My Forever (Our Forever Book 3)

by Elena Matthews

  I love his laugh. So sexy.

  “I don’t believe that,” he says once his laughter dies down.

  “Believe what?”

  “That you’re not one in a million. I don’t care what the one teacher said. Just because one person says something doesn’t necessarily make it true regardless of their status or qualifications. She might have thought you weren’t cut out to perform, but perhaps the problem was with her; maybe she wasn’t cut out to be a teacher. Did you ever think of that? Also, maybe you were so good that she was threatened by you. So, she pushed you beyond your capabilities and hoped she could break you so that she wouldn’t have to live with the guilt that she wasn’t as good a dancer as you. I saw it all the time in the NHL—coaches deliberately trying to break down incredible players because they didn’t make it, because, once upon a time, they didn’t have what it took. Jealousy can make a person do crazy shit. There’s just no way you weren’t destined to dance, not with how your eyes lit up when you spoke about ballet as a child. A person who lives and breathes what they love and know they excel at it is a person destined for greatness. There’s no doubt about that.”

  My lungs struggle to latch on to air for a moment as I allow his words to sink in. I can’t speak, and it takes a few seconds to find my voice.

  “I love that you think that, but it doesn’t matter now. It’s in the past.” I glance down at my lo mein, quickly losing my appetite, before looking back at him. “Do you mind if we change the subject now? It might have been a long time ago, but bringing up a love I once lost is always difficult to talk about, hence why I don’t really talk about it. I mean, this is the first time I’ve spoken about it in a really long time.”

  He simply nods before breaking out into a huge grin.

  “Can I just ask you one more question about ballet?”

  If it wasn’t for the childish smile on his face, I’d outright refuse, but I nod, intrigued.

  “How the hell did you go from ballet to pole dancing?”

  I let out a breathless giggle. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

  He chuckles. “I think I’ll take my chances.”

  “Honestly, I just stumbled across it. And I didn’t go from ballet to pole dancing,” I argue, giving him the stink eye.

  Chase chuckles.

  “I’ve always been a fitness geek, even more so after New York. I had to focus my energy on something, so my focus turned to yoga, and I learned everything there was. After I got my business degree, I trained to become a yoga teacher, and while I did, I even got to travel a little. In the course of six months, I went to Hawaii and Bali, which were two of the most incredible experiences of my life. It taught me a lot—not just about yoga itself, but also the history of meditation—and I learned some incredible techniques that I use in my own classes now. Soon after, I set up my own yoga class, and having a business degree really helped. Ironically, I’d only picked business on a whim because I had to pick a major, and it was the first thing I saw, but now, I’m thankful I chose that, or I would have just been clueless.

  “Once I established myself and was actually making an income, I found pole dancing. A girl who regularly did one of my yoga classes was a pole dancing instructor, and she invited me to one of her classes. After just one session, I fell in love with it. I guess you could say this was the next best thing to ballet, as I got to push my boundaries again. With my history in ballet, the mixture of the acrobatics and dance came easy to me. So, after some intense training, I became a pole dancing teacher. It’s not just a sexy sport; it’s really beautiful and elegant. It’s fun, too, and the amount of confidence a woman can gain from owning that pole is unlike anything I have ever seen.”

  “Ballet, yoga, pole dancing, gangster rap.” He sniggers. “Is there anything you can’t do?” he asks, disbelief paramount in his voice.

  “Um, I can’t walk in a straight line while drunk,” I jokingly reply.

  Chase throws his head back with a hearty laugh. “Yeah, I don’t think anyone can.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t touch my nose with my tongue,” I offer as another answer before falling into a fit of laughter as I try and fail to demonstrate.

  We finish our meal, and as Chase clears up the Chinese containers, I head back into the changing rooms to grab my purse, so I can retrieve my phone to shoot Jo a text to see how she’s feeling.

  “Just so you know,” I begin as I walk back into Chase’s office while digging into my purse for my phone, “I did have actual plans with Jo for my birthday this weekend, but she came down with the stomach flu, thanks to her germ-riddled rug rat.”

