Colt Harper: Esteemed Vampire Cat

by Tyrolin Puxty

For some reason, I don’t find Saffy as attractive in this state. I thought I liked evil, but it doesn’t suit her. It’s not the disgusting human I fell for.

  “And what’s with that dog?” she continues.

  “Who? Jax?”

  “Yeah!” She looks at the disgusting upholstery on our chair. “We’re vampire cats, right? What’s a lousy werewolf hanging with us for? Let’s chuck him overboard!”

  I laugh, a little nervously. “Believe it or not, I’m actually quite fond of Jax. Humanity is rubbing off on me.”

  “UGH!” Saffy rolls her eyes. “Humanity, schumanity! Nothing more than oxygen thieves. Let’s take down the council and the chasers and rule the world together, Colt. It’d be much better with just us and our cats, don’t you think?”

  The music plugs the lull. I don’t know what to say. Living with Saffy and the cats would be pretty ideal admittedly, but I don’t want her like… this. I’m evil enough for the both of us.

  “I think,” I say softly, “that you should get some sleep. You have a full tummy, so how about you settle into their bed, knead into the blanket, and get comfortable. By this time tomorrow, we’ll have your treasure, and hopefully, St. Damian will be in contact soon. At least, we’re safe from chasers and monsters out here.”

  I cringe at the word “monsters.” Seriously, why has no one bothered to come up with a cooler name? Fifty bucks to someone who does.

  “Okay. That sounds like it could be nice.” She stands and stretches, her talons poking through her skin. “Will you join me?”

  “Maybe in a little while.” I smile earnestly. “I just woke up so, I need to have some milk or leftover blood.”

  “Whatever.” She turns on her heel and makes her way to the bedroom.

  As we sail further into the dark unknown, I can’t help but regret choosing Sean’s form. I seriously just want to wriggle out and find another life to destroy and get away from this mess. In fact, I would do that, if it weren’t illegal. Possessing humans usually gets a slap on the wrist from the council, but I’m toeing the line as it is.

  I have to finish what I started.

  “If you have time to think about it, you have time to do it.”

  – Colt Harper: Esteemed Vampire Cat (often said while procrastinating)

  erry’s body is beginning to smell. Ordinarily, I’d just throw him overboard, but I’m a little scared of Saffy. She’s legitimately crazy and if I moved her prize, she’d claw me.

  “Are we almost there?” Jax’s wrapped a shawl over his shoulders, which oddly enough, suits him.

  I lean on the railing and breathe in the sea air. “Almost. I think. Why?”

  Jax motions at the sky. “It’s 4.00 p.m. Once that full moon hits, I’m a goner. I can’t control myself.”

  “Don’t worry, buddy. We’ll tie you up. You’re up against two powerful vampire cats who can take you on.”

  “Not really. I’m up against half a vampire cat and a vampire cat who’s gone soft because the human inside is influencing him.”

  “Whoa, whoa! Ease up, dog. I’m still a kickass fighter and I still find humans repugnant.”

  Jax gives a lopsided smile. “You can’t fool my nose, Colt. It smells everything.”

  Flinching, I sniff my underarms. “Do I smell okay?”

  “You used to smell like smuggled candles until you lost them. Now, you smell almost human.”

  “YUCK! And I didn’t lose the candles. I just misplaced them.”

  “Admit you lost them.”

  “Fine, I temporarily mislaid them.” I sigh. “Buddy, I feel uneasy about this whole situation. Things with Saffy and Brynn aren’t adding up. Maybe it’s ocean madness, but something isn’t right. And the Bakhtak. He was supposed to keep the chasers off our scent, yet there they were, ready to attack. Something’s wrong.”

  “You know, I’ve been thinking the same thing.” Jax yelps when Saffy emerges from the bedroom, stretching her arms above her head.

  “Hey, boys. What are we talking about?”

  I look at the floor. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

  Jax is leaning on the railing, anxiously staring at the sky. “Maybe I should just throw myself overboard?” he speaks loudly, but it’s mostly to himself. “That way I won’t hurt anybody. Only the sharks. Zombie Sharks, maybe. Oh, but sharks aren’t that bad. People think they’re evil, and they’re not. They don’t attack many people. Zombie sharks, sure, but normal sharks? They’re actually sweeter than dolphins. The dolphins molest and hurt one another, don’t they? Where’s Brynn when you need her? She had that silver cage. That beautiful, perfect silver cage. I need that… I need my cage.”

