Burning Rage

by Anne Welch

  "It's about time."

  "What do you mean about time?"

  "That you admit to yourself how much you love Rach."

  Before he could answer his sister, the doctor came in. Jay stood up and nervously wiped his hands on his pants. It was the same ER doctor who had treated Blake.

  "She had a severe concussion and a few cuts and bruises. We want to keep her a few days for observation, but she should make a full recovery."

  Jay almost dropped to his knees with relief. He shook the doctor's hand and thanked him.

  "Can I see her?" he asked.

  "We are waiting to move her to a room now, but you can go back there and sit with her," the doctor told him.

  "Go ahead; we will wait here," Grace said, hugging him.

  He followed the doctor through the trauma doors and opened the curtain he pointed to. Rachel looked so small on that bed. Her head was bandaged and so were her hands. They'd cleaned the dust off her and he could see the bruises pelting her body. Her eyes were closed but, when he sat beside her, she opened them.

  "Jay?" she whispered groggily.

  "You scared the hell out of me, baby." He leaned over and gave her an easy kiss on the lips. "Don't ever do that to me again, okay?"

  "I'm fine; just a little headache is all," she told him, reaching up to touch his face with her bandaged hands.

  "I love you so much, Rach."

  "I love you, too, Jay."

  "Stay with me?" she asked as her eyes were drifting closed.

  "I'm not going anywhere, baby. Rest."

  Chapter Eleven

  Rachel opened her eyes and immediately shut them. The bright light made her head pound. For a minute, she struggled to remember what happened, but then it all came back to her. She was at the firehouse, making coffee, when an explosion happened. She remembered being trapped and struggling to breathe.

  "Rach, hey, Rach. It's okay; you are fine. You're in the hospital. Open your eyes."

  She did what she was told and the room was darker now. She was in the hospital. Slowly, her surroundings came into focus.

  "Gracie?"

  "Yeah, it's me."

  "When did you get here? How long have I been out? Where's Jay?" She bombarded her friend with questions.

  "You've been in and out since the accident. Zach and I got back yesterday and came straight here. I made him take Jay to his apartment to rest a few hours. He was by your side all night and he was exhausted."

  "I'm so glad you're back," Rach told her friend.

  "Me, too, sweetie. So, you and Jay? Is that what you were going to talk to me about, the other day?"

  "I love him so much, Grace."

  "But?"

  "I'd be lying, if I didn't admit I am scared."

  "I've never seen him like this, Rach, with anyone. I know he loves you; just be patient with him. This is all new to both of you."

  "Both of us?" she questioned her friend.

  "I say this with all the love in my heart but, honey, you don't do serious relationships, either," Grace replied as she sat down beside her on the bed. "I think it's because, like Jay, you had to grow up way too fast and, let's face it, neither one of you had an easy go of it. There are only a handful of people either one of you trust enough to get close to."

  As much as Rachel wanted to argue with her friend, she couldn't, because she was right. She'd lost her mother at such a young age and never knew her father. Maybe that's why she and Jay were drawn to each other. The room to her door opened and the nurse came in to check her vitals. Grace hugged her and moved off the bed. She excused herself from the room to call Zach and give her some privacy to be examined. The nurse placed the blood pressure cuff on her arm and checked her temperature.

  "Everything looks good. The doctor's ordered an ultrasound to check the baby. It's just more of a precaution; nothing to worry about."

  "What do you mean, baby? I'm not pregnant," Rachel told the nurse, shaking her head.

  There was no way she could be pregnant. She was on birth control, and the only person she'd ever not used a condom with was Jay. Oh, God! What would he think? They just decided to make a real go of their relationship. There was no way he was ready for this.

  "You didn't know? I'm sorry to tell you like this but I have your test results here."