  Chase throws me an amused grin. “Rug rat? I remember playing Rock Band with him last New Year’s. Isn’t he, like, eight years old?”

  “Whatever. It’s beside the point. Ever since she moved to Austin, I barely get to have one-on-one time with her. It just sucks she got sick on my birthday.”

  “Well, your birthday took a turn for the better, right?”

  I smile. “Yes, although having wine would have made tonight a ten out of ten.”

  “You know, you can have fun without alcohol.”

  “I know that, but I’m a grown-up. I don’t need to have fun without alcohol. All my fun without alcohol days are behind me,” I answer back, plopping myself back onto the sofa. I glance down at my phone, cursing under my breath at the million and one text messages I see from Teddy before I’ve even unlocked my screen.

  “Everything okay?” Chase asks as he perches himself on his desk chair.

  “Yes, just an ex who won’t take the hint. He thinks trying to win me back by text is sexy, but I think he lost the memo where it stated this isn’t 2003 anymore. I’m surprised he hasn’t gone as far as sending me a dick pic, but there’s still a couple of hours of my birthday left, so there’s still time.”

  “Guys actually do that?”

  I laugh at his naivety. “Disturbingly, yes. I’ve had many unsolicited cocks appear in my inbox.”

  “That’s nasty.”

  “I know, right? If I wanted to look at dicks, I’d watch some porn.”

  “You watch porn?” Chase raises an intrigued brow, smiling devilishly.

  “All the time. Don’t you?”

  “Is that a trick question?” he asks, his eyes dancing with humor. “So, what happened with your ex?”

  “Oh, just the usual dipping his pen into more than one ink.”

  “He cheated on you?” He winces.

  I nod. “Yep. A few nights before you and I met, I found him in bed with a chick barely legal to buy a sex toy, let alone alcohol. Then, ten months later, I found him in bed with another chick. She was riding him cowgirl-style,” I add matter-of-factly, as if the image of some moaning porn star look-alike wasn’t enough for me to want to wash my eyes out with acid. “I had given him a second chance, and he blew it.”

  “I’m sorry he did that to you. I don’t get some people. They have someone amazing right in front of them and then fuck it up by banging some random person.”

  “Did your wife cheat on you?” I ask unintentionally, and my eyes grow with my mistake. Shit, I didn’t mean to ask him that. Then, to add salt to his wound, I add, “I mean, is that why you got divorced?”

  He blinks and simply stares, almost a little angrily at me for a moment.

  I go to backpedal, but before I can, he answers, smoothing out his face, “Cheating was part of it among a million other little things. Marriage is a two-way street, and toward the end, it was very much one-sided.”

  I frown. “That really sucks. I mean, Teddy and I were just dating; we weren’t married. Infidelity in a marriage is so much worse. Wow, we sure know how to pick ’em, huh?” I sigh, letting out a humorless laugh. “At least be thankful there were no kids in the picture. Divorce is difficult on adults, let alone kids.” I don’t realize my words are some kind of explosive device until they leave my mouth, and I jolt in my seat when Chase stands abruptly.

  And, all of
a sudden, a perfect night turns to shit.

  “Excuse me,” he barely makes out with gritted teeth, a mixture of anger and grief visible in his eyes as he rushes out.

  I gape at the door, my stomach in knots for obviously upsetting him but having no idea why. Was it the kid comment?

  I don’t waste a single second and follow the same direction he went in. I halt in my steps when I see him standing in the middle of the changing rooms, his head tilting up to the ceiling, his fingers gripping the strands of his hair in a death grip.

  “Chase,” I utter quietly, “are you okay?”

  He remains silent, all except for his deep breathing. I approach slowly, and I set my hand on his shoulder. He seems to visibly relax at my touch, and he turns to me.

  “Was it my mention of children? If so, I’m sorry for bringing it up; it was just a dumb comment. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  He shakes his head, sadly smiling down at me. “It’s all still so fresh you know? I don’t know which way is up. It just reminds me how I’m no closer to having my own kids, and everything is just screwed up.”

