Gloria’s Secret

by Robin Alexander

  “Where?” Adrienne asked when she could breathe again.

  “We have our ways,” Allison said with a conspiratorial glance at Rory.

  Adrienne looked at me with worried watery eyes, and I just shrugged. We’re so screwed, I thought, and Adrienne nodded.

  “So what do y’all have planned for today?” I asked, dreading the answer.

  “We’re going low-key,” Blair said for the lot of them. “We’re going to spend the day on the beach relaxing so we’ll be ready to go tonight.”

  “Right,” Roslyn chimed in. “This is going to be an all-nighter.”

  Adrienne and I retreated to the bar after we set the wild crew up on the beach. It wasn’t even noon and we were craving something stronger than iced tea. I made us a peach daiquiri and wished I had a cigarette to go with it.

  “I hate to admit this,” Adrienne said, “but I’m really not looking forward to this party tonight.”

  “I understand. I’m so afraid that Rory is going to try and slurp tequila from my mother’s belly button.”

  Adrienne threw back her head and laughed, but my stomach turned at the mental image. “You and your family have made huge steps in mending your relationship, and you’re afraid one night will obliterate it all.”

  “In a nutshell.”

  “Although we’ve nicknamed them the wild crew, the girls know how to behave themselves.” Adrienne paused and took another sip of her drink, then said under her breath, “I hope.”

  “I think I might be getting too old for all this partying. I’d like nothing more than to spend the evening with you, Teddy, eating pizza and watching movies.”

  “You’re not getting old,” Adrienne said with a smile. “You’re becoming…domesticated.”

  My response died on my lips when Iris walked into the bar and pulled up a chair, yawning and rubbing at her neck. “I have a feeling that we’ll sleep away our honeymoon.”

  “Nerves making it hard to sleep?” Adrienne asked.

  “Teddy’s foot in my face made it impossible to sleep. That child travels all over the bed at night.”

  “Why isn’t he in his own bed?” Adrienne asked, beating me to it.

  “Bad dreams. I think he just needs to be close to someone right now, and I like that he comes to us, even if it’s with plastic trucks and an oversized bear,” Iris said with a smile.

  “Does he talk about the dreams?” I asked, feeling sorry for the little guy.

  “He claims that he doesn’t remember what they’re about. I think he just needs to know that there’s someone close and uses dreams as an excuse to get into bed with us. He may keep you two awake a lot when we’re gone.”

  “Don’t worry about us,” Adrienne said. “He’ll probably be exhausted by all the activities that we have planned.”

  I shot Iris an impish grin and said, “Running with scissors, skydiving, swimming with sharks while wearing meat swimsuits, and—”

  “Shut it, Hayden,” Iris said as she turned her attention to Adrienne. “Can you…use your ting to hear Teddy’s thoughts? I…I want to make sure he’s happy.”

  “You know I’m not completely accurate.” Adrienne took Iris’s hand. “But if I spend some time with him alone, maybe I can get a good picture. If he’s not doing anything right now, maybe me and Hayden could take him for a swim.”

  An hour later. Adrienne and I were walking down the beach with Teddy. We’d taken the Jeep up the road away from the inn so that Teddy wouldn’t get a glimpse of the naked women sunning themselves on our beach. We also wanted to be alone with him, so Adrienne could hear his thoughts without disruption.

  He looked so cute in his new swimsuit—long navy blue board shorts covered in leaping white dolphins. Iris and Colie had taken him shopping in Nassau the day after he came to live with them. He now had clothing, food, and all the things a child his age wanted.

  As had become the routine, we’d wade out into the water hand and hand. When it began to get intimidating for him, he’d climb onto my back, and I’d get him used to the deeper water. He clutched my hand tighter as the water rose up to his chin, then looked up at me with the unspoken request.

  “All aboard the SS Hayden,” I said as I lowered myself into the water.

  A mini man of few words, Teddy climbed on and screamed with delight as I cut through the sparkling waters. Adrienne watched from the surf with a grin on her face as we played.

  “So you like your new room?” I asked.

  “Yes, ma’am,” was the reply, no elaboration. I was going to have to try harder.

