised as you are. I’ve been trying to get on the day shift for years.”
Lucy had been right about Lane last night. He was saying goodbye...to her. She knew without even talking to Nicolino that this had been Lane’s decision. And Nicolino had gone along with it. It gave Brad what he wanted and Lane what he wanted. She still should have been consulted. It affected her job the most. How much had Lane told her cousin? “Have you seen Nicolino this morning?”
“He was upstairs talking to Kenny in Human Resources. Whatever happened between you and Lane must’ve been huge for me to get a promotion out of the deal.” Brad relaxed in the chair, and for a moment, Lucy thought he’d put his feet up on the desk. “Thank God this position pays better. I have three kids and a wife to support. We really need the money.”
“I would have thought the night barn manager position paid more.” Lane had even taken a pay cut to get away from her. That spoke volumes.
“Believe it or not, assistant day manager pays more.” Brad stretched. “Not a lot goes on around here at night. My list of employees was a fraction of yours. This shift has more responsibility and different duties. Forgive me in advance but I’m definitely going to lean on you for help until I can figure it all out.”
On top of everything, she now had to train a new assistant barn manager when she was still learning her own job. Lucy walked toward the main office. She hadn’t even been sure she and Lane were together until she asked him for space. Missing him hurt...more than it had any right to.
* * *
LANE REFUSED TO ruin Lucy’s relationship with her daughter. If Carina was uncomfortable with them dating, he’d give her the opportunity to warm up to him. She’d had too many changes, too quickly. He understood. The family dynamic had changed and suddenly there was another person changing it further.
A break from Lucy would do them both some good. They’d have a chance to miss each other. It was also time for Lucy to spread her wings on her own and hopefully realize the job wasn’t for her. Not because he still wanted it, but because she was more interested in science and the breeding program than managing the barn. Besides, the night shift would be a welcome break... Quiet, solitude—what more did he need?
Something to do.
How could anyone enjoy this job? He’d finished his entire workload in two hours and he had ten more to go. Maybe he could take up fly tying or crossword puzzles. He wanted to call Brad and ask him what he did all night. Even with the pay cut, the position overpaid.
He made a note to call the college in the morning to find out about transferring to day classes. He’d hate to waste a semester.
Each time he walked by Frankie to check on his handful of employees, the horse glared at him as if to say, “You’re disturbing my sleep.” Being alone with your thoughts was highly overrated. He’d much rather be alone with Lucy.
After a hundred push-ups, he ventured into the tack room. Damn grooms were too thorough. There wasn’t one unconditioned piece of leather around. He ventured over to the employee tack. Carina’s bright pink zebra-striped saddle seat stood out amid the standard brown and black leather. He didn’t know if she’d show up for her next lesson. And after he’d changed shifts without discussing it with Lucy first, she might not even allow her to. He hadn’t intended to hurt either one of them. He’d waited ten years to be with Lucy. He could survive a few extra weeks or months. And if Carina never wanted him to date her mother, he’d respect her decision.
