Facade

by Kim Carmichael

  Even in the dark, he managed to catch her wrist. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this. I want to savor you.” He got on top of her, grabbed her wrists and moved her arms above her head.

  Her breath caught when, seemingly out of nowhere, he produced a piece of fabric and proceeded to tie it around her wrists.

  Underneath him, she bucked her hips. “Erik?” Both shocked and full of desire, she didn’t know what to do, how to act.

  He gave her a deep kiss, one that absorbed her completely. “Tell me if you want me to stop, and I will, understood?”

  “Yes.” She gasped the word.

  “Now, tell me what you want.” He positioned himself between her legs and resumed kissing her neck, while he toyed with her overly sensitized breasts.

  “Make love to me, please.” As if trying to direct him, she lifted her knees.

  “Then I want you to lie still and focus on the sensations between us and nothing else.”

  Trained from him coaching her in her music, without question she did as he requested. With the way he bound her and the darkness, she gave into letting Erik take her. His caresses enflamed her skin, his kisses took her to another plane of being, and by the time she heard the far off crackle of a condom package being opened, she could barely contain her need.

  “I can’t wait any more.” As he filled her, he captured her gasp with an all-consuming kiss.

  Though her body stretched to accommodate all of Erik, with the way he stoked her arousal to such a point, it took her only a moment to become accustomed to him and need more.

  “My god, Christine.” He showered her face with kisses, and moved slowly, soft fluid strokes as they became one.

  She needed this, Erik needed this, they needed each other. In all the chaos of her life, she managed to find the one person who fit her, someone who wanted her, but also someone she could be there for as well. Everything he had to give her, she wanted, and in turn she wanted to give him her all.

  As he sped up and put more power behind his thrusts, she wrapped her legs around his waist, arching her back and allowing him to reach new depths within her. He continued to drive into her and each time their bodies met he propelled her ever closer to that ultimate goal. “Erik. Oh, Erik.”

  “That’s right, let go.” He reached back and grabbed the back of her thighs now plunging his body against hers.

  Her muscles tensed, every part of her intensely focused on where they were joined. With how he held her, she had to rely solely on him to reach her climax. “Please, Erik!” She didn’t know what she needed, only that she had to have it, have him.

  The bed creaked from the intensity of their lovemaking.

  “Let it come, you’re there. I’m there.” He panted. “Feel me inside you.”

  Though still in the dark, she squeezed her eyes shut, concentrating on them together. “Erik.” She was there, so close, teetering at the edge.

  “Now, Christine.” With his words, he stiffened, pulsing inside her.

  At knowing he reached his end, he obtained his pleasure, her body gave way and she careened off the edge with him. Her pulse joined his and grew, a cascade of euphoria overpowering everything. “Ah!”

  “Yes!” He ground his hips against hers, and together they rode out each delicious wave of their orgasm.

  She was left breathless, spent and completely under his command. “Erik.”

  Rather than speak, he brushed his lips against hers, untied her wrists and stood up off the bed and walked away.

  Without Erik there, the cool air of the room chilled her and she called out, “Don’t leave me.”

  “Never.” Almost as fast as he left, he returned to the bed, spooned her and covered them up. “Are you all right?” He kissed her ear.

  “Of course, are you?” She put her hand over his.

  “No.”

  “What?’ She tried to turn, but he kept her in place.

  “I’m so completely lost in you that I don’t know what I’m doing.” His lips glided over her shoulder.

  Of anything that he ever said to her, she understood his last statement completely. Yes, she had been with men before, but never like this, never when it truly mattered. “Hold me tighter.”

  “I don’t want to suffocate you.” He moved in closer.

  “Impossible. You already took my breath away.” Once more, she tried to turn to him.

  He stopped her, took her chin and after kissing her, prodded her face the opposite direction.

  Would he ever allow her to truly see him?

  Chapter Eleven

  The only thing missing in Christine’s room was sunlight. If there was a window, upon the sunrise he could watch the natural light dance in her hair, illuminate her slowly, and it would be like discovering her all over again.

  In truth, he knew no matter if sitting in a chair by her bed, with only a flickering candle to light the way or making love to her, he would never run out of things to discover on his Christine.

  He allowed his fingers to strum over the strings of his guitar when they should be playing with her, but at the moment his mind continued to be stuck on one song replaying over and over again…what had he done? Hours ago he got out of bed, cleaned up and got dressed, but he couldn’t leave her. In his own way, he had to have his chance to wake up with her, so he returned, taking his seat, waiting and thinking.

  He’d crossed the boundary, made love to her. How could he ever watch her go on with her life? How could he ever let her go? Alternately, how could he keep her?

  It took him years to give up on ever thinking about a future. He just existed, but now if he squinted, maybe he could see a future with Christine, which meant he had it all to lose.

  Being numb was so much easier.

  Once more, his fingers traveled over the strings.

  This time Christine let out a little coo, turned over, facing him and settled back down among her pillows.

  Her face flushed from sleep, her lips pursed, her curls all over. Never on earth had there been a more gorgeous woman than the one sleeping less than four feet from him.

