What if I Fall: The Pocket Watch Chronicles

by Ceci Giltenan

  “No, I didn’t tell ye those things, but none of it is a secret. My father had many friends here. The story of his death is well enough known.”

  “True, but the story of yer mother’s death isn’t.”

  He shrugged. “There’s nothing to know. She became ill and died.”

  Gertrude arched a brow at him. “She blamed herself for his death and became so grief-stricken, she sank into a melancholia from which she never recovered. Believing she couldn’t go on without him, eventually she took to her bed and stopped eating.”

  Benedict clenched his jaw. “Fine. She died of a broken heart. A few people know that.”

  Gertrude captured his gaze. “Lad, she didn’t die of a broken heart. She died because she chose to give up. She chose death over life without her husband.” She took hold of his hand, with a surprisingly firm grip. “What no one knows is how badly that hurt ye, lad. Because in choosing not to live without her husband, she also chose to abandon ye.”

  The words were like a knife in his gut. He had never told anyone that. By most standards, he’d been a grown man, or very nearly, when all of that happened. He didn’t need a mother. But Gertrude was right. The fact that his mother had given up on life, and in so doing had given up on him, wounded him deeply.

  He tore his eyes away from Gertrude’s, but he didn’t pull his hand out of hers. There was a warmth and comfort flowing from her that he couldn’t shun.

  “I’m sorry, Benedict.”

  It took him a moment to find his voice. “I should have gone with them. But I was sixteen when they left and was apprenticed in my father’s business. Scotland was a distant memory for me. This was my home. I wanted to stay and continue my training.”

  “Benedict, look at me.”

  He did. Love and warmth radiated from her eyes, just as it had from her hand.

  “You made the best choice.”

  “How do ye know? Maybe my father wouldn’t have died if I’d been there. Maybe I could have helped my mother to hold onto life if I’d been with her.”

  “Nay. Yer father and mother would still have died…and you would have died, too.”

  “You don’t know that.” His voice was filled with anguish. “How could you possibly know that?”

  “I told ye, it’s a gift. I know what I need to know when I need to know it. My dear lad, I am an immortal spirit. I can often see the ‘should haves’ and the ‘what might have beens’ that weigh on human hearts. Sometimes I can help set mortals on the right path, the one that might prevent some heartaches. Sometimes I cannot see the specifics, but I can always see the end of those paths.”

  Benedict was speechless. An immortal spirit?

  As if she had heard his thoughts, she answered, “Aye lad. I have existed since the dawn of time, from the first moments of creation.”

  “Ye’re a…a…an angel?”

  “Aye. Throughout history we have been given different names by different peoples, but angel is probably the one ye’ll understand best.”

  As she said it, he knew, without a doubt, that she was telling the absolute truth. “Why?”

  “Why is angel the name ye’ll understand?”

  He chuckled. “Nay, why are ye here?”

  “I’m here to offer ye an opportunity only a small number of mortals are given.”

  “An opportunity?”

  “Aye, but there are a few other things ye need to understand first.” She reached into her pocket, pulled out a pocket watch on a long chain, and laid it on the table between them. “Some of what I’m about to tell ye may be difficult to believe.”

  “More difficult than believing ye’re an angel?”

  She gave a little chuckle. “Perhaps. The fact is, ye already believed that angels exist and I told ye things known only deep in yer heart. So it was no great challenge for ye to accept that I am an angel. What I’m about to tell ye goes very much against what ye believe to be fact. Ye need to keep an open mind. Will ye promise to do so?”

  “Aye, I promise.”

  “Good. Well then, the first thing ye must understand is the nature of time.”

  “Excuse me? The nature of time?”

  “Aye. The nature of time is not quite as ye believe it to be.”

  “What do ye mean by that?”

  “Most people believe yesterday is followed by today, which is followed by tomorrow.”

  “Aye.”

  “But that is not absolute. Time can loop back on itself and people can cross from one time to another—or more precisely, souls can.”

