His Last Redemption

by Clarissa Yip

  An inevitable fear had gripped him yesterday when he’d seen her at the precinct, requested to come in to permit them to dig up Burke’s body. Instead of the cold detachment he had expected, he’d found an unnerving death in her eyes, blank and lifeless. It had scared the shit out of him.

  The more he tried to reach out to her, the more she withdrew into her shell. He felt as if he’d lost her completely.

  Lauren sighed in her sleep, and he pressed a kiss to her hair. He brushed his finger along her smooth cheek, silky and soft. She needed rest. The past few days had taken a toll on her, and she’d gotten visibly skinnier.

  All they had left to do was to find Mack and Burke.

  He waited for the voice in his head to tell him that he needed to get up and walk out of the bedroom and leave her, but he only held Lauren tighter. Pressing his mouth against her eyelids, he let out a relieved breath. Once she opened her amethyst eyes, memories of his sister would attack him as they had all those years, reminding him of what he needed to do to make up for all the wrong he’d done. Lily’s eyes had been purple, but not as deep as Lauren’s. It’d been one of the reasons Lauren had stood out to him when he’d first met her at the coffeehouse.

  And she’d gotten too close and tempted him with all the things he didn’t deserve to have.

  Snippets of conversation with Lauren ran through his mind. If you think your reason is good enough to keep hurting your family, especially your mother, then kudos for you.

  His heart ached at the thought of his mother. Maria Bradley. He’d kept the bastard’s last name for himself so he’d have a reminder that he belonged in his mother’s past. He’d been so traumatized and riddled with guilt over Lily’s death that he’d refused to be adopted by his stepfather. If his mother had moved on, then why hadn’t he?

  Life’s too short, Kane. If you don’t appreciate what you have, it’ll be too late and you’ll regret it years from now.

  Was she right? Was he purposely using Lily’s death as an excuse to push off everyone around him? But how did it justify not saving his own sister? He’d watched her die before his eyes, and he could have tried to stop the bastard. How was it fair that he hadn’t been the one beaten to death instead of her? Why did he deserve to live while she’d been cheated out of growing up, living a life, and being happy?

  He didn’t realize he’d been holding Lauren too tightly until she squirmed and muttered a sleepy protest. He relaxed his grip and ran his hand over her hair, soothing her. She fell back asleep instantly.

  His groin twitched. He wanted Lauren again but didn’t dare disturb her. He’d meant to take care of her, but their lovemaking had turned rough. In the time he’d spent with her in the past few days, somehow she’d infiltrated his defenses. Once again. Holding her at arm’s length didn’t seem to be an option anymore, knowing that she would do the same to him and he couldn’t bear it. He’d missed her over the years, thought about her excessively only to have his demons continue to plague him.

  Nothing mattered at the moment. As long as Lauren stayed by his side and was safe. He needed to stay strong for her.

  …

  Lauren woke the next morning to find herself tucked under the covers. Stretching against the sheets, she luxuriated in the feel of the sun filtering in through the windows. She opened her eyes and looked around. She was alone, but not surprised.

  A melancholy wave rushed over her as she left the bed and went into the bathroom. She didn’t even bother to slip her robe on. In front of the mirror, she stared at her reflection. Flushed cheeks, eyes groggy with sleep, hair in total disarray—she was a mess. But she noted the glow surrounding her. Taking a deep breath, she turned on the shower and stepped under the warm spray of water. Her body ached in certain spots, but she’d never felt so rejuvenated in her life.

  She recalled the last time they’d been intimate and how Kane had told her it was a mistake, and she had no reason to suspect something different would happen this time. Except she didn’t need to stick around to hear his excuses. He’d given her something precious whether he wanted to admit it or not, but he’d also taken something from her, maybe in his haste to drag her out of the despair that had overwhelmed her yesterday. It was time for her to put an end to this nightmare and gain control—time for her to go.

  The idea of returning to her own house didn’t really sit well with her, but maybe it was actually time to make it into a home. She’d left her mother’s house practically a mausoleum after ridding it of Daniel’s tacky modern decor. Of course, she’d need to bleach and clean out her bedroom. The memories would always be there, but she knew she could handle them this time.

