ROCK STAR

by Daiko, SC

“Didn’t wanna dampen anyone’s spirits. Mom’s doing great now, thank God.” My body had suddenly turned cold. “But it might take up to a year for her blood counts to get close to normal and for her immune system to work well.”

  “Jeez.” Camila reached across and rubbed my shoulder. “That sucks.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Hayley said, adding her hand to Camila’s.

  “Life, eh?” I felt the familiar sting behind my eyelids.

  Don’t cry!

  Our server arrived and placed our orders in front of us. I took a sip of my latte. “I’m going back to work with the band next week,” I said for something to say.

  Camila shot me a stern look. “Axel loves you, Phoenix. I saw the way he behaved around you. I know I didn’t express it well in Glastonbury.” She exhaled a long breath. “I’ve known him since ChiMera made it big in the US. I’ve toured with the band on and off these past several years and I could see how you changed him. Tamed him, even.” She gave me a sad smile. “I shouldn’t have said what I said about him and the guys still using blow. I believed them when they said it was only at Wembley and Glastonbury. And there was no evidence Axel snorted any lines in London. It was at the Festival, that’s all…”

  “I don’t know if I’ve got the strength to cope with him slipping up again,” My mouth twisted. “With my Mom and everything…”

  “You should talk to him, sugar,” Hayley advised. “Lay your cards on the table.” Her eyes turned dreamy. “I love a happy ending and I want one for the two of you.”

  I laughed at the simplicity of her suggestion. “Okay. I’ll talk to him,” I promised. And I would.

  Camila and Hayley launched into a discussion of the latest trends in fashion and makeup, leaving me to eat my food and think my own thoughts.

  It struck me that I’d been behaving like Axel’s dad in refusing to speak to him. Despite what he’d done, Axel didn’t deserve my unforgiving treatment of him. He wasn’t a bad person… it was only his behavior that had been bad.

  The following Monday I sat in the recording studio control booth with CM’s producer and Jake, a set of headphones covering my ears.

  ChiMera were working on the first song Axel had written with me as his muse. I recognized the riffs and my heart skittered.

  You fly like an angel

  In a magical moonbeam

  And I’m a mere mortal

  Living in a dream.

  I watched and listened as he leaned into the mic stand playing the bassline. He’d lay down the lead vocals in a booth later and Jake would want me to record backup in the same way. Foxy was drumming in an isolation cubicle at the side of the room. Zach brought his hands down on the keyboard with Foxy’s downbeat and Rhys’ fingers blurred over the frets and strings of his guitar.

  Except, it was Axel who drew my attention… as ever. He was beautiful and god-like and I loved him so much. His soul was as beautiful as his body… he would never intentionally hurt me. But the fact that he’d done so unintentionally still festered inside me like an open wound.

  “It’s a take,” Jake barked after the band had gotten to the end of the song. “Just Axel and Phoenix need to stay. The rest of you can call it a day.”

  It was a privilege to listen to Axel singing the song I’d first heard in my Paris hotel room. His deep baritone voice sent a quiver through me.

  Baby, all the barriers I put between us

  Will fall if you just say the word.

  I know I’m not worthy.

  I’m so fucking unworthy,

  I want to be worthy.

  I want you to love me.

  The words spoke to my heart. Had he known then that he might fall off the wagon? He’d been adamant that he wouldn’t…

  “Your turn, Phoenix,” Jake smiled as Axel left the booth. “Nice and soft, now. But you don’t need me to tell you that… you’re a pro.”

  I did as he’d asked, harmonizing with Axel’s voice in perfect synchronization. At the end of the track, Jake said it was a take and we could both go home.

  I glanced around for Axel… I couldn’t see him anywhere. He’d watched me while I was singing, I’d felt his hot eyes on me and my skin had burned under his gaze.

  I picked up my shoulder bag and began to make my way out of the room.

  Out of the blue, Jake called me back.

  “I’ve been listening to your take again, Phoenix,” he said. “Remember Vanilla Sky?”

  I nodded.

  Where was this going?