  “What’s your favorite toy?”

  “T-rex and Raptor.”

  “Dinosaurs,” I said with a growl. “Do they bite?”

  “Not me,” he said with a giggle.

  “Do you bite them?”

  “No, ma’am,” he said with a full-blown laugh.

  “Can we make them bite Adrienne?” I said, lowering my voice conspiratorially.

  He lowered his voice, as well, and said, “uh-huh,” before laughing again.

  “I like T-rex and Raptor, too, then.”

  I gave my swimming lesson, and when he grew tired, we went to the beach for snacks. As he munched on an apple beside Adrienne, I left them to swim laps. I focused on the water and tried to think only of it. Due to our bond, Adrienne said she could hear my thoughts louder than most. I tried to empty my mind so she could focus her attention on Teddy.

  When I could no longer tread water, I floated on the surface and watched a kite surfer make his way across the water. He was tethered to a chute akin to something a cliff diver would use. On his feet was a board that sailed smoothly over the water’s surface like a ski, and when a gust of wind would catch the sail, it would lift him high into the air. It looked like so much fun that I found myself thinking about trying it. And then I got a mental picture of myself hanging upside down in a palm tree or taken by the wind out to sea. I decided then that just watching was probably best for me.

  When I felt enough time had passed, I made my way back to the beach. Adrienne and Teddy were splashing in the surf. Teddy would run at Adrienne and she would lift him up and toss him back into the water. Other times, she’d let him tackle her. I listened to their laughter with a smile on my face and was reminded of the conversations we had about having a child of our own. Teddy was easy to love, but I wondered if sharing a child with Iris and Colie would be enough. Would she be satisfied with that? Would I?

  That random thought shook me and I froze in my tracks. Would I? Did I want a child of my own with Adrienne? I allowed myself to wonder what it would be like to have a little version of her running around. She turned and looked at me then, her face blank as if she were awaiting my answer. Yes! my mind screamed before I could control it.

  “Shit!” I said aloud, even though she was too far away to hear it, she was there in my mind and threw her head back laughing.

  I realized what I’d committed myself to in that split second, then reconsidered the whole kite-surfing thing. Perhaps it was best I be dragged off to sea. I wasn’t really sure that I had it in me to handle feedings at all hours of the night, and oh, God, the stuff that those tiny creatures deposited into their diapers. But I suppose what really scared me the most was the vulnerable feeling that being responsible for another life would bring.

  Adrienne knew my inner turmoil and gave me time to cope with it in my own way. She didn’t mention anything when I joined her on the beach, but the way her face glowed was evidence that she knew we were going to take this next step, even though I was terrified.

  We found Iris in the bar with Sarah cleaning up after lunch. The gang had come in to eat, some of them still naked, then went back down to the beach, Iris said as she sank down into one of the chairs. We kept the conversation light as Adrienne and I helped Sarah restock the bar for the evening, then we forced her to take the afternoon off, so she would be ready for the party.

  “Did Teddy enjoy his swim?” Her eyes sparkled when she mentioned his nam
e.

  “He did, but he was real pissed off about the nap Colie made him take,” I said as I joined her on the chaise lounges. Adrienne joined me on my lounge and leaned against me. Iris looked at her with apprehension. Probably very afraid of what she’d hear next.

  “He misses his mom,” Adrienne said. “He told me that. I’m not sure if he has a grasp on what death really means.”

  I watched Iris’s eyes cloud over and her lips twitch as it sank in.

  “He’s also very happy where he is and is almost afraid it will all go away. He didn’t tell me that, but from what I could make of his thoughts, he thinks Marta might come back for him. Part of him doesn’t want that to happen.”

  Iris clutched her chest and let out a sigh that bordered on a groan.

  Adrienne reached over and rubbed Iris’s shoulder. “He’s a baby,” Adrienne reminded softly. “No one has ever taken the time to talk to him, to hear what he has to say until now. He feels important for the first time.”

  Iris nodded and looked away. “I ache for that boy. I just want him to be happy and feel safe.” Iris sniffed and looked back at us. “It will take time, I know.”

