Colt Harper: Esteemed Vampire Cat

by Tyrolin Puxty

  They nod.

  “Hold up. I’ve been lost in my own thoughts for a day?”

  Jax and Lexi are stooped over, their run nothing more than a slow shuffle. Lexi leans onto Jax’s shoulder and nods in response.

  Whoa. So something really did change when I reentered Sean.

  “We need to get out of here,” I say. “I’ll be a pair of red legs before I even know what hits me!”

  “That’s exactly what I was thinking.” The Bakhtak appears in front of us, lying on his side and rubbing his stomach. “So good to see you.”

  “Bakhtak? Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to keep the chasers off our scent. A real help that was.”

  “Hey, hey, let’s not go raising our voices to one another, all right, Colt? Good old Colt Harper, Esteemed Vampire Cat, eh. How is that inner vampire cat going, eh? Eh? Can’t smell you much anymore. You seem a little more human.”

  I point my finger. Why? I don’t know. There’s something satisfying about pointing at someone when you’re angry. “This was all your fault! We wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you.”

  “Well duh! I’ve recently become a chaser, so naturally I helped them out.”

  My heart hammers against my chest. A chaser? A Bakhtak? The concept would be hilarious if it weren’t so ridiculous. “You’re pulling my leg.” (What a stupid saying).

  “Nope.” He shows his palms. “Honest.”

  “Why would a monster become a chaser?”

  “I’m not a monster though, am I? Not really. My kind have always played by their own rules. I went to the chaser department, had a medical, performed a few little tests, and BAM! I’m a chaser. I like that title. A chaser. They even gave me this sweet little tattoo, see?” He shows an angular symbol on his ankle. “Pretty cool, eh? I was the first monster to ever apply. Excluding Saffy, of course. But nobody realized she was half-vampire cat at the time. Anyway, let’s get you out of here.”

  My peaceful, monk-like state of mind vanishes. “What the hell are you on about? Why do you want to help us?”

  “I told you. I don’t play by the rules. In fact, making trouble is what I do. Getting you out of here would cause trouble for the chasers and the council. See how marvelous that is? I make my own entertainment.”

  “What does St. Damian think of this?”

  “He doesn’t know. Come on, then. About fifteen minutes from here is an invisible trapdoor. It’s our ticket out of here.” The Bakhtak marches forward with his nose high in the air. What a tool. Wait, that’s too flattering. Tools are useful. The Bakhtak is a blackhead; ugly, a nuisance, and under my damn skin.

  Jax grits his teeth. “I don’t trust that thing.”

  “Neither do I.”

  “What are you talking about?” Lexi whispers, going up on tiptoes. “You’re both too tall to eavesdrop!”

  “They’re talking about me, tickle monster.” The Bakhtak laughs. “A little bit of gossip is a good thing. It means you’re important enough to be talked about.”

  He stops at a lone tree with blue leaves. There are dozens of red legs skipping around it, kicking one another, as if they don’t want anybody else around their lovely tree.

  “That there,” the Bakhtak says. “That’s the way out.”

  “Is that why those legs are gyrating around it?”

  “Mostly. They can sense that it’s different. But some of them are just there to annoy the others. Remember, they were all once monsters. Their mission in life is to piss everyone off; a goal you understand all too well.” He claps his hand and strides to the tree. “Get out of here, ya mongrels! Go on, scat!”

  We hold back. It’s difficult to discern what a pair of legs is thinking, but when they all turn to stare at the Bakhtak, we know it’s not good news.

  “Bakhtak?” I grin. “Friends of yours?”

  “Bloody things!” He waves his arms around, trying to spook them off. They reluctantly slink away, but don’t go very far. They stay about ten feet away from the tree, pointing their right foot at the Bakhtak, wriggling their toes.

  It’s confusing how it can be both hilarious and downright horrifying.

  The Bakhtak bends over (a sight that makes me envy the blind) and pulls at the grass. For a moment, it looks like he’s tugging at air, but after a loud grunt, something creaks open and a glowing portal hums. Chuffed, the Bakhtak sticks his foot through.

