A Matter of Fate

by Heather Lyons

  I just know. It’s a no-brainer. The girl before me, the impossibly gorgeous Elvin girl, is none other than Callie. Jonah’s Callie. Ex-girlfriend Callie. Three-years-together Callie. Callie-who-lives-across-the-entirety-of-the-continent-and-was-told-never-to-contact-Jonah-again Callie.

  My heart smacks the inside of my chest like one of those huge drums in a marching band. Somewhere in my mind, I realize I ought not to spy on them, that I should say something right away, but my feet refuse to move, my mouth is unable to open. So I continue to watch, even though everything in me is screaming for me to run, because I know I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t see this. Something bad is happening here.

  She’s crying, which makes her look—unlike my own ugly brand of messy tears—like a delicate porcelain doll. It’s the kind of crying that instills immediate pity and a maternal urge to take care of her. And Jonah . . . he looks like someone cut off his right arm, like he’s in agonizing pain.

  He says something that brings her closer. She tugs at her hair and asks a question, exotic eyes pleading. He nods slowly, and the pain so clear on his face doubles. It devastates me to see him look like this. And it’s all the worse because his pain comes from this girl.

  Jonah says something else, something which softens her crying. Nearly his height, she looks right into his eyes and presses her long, graceful hands on his chest.

  He does not move away.

  Get the hell out of there. Right now, the little voice suddenly commands.

  But I don’t. I can’t.

  Her head drops onto his shoulder. As her eyes drift close, a small, contented smile forms across her perfect lips. His head dips until it rests against hers. And then he lifts a hand and strokes her hair in a very intimate gesture that I suddenly can imagine happening hundreds of times in the past.

  She has to be Callie. There’s no one else she can be.

  Her hands snake around his back, sliding under his T-shirt to skim the top of his jeans. I wait for him to flinch, to move away, but he doesn’t. And then, when she says something, his face turns just enough so it’s now resting in her hair, and even though I can’t see it, I know he’s kissing her, just a small one, right there on her head. In a place that he kisses me all the time, like it’s second nature. He’s kissing her the same way.

  Please leave, the little voice urges. You should not be seeing this.

  After what feels like forever, she pulls her head away to look him in his eyes. They don’t say anything—not a single word.

  They don’t need to talk, because they are kissing.

  And my heart stops beating.

  It starts small, just a brush really, but then it’s like something inside them switches on. He’s kissing her like he kisses me, with his heart, and each millisecond takes me closer to hell.

  This is my Jonah, the person I’d given my love and hopes of a future to, the person I’d literally dreamed of since I was a little girl.

  And he’s kissing her.

  Like a supercomputer, I calculate all possible scenarios of why my boyfriend, my Connection, my frigging fiancé, is kissing his ex-girlfriend, but all the answers come back to the simple fact that Callie, impossibly gorgeous and elegant Callie, is in Jonah’s arms, looking for all intents and purposes as if she belongs there. Like I’ve been the momentary interloper, not the other way around.

  They are beautiful together.

  My breath finally returns, only to disappear again as the distinct feeling of being kicked in my stomach strikes me strong and hard. And then I drag in a long gasp as I continue to stare in disbelief.

  It’s loud enough for them to hear, though. Callie finds me first, eyes widening in surprise. And then it’s Jonah’s turn to notice me.

  His arms drop from her like she’s on fire. His mouth opens, to say something—what exactly, I have no idea, but what can he say? What can he possibly ever say that would explain what I’ve just seen? And then I realize I can’t take hearing his voice, can’t handle any kind of explanation.

  “Don’t,” I gasp, my hand reaching out to steady myself on a tree as I stumble. The bark shudders below my fingers and then the tree explodes, sending branches and leaves in every direction.

  I trip over a chunk of bark behind me before catching myself. Jonah’s only a few steps away, frantic, saying something as he reaches for me. But I don’t want his words, so I shut them out.

  His hand comes within a half inch of mine before the fence next to us explodes. A large piece shoots toward him, startling him enough that he has to recoil in order to knock the slat down.