  After she finished showering and getting dressed, she packed her belongings and carried them down the stairs. She heard pots banging in the kitchen, and Kane singing…Bruno Mars’s “Grenade”? Probably hanging out with his partner too much. A chuckle slipped past her lips. Setting her case on the floor, she turned to the kitchen, where she spotted Kane at the stove. Dressed in slacks that hugged his butt perfectly and a white shirt that stretched over his back, he didn’t look like any normal detective. Memories of the night rushed over her, and she felt her cheeks heat up. Their lovemaking had definitely been hotter than she remembered. Clearing her throat, she moved slowly to the breakfast bar and saw his jacket thrown over the back of one of the chairs. He planned to go to work as he did every day. It didn’t surprise her, and she had no reason to stay.

  Kane looked up just as she approached. “You’re up.”

  She swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

  “I made breakfast. It’s almost done. Why don’t you sit down and pour some juice?” He flipped over the omelet and gave her a smile.

  Puzzled, she did as she was told. It wasn’t what she’d expected. Sipping her drink, she watched him. Maybe it was a guy thing to be so at ease the next morning after sex. She couldn’t blame him.

  Kane turned off the stove and brought two plates to the bar. He set her breakfast in front of her and dropped a kiss on her forehead. Her mouth fell open. He slid onto the chair next to her and started to eat. “No tomatoes in yours, I remember.”

  She just stared at him.

  He met her gaze and frowned. His hand lifted and brushed her hair behind her ear. “What’s wrong?”

  She slowly shook her head and turned her attention to her food. Picking up the fork, she broke a piece of the omelet off and lifted it to her mouth. She chewed slowly, contemplating his behavior. Maybe he was glad to close the case and get rid of her. That had to be it. There was no other reason for his light behavior. He’d been overly duty-minded since she’d needed his protection.

  “I should be able to go back to work today, right?”

  He paused, his fork suspended in midair. “Do you want to?”

  No. She’d rather he carry her back up the stairs and love her again. Licking her lips, she nodded. “I have a business to run.”

  “We still have to find Burke and your employee.”

  She’d almost forgotten. She didn’t know what to think or feel in regard to Daniel. He was dead to her, but she didn’t wish him harm…as long as he gave her her divorce. His warning played in her mind, and she shivered. She’d have the truth once they dug out Daniel’s body and confirmed their suspicions. She let out a sigh. “Well, that doesn’t mean that my store has to suffer. I’m not in any danger anymore…right?”

  He set his fork down. “We don’t know that for sure yet.”

  “But you guys caught Gabe already.”

  “Yes, but until the two are found, the investigation isn’t officially done.” He spun in his seat and used his thumb and forefinger to grip her chin, bringing her to look at him. “What is this about?”

  “It’s time…” She waited for him to tell her that last night had been a mistake. “I’m packed and ready to go. I should get out of your hair.”

  Before she could react, he lifted her off her chair into his lap. She gasped, holding on to his forearm to steady herself. He nuzzle
d her neck. “What if I don’t want you out of my hair?”

  Her heartbeat started an erratic dance. “What do you mean?”

  Kane sighed, then tightened his hold on her. “I’m saying, what if I don’t want you to go?”

  “Isn’t the killer caught?”

  He slid his hand right below her breast. The heat of his palm seared through her blouse. Her skin tingled and her breath caught her in her throat as Kane brushed his lips against her ear to the sensitive spot right behind. Her grip tightened on his arm.

  “What if I just want you to stay here for a while? Just because.”

  She froze, then drew back so she could see his face. She searched for a sign—regret or guilt—anything that would show her he didn’t want anything to do with her. Instead she found nothing. He just smiled at her. Hopping off his lap, she paced the area behind the breakfast bar. His sudden change in demeanor alarmed her. She knew not to ask for more from him, but he was openly offering himself to her. What was to come of it? Was she setting herself up to get hurt again? Didn’t she vow never to be so vulnerable when it came to him?

