"Did something happen to him?" Terror races through my veins like poison to my heart. I relive the entire nightmare in a split second.
Eli nods and gets out of the car. He comes around to my side, opens the door and helps me out, pulling me into a hug. "Oliver..." He's starting to sob. "Oliver had a heart attack."
"Oh my God, we have to go see him." All I can think of is how I need to get there to be with him. I want to be sure he knows that I love him and that I'm pulling for him. "Let's go!"
"Honey, it's too late, he's gone," Eli whispers through the sobs that rattle his whole body.
Chapter Sixteen
The Haunting of Misters Roth
Another night and Eli's not with me in bed. I roll over and lament his absence. Rex picks his head up and looks at me from the end of the bed as if to say he misses Eli too. He's taken Oliver's death very hard. We all have, but it seems to be affecting Eli in a very profound way.
I slink out of bed and put on Eli's dress shirt that’s draped over the chair. There's a dim light coming from his office. I go to the French doors and stand there looking at him. He's sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. His hair is a mess and there are two bottles of whiskey sitting on the desk, one of them half empty.
My heart sinks knowing that he's been drinking. I consider my next move carefully. I'm not sure that the pissed off controlling fiancé is the correct approach right now, but I need to let him know that this isn't cool. Eli doesn't notice me in his office until I gently put my hands on his shoulders.
He jolts up. "What?"
"Honey, you should come to bed. Get some rest," I say in a quiet tone.
"No, I can't, I have things to do," he scolds.
I wrap my arms down around him in an embrace to let him know I love him, to let him know that it's okay and that I understand. "Eli, I know you are having a hard time with things right now. We all are, but Oliver wouldn't want you to be this way. He would want you to go on."
"You don't know what Oliver wanted," he snaps and breaks my embrace, pushing me away.
I take a step back. "Eli, I love you. Let me help you. Come to bed and let me just hold you." I plead with him. "Let me be here for you."
"I don't need your pity, your judgment or your bullshit right now." He doesn't turn to look at me.
"Eli, I'm not judging you. I'm just asking you to come to bed. I just want to help you." I'm trying not to get upset by his tone. I'm sure I was just as difficult when Elise died. “I also may need a little comfort too.”
"Whatever. I'm just waiting for you to start in on your righteous bullshit of why I can't drink. Well, let me help you speed the process up. I'm a grown man and can make my own decisions. Mind your own fucking business."
I kneel down beside his chair. "Eli, I'm not the one talking about your drinking right now, you are. I just want to help you feel better. If you want to finish the half bottle and then start on this one be my guest." I pick up the unopened bottle of Johnny Walker and notice there's a note attached. I open it and read it.
Congratulations, Son!
I knew you’d pass the bar on the first try, I couldn’t be more proud!
Save this bottle and we’ll celebrate when you finally come to work with me at the firm.
~Oliver
"Oh Eli, where was this?" I've never seen this bottle before.
"Oliver gave it to me when I passed the bar." His eyes swell with tears. "I handed it back to him and told him that he could hang on to it until he's ready to put my name on the building." He presses the palm of his hands into his eyes, in hopes of making the tears stop.
"Why do you have it now?" It really doesn't matter, but I'm curious.
"Eddins brought it by along with some of the other estate paperwork." His nostrils flare. "I should have been better to him. He didn't understand I want to be a district attorney. But that shouldn't have mattered. I should have been there for him."
"Eli, you can't beat yourself up over this." For comfort I touch my hand to his shoulder.
"You just don't fucking get it, do you? I couldn't even make time for him to go to dinner. That's all he wanted from me is time and I couldn't give it to him." Eli runs his fingers through his hair. “I never had a dad and he never had a son. It's the least I could do since he was willing to fill the gap for me.” His head shakes, building with frustration. “Aiden couldn't even be fucking bothered to return his phone calls once in a while.” He cuts me a hard look that makes me feel responsible for every shitty thing that Aiden has ever done.