  Rachel could tell the nurse felt terrible about her finding out like this but she was in total and utter shock. She racked her brain and couldn't remember missing her cycle; it was always like clockwork. An older woman, who appeared to be in her forties, came in her room dragging a machine behind her. She was explaining the process of the ultrasound to Rachel, but she didn't really hear her. She felt the cool gel being put on her abdomen and felt the wand move across her. She was on the verge of a panic attack, when she heard the woman speak.

  "There's your little one. You see that little dot right here?" she said, pointing at the screen. "That's your baby. Everything appears to be fine. I would say you are about four to five weeks along."

  Rachel stared at the screen and slid her hand protectively over her abdomen. She was pregnant and there was her baby. Hers and Jay's. It happened the night of Grace's wedding, their first night together. The ultrasound tech handed her a printout of her little peanut and left the room. The nurse told her the doctor should be by soon to release her to go home. She was scared, but once she saw the baby on the monitor, she felt happy, too. Her only hope was that Jay would be happy, too, and not leave them.

  ***

  Zach had to all but carry him out of Rachel's hospital room. Jay didn't want to leave her. But his brother-in-law insisted he needed a few hours' sleep and a shower. The only reason Jay agreed to come home is because Grace agreed to stay with Rach. He took a shower, shaved and slept for a couple of hours. Now, he was ready to go back to the hospital. Mike called him earlier to let him know Carson went on the rampage because, after being a coma for months, his young son died. Jay could almost feel sorry for the guy. He admitted to everything and would be pleading guilty. Despite the millions of dollars in damage, there was only one death. Everyone in the fire station lived.

  He sat on the bed and pulled his black boots on. He was ready to see Rachel. Grace called from the hospital and said she was awake and the doctor should release her to come home. Jay walked in the kitchen and found Zach sitting at the kitchen table.

  "Hey, man, you look better."

  "I feel better, but I'm ready to see Rachel."

  "Let's go."

  Less than twenty minutes later, he was walking through Rachel's hospital room door. She was sitting up in the bed talking to Grace. When she turned to look at him, a huge smile spread across his lips. He went over to her and kissed her lips softly. Grace slapped him on the shoulder and left the room. He carefully sat beside Rach on her bed and gently brushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her more deeply this time.

  "Hey," he whispered, rubbing his finger across her bottom lip.

  "Hey, yourself." She rubbed her fingers across his newly shaven face. "I like it."

  "How are you?"

  "I'm ready to get out of this place."

  "Let me see what I can do." He kissed her again and left her room.

  He went to the nurse's station and found out the doctor had signed Rachel's discharge papers, so she was free to go. The nurse handed Jay the follow-up paperwork in a sealed envelope and he stuck it in his back pocket. He arranged a little surprise for Rach before they left the hospital. He got a wheelchair from the nurse and parked it in front of Rachel's bed.

  "Your ride, my lady."

  "My hero."

  Jay carefully helped her dress in the sweats he'd brought for her. He picked her up and sat her in the wheelchair slowly so he wouldn't jar her head too much. He knew with the concussion she had, the lights could bother her so he placed his sunglasses over her eyes. He released the brakes and wheeled her towards the elevator. He'd texted Grace and Zach to let them know he would be taking Rachel to his place so he could take care of
her. He rolled her in the elevator and instead of going to the parking garage, he hit the 4th floor.

  "Where are you taking me?"

  "Be patient. It's a surprise," he told her, kissing the top of her head.

  They got off the elevator and he pushed her down the hall to room 457. He knocked lightly on the door and pushed Rachel inside. The look on her face said it all.

  "Blake!"

  He helped her stand so she could sit on his bedside. He knew she needed to see for herself that he was recovering, and Blake needed to see her. He was a good friend to Rachel. He looked pale but better than he had a few days ago. He couldn't speak above a whisper but that would get better.

  "Hey, partner, you okay?" he heard Rach ask.

  "I'm doing good, what about you?"

