NOT SO Innocent (Bay Falls High Book 4)

by Jaxson Kidman

  “That wasn’t your decision to make, Ash.”

  “Well, prove to me you can make decisions then.”

  I scoffed. “Who the fuck are you to say that to me? You know what? Your bullshit with Them… I don’t care about it. I know Hil and Uly were really close once. I heard their music. And I know about your mother. So don’t act…”

  Ash jumped at me.

  I tried to step back but fell down to the sand.

  Right on my ass.

  And he stood over me.

  Ash’s amber eyes were wide.

  “You can hear and believe anything you want, Belle,” he said. “Maybe you should do the right thing and pack up and get out of here.”

  “Now you want me gone? Why? Because I’m able to figure you out, Ash?”

  “You know what you end up loving the most when you’re rich like me?”

  “What?”

  “Time,” Ash said. “Because that’s the one thing I can’t buy. I can’t buy time. I can only be amazed by time.” He crouched down. It reminded me of us in the hallway the first time I met him. “So take all the time you need, angel. This could be fun. Let’s find each other’s truths. Find those dirty secrets. You wanted a kiss? I wanted it more. That’s why I kissed you. Be careful who you think you’re fucking with. I know who you live with, Belle, and I don’t care how good of a doctor she is… we can make it so your heart will never be fixed.”

  He stood up and put his hand out for me to take.

  “Fuck you,” I said. “Beg me.”

  Ash laughed. “You’re going to make this fun.”

  He turned his head and the moon caught the part in his hair a certain way. There was something about it. That line… it wasn’t a part… it looked like a scar.

  I got to my feet on my own.

  I didn’t need his help.

  “You’re drunk, angel,” he said.

  “Hence the idiotness of myself to text you.”

  “Your head is drunk but not your heart,” he said. “You knew what you wanted.”

  “You showed up.”

  “Because I knew what I wanted.”

  “You got your kiss. Leave.”

  “Maybe I didn’t come for just a kiss.”

  I rolled may eyes. “Are you going to put cheap moves on me like Hil?”

  Ash’s nostrils flared. “Keep this between us.”

  “So you don’t like to share either? This could get interesting…”

  Ash closed in on me again.

  His put his body against mine.

  His chin rested on my head.

  My hands balled up into fists.

  “I just keep thinking about something, Belle.”

  “What?”

  “That red V… why would he do that to you? And what did it actually mean? Just how innocent or not are you?”

  My knees buckled a little.

  I exhaled a breath.

  I grabbed for Ash’s shirt but he had already started to move away.

  “How?” I whispered.

  “Doesn’t matter,” he said. “Just know… you’re more than chosen now, Belle.” Ash turned his head and nodded to the water. “Peaceful out there, angel. Almost wish I brought a board with me.”

  “You surf?”

  Ash grinned. “That I do. I also draw and paint. I’ve worked on a lot of tattoos too. None of my own though. How’s that for getting personal? You good yet?”

  The box of mystery that was Them was endless.

  I caught myself nodding.

  Ash blew me a kiss and I reached for it. Like a complete and totally obsessed fool.

  He vanished from the beach and I stumbled my way back to the house.

  My heart was racing so fast it was actually starting to make me feel sober. Like my body was working super-fast overtime to get the booze out of my head so I could think about everything with a clear mind.

  This shit was crazy.

  Uly and Hil were in a band together.

  And they were really good.

  Almost becoming famous.

  And then there was Ash.

  He had a clean cut look but was just as wild and mysterious.

  His look. His ink. His hairline… which sounded really dumb but that line was not meant to be there. Yet it looked really sexy on him.

  And he surfed? And he painted? And he did drawings? Designing tattoos?

  I was blinking so fast as I wandered through the house.

  When I heard a noise, I froze and looked over my shoulder.

  Jo was sitting in the kitchen.

  Right against the counter where I had just walked by.

  I hadn’t even seen her.