Eli picks up a large envelope and slams it back down on his desk. "And he still cared enough about me, about you, to do all of this. But I was nothing but a shit to him."
I pick up the envelope and slide the paperwork out to look at it. "Holy shit, Eli." I don't know exactly what this all means, but that's a lot of zeros.
"Yeah, here's yours." He drops another envelope on the desk with my name on it. I don't pick it up. I'm still sifting through the pages and pages of documents until I come to a note.
Eli,
You've always been like a son to me. I'm very proud of you and I can think of no better man to pick up the torch and run with it. When you are ready and done going after the bad guys, there's a place for you at the firm. Please be good to Shay, make lots of love, have healthy children and don't work too hard or else you'll miss it all.
Love,
Oliver
"Jesus Eli, can't you see that he wants you to be happy, that he doesn't want you to feel this bad?" I try to take his hand.
"You know what, I think it's time for you to go home." He looks me hard in the eye.
You could blow me over with a breath. "What?"
"You heard me, get out." He stands up, ushering me out of his office. "Take your judgments elsewhere. Pack your shit and go home." Eli slams the door.
I look through the glass and put my hand on the door. "I thought I was home."
***
It's four AM and there's two more hours that I can sleep. I'm going to make the best of it. I put my bag down on the floor in front of the bed and get in. My heart is breaking from the inside out, the disbelief that he threw me out swirling in my mind like a poison.
I'm feeling very alone. Eli's never done anything like this. I expect it from Aiden, but not Eli. "Aiden." I say it out loud, exasperated. How could he have missed his own father's funeral? Who does that? I pick up my phone to set my alarm and think for a moment. I wonder if he even knows his dad is gone. Does he care? Does Aiden Roth care about anything other than himself? Anger rises in me and I go to my contact list. I stare at his name on the screen for a long while, getting more pissed by the minute. I stop myself several times from clicking "call" until I finally just do it. It rings several times and goes to voice mail. "You've reached my voice mail probably because I don't want to talk to you."
I inhale a deep breath for the berating I'm about to leave him. "Aiden, you are the biggest fucking asshole that has ever walked the planet. You are a fucking waste of human material and I hope I never see you again, ever!"
After I hang up I throw the phone on the end of the bed, disgusted and already wishing I could take that message back. He's probably going to get off on hearing me caring enough to leave him a message. He'll probably revel in the fact that he evoked that much emotion in me. That selfish motherfucker. I have a mind to call him back and tell him how selfish he is. I lie back hard on the pillow and my phone lights up the room, accompanied by the ring tone that is only for him.
I look at the screen in disbelief and answer. "Aiden?"
"Shay." His voice is quiet and sounds somehow humble.
"Where are you?" I'm still in shock that he called me.
"Far away."
"Why weren't you at your father's funeral?" There's no telling how much longer I'll keep him on the phone.
"Because I can't come back now, it's a bad time." There's something in his voice that I don't recognize.
"But he was your fat
her."
"He still is my father, and I know he understands. I would hope that you could also try to understand. I spent my time with my dad when he was alive; I've never had a desire to spend time with him now that he's dead." There's pleading in his voice for me to understand, but I can't.
"You should have come back, Aiden." Tears are spilling over and I'm not sure if it's because I'm sad or angry. "You should have come back."
"No, Shay, I can't come back. I'm sorry." There's silence. I think he's hung up on me.
"Aiden?"
"Yes."
With my teeth clenched I tell him, "You are a selfish, uncaring son of a bitch."
"That may be true." His tone is so calm it shakes me to the core. I have no words. What do you say to that? After a long silence I hear him take in a breath. "Shay?"
"Yes."
"I love you." He says it so softly I wonder if I even heard it. The silence drags on. I inhale to speak and the phone makes the sound indicating the call has been disconnected.
***
That whole exchange with Aiden has me staring at the ceiling for far too long before sleep finds its way to me. The overwhelming smell of disinfectant causes me to open my eyes to look around. A hospital, why would I be in a hospital?