  Kane slid off his chair and turned her to face him. “I’m asking because I want you to stay. Not because of the case.”

  “Why?” she asked. “Why do you want me to stay?”

  Kane ran a hand through his hair. She spotted the vulnerability flash in his eyes. “Because I want you here…with me.”

  Lauren bit her lip. His words punched her in the gut. He’d left her four years ago without a word, and that had almost killed her. Kane hadn’t loved her enough. The pain had been unbearable until Daniel came along and took over her life. She stilled. The truth struck. She’d never really respected herself, cared for herself. She’d been too busy trying to make Daniel love her with all she’d done and sacrificed for him. If she didn’t love herself, then why would Kane?

  She took a step back and frowned. “No.”

  His eyebrow lifted.

  “Last night doesn’t change anything.”

  “I know, but I thought…”

  “I don’t want you to take responsibility over me, either.”

  His lips pressed into a firm line. “I’m not.”

  “You are,” she said softly. Courage made her talk. She had enough of keeping to herself. She’d known all along she’d never stopped loving him, but she didn’t want him to be with her out of duty. “I know you’ll protect me, care for me, because you feel some responsibility toward me for whatever reason, but if you want to be back in my life, then show me. If you plan to run again, then let me go now. You wanting me to stay isn’t enough.”

  Kane latched onto the back of the chair as if for support. She’d expected him to walk away. She let out a sigh at his blank expression. “I think I did it all wrong. My whole marriage. I loved Daniel because he made me feel needed and I needed him to need me. Then I convinced myself that I needed no one to avoid it, because I only got hurt. I thought being alone was the answer, but it’s not.”

  She waited for him to react, but he stood still. A bubble of laughter rose to her throat. “You know,” she started softly, “truthfully, I still want the things I wanted when I was younger. I want to settle down, get married, and have a normal family.”

  Kane stiffened. “I can’t give you that. You see how I am with…”

  She knew he was thinking of his own family—his poor mother and probably the sister he couldn’t let go of. She smiled sadly. “I know.” She whirled around and walked slowly to the door.

  “Lauren, wait.”

  She stopped.

  “Give me some time.”

  Her heart clenched. Hope surged through her, something she hadn’t felt in a long time. She heard him approach, his footsteps sounding on the hardwood floor.

  “Don’t go.” The hoarseness in his voice told her how hard the admission had been on him. His chest grazed her back, his hands brushing over her forearms.

  She leaned into him as his arms wrapped around her. Tilting back, she looked up at him. “You promise you won’t run this time? Or at least talk it out with me before you do?” she added. She was taking a big risk in staying with him, but this time, she was ready. He’d given her courage and hope, and she wasn’t going to lose herself again.

  She thought she saw a flicker of fear in his deep blue eyes, but it disappeared as his jaw clenched and he gave a firm nod. Lauren smiled. Lifting up, she kissed him.

  …

  Kane’s fingers were poised over the keyboard, the blank screen staring back at him. His panic had subsided a little since he’d reached the station, but it wasn’t any better. The only security he had was knowing Lauren waited for him at his house.

  It’d taken some cajoling on his part to make her stay, but he’d promised he’d get out of his shift early. He didn’t know what to expect. He’d woken this morning, feeling a little lighter, more carefree, yet unsure of what he was doing.

  Until she’d threatened to leave.

  They’d come to a crossroads last night. He’d seen the glow around her, reminding him of the Lauren he’d known, and that should have given him reason to run, but more than anything, he wanted her to find herself once again. To return to the woman he’d left behind all those years before Burke had come in and destroyed her. Or maybe he’d done the destroying part.

  Confidence radiated from her this morning. She no longer had that blank dead look about her. Except the tables had turned. No matter how many times he’d warned himself to stay away from her, emotionally and physically, he knew now it was impossible.

  When she entered a room, the protective vigor in him would always come to the forefront and dismiss all the vows he’d made himself. And the lovemaking. Holy hell. No other woman came to mind. He couldn’t walk away. He’d promised.