  I opened my mouth to say hey… and then come up with a million reasons why I actually wasn’t drunk.

  Jo’s phone lit up and the glow of the screen spread across her face.

  She looked at me.

  She was crying.

  “Jo, what’s wrong?” I asked. “Is my mother okay?”

  “Your mother is fine,” she said. “She’s going to be calling you sooner or later. About coming back home. That’s not why I’m sitting here.”

  “Then why are you sitting here?”

  “Because it’s my fucking house, Belle,” she said. “Do you want me to interrogate you as to why you were outside this late? Or why you’re stumbling around, obviously drunk? Or that you have friends over, sleeping in your room.”

  My face burned super-hot. I swallowed hard. “Sorry. I just haven’t seen you in a while. I wasn’t sure…”

  “This isn’t a family, Belle,” Jo said. “You and me. You here. You need to realize that right now. This is not a family. We’re not going to sit down at the dining room table and talk about things. Okay?”

  I nodded. “I know that. I just… BFH hasn’t been the easiest…”

  She laughed. “Of course not. You’re new. They can smell it on you. They’re going to come after you.”

  “Jo… you’re crying…”

  She wiped the wet lines of black mascara off her cheeks. “No, I’m not.”

  “That’s not fair,” I said.

  “Oh?”

  Shit. The booze is talking now…

  “What you’re doing here is not fair.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “Are you not living in a mansion instead of that shit apartment? Are you not driving one of my cars? Do I need to continue?”

  “You’re crying,” I said. “You’re alone. That’s not fair. To me. Or yourself.”

  “So this is where you try to slide into your old shoes, huh? I bet you sat with your mother after her latest boyfriend took off for good. I bet you held a bag of frozen peas to her face while she tried to convince herself it was all for the better.”

  “You’re a cunt,” I said.

  I quickly covered my mouth.

  She’s going to kick me out. But I can’t get kicked out. I need to know more about Them. I need the rest of the story…

  Jo touched her phone and turned the screen off. She then slid it away from her.

  “Sometimes there’s nothing you can do,” she said.

  “Meaning?” I asked.

  “Meaning exactly what I just said, Belle. You could be the best at what you do and sometimes… it just doesn’t work.”

  I moved toward Jo.

  My right hand touched the counter. For balance.

  Jo looked at me again. It was much darker now without her phone screen. But I could tell she was still crying.

  My brain finally started to compute what she was talking about.

  “You mean… surgery,” I whispered.

  “Emergency call came through,” she said. “It was just too much though, Belle. And that’s the way it goes. I did all I could. I refuse to give up but I know when to stop. There’s a very big difference there. And when that happens, there’s two feelings. Two different experiences that happen. The first is myself looking at someone I could not save. And then comes facing those who have to survive witho
ut that person. In this case it was a woman about your age. Nineteen. Twenty. Her father was the only real family she had. And that was that, Belle. Her father’s gone. She’s with a friend now, grieving. And I’m sitting here…”

  “Crying,” I whispered. “You don’t have to do it alone, Jo. I can’t say anything but I can be here.”

  I reached for her and she hurried to stand up.

  “Not going to happen, Belle,” she said in a clear voice. “I came home and sat for a minute to think. Thinking is over. It’s time to move forward. Because if I don’t, then the next person who needs me… won’t have me. Understand?”

  “Got it,” I said. “I’m really sorry that happened to you, Jo.”

  “Never be sorry for fate,” Jo said to me. “Don’t apologize for what you can’t control. That makes you look weak. Don’t be weak. Slap fate across the face and say I’m here, bitch.”

  “I’ll do that,” I said.

  “And sober up,” Jo said. “You’re not coming here to fuck up. I’m not dealing with Werthwood.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  Jo walked away.

  I went to my room.

  I had tears in my eyes.

  Just thinking about what she went through. To be a doctor and to try and save someone… to do all she could and have it not work…

  I crawled into my bed, more thankful than ever that I had Danica and Lizzy with me.