  I bolt.

  Giuliana is jogging down the front steps as I’m throwing open my car door. “Chloe! When did you get here?”

  I slam the door and peel out of the driveway. Everything in me, every last piece of dying matter, tells me to run.

  So I do.

  Chapter 46

  I find myself at the beach, parked next to Kellan’s car. I have no idea how he’s here when Giuliana is back at his house. And, frankly, I have no idea how I’m here, either, because the last half-hour is a blur.

  When I’d fled, something in me kept insisting that I needed to be with Kellan. Not the little voice—no, that kept telling me to go home and call Jonah to discuss what I’d just seen—but something infinitely deeper and more primal in me insisted that it was Kellan I needed to go to.

  For a half-hour, I’d resisted. But then flashes of all the times in the past I’d felt safe with him hammered at me. So, despite all of the progress I’d made in terms of my feelings for him over the last number of months, my body craves his presence and touch like a drug addict searching for relapse. It’s the worst idea ever, but I gave in and ran straight to my ex.

  My cell phone rings again for the zillionth time since I left Jonah’s house. I know it’s him—the one time I’d stupidly looked at the Caller ID, it’d said his name and showed his picture—but I cannot talk to him, cannot see him anymore, because parts of me are collapsing in on themselves.

  I throw the phone back into the car, slam the door, and lock it, as if this will keep Jonah at bay. Then I scramble down the cliffs, scraping my palms to the point where blood bubbles out in ragged paths. Not caring, not even fully feeling the sting as I clench my fists over and over again, I make my way to the water where he is surfing.

  I wait until I’m hip-high in the water before I scream Kellan’s name. It takes a few times before he notices me, and when he does, he’s so startled that he flips and crashes, disappearing under a break. Just when I’m tempted to do something incredibly stupid, like drain the ocean, his head bobs to the surface, eyes wide with surprise. He grabs his board and paddles closer until he can stand in the water.

  I’m at an absolute loss at what to say. I gasp like a fish drowning, wondering why it has to hurt so goddamn much to do basic things like breathing.

  “What are you doing out here?” he demands, but then pauses, close enough in range that I’m sure my emotions hit him as hard as a trailer truck going full speed into a brick wall. He grabs my arm with his free hand. “What’s going on?”

  I can’t answer. Instead, I sob uncontrollably. He leads me back to shore; my teeth chatter so hard I fear my jaw will crack. He tries to let go of me in order to get his towel, but I clutch at him so tightly he gives up trying. After a moment where I cry and chatter against his shoulder, he manages to grab the towel with one hand and then wrap it around me. Then he pulls me close, allowing me to soak in his body warmth. He doesn’t say anything for a good ten minutes; he simply holds me, allows me to weep, and gives me the safety and comfort I so desperately need.

  Finally, when the tears subside to dull, numbing lethargy, I ask in a surprisingly even yet hollow voice, “Tell me everything you know about Callie.”

  He is genuinely surprised at this first question. “You mean Callie Lotus?”

  I blink a couple of times, the supercomputer in my mind no longer working in overdrive. It has time to consider this bit of da
ta. Lotus. Lotus.

  Click. An association is made. Oh my gods. “As in . . . Astrid Lotus?”

  “You ought to ask Jonah about her. I’m sure he’d be more than willing to tell you anything you’d like to know.”

  I refuse to meet his eyes. “Please, Kellan.”

  “Can we at least go to the car? You’re soaking wet and it’s freezing out here.”

  I shake my head and burrow closer. Despite the numbness, I fear I’m going to fall apart at any second. I just want to hold off long enough to get the data I need from him.

  He sighs but doesn’t force the issue. “Then, yes. Astrid is her mother.”

  The computer in my mind whirls slowly, taking in this latest piece of information. And then, I’m back in Astrid’s office, asking her about the relationships before me. Had she known who I was when she’d seen me? Who I was to her daughter’s boyfriend?

  Slowly, I whisper, licking my salty lips, “What else?”

  “What is it specifically you want to know?” he asks softly.