  “Dog, what are you on about?” Saffy yells, keeping an eye on the water.

  “Nothing,” he says. “Just rehearsing our lines from the play we never performed.”

  I roll my eyes, too intrigued by Robyn’s book to intervene.

  “We’re almost at the island,” Saffy says. “Come look.”

  I glance up at the large island starboard side. I close the book and lick my lips. The treasure is in sight.

  “How long will that take? Huh?” Jax’s words run together. “We have about twenty minutes to get me there and lock me up. Is that doable? Do we have enough time? Saffy? Saffy! I don’t want to turn, I really don’t want to turn!”

  “Stop being so skittish.” Saffy waves a dismissive hand. “It’s stressing me out. We’ll be there in about five minutes.”

  Five minutes. Five minutes until treasure. I wonder whether I should abandon Saffy and Jax the moment I lay my greedy little paws on whatever this is. Lock them up and run away. Dump all the responsibility St. Damian gave me.

  But then again, I have a lousy human conscience telling me to stand by my friends. Ugh.

  Man, I’m lame.

  “You don’t have any other choice,” Jax says, knee-deep in water. “Can you hurry up? Maybe? Please? I haven’t got long.”

  Saffy and I stare into the still water. The boat has come to a stop several meters from land, physically unable to push any closer.

  “I hate water,” Saffy says.

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “Move it! Hurry up!” Jax kicks his feet, splashing us. “Please?”

  Instinctively, I hiss and let my talons to drop. “Damn wet dog!”

  “Fine.” He wades closer to the edge. “I’ll just keep the treasure all to myself then.”

  “No!” Saffy and I yell in unison.

  Come on, Colt. I’ve braved the water before. It’s not that bad. I mean, it’s cold. Like, it’s always cold. Even in boiling hot weather, the water is still freezing. I’m not entirely sure why that’s the case. But if it’s a moment of discomfort versus treasure…

  I rub my hands together. “Ready, Saffy?”

  “No.”

  “Here we go!”

  “Oh, for the love of…”

  I take her by the hand and together, we drop into sea. Amazingly, we barely even hit water before we spring into the air like rockets, bouncing along until we ungracefully land on the island.

  I’m wet, but I’m alive. I’m disgusted, but I’m alive. Alive equals treasure.

  “That wasn’t too bad!” I offer my hand to help Saffy up, but she rudely declines. What is up with her?

  “This way,” she says, dusting off the sand from her clothes.

  Twitching, Jax motions at the looming darkness. “It’s nearby, right? You’ll tie me up, yeah?”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Saffy huffs, powering through the trees. She stops at a pile of leaves.

  “We haven’t got time to play in piles!” Poor Jax’s getting more and more distressed with each breath.

  “We’re not.” She sweeps the leaves away with her foot, revealing a large trap door in the sand.

  Wow. Apart from not being able to sail a boat, Saffy is pretty much a pirate. A pirate vampire cat. I love it. She bends over and opens the creaking door.

  “X marks the spot, hey Saffy?” I say. She doesn’t
respond. She just climbs into the hatch.

  It’s one of those awkward moments where Jax and I don’t know if we should follow or stay put. It’s only when she yells at us to join that we uneasily inspect the hatch.

  “It’s dark,” Jax says.

  “It’s deep.”

  “Would you two just get down here?” Saffy commands from below.

  “A ‘please’ wouldn’t go astray. I used to kill humans like you for speaking rudely.”

  “Luckily, I’m barely human.”

  What a beautifully obnoxious snob. I make my descent into the hatch, immediately regretting it once Jax follows, his booty directly in my face. And no, not the treasure kind of booty: the bad kind of booty.

  When I reach the bottom, the lights turn on, temporarily blinding me. It’s not what I expected. It’s a cramped, sterile room. There’s one cupboard at the end, a chair to the side, and a silver cage by the entrance.

  This isn’t adding up.