  “Come on! This should lead us to the Empire Stat—” He never finishes his whine. Something aggressively pulls him through, and he’s lost.

  The legs are intrigued by the glow. They inch toward it, seemingly hypnotized.

  “Oh crap,” I say. “If those legs get into the real world…”

  “Oh crap,” Jax mirrors my tone.

  “Leave this to me.” Lexi rolls up her sleeves. “Get ready to jump into the portal.”

  With a warrior cry, she charges at the legs who scatter like a flock of birds. She turns and bows, unaware of the pair of legs chasing her over.

  “Lexi!” I shout, but it’s too late. The legs leap and kick her into the portal, following closely behind.

  Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me. I run forward and dive in, Jax at my heels.

  I have no idea how I’m supposed to close the portal. I have no idea how many legs are going through. All I know is, it’s not good.

  “If it makes you happy, then you succeeded already.”

  – Colt Harper: Esteemed Vampire Cat

  ugnacious little traitor, aren’t you?”

  “What’s that even mean?” the Bakhtak squeals.

  It takes a while for everything to make sense again. Traveling through portals is my least favorite activity, especially now that I’m more humanized. Eventually, my mind adjusts to reality once more. It’s dingy, and it’s dusty, but I couldn’t be happier to see St. Damian’s tiny little shack.

  Woozy, I stand. St. Damian has the Bakhtak hanging by his feet, a snarl on his face.

  “A chaser? You became a chaser?!” St. Damian growls.

  “How’d you find out?”

  “News travels quickly. Why? What were you thinking?”

  “I’ll tell you what I told these idiots; I LIKE TO CAUSE TROUBLE. Could you put me right side up? The blood’s rushing to my head… I think I’m going to throw up.”

  “How did they let a monster become a chaser?”

  “Easy. I tricked them through the dream world. Besides, chasers are scared of Bakhtaks. They don’t know how to kill us. Having one on their side makes them feel more powerful.”

  St. Damian drops the freshly-minted chaser onto his head and rolls his eyes. “I’ve never been more disgusted in my life.”

  The Bakhtak picks himself up and dusts off his arms. “Don’t say that. We’re still on good terms, right? Right?”

  St. Damian crouches down to the Bakhtak’s level, his smirk lopsided. “Tell me about this portal you came through. Is this the only one in the valley?”

  “That I know of, yes. It’s how I get in and out.”

  “Lovely.” St. Damian gives the Bakhtak a friendly pat on the back, then pushes him through the portal.

  “No! Wait! You don’t know what you’re doing!’ the Bakhtak screams from beyond.

  St. Damian pulls out a silver rod from his coat and plugs the portal until it disappears, the Bakhtak’s cries instantly silenced.

  “That little rat can stay in the valley forever.” He puts the rod back in his pocket and sighs. “Although I wouldn’t be surprised if he finds a way out. Pesky thing. Colt. Lexi. Jax. Why the hell are you three here?”

  “Before I answer that question,” I say carefully, “did a pair of red legs come through here at all?”

  “No. Abarimon can’t survive in our world. They disintegrate immediately.” He motions toward a puddle of red dust on the floor. “Let’s not bother cleaning that up just yet. Come and sit.”

  We follow him to the fold-up table and anxiously wait for him to offer a cup of tea or snack or, you know, a
nything. But nope. He just pours a bowl of cereal for himself and munches away.

  “So.” He flicks his spoon around dramatically as stray droplets of milk land on the table. Mmm. Milk. “You’re probably wondering how you got here.”

  Lexi and Jax exchange nervous glances before nodding.

  “Simple,” he says. “The council found out that I was using monsters to travel around. They didn’t like that and considering I’ve been a faithful employee—little do they know how often I bend the rules for your kind—they decided to reward me with this little beauty.” He pulls out the rod and jams it back in his pocket. “It’s a key to the multitude of wormholes in the world. I can fast-travel anywhere. I heard about the Bakhtak, so I changed the valley’s portal to lead here instead. Not bad, eh?”

  We don’t respond. Really, how are we supposed to? Even a “congratulations” seems out of place.