  Benedict couldn’t stop himself from saying, “That’s not possible.”

  Gertrude arched a brow at him.

  “Right. Open mind. Sorry.”

  “It is possible because this pocket watch is a conduit from one time to another. When someone accepts the watch, they have the opportunity to exchange souls with another person.”

  “How?”

  “It’s simple really. The person who accepts the watch tells it a word before going to bed. This word will be used to return to their own time. Then the time traveler puts the pocket watch ‘round their neck or in a pocket, and they go to sleep. They will awake in someone else’s body but with their own soul and consciousness, and they’ll have up to sixty days to experience that life.”

  She opened the watch. “The pocket watch has only one hand. It moves forward one second every day a soul is in the past. That person can return to their own body at any time during the sixty days by saying the word.”

  “What happens to the other soul?”

  “It is an exchange.”

  “And that person has sixty days in another life?”

  “Nay. It’s an exchange, but not an equal exchange. Specifically, time is not equal in both places. For each day the time traveler experiences in the life they assume, only a second passes in the one they left.”

  Benedict frowned. “So, after they change back, the other person wakes up sixty days later with no memory of what happened?”

  Gertrude shook her head sadly. “Nay, lad. Ye see for the exchange to occur, the other person will normally have done something that will ultimately result in their imminent death. The time traveler will do something to change that, at least temporarily. However, that person’s life was over. When the time traveler returns to their own time, the other person’s body will die and their soul will move on.”

  “But what if the time traveler doesn’t want to return. Is there a way to stay?”

  “Aye. Everyone who uses the watch has to make three choices. First, when offered the watch, the person must make the conscious decision to accept it. Then once they’ve accepted it, they must elect to use it. That is, to tell it a word and keep the watch on their person as they go to sleep. I can assure ye, many people don’t accept the watch and many others change their minds after they do.”

  “What is the third choice?”

  “Returning home. Within the allotted time, the time traveler must consciously choose to say the word that will return them to their own life. If they don’t say the word, they have essentially chosen to stay in the other life.”

  “If the time traveler decides to stay, will both souls live?”

  Gertrude nodded. “In a manner of speaking. It is true that as long as the time-traveler’s soul is alive, their own body will be too. But remember, time is not equal. For every year the time traveler is away, only three hundred and sixty-five seconds pass in their own time. That’s a little over six minutes. So, if the time traveler lives for eighty more years in the other person’s body, barely eight hours will have passed—a normal night’s sleep. And they will not awaken during that time. When the person who accepted the pocket watch reaches the end of their life, and the body they are in dies, their own body will die as well and both souls will move on.”

  “I see. So if the person who uses the watch decides to stay, their body in their own time will be dead by morning…in their own time.”

  “Aye.”

  �
�That’s a bit gruesome.”

  “Death is an eventuality for all mortals. It is what it is.”

  “I suppose so.”

  “So ye understand the basics of how the pocket watch works?”

  Benedict nodded. “Aye. I think I do.”

  “Then here is yer opportunity.” She held the pocket watch out to him. “Would ye like to try it?”

  “And travel through time?”

  “Aye.”

  Benedict’s mind whirled, considering the possibilities. “Sixty days in another time and I’ll return here in a minute.”

  “If ye choose to return, aye.”

  “Where will I go?”

  Gertrude canted her head to one side. “You must choose to accept the watch before I tell ye more.”

  “But even if I accept it, I don’t have to use it?”

  “That’s correct. The choice is completely yours.”

  “Then, aye, I’ll accept it.”

  She smiled and placed the watch in his hand.

  “Now, where will I go?”

  “I almost never answer that question when the person with the watch is going back in time.”

  “Why?”

  “Because the temptation to prepare, to try to learn as much as they can about the time and place to which they are travelling is too great. But ye’re going forward in time, and for that reason, I’ll share a bit with ye. Ye’ll awake in the year of Our Lord, two thousand and six.”

  Benedict looked at her aghast. “Ye aren’t serious.”