  Jay stood back and let them visit with each other for a few minutes before he ushered Rachel out of the room. He promised he would bring her back to visit in a day or two, once she had time to recover. Thankfully, she didn't argue with him. After a stop at the hospital pharmacy, he helped her into his SUV and buckled her in. He ran through a drive-through and got them a couple of burgers and Cokes to take to his place. He hadn't had a chance to get groceries.

  She didn't argue with him when he parked in front of his place. They sat at his table and quietly ate their burgers. Jay could tell her head was bothering her and he gave her a pain pill to take. After they ate, he carried her to his bedroom. He pulled back the covers and made her get in. He made sure the lights were low and the curtains were shut so the light would not bother her.

  "Jay."

  "Yeah, babe."

  "Will you stay with me?"

  "I'm not going anywhere," he said as he toed off his boots.

  He crawled in bed and pulled her close to him, her back to his front. He wrapped his arms around her and whispered to her, "Rest now, baby, I have you."

  Chapter Twelve

  Her head was still pounding but her hands were healing nicely. Rachel had been staying with Jay for almost two weeks now and the guilt was eating her up. She knew she needed to tell him about the baby. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. He'd been taking such good care of her. She loved being here with him. It felt so right. She'd made up her mind to tell him, tonight. He was in court all day today, so he wouldn't be back home until later. She spent the rest of the day cleaning up his apartment and attempting dinner. Since cooking was not her forte, she made a grilled chicken salad.

  She took her time and applied some make-up. Since she'd been wearing mostly sweats, she chose a royal blue dress for tonight. For some reason, when Jay took her to get clothes the other week, she'd packed this dress. She had the table set when he got home. That man was sexy in a pair of tight jeans, but today, he had on a form fitting navy suit. His thick black hair was slicked back and his face was sporting a five o'clock shadow.

  "Like what you see, baby?" He pulled her in for a deep kiss.

  He nipped at her bottom lip until she opened for him. He drove his tongue in her mouth and pulled her against him. She felt his erection pressing against her belly and she nearly came right there. He placed his hands on her thighs and lifted her until her back hit the couch. She grabbed a handful of hair and pulled his mouth closer to hers. She couldn't get enough of him. He lifted her dress over her hips and opened his zipper.

  "I can't wait, baby."

  "Don't make me wait."

  He reached down and ripped her underwear off. She spread her legs wide for him and he entered her. Hard and fast. He pounded so hard, they moved the couch. She reached her climax in a matter of minutes and he came right behind her. He leaned into her, breathing heavily in her ear.

  "That's the second pair of underwear you owe me," she told him as she placed a soft kiss to his mouth.

  "You should just stop wearing them altogether."

  He fixed his pants and helped her off the couch. He took her to the bedroom and they made love, slower, this time. He wrapped her in his arms, where she wanted to stay forever.

  Rachel tried but just couldn't sleep. She didn't want to wake Jay so she pulled on one of his t-shirts and went to the kitchen for a bottle of water. She had to tell him, and she would, tomorrow. She placed her hand on her abdomen and prayed Jay would be happy about the baby.

  ***

  When she woke up the next morning, Jay wasn't in bed with her. She padded down the hall and saw him dressed for work, sitting at the kitchen table. There was an envelope in front of him, and he had this blank stare on his face.

  "Jay, you all right?"

  "When were you going to tell me, Rachel?" he asked and slid some papers in front of her.

  She saw her hospital discharge papers with the number to follow-up with an OBGYN. Shit, shit, shit. She didn't want him to find out like this.

  "I was going to tell you, Jay, I promise."

  "When? I thought you were on birth control. How did this happen?"

  "I am," she replied.

  "I have to go to work. I need time to think," he told her and walked towards the front door.

  "Jay, please don't leave like this. Let's talk," she pleaded with him.

  To her utter dismay, he didn't say another word. He just left, and her heart sunk. She knew it was a shock but she couldn't believe he just left. She tried to text him and call him, on and off, all day, but he didn't respond. She couldn't stay there any longer. She got her bag and purse and went home to her apartment. She would give him all the time he needed, even if it broke her heart.