  “I get it. I do. I always thought I’d be settled down with at least two kids by the time I was thirty, and five years on, I’m nowhere close to being settled down.”

  His face screws up, and he shakes his head. “No, you don’t. You don’t get it. I think maybe tonight was a bad idea. I should take you to get your car. This isn’t fair to you.”

  “What isn’t fair to me? What don’t I get?” I question, confused. “You’re talking in riddles, Chase.”

  “My life. It’s fucked up. You have no idea what mess I’m tangled in, the decisions I have to try to make, hopes and dreams of another life that lay on my shoulders. I can’t fucking breathe, Kaelyn. I haven’t for what seems like forever. I never wanted this life. I just wanted to get a divorce and move on with my life, but instead, my wife took matters into her own hands. Now, I’m left making life-and-death decisions because I’m the husband, because I’m still the fucking breadwinner of a relationship that is nonexistent, that is dead. You have no idea what I’m going through, and here you are, making comments of our life situation like you know me, but you don’t. You don’t know me.”

  His words feel like a puncture to my heart. My mind spins with even more riddles, and I look at this handsome man who honestly looks like he’s on the brink of a mental breakdown. “Well, let me in, let me know you, let me help you,” I plead.

  He just shakes his head and takes a step back. “No, you’re too good. You’re too amazing to get sucked up into my mess. I really like you, Kaelyn, and if circumstances were different, then I’d be with you in a heartbeat. You’re so fucking incredible, beautiful, and everything in between, but I can’t go there with you. I can never go there with you.”

  “Why can’t you be with me? Do you not trust me? Tell me, make me understand. I might be able to help.”

  “Of course I trust you. This isn’t about trust. It’s just, this is something I’m not willing to drag you into. It isn’t fair to you, and I like you too much to pull you into my mess.”

  My confusion quickly turns into anger, and I pin my gaze on him.

  “So, what was tonight, huh? What was the whole point of tonight if it was just going to end like the two other nights we’d spent together? You almost kissed me, and without even touching your lips, I know wholeheartedly that it would have been the best kiss I’d ever had. I shared pieces of myself with you I don’t share with anyone, other than my brother Jace and Jo, and I barely even know you. Usually, I wouldn’t bat an eye at a guy giving me the brush-off after knowing him for what essentially is only three days, but from the first moment I set eyes on you, I knew straightaway that you weren’t just any other guy. I can’t describe what I feel. I can barely wrap my head around it, but I know it’s deep and real, and I know you feel it, too. But something is stopping you, and I don’t know what. You opened up about your childhood so easily. Why can’t you open up to me about the pain I see in your eyes?”

  I wait for him to answer my question, but only silence follows. I watch intently as emotion flickers across his face, as he grinds his jaw, breathing hard. I see it, the struggle to want to tell me why his life is so fucked up, but he just won’t give up the words.

  “I can’t. I just…can’t.”

  A lump forms at the back of my throat, but I swallow it down, not wanting to cry in front of him. “Fine,” I bite out. “Keep whatever fucking secrets you have to yourself. I mean, you said yourself that I don’t really know you, so why should I give a rat’s ass about a guy I don’t know? Thanks for an amazing birthday, Chase. You really know how to show a girl a good time,” I grit out, sarcasm thick on my tongue. I know I’m lashing out, but I didn’t anticipate the night to end like this. If I did, I would never have gotten in his car.

  Chase purses his lips together, staring down at me with pure sorrow that breaks my fucking heart. “Kaelyn, I’m sorry,” he painfully expresses, and all I can do is nod. “Let me take you to get your car. I’ll go grab your clothes.”

  He goes to move, but I stop him.

  “Don’t bother. I’ll grab them myself and then have an Uber take me to my car. The laundry room adjoins the showers, right?” I ask, my voice lacking any kind of emotion.

  “Yeah,” Chase replies, his haunted eyes staying rooted on me.