  Even if Lizzy was snoring.

  I stared at the ceiling again, just like I was before the whole Ash thing.

  I licked my lips.

  Uly had kissed me.

  Hil had kissed me.

  Ash had kissed me.

  I was the girl who only had one serious boyfriend. And when Danny moved away, it broke my heart. I never had anything serious after that. The closest was Gray, but I always knew it was going to end bad.

  So what was I now?

  The crazy girl who kissed the bad boys?

  What the fuck…

  Lizzy sucked in a snoring breath that shook the bed.

  “Shut the fuck up!” Danica called out. “Or I’m going to drown you in the ocean. Fuck!”

  Lizzy was suddenly silent.

  I turned my head and looked at the back of Danica’s head.

  I smiled.

  It was good to have friends.

  Because I had no idea what Uly, Hil, and Ash were… or would be.

  fourteen

  I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

  When it came to science, Mr. Gerald had the most monotone voice I ever heard in my life. He read from a book and spoke like the way a computer voice would read. He wore a dark brown suit, piss yellow shirt, and his head was almost cone shaped with freckles or moles or a growth across the middle - which was the bald spot on his head. He had hair on each side though. He kind of looked like a science project. Like if an alien humped a frog and had a baby.

  My face kept sliding down my hand.

  Then came my saving moment when the door opened after a quick knock.

  Miss Whitaker stood in the doorway and pointed to me.

  “I need to steal Miss Bablebit,” she said.

  I groaned as everyone looked at me.

  A handful decided to laugh at my last name.

  Mr. Gerald looked at me and I was already on my feet.

  I’d do anything to get out of his class.

  I had my bag over my shoulder and hurried to meet Miss Whitaker in the hallway.

  She smiled at me.

  I didn’t smile back at first. “Belle. Always call me Belle.”

  “What’s wrong with Bablebit?”

  “Seriously?”

  “Oh, because people called you Bablebitch, right?”

  “How did you…”

  “That one was easy to figure out.”

  “What was your nickname?”

  “That you’ll never know,” Miss Whitaker said. “But my first name is Lake. So I’ve heard a lot.”

  “Wait. Your name is Lake? Like a lake you swim in?”

  “So funny,” she said.

  “That’s… actually that’s cool. You look like a lake.”

  “Thanks, Belle,” she said. “So I’m all slimy, littered with lily pads and frogs?”

  “Speaking of frogs,” I said, “what is Mr. Gerald’s deal?”

  “Oh, he landed here a long time ago,” Miss Whitaker said without missing a beat. “Right around the time the dinosaurs were wiped out.”

  I laughed. “You’re quick.”

  “He’s got the most boring voice ever, doesn’t he?” she asked.

  “I’d rather swim in a dirty lake than hear him talk,” I said.

  Miss Whitaker put her hand out for me to slap. “And she brings it full circle. You’ve got a sharp mind, Belle.”

  I slapped five with her like we were seven years old.

  And we kept walking the halls of BFH.

  “So what do I owe… for getting me out of there?” I asked.

  “Some words,” she said. “What did you think of the word you chose? I know you took one.”

  “Shit,” I said. “I didn’t look. I got… distracted.”

  The entire time flashed through my mind.

  How I somehow went from Miss Whitaker’s class, to kissing Hil, to watching Hil and Uly fight, to drinking with Danica and Lizzy, to kissing Ash on the beach in the middle of the night…

  “You look like hell,” Miss Whitaker said.

  “Thanks for that.”

  She opened the door to her class and it was empty.

  All the lights were off except a lamp on her desk.

  “Hate the big lights,” she said. “They bother my eyes.”

  “This is cozy,” I said.

  “And I brought you coffee,” Miss Whitaker said.

  “You are my hero,” I said. “I’m… hungover.”

  “Nnnnoooo,” she said with a gasp.