  ***

  Jay reached out and knocked on the wooden door in front of him. His sister opened the door and pulled him in a hug. Then she slapped his shoulder.

  "What did you do to Rachel?" she chastised him.

  "She told you?"

  "No, she didn't tell me, but I could tell she was hurting when I talked to her on the phone today at her apartment. I thought she was staying with you."

  "I think I messed up, Gracie, I need your help."

  "Sit down, I'll make coffee."

  He pulled out a stool and sat down at the breakfast bar and watched his sister make a pot of coffee for them.

  "What do you remember about Mom and Dad?" he questioned his sister.

  "They were great parents. Mom was the best baker and always smelled so good. Dad was always kind and supportive of me. He used to read me those princess stories at night, when I was little." She paused. "But then there were times when I was sitting in my room and heard them arguing. Dad always accused mom of cheating and vice versa."

  "You heard them?" Jay asked, shocked. "I didn't think you knew about the arguing. I tried to protect you from it."

  "Oh, Jay, I know you did. I also know you gave up so much for me, and I will never be able to repay you, as long as I live." She reached across the bar and squeezed his hand.

  "I never regretted doing it, Gracie, please believe that," he said, squeezing her hand back.

  "I know. So, what brought all this on?"

  "Rachel's pregnant."

  "Are you serious? I'm going to be an aunt!" She danced around the kitchen. "Wait, what did you say to her?"

  "She didn't tell me; I found out by accident and I told her I needed some time."

  "She tells you she's pregnant and you tell her you need time?" she said, punching his arm.

  "I never wanted to be a father, Gracie. I'm scared I'll screw the kid up."

  "Listen to me. She's scared, too. But you are not our dad and Rachel is not our mom. You will be a great father. You raised me, Jay, and I didn't turn out so bad, did I?"

  No, she didn't. Grace was such an amazing person and he had something to do with that.

  "I really messed up, huh?"

  "That's what being in love is about. Look how long it took me and Zach to get it right." She grabbed his arm and led him to the door. "Now, go fix this." She kissed him on the cheek and pushed him out the door.

  ***

  Jay navigated his SUV around downtown until he arrived at Rachel's apa
rtment building. He skipped the elevator and took the stairs to her apartment. When he got there, he knocked on the door and prayed she answered. He heard the chain slide out of the lock and the door opened. There she stood, in a t-shirt and pair of shorts. Her eyes were still black around the edges from the concussion, but she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

  "Can I come in, please?" He would beg her, if she asked him to.

  She motioned for him to come in and shut the door behind him.

  "I'm so sorry, Rachel. I was scared, and I just needed some time. But I should have never walked out that way." He reached for her hand and she let him take it. He led her over to the couch and sat down.

  "I'm scared, too, Jay. I never knew my father and I lost my mom at a young age."

  "I know, baby."

  "You just walked out. How do I know you won't do that again? It's not just me, now."

  He watched her as she began pacing the floor. He would beg, plead, whatever he had to do to fix this.

  "My parents had a messed-up marriage. They were good people but not good together. They fought and I tried to my best to protect Gracie from it," he began.

  This was so hard for him to share with anyone. Part of it, his sister knew, but not all of it. If it was going to work with Rachel, he had to tell her everything.

  "The day my parents were killed, they were coming to my football game. I'd talked to my mom that morning and I could tell she and dad had a fight about something. I should have told them to stay home, but I was starting that day and I wanted them there to watch me."

  He felt relief when Rachel sat beside him so he continued. "I gave mom a guilt trip and she gave in to go, but they never made it." He began to cry.

  "So, all these years, you've blamed yourself for their death? Jay, that's not on you. It was an awful accident."

  "I guess a part of me died then. I was afraid to let anyone too close." He took her hands in his.