  “I’m very serious. Ye’ll be in the body of a man, an American named Benjamin Talbot.”

  “A colonist?”

  “Nay, in the future America is no longer part of the British Empire, but I’ll tell ye no more than that.”

  “What must I do to stop this American from dying?”

  Gertrude smiled. “Nothing. Literally. Ye’ll arrive right after he learns that the woman he’s been…hmm, how shall I put this? Things are a bit different in the future. Generally, it isn’t frowned upon for men and women to…cohabitate...or to know each other in the biblical sense outside of marriage. He will have just learned Daphne, the woman with whom he is intimate, has been sleeping with another man.”

  Benedict frowned, darkly. “He loved her?”

  “Not exactly. I’m not sure Benjamin Talbot loves anything but money and control. Since he’s extremely wealthy, he has a good deal of both. Nay, it’s rather like a dog guarding a manger. He doesn’t love the woman, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have her—especially not Mark Holland, a man who he considered one of his few friends.”

  Benedict nodded. “That’s a low blow, sure enough.”

  “Aye, but Benjamin Talbot has a dangerous temper and he’ll be in a murderous rage. If he storms off with every intention of beating his rival to a pulp, something will go amiss that will result in his death.”

  “I see. So if I enter his body, I’ll simply accept that I’ve been cuckolded?” That didn’t sit well with Benedict.

  “I wouldn’t look at it that way. After all, you weren’t cuckolded. Besides, there is someone else to consider.”

  “Who?”

  “The only person in this mess who is broken-hearted. The lovely young woman who thought Mark Holland was going to ask her to marry him, Sara Wells. As it happens, she is the one who discovered their perfidy. She walked in on Mark and Daphne, in flagrante.”

  “Poor lass.”

  “Exactly.”

  “But Gertrude, they speak English in America, don’t they? My English is reasonably good but very rusty. My first language was Scots and I’ve spoken Venetian almost exclusively since my parents left. How will I communicate? And for that matter, how will I explain what’s happened. Are people in the future accustomed to soul exchange?”

  “As far as language goes, that won’t be a problem. When ye trade souls, ye’ll reside in Benjamin’s body with his brain and memories. Ye’ll have some of his memories right from the start. Language is so ingrained, ye’ll understand and speak his language—American English. Other memories may emerge from time to time as well. And, nay, soul exchange is no more common in the future than it is now. Very few people have experienced it.”

  “Then how will I explain what’s happened.”

  “Sometimes time travelers claim to have amnesia. Other times, if they don’t stay long, they can get by with no explanation. Once ye’re in the situation, ye’ll be better able to decide the best course.”

  Benedict nodded. “So, I’ll be going to America?”

  Gertrude smiled. “Ye’ll actually find yerself out on the Adriatic.”

  “At sea?”

  “Aye, ye’ll be on holiday aboard a very grand, modern ship, and ye’ll be in a cabin alone with Sara. Ye can tell her exactly what’s happened. She’ll believe ye.”

  “What makes ye so certain?”

  “Because I offered her the pocket watch once and she turned it down. Show it to her. Ye’ll find it somewhere on yer person. She’s a kind lass with a good heart. Once she realizes what’s happened, she’ll help ye understand all that’s going on and perhaps the best way to handle Benjamin’s memory loss. Ye need only choose not to fight Mr. Holland and everything will fall into place as it should.”

  “Is that all I need to know?”

  “You will see wonderful, amazing things that will be hard to believe. Try to take them in stride and enjoy the experience. That’s all I’m prepared to give ye. Now, as I’ve said, the choice to use the watch is yers.”

  “Thank ye, Gertrude. Still I can’t help but wonder why ye chose to give me the pocket watch in the first place.”

  “My reasons are many and not intended to be shared. Now that ye’ve accepted the watch, you only need to decide whether to use it or not and then make the most of it if you do.”

  “I’ll do my best. Again, thank ye.