Going room to room makes sense to me, looking for people I recognize. The last few dreams that I've had with Gabriel since the dream about Oliver haven't starred anyone I know. Hopefully tonight is the same. Thinking about Oliver sends a chill running through my core and leaves a boulder size lump in my throat.
Gabriel is walking toward me dressed in a white lab coat. "Gabriel?"
He reaches me and takes me by the elbow. "You have to go, you can't be here."
"What's going on? What's with the coat?" I ask, tugging at his collar.
He continues ushering me down the hallway with his hand on the small of my back. "I said you have to go."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I stop and turn to face him. As he's getting ready to answer the black smoky form of the Specter darts into one of the hospital rooms. "Oh hell no."
I push past Gabriel and go to the door of the room. My dad is sitting in a chair next to the bed. When I make my way to where I can see around the curtain, I find my mother. She's lying in the hospital bed hooked up to machines and tubes. She's sleeping peacefully, but now that I know the Specter is here something needs to be done to stop him. "Dad."
He doesn't respond, so I call out to him again while trying to shake his shoulders. I'm unable to touch him; my hands move right through him as though he was made of nothing.
The Specter travels up from under my mom. His form while still smoky seems more solid. He looks at my dad and a twisted smile appears on the Specter's face.
He looks at my mom and gets within inches of her face. I yell out, "Mom! Mom, you have to wake up." I'm frantic. I turn around and Gabriel is nowhere to be found. "Dad!"
No one is responding to me. I try to grab at the Specter, but my hands go through him. He doesn't acknowledge my presence.
He starts vomiting into his hands. He brings the vomit back up to where his nose would be and savors the smell, which is now reaching me. The stench is overwhelming and tugs at my stomach, causing me to choke it back. I run toward the bed screaming, but the odor repels me and I can't walk through it. I can't stop him from whatever he's about to do. I'm completely helpless.
He freezes and looks around the room as if he heard something. I hold perfectly still in hopes that I can stop him if I catch him by surprise. Satisfied that there's no threat he goes back to my mom. He's hovering over her and nearly shaking with excitement. The sick smell blooms again, gifting me with another wave of nausea.
He reaches down inside my mother with the vomitous mass in his hands and moves around inside her. Mom barely flinches, but she puts her hand over her stomach.
"Katherine, are you okay?" Dad asks her, sitting forward in his chair.
"I'm fine, just a little queasy," she answers with a grimace.
"The doctor said that was to be expected." He takes her hand in his.
The Specter lies down on top of my mom, causing her to flinch again. He writhes around on top of her. I don't know what he's doing, but it's disturbing to watch. It's like he's violating my mother without her knowing he's there. His entire form dissipates as though he's being absorbed into her body.
"I didn't want you to see this," Gabriel's whispers from behind, full of sorrow.
"I don't even know what I just saw. What the hell was that?" I don't bother whispering since I know Dad and Mom can't hear me.
"We can talk about it later." He takes me by the shoulders and leads me out of the room.
When we enter the hallway I spin on him fast. "What the actual fuck, Gabriel. You cannot be keeping things from me. That's not how this works." Honestly, I don't know how this works, but keeping me in the dark isn't going to fly with me.
He backs me into the wall with his proximity. "You listen to me, there's a lot more going on here than you know and you need to trust me." When I can't go any further back he leans down and sniffs at my neck.
I push him away. "No, I won't trust you. Definitely not when you are trying to keep secrets from me and my family is involved."
He leans in close to my ear, careful not to touch me. "Everything I do I'm doing for us. You don't have a choice but to trust me."
"I don't get it, Gabriel. This is a dream that I created, I created you, and apparently the Specter, and maybe it's time for me to figure out what deep dark recesses of my mind I've conjured you both from and burn that shit down." I cut him a hard look in the eye. "I just saw that thing do something to my mother. Just like I saw him do something to Oliver and now Oliver's dead. If anything happens to my mom, I'm blaming you and there's going to be hell to pay."