  “Want to know what else he told me?” Adrienne asked.

  Iris nodded and looked away.

  “He loves when you read to him at night and kiss his head when you tuck him in. I didn’t need to pick his brain for that, he told me himself.”

  A faint grin tugged at the corners of Iris’s mouth. “Then how come he fusses when I do it?”

  “No kid is going to go down without a fuss,” I said. “You know that from experience.”

  “That I do,” Iris said with a contented smile.

  Adrienne reached over and pulled Iris in for a hug. “He’s happy…a little confused, but happy. You and Colie are doing a wonderful job, he feels loved.”

  “I don’t want to leave him,” Iris said as she dabbed at her eyes.

  “Well, you can’t take him on your honeymoon. It would put a major damper on the sex fest that you two freaks are going to have,” I said, earning a slap from Adrienne and Iris. “Me and Teddy have big plans, so you’re going to have to leave him here. But I will say this now, you can’t hold me responsible for anything he may say or do when you get back.”

  “I’m going to take a nap with my boys before I’m tempted to beat you, girlie.” Iris shook her finger at me. She hugged Adrienne and told her how much she loved her. Then she grabbed me and squeezed. “I love you, too…jackass.”

  The afternoon passed quickly as Adrienne and I made last-minute preparations. After everything was set up to our satisfaction, I showered and took the Jeep over to the Hideaway to pick up my mother and Wanda with great trepidation. This party would truly test our mended relationship, and I prayed the bond would hold.

  All hopes were dashed when Mom met me at the door with her contribution to the party. I loaded the two boxes of hurricane mix into the Jeep with a feeling of dread. The famous drink was known for making the sanest people become blithering idiots, and I wondered what effect it would have on the wild crew. Perhaps none at all; they’d no doubt developed some sort of immunity to alcohol during their visit. Mom and Wanda were a different story…and maybe that was a good thing.

  “Want me to drive?” Mom asked with an evil grin.

  “Umm…” I looked at Wanda, whose eyes flew open wide. She shook her head begging me to say no.

  “Why not?” I tossed the keys to Mom and climbed into the passenger’s seat. Wanda climbed in behind me, cursing under her breath, and I had to laugh out loud.

  “What’s so funny?” Mom looked between the two of us.

  “I love you, Mom, but you’re the worst driver I’ve ever seen.”

  Wanda slapped me across the head. “And you just gave her the keys.”

  Mom hopped into the driver’s seat, turned the engine, and looked over at me. “Worst driver, huh?”

  She slammed the Jeep into gear, popped the clutch, and we sprang onto the road like a rabbit being chased by hounds. She laughed like a hyena and drove on what could be loosely termed the shoulder of the road, letting the foliage slap Wanda and me. And then she screamed the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard cross her lips: “Who’s ya momma now?”

  We came to a stop in a power slide not far from the bar. The three of us were laughing so hard we could barely get out of the Jeep. Mom made a beeline to the bathroom to fix her makeup that had begun to run with her tears. Wanda and I approached Adrienne on shaky legs, each with a box of hurricane mix, as she stood there watching us with one eyebrow cocked up into her hairline.

  “Shit fire! It’s hurricanes,” Allison yelled as the crew filed into the bar.

  Sarah and I prepared the concoction in a huge tub filled with ice and emptied full bottles of rum, vodka, and gin in with the potent mix. The crew stood around us like a pack of dogs waiting for scraps.

  Adrienne made the introductions after Mom had reapplied her makeup. Iris’s two daughters arrived shortly after and the process began again. By that time, the hurricane tub was finished, and everyone was acquainted and ready to drink.

  Adrienne and I reminded everyone to take a break from the alcohol and eat from the endless piles of food stacked on the buffet table. The food, however, didn’t disappear as fast as the hurricanes, and I soon found myself making another batch.

  Poor Iris was made to wear a wedding veil laden with condoms and a necklace of plastic penises. I doubt she would have consented if it hadn’t been for the power of vodka, rum, and gin. Gifts were bestowed upon her by the wild crew, lingerie that would make a stripper blush, lubricants of every flavor, and a vibrator in a smart travel case that had Iris in tears of laughter.