  Ha. Is Callie sleeping with my boyfriend? “She’s an Elf?”

  “Yes.”

  I’m not embarrassed when my voice cracks. I’m beyond embarrassment. “So, she’s a Magical?”

  He answers hesitantly. “No.”

  “How is that possible, with a Magical for a parent?”

  He pauses. “Callie is adopted. Look, Chloe—this really is a conversation you should be having with Jonah.”

  I flinch at his brother’s name; this only adds to Kellan’s confusion. I ignore his suggestion, instead asking, “How serious are she and Jonah?”

  “Not at all, considering they broke up.”

  A hysterical laugh burbles past my lips. Did they ever really break up?

  “Why are you asking these things, C?”

  Although I knew it’s irrational and unfair to even think of asking him, I do so anyway. “Show me something. Anything that was theirs.”

  He practically recoils. “Are you insane?”

  So I beg him. And then I force the issue by surging into his mind. He reluctantly hands over a memory of a day when he and Jonah were at the beach, smiling as Callie called out to them to say some ridiculous word for the camera. Afterwards, she pressed many lingering kisses against Jonah’s lips, forcing Kellan to jokingly order them to knock it off.

  I pull out of his mind, even more numb than before.

  He then surges into me and I allow it, too shell-shocked to care about blocking anything. He flips through the last hour or so before I’d arrived at the beach, glancing through a scene of me standing at his door knocking, the wild flight of a drive to the bluffs, my series of near crashes, the revelation that I’d instinctively sought him out, and finally, of seeing his brother and Callie kissing passionately in his backyard.

  I close my own eyes against the memory. It wavers and then disappears, but he’s seen enough of it to get the general gist of the situation.

  Kellan pulls out and surprises me by holding me even closer. “I see,” he says gently.

  My mind teeters on the brink of blackness.

  After I’m buckled into his car and the heat is turned up to high, he says, “I need to go get my stuff, but I’ll be right back. I promise.”

  I stare out ahead of me, but my eyes and mind do not connect any dots. I have no idea what I’m seeing anymore. Worse, I don’t care.

  Kellan climbs back into the car, shutting the door. I hear the motion, but it’s so impossibly far away. I try to shift my eyes toward him, but they slide, no longer focusing on any particular objects. I think he’s worried—somewhere in my mind, it tells me that. He’s so scared for you, the little voice frets, but it’s fading.

  I want to reach out and grab Kellan, to hold on, but I’m no longer able to control any actions at all. All I see and feel is impenetrable blackness, and I when I let go, I gratefully welcome it, letting myself fall into a vast abyss of nothing.

  Chapter 47

  Although my bedroom is mostly dark, I can make out Kellan in a chair by the window. He’s sleeping, legs kicked up on my desk. But when I sit up and the bed creaks, he jerks awake. I apologize, voice hoarse, but he waves this off and comes over to sit next to me. And then he allows me to hold his hands: warm and calloused and comforting.

  “Did you drive me here?”

  “We took a magic carpet,” he teases, squeezing my fingers. My mouth cracks slightly upwards and he rolls his eyes. “Of course. Don’t you remember?”

  I search through only the freshest of memories—yes, I vaguely recall being led to his car. I nod and then think some more. “My car?”

  “Lizzie and Graham went to get it for me. It’s in your driveway.”

  “Did you . . . go with them?”

  “No, hon. I stayed here with you.”

  Despite everything, despite knowing my heart had been shattered by his brother that afternoon, he allows me to crawl into his arms without hesitation or question. “Thank you. For everything.”

  “Chloe,” he says gently against my hair, “like I was going to leave you. You are so dense sometimes.”

  “You saw . . . .” I shake my head. “You stayed.”

  Beneath my ear, his heartbeat speeds up. Finally, “If you need me, I will always be here for you.”

  These words mean more to me than he’ll ever know. I press my face harder against him, clutch at his shirt tighter. He is my anchor. He is my strength. He is here, for me, and even though I don’t deserve it, I take it.