  “Well you’re all fun,” he says sarcastically. He’s got a little bit of attitude today. “So the council contacted me about Saffron-Jade, or Saffy as you like to call her.”

  “Saffy?” I actually rise from my seat. “What did they say?”

  “They said that she’s more monster than human. She has to live by monster rules and if she breaks them, she’ll be sent to community service or the valley just like anybody else.”

  “But she’s dead.” Suddenly my shirt becomes extremely interesting and I pick lint off it. Anything is better than letting St. Damian see the tears in my eyes.

  “No, she’s not.” His spoon tings against the bowl.

  I blink. “Pretty sure she is.”

  “Pretty sure she isn’t. She’s in… now, where was it?” He squints. “Phillips Memorial Hospital.”

  My ribcage must be taking a fair beating, because my heart can’t stop hammering. “But… but how is that possible? We were on an island. Saffy hates water! She couldn’t sail that boat really well and there’s no way she’d swim! Even if she did, she was stabbed!”

  “Colt, think back to your glory days when nothing stopped you. You know, before you became such a wimp. Would a knife wound stop you? Vampire cats are pretty hardcore, even the half ones.” He winks.

  “Then I have to get to her!”

  “Seriously?” Jax interrupts. “Colt, she tried to kill us. She lied to us.”

  “Exactly! She’s a vampire cat! I kill and lie all the time. How could I be mad at her? Are you with me?”

  St. Damian slides the bowl of milk to me and my eyes widen. “You can finish that off. Firstly, the three of you still have your community service to finish off. Secondly, Jax and Lexi are fugitives. They broke out of the valley.”

  “So?” I say in between licks. “If they’re fugitives, they won’t be putting on a play. This is really nice milk by the way.”

  “Yeah, we haven’t even finished the paper lines.” Lexi frowns. “The scroll. The words. The script!”

  “Hey, good work, Lex! You worked it out on your own,” Jax says.

  “I know, right!”

  St. Damian slams his fist on the table. “You three listen, and you listen good. I’ve never had a monster not finish their community service, and I’m not going to let it start now. Damn right you’re going to finish that play. The council won’t be after you for a while. Nobody has ever escaped from the valley, so their security is minimal. They won’t even realize you’re gone. Not right away. After your community service is finished, I’m retiring. You’ll probably have to go on the run, but that’s not my problem anymore. I’ve done enough for you lot. Capiche?”

  Retiring? No way! St. Damian can’t do that! No other human in the world would bend the rules like he does. He’s a scary mother-trucker, sure, but I can’t imagine not having him around.

  “We get it. We’ll finish the service,” I say.

  “I don’t want to risk it,” Jax says. “Not if we’re fugitives. Besides, werewolf Brynn will no doubt be looking for me and, ah…” Jax goes white. “Oh man, I can’t believe I turned her. She’ll have my head.”

  St. Damian covers his smile with his hand, as if he’s ashamed to be seen happy. “Brynn is an egotistical, untrusting hussy. A bit like you, Colt. I would’ve turned her too. Now I suggest taking a portal to the theater. Put a play on tonight. I don’t care how many people are there or how crappy it is. Get it done. At least the council can never add incompletion of community service to your ever growing list of offenses. Then, run like the wind. Don’t let them find you because it won’t be good. There are ways to keep the bats off your radar. You’ll have to find out how.”

  Jax and Lexi gulp, but I’m not too concerned. Hey, the council aren’t after me, right? For once, I’m the semi-good guy. Kinda.

  “St. Damian? One last favor for your favorite cat?”

  He rolls his eyes. “I can assure you I favor many other cats over you, Colt. What is it?”

  “You’re a charmer, sir. Could I please use your magic stick thing to see Saffy? It’s something I have to do. Besides, she knows where all of the theater costumes are.”

  St. Damian reaches for the rod, waves it above the table, and an orange portal appears. “Get in. The portal will reappear after fifteen minutes. Don’t miss it because it’ll take you straight back to the theater.”

  “You must love this fast travel thing, huh sir?”

  “I’ve never been happier. No more driving down to rent DVDs. I can zap quietly into the alley next door and be back home in an instant.”