  She inclined her head. “Now, the last thing you’ll need is to select your return word. One that ye aren’t likely to say accidentally.”

  He grinned. “I already have. Since ye say I’ll be speaking English, I’ll use relogio.”

  Gertrude laughed. “The Venetian word for ‘watch’. Good choice.” She stood. “I’ll leave ye now.”

  “Where are ye staying? I’ll find ye tomorrow to return the pocket watch.”

  “That won’t be necessary. The pocket watch will find me when ye’re finished with it.”

  “Will I see ye again?”

  She laughed merrily. “Only time will tell, lad. Only time will tell.”

  Chapter 5

  Monday, July 10, 2006

  A cruise ship on the Adriatic

  Benedict felt as if he’d barely closed his eyes when he woke with a start. He was standing at the door of a room he’d never seen before. Clearly, the pocket watch had worked. The shock of finding himself upright when mere moments ago he’d been lying in his bed caused him to stumble slightly.

  After Gertrude had left, Benedict’s house had felt very empty. Without her warm presence, he’d begun to question all she’d told him. How could he possibly have believed that the strange old woman was an angel? Still, he’d known he’d regret it if he didn’t at least try the pocket watch, so he’d done exactly as Gertrude had instructed.

  Now here he stood. He felt the slightest motion and knew he was, indeed, on a ship of some sort. The taste of alcohol lingered in his mouth. His arm was extended towards the door handle, but he stopped and looked down at himself. It had happened just a Gertrude said it would. He was in another man’s body dressed most strangely. He wore pants with very short legs, a blue and white striped shirt with short sleeves, and leather shoes without stockings.

  “Benjamin, please stop. You mustn’t do this,” said a feminine voice behind him.

  He turned slowly to face her. She was lovely. Long, curly, light-brown hair hung down her back, unbound. She wore a pale-yellow dress, the hem of which stopped well above her knees. The top was held up by slender straps, r
evealing quite a bit of sun-kissed skin. However, her eyes were swollen and red, as if she had been crying.

  “Sara?” His voice sounded extremely odd.

  She took a step back from him, a fearful expression on her face. “Benjamin, what’s wrong?”

  “I…” How was he going to tell her this? “I’m not Benjamin.” At the look of horror on her face he added quickly, “Gertrude sent me here.”

  “Gertrude? Benjamin what are you trying to pull?”

  “You are Sara, aren’t you? Gertrude told me you’d be here when I woke and said you’d understand about the pocket watch and soul exchange.” He felt his breeches for pockets, found the pocket watch in one, and held it out to her.

  Her face went ashen and she took several more steps backwards. “I am Sara and Gertrude did explain the watch to me, but I didn’t accept it. I don’t want it…I mean…I didn’t want it then.” She shook her head ruefully. “Although if I had accepted it, I might not be in this mess now. Maybe I should reconsider.”

  “Sara, I can’t offer you the pocket watch. I suspect only Gertrude can. But, since I’m here now, perhaps I can help you sort things out.”

  Sara’s eyebrows shot up. “You are definitely not Benjamin Talbot. He’d never offer to help anyone do anything if there wasn’t something in it for him.”

  “Gertrude told me a little about him. He sounds like a roaring ass.”

  “He can be.” She sighed. “So you accepted the pocket watch. You’re from the future?”

  “I exchanged souls with Benjamin Talbot, but I’m not from the future. I went to sleep in the year 1758 at my home on the Lido—one of the Venetian islands.

  “You’re Italian?”

  “No, I’m Venetian. Well, I guess technically I’m Scottish. I was born in Scotland, but I’ve lived in Venice since the age of ten.”

  “Venetian? Oh, right, Venice was a city-state before Italy became united. But, wait, if you exchanged souls with Benjamin, that means he was about to die?”

  “As I understand it, yes.”

  “How? How will you stop it?”

  “Evidently, I just did. Gertrude only told me a bit, but she said Mark, the man you…care very deeply about, was…unfaithful with Benjamin’s…uh…”