  “Hey! You already have a cage!” Jax beams as if all of his troubles are over. I get the feeling it’s only just starting. “I’ll pop myself in. The silver hurts like hell, but at least—”

  “Don’t get in,” I say. “Yo, Saffy. Where’s the treasure?”

  “There is no treasure,” she mumbles, too preoccupied with searching the cupboard to look at me. “It was code to meet here. Get in the cage, Jax.”

  “Don’t get in,” I repeat, eyeing Saffy. Something is really wrong.

  “Sorry, Colt.” Jax steps in the cage and pulls the door shut before I have time to stop him. He winces when his skin sizzles like bacon on the griddle. “I’ll be back to normal by morning. You two do what you need to do.”

  “Buddy, what did you do that for?” I throw my head back and groan. “Saffy, why the hell do you have a silver cage down here? There’s something you’re not telling us. Obviously.”

  “You think?” That tone. That condescending, sarcastic tone. She sounds just like Brynn.

  She flicks on a pair of gloves and smiles. “Take a seat, Colt.”

  “You know this could be really nice down here,” Jax says, painfully oblivious to the situation. “A few paintings. A plastic plant. This could be the perfect sanctuary. I need to build something like this for all my transitions.”

  I shoot Jax a warning look. He needs to shut up.

  “What are you?” I ask Saffy. We circle one another.

  “Half-vampire cat, apparently.”

  “And?”

  “Half-human.”

  “And?”

  She halts, a wide grin spreading across her face. “A chaser.”

  My heart sinks. The dreams of her and I going on a human rampage vanish. “How?”

  “Anyone can become a chaser. A few beep tests, a couple medicals, and you’re right to go. When I met Brynn, she introduced me to her world. Her boyfriend was turned by a werewolf, and since then, she’s been hating on monsters.”

  “Pfft.” I fold my arms. “You can’t be a chaser. They’re trying to kill you.”

  “No. Brynn wouldn’t do that. Not really. It’s all been an act to get to you. If they wanted to kill me, you would’ve been toast by now.”

  “I don’t buy it,” I say. “Oh crap. Wait, so you lied to us about blacking out when you killed the monsters in the motel, didn’t you? You just used your fancy chaser moves, but didn’t want to fess up.”

  “Dum-dum-dum! A booby prize for the dumb cat among us. You weren’t nearby and I didn’t want to use my horrible talons. I used these.” She whips out a blade and some ninja stars from her pocket. “I’m really good. They never had a clue what hit them.”

  “I sure do love girls who know how to use a blade. So you’re telling me you know all about our community service?”

  “Yes. It’s why I work at the theater. I kill you beasts before we even put on a stupid production.”

  “But why would you kill your own kind?

  “Because I’m not one of you!” I’ve never heard her voice so shrill. Her pupils turn to slits, and she pushes me into the chair. “You hear me? I’m not one of you!”

  “You kind of look like one of us.”

  “I’m not! Shut up! Everything was fine until you turned up! I had a job. I was protecting innocents. Then you turn me into a vampire cat!”

  “I didn’t turn you into anything. You’ve always had it in you.”

  She slaps me. She actually slaps me. “Shut up!”

  “I… well.” I rub my cheek. “You know, vampire cats actually tap people on the forehead to shut them up. None of this slapping nonsense.”

  She says something under her breath and before I know it, she’s handcuffed me. “I’m a person. A chaser. You got that?”

  “You know I could easily get out of these cuffs.”

  “Only with your talons, which can’t bend to that angle.”

  Damn it. She’s really on the ball. Looks like I’ll have to try talk my way out of this one.

  “Why are you a self-hating vampire cat? We’re superior, all right? We’re better than humans and Leshis and werewolves.”

  “Hey…” Jax says from the cage. Whoops. I forgot he was there.

  “Sorry buddy. The truth hurts. Anyway Saffy, just stop and think for a second. Killing us isn’t going to kill your inner monster. It’ll still be there. It’s part of who you are.”

  “No. It’ll go when I kill you. It only came out when I met you, so the opposite will happen.”

  “It doesn’t work that way. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. It was going to come out sooner or later, regardless whether you met me or not.”

  Her face twists into an ugly expression as she fights back tears. “I killed two innocent people on that boat.”