  I don’t know what possesses me to do what I do next, but I grab the bottom of the jersey I’m wearing and whip it over my head, leaving me standing in nothing but my birthday suit. It seems fitting since it is my birthday and all. I don’t miss the way Chase’s eyes grow wide and how he slowly follows my naked body from head to toe. I’m not showing him my body for sexual gratification or to show him what he’s missing. I’m simply doing it to show that no guy can break me and because I have a rocking body. I ball the jersey in my hands and throw it at him. He doesn’t attempt to catch it, just lets it fall to the floor while his eyes stay trained on me.

  “It was nice knowing you, Chase.”

  I turn, grabbing my UGG boots from the bench, and head toward the laundry room, feeling Chase’s heated gaze on my bare ass as I walk away.

  It isn’t until later, when I get home, that I let the tears fall because, damn, I can’t seem to catch a break.

  A Brand New Superhero

  Chase

  It’s six a.m., and after a torturous night racked with guilt, I somehow find myself at Kaelyn’s front door. I’ve been up all night, thinking about last night, going over and over in my head at the way things ended.

  Fuck, she was so angry, and she had every right to be. She wanted me to open up, to let her in, and I wanted to, so fucking much, but for some reason, the words just wouldn’t come. It was like I’d been mute for so long that speaking again was impossible. I was unable to utter a single word.

  Since the day Olivia overdosed, it’s as if the world still revolves around her, and in some ways, she’s not even here. I mourned her a long time ago, perhaps even before the overdose, but everything that’s happened ever since is enough to make any sane guy go insane. It’s like fucking Groundhog Day, the same thing day in, day out. The only person who’s been able to break me from that spell is Kaelyn. She’s so incredible, funny, feisty, and unbelievably sexy. She makes me forget about all the bad in my life, and it’s like being able to breathe again after months with no oxygen.

  She’s everything, and after losing myself in a bottle of whiskey last night, it occurred to me that, instead of pushing her away, I should be latching on to her as tightly as possible because women like Kaelyn don’t come around very often. She might think she’s not one in a million, but she is. She’s the one in a million that came into my life and knocked me onto my ass.

  It’s why I’m here, seconds away from ringing her doorbell. I can’t be the guy who let his one in a million walk away.

  It’s crazy. I barely know her, but at the same time, I feel as if I’ve known her forever. I’ve never felt this cl
ose to anyone before, not even with Olivia, and I can’t lose that kind of connection. I won’t.

  What she said last night, about knowing each other for essentially three days, is true. Over the course of the year since New Year’s, we’ve only seen each other twice, but to me, the timeline doesn’t matter.

  I don’t know if there will ever be a future with her. Hell, she might even slam the door in my face, but all I know is that I need her in my life, if only as a friend. Plus, after the way she bared herself to me, in more ways than one last night, I need to bare myself to her. I need to show her the naked truth. It’s the only way to keep the single sliver of sunshine I have in my life.

  I doubt she’ll want to get mixed up in the mess that is my life, and I won’t blame her if she wants nothing to do with me. Honestly, it’s enough to scare anyone away, but I need her to make that decision for herself. Also, if I keep this bottled up for much longer, I’m afraid of what I might do. How I’ve managed to keep this a secret so far is a miracle, but I’m finally ready to let someone in.

  I want to let Kaelyn in.

  I’m thankful I walked her home the last time we hung out and remembered where she lived because it occurred to me when going to dial her number that we still haven’t exchanged numbers. So, begging for her forgiveness would have fallen flat on its ass if I didn’t know where she lived.

  I ring the doorbell and anxiously wait for her to answer.

  Thirty seconds pass, and as much as I hoped I wouldn’t wake her on a Saturday morning, when she groggily opens the door, dressed in pajamas, staring at me as if she could stab a bitch, I realize I have in fact woken her up. I mean, what did I expect? It’s six a.m. on a Saturday, and it’s still dark outside. No one in their right mind would welcome a knock so early in the morning. But I couldn’t wait a minute longer. What I need to show her has to be now. I must say though, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so beautiful. She’s the only woman I know who makes disheveled bed hair and ugly plaid pajamas look so good.