  Gently, he plucked the strings.

  At last, she stretched, the blanket riding down to the top of her breasts. She reached out as if searching for him, then her eyes fluttered open. “Erik.” A smile, the one smile every woman had that spoke of intimacy and pleasure, danced over her lips.

  “Good morning.” He toyed with the strings, but didn’t play anything.

  “Did I take all the covers?” As if inviting him to join her, she slid over to one side of the bed.

  “On the contrary, I was concerned you would end up with a chill.” Or concerned she would end up with him or not end up with him, he wasn’t sure anymore.

  “Well, I’m a little cold now.” She bit her lower lip.

  His body reacted and he longed to get in bed with her, take her into his arms, and make love to her again. The fact he only had one more condom wouldn’t stop him, a few quick clicks on the computer and more could be delivered within hours. The way she surrendered herself to him last night was a miracle.

  No. He had to have strength. He had to make good on his promise. He couldn’t allow her to do this to herself. She was young and didn’t understand what being with him meant. Right now she needed him and that made her do and think the impossible. Yes, he was weak last night, something that wouldn’t, couldn’t happen again. Eventually, she would want to touch him, see him, she wouldn’t always allow him to take full control, and he wasn’t even sure if that’s what he wanted.

  With too many conflicts spinning in his mind, he stood. “Let me run your bath. I’ll make the water nice and hot. Then while you warm up, I’ll make breakfast, and we’ll delve into that paperwork and see what we have to do for the show.” Without waiting for a response, he headed toward the bathroom.

  He turned on the water, added her bath salts, and even set out some towels for her before returning to the bedroom.

  At the edge of the bed, she
sat with her sheet wrapped around her, eyes wide, dare he say even wet, the pretty pout on her lips a frown. Better sooner than later. “Everything is ready for you.”

  “Apparently not.” She got up, dropped the sheet and walked away, looking back at him twice then shutting the door.

  For at least three minutes, he stood staring at the door that separated them. All he had to do is walk inside, and she would welcome him. No doubt he could count on a few spectacular months with her before the end came, but it would come.

  His heart shriveled or he willed it so, and he picked up her linens, better to start fresh, everything clean.

  After straightening up and throwing the bed sheets in the laundry, he made his way up to the kitchen and prepared some toast, jam, fruit, cheese and tea. Right as he set out the tray at their table on the stage, Christine joined him.

  “Hungry?” He motioned toward the food.

  Dressed in all black with her hair slicked back and no makeup, she appeared paler than ever. She shook her head, crossed the stage and sat down, taking the envelope from the show, but not opening it.

  “I thought we would read that together.” He sat across from her.

  Rather than say another word, she tossed the envelope across the table and turned away.

  Yes, it was better they get it over with and never speak of last night again. Instead of drawing attention to her action, he tore the envelope open.

  A blue card fell into his lap.

  He lifted the card and narrowed his eyes. “For the first week they want you to sing a hymn.”

  She put her hand over her eyes.

  “Christine?” He whispered her name. “You have a hymn to sing.”

  “I should have stayed in bed.” With a huff she stood up and paced around the stage. “No, I shouldn’t have, there was nothing for me there.”

  Fine, she fired a direct shot at him. Better a bullet now than a cannonball later. “Is there something wrong with a hymn?”

  “No, Erik, there is nothing wrong with a hymn.” Arms crossed, she spun toward him. “I know about as much about singing a hymn as I do anything else at the moment.”

  “Then I would say you’re a blank slate.” He unfolded the paperwork and scanned the words. “We need to get them the music, you’ll have a rehearsal, and then the show. They do this rather quickly I would say.”

  “Yep, everything just speeds by.” Her voice cracked.

  He went to the second page and took a breath. “Look, you also get paid per episode. They’ll need your banking information. It’s quite a tidy sum.” The pay scale became greater with each week. If she lasted in the show, she could definitely afford to leave by week three or four depending on what side of town she chose.

  “Is there a problem with that? Maybe then I can earn my keep?” Her voice cut through him.

  “I never once asked for anything of that nature, nor would I accept it.” He stood and stared her down.

  Jaw jutted, she kept her eyes on his. “What do you want, Erik?”

  He didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t flinch. She knew the answer as well as he.

  “I think I’ve overstayed my welcome.” While she kept her head up, her eyes flooded with tears. “You did what you promised, and I passed the audition. You don’t need me interrupting your work any longer.” She shot the words at him, grabbed the papers out of his hands and rushed toward the door.

  Where was she going? This was the last thing he wanted, and he ran after her, catching her arm. “Christine!”

  “Let me go. I’m not stupid. I know when my time is up.” She wouldn’t look in his direction.

  “I don’t want you to leave.” He fought the need to pull her into him.

  “Right now I need some air, if you don’t want me leaving, come with me.” Her words challenged him.

  If he didn’t go with her, he would lose her right now. “Let me get my coat.”