  “So? It’s fun. Besides, they weren’t good people. They ran over a cat.”

  “Spoken like a true monster.” She sneers. “I have good and evil fighting for control inside. You don’t know what that’s like.”

  I think of Sean. It’s like he’s constantly injecting benevolence into my conscious. “I know more than you think.”

  “Oh bloody hell!” A profanity follows the frustrated murmurs above. “Saffy? Saffy, dear? Are you down there?”

  “Yep.” Saffy gazes at me, her hands trembling. There’s remorse in her eyes, but I can’t change her mind. She’s chosen to kill us.

  Brynn slowly makes her way down the ladder and lands with a flourish. She’s standing upright with her hands on her hips. “Look! Just look at me! Sorry for the delay, lovelies. I booked an appointment with an osteopath who fixed my back right and proper. How wonderful are osteopaths? Why is nobody talking about them? They’re practically magicians! One adjustment. One adjustment. Look at me! I’m a new woman! Apparently my feet are a little flat, so he’s given me orthotics. They’re a bit weird, but my ankles feel stronger already. Flat feet make my knees roll in, which could easily result in a terrible injury, and that’s something I can’t afford in this industry, you know? Oh. Osteopaths. I love them. I have to marry one. It’s decided. Anyhow! Oh! You have Jax in his cage, wonderful. And dearest Colt. Hello. Where’s your fat friend? Taken by the council bats, was she?”

  “That’s none of your concern,” Jax growls. Hair sprouts from his neck and knuckles. His transformation is beginning.

  “It kind of is.” She condescendingly pats his head through bars. “She killed one of my girls. It’s most certainly my concern.”

  “You don’t seem that choked up about it,” I say coldly.

  “Colt…” Her eyebrows knit together. “Always remember that you’re the villain and I’m the hero. Why on earth would I give you the satisfaction of grieving in front of you?”

  It’s a hard concept for me to grasp, but she has a point.

  “Now!” She claps her hands together. “Saffy, do you have the weapons so we can finally put an end to this madness?”

  Saffy mouths the word “yes,” but nothing comes out of her mouth. Her eyes fixate on her shoes as she
pulls a large knife from the cupboard and passes it to Brynn.

  “You’re first, Colt.” Brynn tests the tip on her finger. “When I plunge this blade into your heart, I want you to think of the countless people you murdered.”

  “I’d much rather think of tuna,” I say.

  “I told you you’d kill us both,” Sean’s voice echoes. The dude’s gotta stop being so morbid and just trust me.

  “You’re despicable!” Brynn’s eyes flash. “You don’t even care that you took Sean’s life away from him.”

  I blink. “Hold up. You know my form’s name?”

  “I dated him a while ago.”

  My jaw drops. “What? Sheesh, Sean, you managed to block that memory from me.”

  “There’s a lot of memories I’ve blocked from you. I was kinda ashamed of it anyway.”

  “Well, cheers to the both of you for keeping that secret. But look, you can’t go killing this body. You’re sweethearts.”

  “We actually really hated one another,” Brynn says.

  “Yeah, gnawing my arm off would be more pleasurable than a date with her again.”

  Brynn leans in and kisses me, her lips cold and hard. “I assume Sean’s voice said something patronizing, so that kiss was to make him squirm.”

  “Ugh. Like kissing a snake.”

  “Wait! You wouldn’t kill him though, even if you did hate him, right?”

  “Of course not. That’d be murder. I mean, technically, I’m killing his body, but it’s a sacrifice that has to be made if it means ending you. It’s the first rule of chasing as approved by the chasing council.”

  “There’s a chasing council?”

  “It’s a subdivision of the main council.”

  I hate that I don’t know a lot about the council. Ugh. If I get out of here alive, I’m going to do some research on the uh… c-word. Not the c-word. I know what I mean. “Hey, before you kill me in cold blood, answer me this: how did you know to meet us at that restaurant?”

  Brynn rolls her eyes. “It’s where we hold our annual meetings. Saffy led you there on purpose, dingbat.”

  Oh. Duh.

  I don’t waste any time. I bid a silent farewell to the body I comfortably made my home for two years and ooze out of its nostrils, turning into a violet haze to float above an unconscious Sean, voiceless and homeless.