  “You still rent movies? Sir, you do realize they’ve invented Netflix, right?”

  St. Damian’s eyes twitch. “Get in the damn portal, Colt.”

  I give a cheeky salute and climb onto the table. “I’ll see you crazy sidekicks in fifteen minutes. St. Damian, sir? Enjoy a long and boring retirement. Thanks again for saving my beautifully shaped butt.”

  “Colt,” he says with a hint of nostalgia, “if there’s one thing I’ve learned from you, is that there’s no such thing as goodbyes.”

  As the portal sucks me through the nauseating tunnel, I notice something different about my farewell. Usually once St. Damian and I part, I forget about him in an instant.

  Not this time. I guess it’s part of my human side taking over.

  Out of sight, but not out of mind.

  “There’s no such thing as goodbyes; only temporary partings.”

  – Colt Harper: Esteemed Vampire Cat

  he hospital room is dark when I land. It takes me a while to realize I’m beneath a bed, the tiles cold on my skin.

  I slide out, relieved to find the room empty. I’ve never really been in a hospital before. I’ve seen them in my meat suit’s memories, and on TV, and what both failed to convey is its vibe.

  It has a sad one. My memories show fear and concern, but never sadness. I hate how sterile it is. I loathe the smell. Would it kill them to brighten up the place with some color or plants? Surely that would make people feel better.

  I make my way down the corridor, trying to sniff out Saffy. The nurses are looking at me suspiciously, but none of them could be bothered to question me. I haven’t worked out if that’s a good thing or not.

  I stop at a hospital phone hanging by the wall. I can’t stop thinking about Sean and how Brynn said he just wanted to tell his family he was okay: well, as okay as a guy can be when possessed by a vampire cat. I owe it to him to call his family, even though I have no idea what the hell I’m going to say.

  Without Sean in possession of his body, I can access all his memories. I scan through the years, sniggering when I see the awkward date between him and Brynn. Talk about a lack of chemistry. It’s more humiliating than a grown man admitting he’s a fan of Dance Moms.

  The memory confirms my suspicions. Brynn sensed that Sean was in danger of possession, but their sullied date put her off rescuing him.

  What a charming lass. It’s a little disconcerting what she’s going to do now that she’s a werewolf.

  Flicking through Sean’s memories, I find his parents
’ phone number. My fingers shake when I dial the number. What the hell am I doing? I mean, really. Nothing I say will make them feel any better.

  “Hello?”

  I breathe heavily. Great. Now I’m the creepy prank caller breathing into the phone. I just can’t bring myself to speak.

  “Hello?” The voice belongs to an older woman. It must be Sean’s mother. I really am a monster.

  “Just speak to her.”

  I flinch. Is that Sean?

  “She’ll recognize our voice.”

  I put the phone down for a second so I can speak to Sean. “Buddy! What are you still doing here? I thought you moved on! I’m kind of relieved to hear you again!”

  “I’m weak, Colt. I can’t hold on for a lot longer.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I should be dead. Brynn was right. I can’t survive in this body. You haven’t fed it right. It’s only alive because you’re in it. You know how you always thought a person had to be evil for you to possess it?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’ve mistaken evil for passion. All the forms who could handle you were accustomed to containing fiery passion.”

  “Then what were you passionate about? I never bothered to dig this deep.”

  “I was a firefighter. I was passionate about saving lives.”

  My heart sinks. “Can’t… can’t we merge? Maybe share the body somehow? Buddy, I don’t want you to leave.”

  “I really don’t have the strength to talk about this.”

  “Then take over. See if you can, even if it’s only for a minute. You should talk to your mom.”

  “I guess I can try…”

  I wait. There’s a tingle in my limbs as I allow Sean to take full control. I watch my arm rise, which is a little trippy considering I’m not the one moving it. My fingers wriggle, and then my hand slaps my face.

  I laugh, but it’s not my laughter. It’s Sean’s. Cheeky bastard.

  He picks up the phone and gently places it against his ear. He clears his throat and speaks.

  “Hey, Mom,” he says, a break in his voice.

  “Sean?” She’s hysterical. “Sean! Sean are you okay? Where are you?”