  “Yo, Kane.”

  He looked up and glared at his partner, who grinned from his desk. “What do you want?”

  “How’s the paperwork coming? Your fingers don’t seem to be moving much.” Ryan flashed his set of white teeth.

  Kane stifled the urge to punch him “Mind your own business.”

  Ryan gripped his chest and gave him a fake-hurt stare. “I’m your partner. If I don’t care, then who will?”

  Kane scoffed and ran his gaze over the notes in front of him. “Get a life,” he muttered.

  His partner stood up and moved around their desks. “How is Lauren doing?”

  “Fine.”

  “I was thinking about coming over after work to check on her.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Why?”

  “Well, you know, she didn’t look so hot yesterday, and she’s been through so much.”

  Kane studied Ryan’s innocent face. His chest tightened. His partner was as infatuated as he was, dammit. Ryan probably felt the need to protect and care for her. Lauren had that effect on everyone. She just didn’t know it since she was so used to seeing to everyone else’s needs. He wasn’t having it. “No.”

  “Why not? I’m not asking you to cook dinner. Just want to lend some comfort.” Ryan perched on the edge of the desk.

  Anger rose. No way in hell he was getting near Lauren. “You’re not coming over.”

  Ryan studied him, then grinned. “You staking claim?”

  Kane stilled. His chest tightened. Oh hell. Was there a point in denying it? Any male came near her, his protective shackles rose, and the green monster in him always wanted to pound anyone of the opposite sex who so much as breathed in her sweet perfume. She was his. “Yes.”

  His partner laughed. “I knew it. No wonder you kicked me out the other night after dinner.”

  “Whatever.” Kane turned his attention to the computer screen.

  Ryan settled a hand on his shoulder, and Kane frowned. “I’m happy for you. I’m glad you found someone who’d put up with all your crap. Your mom would be happy to know you’re not alone.”

  Kane stiffened. His gut clenched. He thought about his stepsister’s upcoming wedding. No doubt Lauren was goi
ng to stick to her word and drag him there if she had to. He tried not to think of Lily. “Yeah.”

  “I think Lauren will be good for you.”

  He only grunted. He was still coming to terms with himself. Lauren wasn’t going to settle. She’d probably want all of him, but would he ever deserve her? What if she found him to be the coward she’d claimed him to be? What if she walked away from him? She wanted to give marriage another chance, settle down, have kids—fear rose in his throat. He hadn’t used anything last night.

  An image of Lauren heavy with child formed a knot in his chest. He waited for panic to take over. His heart jumped. What kind of father would he be? His own experience was him and Lily hiding from the drunk bastard until their mother had enough and took them away. He’d seen Bill interact with his stepsiblings and they all loved him, except he’d never given his stepfather the chance to parent him—never given his mother the chance.

  His hand clenched. Regret wrapped around him. For the first time, he had the urge to pick up the phone and just hear his mother’s voice.

  Clearing his throat, he glared at Ryan. “How’d Peters interrogation go?”

  His partner’s lips thinned. “He won’t admit to anything. Doesn’t know how the weapon got in his car. Doesn’t know how his scalpels ended up at O’Connor’s. And when I asked him where Burke is, he says his partner died in the fire.” Ryan paused. “I don’t know, something still doesn’t feel right. The weapons and empty alcohol bottles were wiped clean of fingerprints, and as much as I think the guy may be detailed-oriented in his job, I think he’d be an idiot for sticking evidence in his car instead of letting it be destroyed in the fire. Doesn’t make sense, right?”

  “Did we ever find the black jacket and black hat in his apartment?”

  Ryan shook his head. “That’s another puzzle. Assuming that Peters and Burke are maybe the same height, same hair color and build, Marshall’s neighbor is insistent that it’s Burke she saw leave the crime scene. And the jewelry store said that someone had come in paying cash for all the pearl necklaces, but I don’t see any large cash withdrawals from Peters’s account to show that. The cameras at the jewelry story showed a man with a black jacket and cap, but I couldn’t get a proper picture. It could be Peters, but…”