  “Shut up,” I said. “It wasn’t my fault.”

  “Ah, right. Those damn water bottles that look like vodka.”

  “You’re really not like anyone else here,” I said. “You don’t fit in. Like me.”

  “Are you assuming that?” Miss Whitaker asked. “Or have you done some social stalking?”

  She sat down in her chair.

  I realized she was wearing another long dress. This one was dark purple. With very faint black stripes on it. Like she was some good girl, always covered up.

  “How many tattoos do you have?” I asked. “Besides the one I saw.”

  “What makes you ask that?”

  “You have a look about you. You come here hidden.”

  “I have four tattoos,” Miss Whitaker said. “One you can see. The other three you can’t.”

  “Oh,” I said, my face turning red.

  She pointed at me. “Don’t try to be so tough with me. I can see through it.”

  “But you are like me. How did you end up here?”

  “I just did, Belle,” she said. “But if you want the truth, fine. My father was a very successful businessman. He had a lot of money and when he passed, it all went to me. But I wasn’t going to live some snobby life though. I put myself through college and… well, ended up here.”

  “Because you didn’t get a book published?” I asked.

  Miss Whitaker laughed. “Sit. Have some coffee. Let’s talk words.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about for me,” I said. “I’m not some bookworm or anything like that. I just write stuff down.”

  “Because you’ve been through stuff,” Miss Whitaker said. “I respect that. And you’re good. Can I see your notebook?”

  “Seriously?”

  “Totally,” she said in a cocky tone.

  I couldn’t believe that I handed the notebook over to her.

  “There’s personal stuff in there,” I said. “Private stuff. So…”

  “I’m not going to make copies and hand them out,” she said.

  “Right. I just… do you know wh
o Ash is?”

  Miss Whitaker’s eyes lifted from my notebook to mine. “Why?”

  “He’s the one who stole a page from the notebook and brought it here. He told me he’s into art.”

  “Well, I’ve never seen him in this class before. Or any art class here. Not that there’s many.”

  Miss Whitaker flipped through the pages as I sipped the coffee.

  This was so much better than Mr. Gerald’s class.

  “I don’t know, Belle,” Miss Whitaker said. “This is good. It’s very open and raw. You’re not afraid in this notebook. ‘Fuck, how many times do I have to wash these fucking sheets to wash away your memory. You didn’t choose to leave but you still left.’”

  My face burned hot again. “That… I…”

  “No judgement,” she said. “This is fun to read.”

  “You’re not going to tell me to talk to someone you know to get stuff published, are you?” I asked. “I mean, no offense, but I don’t want you to try and live through me.”

  Miss Whitaker shut my notebook and tossed it to me. “Well, you’re just a bitch who’s full of herself.”

  I laughed. “Hearing you curse while you’re wearing that dress is so weird.”

  “So now you’re judging me?”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

  Miss Whitaker opened her desk drawer. “Since you did offend me… pick a word.”

  She handed me the BFH beanie and I stuck my hand into it.

  I pulled out a piece of paper.

  “I won’t lose this one,” I said.

  “Open it now.”

  “Do you really do this with everyone?”

  “All the time,” she said. “It’s one of my favorite things to do. Just to get the imagination going.”

  “I don’t need that,” I said.

  “I’ll be the judge of that.”

  “So now you are judging me.”

  “I’ll send you back to Gerald’s class…”

  “Fine,” I said.

  I opened the piece of paper.

  I laughed.

  I flicked my wrist.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Of all the fucking words,” I said.

  Miss Whitaker looked. “Heart.”

  “Heart,” I said.

  I opened my mouth but said nothing.

  After everything I’ve been through? All my mother did was try to give her heart away, hoping for happiness. I had my heart broken by Danny and then stepped on again by Grayson. And now I live with a woman who operates on hearts. And she had her heart broken because she lost someone on the operating table. And then there’s Them. Their hearts… my heart…