  Chapter Twelve

  For the first time since she discovered her ghost was a man, Christine and Erik ventured outside together. Really outside, with no mystery driver, no dark hallways, no separation. Instead, he kept hold of her arm and guided her through the alleyways behind the theatre at a brisk pace. Why she let him take control yet again was beyond her.

  When she woke up and he wasn’t in bed with her, she should have had a clue. Though she would have described the night as the best of her life, the one time she had no doubt she had a place in this world, was loved and cared for by an incredible man, was obviously nothing more than a cheap thrill to him, if even that.

  The dichotomy between her night and his night brought tears to her eyes, ones she refused to allow him to see fall. She wished he’d just let her leave, as there was no way she could live with him now.

  Erik stopped. “Here we are.”

  Caught up in her thoughts, she barely noticed where they were headed, and she looked up at a majestic, ornate old-fashioned church. “Why are we here?”

  “Research.” Still keeping hold of her, he guided her through a back door and up at least two flights of stairs. At last, they came to a balcony that opened over one of the most beautiful churches she could ever imagine.

  “Oh, my.” She took in the silent space. Gold velvet chairs, lush red carpeting, intricate gilded carvings in the walls and stained glass allowed her to not only feel the reverence here, but also the power.

  With soft steps she went to the front of the balcony, but rather than taking a seat, she kneeled down and peered over the railing. The last time she was in a church it was also to say goodbye. At last, a tear fell and she shut her eyes, saying a prayer to herself. She wasn’t scared of being out on the street, but she was terrified of a life without Erik.

  Erik kneeled down next to her. “I never used to go to church, in fact I never stepped inside one until a few years ago, but one day I walked in here. There is a solace to be found in a place of worship.”

  She kept her head down and continued to stare out at the grandeur below. “I wonder if this is how angels see the world.”

  “I didn’t know what an angel looked like until you entered my theatre.” He moved closer to her.

  No. She ground her teeth together. These were the kinds of words that resulted in last night. She had to stay strong. “Why are we here, Erik?”

  “Shh.” He pointed out into the church.

  A small door opened, and a choir stepped out and took their spots row by row.

  “Watch.” He inched even closer, until their bodies touched.

  A conductor went to the front, and then the organ music started. Ethereal voices rose though the sacred space. They sang songs praising life, God, the world, spoke of love and how nothing was ever lost.

  She didn’t know how long she stayed there kneeled on the floor in the balcony of a church listening to the beautiful music, but she knew she could stay here forever, surviving only on the beauty and the art and the messages they told.

  “Hymns are all about worship and emotion,” Erik whispered. “They are about faith and hope and no matter what you sing, if you can convey that, then you have a hymn.”

  A lesson. After making love to her, after ignoring her, after crushing her, the man gave her a lesson. “Then I may as well quit now, because that’s not going to happen anytime soon. I don’t have any faith or hope left.”

  “Christine.” His voice came out with a condescending air.

  “Don’t.” She stopped him cold and once more faced front. “I don’t need to hear how you don’t want me. I don’t need to hear your excuses, save it. I get it.”

  “I don’t want you? Nothing can be further from the truth.” Though he tried to keep his voice low, it came out harsh, truncated. “I’m not like other men.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong.” Needing any kind of support, she tightened her hold on the railing. “You are exactly like every other man. Trust me.”

  In a sudden move, he took her by the shoulders. “Look at me.”

  Never flinchin
g, she stared into his face.

  He shook his head. “How can you stand the sight of me?”

  “I don’t see it. I didn’t care. I only wanted you.” She never broke eye contact. “No matter what’s under your mask, I only wanted you.”

  “I told you never to mention my mask.” He pressed his lips together.

  No way would she let him off easy. “That was before you made love to me.”

  He leaned in, putting the mask right in her face. “You can’t make me better, Christine.”

  “I don’t want to make you better. Don’t you see? I wanted you to make me better.” She raised her voice—she had to make him hear her. Part of her wanted to rip the damn thing off, but she would never do either of them that disservice. Out of the corner of her eye, she swore she saw a couple of the people in the choir look their way.

  As if he just ran five blocks, Erik panted. “You’re my angel. Forgive me.” He pulled her in and wrapped his arms around her.

  “Of course.” She had no choice but to forgive him and hid her face in his neck. All she knew was she couldn’t be safe anywhere as long as she was in his arms.

  “Are you sure you can handle this, Christine?” His breath brushed against her ear.

  In order to see all of him, she leaned back. “If you don’t push me away.”

  “What happens when you win?” His eyes searched hers. “You won’t need me.”

  “Yes, I will.” At him admitting his own insecurities, she smiled. “I don’t have a bank account, so I need a place to deposit the checks.”

  “Promise me you will never lie to me.” He pulled her closer. “I need to know you’ll never lie to me.”

  A church seemed the perfect place to make these vows. “Promise me you won’t shut me out.”

  “Let’s go home.” Erik stood, helped her up and took her hand.

  Once more, she let him take control.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Christine, sit right here and let’s get you ready.” One of the production assistants guided her to a hair and makeup chair.

  “I have a note for you.” Christine handed the man one of several envelopes she brought with her.