  “I could have used dis a long time ago,” she said, holding up the vibrator for the crowd to see.

  Mom sat beside Iris, writing down who gave what gift. At first, her face turned crimson as she began making entries into a book. After a while, though, she no longer seemed embarrassed. She no doubt attended many wedding showers, and I’d be willing to bet there were hurricanes at every single one.

  Music filled the bar, and the crowd began to dance. I took Sarah’s place at the bar so she could join in on the fun. Adrienne soon joined me and we watched as Iris, along with my mother and Wanda, shook their money makers. Iris’s daughters, Elaina and Nicole, were a little slower to join the mix, but Sarah and a few others coaxed them onto the floor.

  The next song that came on had a loud siren blaring, and the wild crew stopped dancing and looked to the entrance of the bar. Everyone else noticed the action and followed their gazes. A man in a very poor excuse for a policeman’s uniform walked into the bar and put his hands on his hips.

  “Oh, my God, Hayden,” Adrienne exclaimed and grabbed my arm. “It’s the fake Obeah man!”

  Adrienne and I laughed hysterically, earning us a frown from Baba bed sheet-turned-stripper.

  Nevertheless, he held his baton over his head and began swinging his skinny hips. He moved slowly toward Iris, who was laughing as hard as we were. “I’m gonna have to give you a citation,” he said with a strong Caribbean accent. “You’re too hot, woman.”

  He backed Iris up to a chair and forced her to sit down as he whipped out a pair of handcuffs.

  “You’re a crazy fool if you tink you’re gonna get those on me,” Iris said with a laugh. Heedless of her warning, Baba was assisted by Rory and managed to get Iris’s hands cuffed behind her.

  I looked over at Mom, who had joined in on chanting, “Take it off,” with the other women, and wondered who she was. The woman I knew as composed and somewhat refined was sweating and yowling like some hedonistic freak, with her daughter-in-law right beside her doing the same thing.

  “This ole island changes you,” Adrienne and I quoted Iris in unison as we watched.

  The music began once again and Baba went to town. He shook his miniscule ass in Iris’s face as he unbuttoned his shirt, then he turned and opened it wide, revealing his pigeon ches
t. Iris was anything but turned on, instead laughing uncontrollably, but Baba was undaunted.

  “I hope he wore deodorant,” Adrienne said as Baba took his shirt off and waved it around Iris’s face.

  Iris’s daughters had a video camera that they passed back and forth when one couldn’t see through tears of laughter.

  I watched as Baba began working his pants. “If he’s not wearing some sort of underwear, I may have to leave.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Adrienne said without taking her eyes from the spectacle.

  I wasn’t really sure, but I thought strippers typically wore breakaway pants that came off with a good yank. Baba hadn’t gotten the memo and had to sit on Iris’s lap, take off his shoes, and strip off the pants one leg at a time. When he stood, wearing only a tiny yellow banana hammock, Adrienne and I exchanged bewildered glances.

  “Are those grapes?” Adrienne asked, looking away for a split second.

  The front of his thong was stuffed with something besides little Baba and the boys.

  Iris turned away as he reached into the front of his skimpy apparel, pulled out a string of beads, and attempted to hang them around her neck until he noticed the look on her face.

  “What are those?” I asked Adrienne.

  “Anal beads.”

  “Anal what?”

  “Yeah,” Adrienne said, looking at me like I was an idiot. “They stimulate the—”

  “Stop,” I said. “Wait, how do you know about them?”

  “Don’t ask if you’re not prepared for the answer.” She smirked.

  The grand finale was Baba straddling Iris’s lap and trying to plant a kiss onto unwilling lips. Rory gave him a pat on the back and whispered something in his ear. He stood and took a bow as the crowd applauded his efforts. He was thoughtful enough to at least put his pants back on before having a few drinks with the crew, after which, he was paid quite well and went on his way.

  Sometime after midnight, Iris caught me by the ear, stopping me in my tracks. “If you ever let me be handcuffed again, you get da skillet, girlie.”

  “It wasn’t my idea, but I sure as hell wish it would’ve been,” I said when she let me go.