"I'm working on a way that we can be together, forever.” Desperation swims in his eyes. “I need you in my life. You're right, I would be nothing without you and I want you back. But in order for me to do all of this you are going to have to trust me." His eyes are sincere, but there's still something that doesn't feel right.
The walls start with a slow vibration and Gabriel begins fading away. "I love you." He whispers those last words as everything goes to black and the blaring of my alarm pulls me back.
Sitting straight up in bed I gasp for air. The wind has been knocked out of me and I can't breathe. I slow my breathing and pick up my phone to turn off the alarm.
A text came in while I was sleeping.
I do love you~Aiden.
"Just fuck my life." I lie back in bed. The dream still has me unsettled, and a heavy blanket of guilt covers me in the shame of not having gone to see mom in too long. It's just so hard to see her. Mostly because she doesn't see me, she only sees Elise, and it hurts. Elise didn't have the decency to stick around for Mom. She was so selfish and only considered her own pain.
Did she even stop for one split second to consider what her actions would do to Mom and Dad? I let out a growl in frustration and haul my tired ass out of bed. I grab my toothbrush out of my overnight bag and get in the shower.
Of course I can't stop my mind from racing, not even with all the positive ions running over my body. There's no way to let it all go and have a decent day. I'm feeling deserted and rejected by everyone. Even my imaginary dream boyfriend is fucking with me. There's a profound dread spiraling through my being at knowing that I really have to go and see Mom today.
Chapter Seventeen
The Dam
After giving the door a quick knock I walk in fully armed with a bunch of lilacs from the bush outside. Don't look at the walls,Shay. There are only pictures of Elise hanging up. I try not to let it hurt my feelings.
Dad's sitting in his old chair with that ugly ass afghan draped over it. Mom is lying on the couch holding a cup of tea on her belly. Relief overcomes me; I half expected to get here and find her gone. She's not looking very good. She's lost most of her hair, and I wish she would ju
st cut the rest of the wisps that are left. Her hands so bony, frail and scrolled with blue veins. She's aged so much and it makes me feel even more like a shitbag that I haven't come to see her. I shake the thought out of my head and walk over to Dad.
"You're slipping, Dad." I walk all the way into the living room.
Dad jumps up, offering me a hug. "Hey Doodlebug."
Mom doesn't acknowledge me, she just continues staring at the ceiling. "Hey Mom."
"Katherine, did you see that Shayleigh's here?" Dad tries to get her attention. He looks at me with apologetic eyes. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. She's having a rough morning so far."
"It's okay, I understand." That maybe she's come to terms with the fact that I'm not Elise, but I don’t say that part out loud.
"So what brings you out to the ol' homestead?" he asks, putting his arm around me and leading me to the kitchen.
"I wanted to come by and check on Mom."
"Really?" He's surprised, but justifiably. "I'm glad you did."
"How is everything going?" My tone is cautious; it's been touch and go for a while now.
"Actually, it's a real mixed bag." He pours a cup of coffee, then offers me a mug. His expression is unable to hide his worry. "She's still missing Elise and asks every day if she's coming to see her."
"I'm sorry Dad, you know that's why I'm staying away. I worry that it's too painful for her."
He pulls his mouth to the side. "I know, but I think it will be good for her to see you."
"How is everything else?" I hope he doesn't make me come out and ask how she's doing with the cancer.
"Surprisingly well when you hear the doctors tell it." His eyebrows raise with the hope they've given him.
"That's good." I get a vase out of the cabinet to put the lilacs in that I picked for Mom, then pour myself a cup of coffee.
"All of her counts have been low for the last six weeks. They may be ready to start the countdown clock for remission."
"Oh wow, that is good news," I remark, nodding.
"We have an appointment later today for another body scan." He sips his coffee. "We're hoping for good news."
INK: Sketches (Book 0 - parts 1 & 2) Page 9