  “We want to sign them to the label and send them off on a tour of the States. But they’ve just informed me Thea has quit the band. She wants to get married and start a family.”

  “Yeah, she showed me her engagement ring at Wembley.” I folded my arms across my chest.

  “So.” Jake unleashed a slow smile. “You have a unique voice. Would you be interested in trying out with them to be their lead singer?” He paused. “I’m not promising anything. It will be entirely up to them…”

  “Oh, wow! Yes. Thank you. I would love to.” Then I remembered my mom and my heart sank. “Can I think about it first?”

  “Don’t think about it too long,” Jake grunted. “Or they’ll have found someone else.”

  I walked out of the studio into the corridor, my head down, my thoughts in a whirl. I wasn’t looking where I was going and slammed straight into a rock-hard male body blocking my way.

  “Axel,” I gasped, stepping back.

  “Firebird, we need to talk.” He raked his eyes over my face. “Come have dinner with me.”

  “Now?” I stuttered.

  “Yes. Now.”

  I couldn’t refuse him.

  He’s right. We do need to talk.

  “Okay,” I said.

  Without saying a word, he grabbed my hand and practically pulled me out of the building and into his waiting car.

  27

  So much had changed since the last time I’d been here, I thought to myself as Mike rolled the Audi SUV to a stop outside Axel’s front door. Axel had held my hand the entire ride while he’d told me about the band’s vacation in the Bahamas. It hadn’t entirely been a vacation, he’d said… they’d jammed, working on layering the songs for the new album, and had also received anti-drugs counseling.

  I didn’t say much in return, other than to give him a brief description of Mom’s stay in the hospital.

  The real issues lay unspoken between us. No doubt we’d get to them when we were alone.

  I stared out the window at the Manzanita trees and shifted in my seat.

  Axel asked Mike to be on standby to take me to Pico Blvd later, and I placed a quick call to my parents, explaining I was having dinner with Axel and that I’d be home in due course. They were delighted, Mom especially, and I heard in her voice how much she wanted me to get back with him.

  If only it was that simple.

  After opening the door to his house, he disactivated the alarm and led me straight through to the kitchen. “What would you like to eat? I can grill us steaks, or we can order in…”

  “Steak would be perfect, thanks,” I smiled, wiping my nervous hands down the legs of my jeans.

  He smiled back at me, biting down on his lip, but beneath his sexy smile I caught a hint of nerves from him too. We were like two shy people on a first date…

  I took a step back and propped myself against the kitchen counter. “Can I do anything to help?”

  “I’ve got it covered, Firebird.” He switched on the grill and took a bowl full of salad from the fridge. “Would you like a glass of wine?” Without waiting for my answer, he popped a bottle of red and poured.

  While he cooked, we reminisced about the food we’d eaten on the tour, and dinner was ready before I knew it. We took our plates and glasses out to the table on the deck and sat facing each other, talking about the album while we ate. ChiMera would record twenty tracks, apparently, then vote to choose twelve for the final cut. I told Axel how much I loved the song we’d worked on in th
e studio earlier, and he said he’d written a new one he wanted to sing for me after we’d finished eating.

  We were skirting around mentioning the elephant in the room… what had gone down in Glastonbury. We’d get to it eventually… it was inevitable.

  He went to fetch his guitar while I cleared our plates. We met up in his living room. The floor-to-ceiling window was open, giving a panoramic view of LA. Myriad lights twinkled in the city below, forming a backdrop to Axel as he stood with his Martin D-18 slung across his chest.

  He was so gorgeous a lump formed in my throat. I swallowed hard. His fingers strummed and his deep melodic voice launched into the song. Wow! It was about me, about us. My lower lip trembled as he sang the words at the end.

  I wanna be the crack in your sidewalk

  Tread on me, tread on me, tread on me.

  Baby, I’m sorry

  So. Fucking. Sorry.

  I’ll be your harbor in the storm

  I’ll prove to you I can reform

  I say that I love you.