  When my cell phone rings an hour later, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know who’s calling. I try my best to ignore it, to talk right over the distinctive ringtone or to burrow my head closer to Kellan’s chest and focus on his heartbeat, but it’s persistent.

  Ring after ring, minute after minute, pausing only to start a new cycle. When I can’t take another ring, I take the coward’s way out: I ask Kellan to answer it.

  I feel, rather than see, his surprise. But he disentangles himself from me and goes over to where my phone is. He lays his hand on it and gives me a long look, one that demands absolute certainty.

  I know what this means, how it’s the equivalent of throwing a match into a barrel of gunpowder. And selfishly, horribly, I kind of delight in wondering how Jonah will feel discovering I’m with his brother. But then, it’s not like he has a leg to stand on, right? Considering he was making out with his ex-girlfriend just hours before?

  “Just don’t leave,” I say when Kellan moves toward the door. Because I don’t think I can handle being alone yet.

  He nods and rubs at his forehead. The phone goes silent for a good ten seconds before starting again. He waits until the third ring in this cycle before answering with a curt, “Yes?”

  I lay back down, stiff with tension, even as I inappropriately and gleefully find pleasure in knowing that Kellan is standing up to his brother for me. “You think I stole her phone or something? That that’s why she won’t answer? You’re such a dumbass sometimes, Jonah. She’s not answering because she doesn’t want to talk to you. And gee, I wonder why.” There’s a long pause before Kellan snaps, “You don’t need to fill me in on all the gory details. I’ve already seen them. How is Cal, by the way? She still there with you at the house?”

  Is there a way to block a name, like unwanted email from the confines of my mind? Because if there is, I definitely want to do it. I never want to hear Callie Lotus’ name ever again.

  Kellan’s quiet again, but the faint sound of Jonah’s voice on the other side of the phone carries through. It hurts, it hurts so, so much to hear his voice, even when it’s this soft and far away. “Frankly,” Kellan growls, “I really don’t care what your excuses are. As you’ve long told me, they’re none of my damn business.”

  My stomach flip-flops, sending a nasty gust of bile up to burn the back of my throat.

  “No, you may not come over.” Kellan pauses, his breath coming out harder. “I think it ought to be pretty clear that if she’s ign
ored your last ninety calls, it’s because she wants nothing to do with you right now. If you come over, you’ll have to come through me and Karl.”

  The urge to puke is so strong that I debate briefly whether or not to get up and flee to the bathroom or merely use my bedroom trash can.

  Jonah is yelling now, and his words, his voice, even as far away as they are on the other end of the phone, are too much for me. So I escape to the bathroom and throw up every last bit in my stomach. And then, I throw up some more, dry heaving until I sob from the intense pain. I hug the porcelain, gagging and wishing that I’d just wake up from this nightmare.

  Yesterday, I was in love. How did this happen? How did I get here?

  The doorknob jiggles, but a quick glance shows I’d instinctively locked it when I ran in. Then come the knocks. “Chloe? Are you all right? Please let one of us in.”

  It’s Caleb. When did he get here?

  “Chloe?” It’s now Karl. “I will kick this door down if you do not open it for us immediately. I will give you to the count of three—”

  Caleb cuts him off. “Are you crazy? Why would you threaten her? Kellan! Give this man some compassion!”

  “Compassion!” Karl bellows. “I have plenty of it! It’s the only reason I didn’t kick Jonah’s ass this afternoon!”

  Hearing his name only triggers another series of gags.

  “Would you prefer to be left alone?” Kellan asks through the door. His voice is gentle. Loving. Worried. It nearly breaks me. “We could leave, if that’s what you want . . . .”

  “Leave her alone?” Karl yells, but he’s muffled quickly.

  I absolutely do not want Kellan to leave, but every time my mouth opens to tell him this, I feel like puking again.

  Caleb says, “Kellan, maybe you should go home . . . .”

  This gives me my voice. “Kellan, don’t you leave me!”

  The door swings open—I’m not sure if it’s because I willed it so or because Karl finally had his way. But it’s Kellan through first, and I collapse in his arms.