  Without warning, my eyes teared-up. This was so freaking hard. The song was everything. Axel was everything. My heart pumped so fast that blood rushed in my ears. “Thank you,” I choked out. “That was beautiful.”

  He gazed down at the guitar pick in his hand, and he looked so lost I wanted to wrap my arms around his waist and soothe him.

  He rested his Martin D-18 on the coffee table. “Time to talk about us.” He indicated toward the sofa.

  Heart thudding, I sat on the plush cushions, drew my eyebrows together and decided to give voice to my thoughts. “You promised me you’d stay clean of drugs and then you destroyed my trust in you.”

  His chin quivered and he got down on his knees in front of me. “Please, Firebird. Give me another chance.”

  I gazed at him, at this broken, beautiful man. My insides ached with love, and I remembered Mom’s words that if you truly loved someone you put them first.

  We stared at each other for a long moment.

  Tears streamed down my face.

  “Don’t cry, baby,” he begged, looking up at me.

  I wanted to reach down and touch him, but fear stopped me.

  Breathe, Phoenix, Breathe.

  “I’m so fucking sorry.” He stretched his hands toward me. “You’re my life. My world. Without you I’m nothing.”

  Oh, my God, now he’s crying…

  The pain on his face and the growl of anguish escaping from his throat were freaking killing me. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to cope with you going off the rails again, Axel.” I finally reached down and laced my fingers through his. “I love you so much. I want to put you first. But I’m so fucking scared you’ll slip up and I wouldn’t be able to handle that.”

  “I swear to you I will be clean of drugs for the rest of my life. I will never, ever, let you down again. This past month without you has been pure fucking hell.” He pulled in a sharp breath and closed his eyes. “How could I have put what we had together at risk for a stupid hit?”

  I shuffled off the sofa and kneeled before him. I touched his face, smoothing my fingers over his close-cropped beard, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “You made a mistake, honey. For your family’s sake and mine, you must fight your demons and stay in control.”

  He blinked his eyes open. “I promise I’ll do that, baby.” His chest rose and fell. “Promise me you won’t leave me?”

  “I promise,” I smiled. “There is one thing…”

  “Oh?” His brow wrinkled.

  “Jake told me Vanilla Sky are looking for a new lead singer.” My stomach tensed. “You know my contract expires as soon as the album is finished?”

  “Yeah.” He cocked his head to the side. “I was going to ask the band if you could be made permanent. Share the lead singer role with me.”

  I pulled back slightly and looked deep into his eyes. “That wouldn’t work. ChiMera is the four of you. I would change the dynamics, even if the guys agreed.” I sucked in a breath and released it. “I need my own career.” I stroked his face again. “If Vanilla Sky don’t want me, I’ll try other bands.” Put Axel first. “Unless you really hate the idea.”

  He caught his lip with his teeth. “Of course, they’ll want you.” His gaze ping-ponged around the room before it settled back on me. “They’ll need to tour the US to get established. I remember what that was like. It’s bloody grueling. Are you sure you’re up for it?”

  “It will depend on how Mom’s recovery progresses,” I said. “I told Jake I’d think about it. If Mom gets sick again, I’ll need to be there for her.”

  Axel wrapped his arms around me and held me close. “There’s something I want to run by you.” He kissed the top of my head. “I spoke with my parents yesterday and asked if they minded you and yours moving into Ella’s place.” He leaned back and trapped me with his eyes. “They agreed. Said the place needed to be lived in and maintained properly.”

  I gasped. “It’s too much. We’d be forever in your debt…”

  “I noticed the stairs at your condo, the lack of security. I want to take care of your parents as if they were mine. Nothing is too much for my future wife.”

  I stared at him, confused. What was he saying? “I don’t understand.”

  “I’m still on my knees, sweetheart. I’m asking you to marry me.” He drew me to him, and the heat from his body spread through my bones. “I love you, Phoenix Johnson. I love everything about you. I want to be your harbor in the storm. If you’ll have me, that is…”

  He put his palms on my cheeks, holding me in his gaze, and my heart raced wildly. “I wanna be the harbor in your storm, too, Axel.” A bubble of happiness formed in my chest. “My life has felt so hollow without you.”

  I couldn’t live without him. In the end it was that simple.

  His mouth closed in. The kiss started slow and soft, then deepened. “I love you,” I said against his demanding lips. “And I’d love to be your wife.”

  He whooped and leapt to his feet. Gathered me up in his arms. “I don’t have a ring, yet, baby. I wanted you to choose your own. We can go to Tiffany’s tomorrow.” He smirked. “Need my ring on your finger to show everyone you’re mine… particularly if you’re going to be touring all over the country without me.”

  “I haven’t got the job yet, remember,” I rushed the words out. “And Mom still isn’t well enough for me to leave her.”

  He kissed the tip of my nose. “When you join Vanilla Sky. Take note I didn’t say ‘if’ but ‘when’ because you are so amazingly talented, I’ll hire a live-in nurse. And I’ll visit you every stop of the tour.”

  “It’s too much,” I repeated what I’d said before, suddenly overwhelmed.

  “Nothing is too much for the future Mrs. Wainwright.”

  “Mrs. Wainwright. I like the sound of that,” I giggled.

  “You can still be Phoenix Johnson on stage, of course,” he said, gathering me in for another kiss.

  “Thank you for supporting me, Axel,” I murmured into his mouth. “For agreeing to help me achieve my goals. It means the world to me.”

  His chocolate brown eyes glowed. “You are my world, Firebird. I’d do anything for you.”

  “As I would for you.” I threaded my fingers through his mussed-up hair.

  He lifted me bridal-style and carried me up to the stairs toward his bedroom. With a grunt, he laid me on the bed, climbed over me and kissed me, stealing all the air from my lungs. “I love you so much, Phoenix.”

  “I love you too.” I gazed into his eyes. “When I got back from Europe, my periods stopped. I went to see an OB/GYN, worried I might be pregnant.” I placed my finger on Axel’s lips to stop him from speaking. “Don’t worry. I’m not having a baby. It was a hormonal upset and my doctor put me on the pill.”

  “Does that mean I can make love to you bareback?” His eyes twinkled. “I haven’t been with anyone since I met you. And Jake makes sure we get tested regularly…”

  “I
trust you,” I said, parting my lips so he’d slip his hot tongue into my mouth. Without detaching himself from me, he pulled off our clothes and spread my legs wide.

  He licked a path around my nipple, then bit down on it… making me yelp with pleasure.

  I pressed my hips against him, seeking contact.

  He kissed his way down my stomach and buried his head between my legs. I cried out his name as his tongue penetrated me, grabbing hold of his hair and tugging on it.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he said, pushing one finger into me, and then another, moving them in and out of me slowly and paying special attention to my clit.

  “Axel,” I whimpered.

  I panted and writhed and my orgasm came quickly, surprising me with its intensity.

  He rocked back on his heels. His mouth was swollen from sucking on me. His eyes lingered on my body. “You are my goddess,” he whispered. “My angel. My muse.”

  “And you are my rock god.” I reached for him and, slipping my hand around the back of his neck, pulled him into me for a needy kiss.

  He sucked on my tongue and I groaned into his mouth, “I wanna feel you inside me, Axel.”

  He didn’t stop kissing me.

  He kissed me when he was sliding into me.

  He kissed me when he was thrusting.

  He kept his lips fused with mine, and he took my mouth with the same passion as he was taking my pussy.

  Skin to skin, he covered every inch of me. I could feel him everywhere… in my mind and in my body.

  We kept on kissing as we rocked together. His thrusts were deep, and I clenched around him. His hips pumped faster, his hand reaching between us and pressing down on me. “Ahhh.”

  With a trembling moan, I came first, wave after wave of pleasure crashing through me. He wasn’t far behind… I felt him spasm and then fill me.

  He rested his forehead on mine. Our sweat mingled, his breath became my breath and our hearts beat as one. We kissed, softly.

  “You are the music of my soul, Phoenix.”

  “And you, Axel, are the song of my heart.”