“Why wouldn’t you want to?” he whispered.
“Lucius,” she returned and it made him pull back, because she never used his given name. “I’ve allowed you far too many liberties already. You should take me back inside.”
At the thought of her leaving, the distance between them, his hands started to shake again. “One more minute. Please.”
She gave him a searching glance. “I cannot have an affair with you. I should have said it sooner. I’ve been caught up in the feel of--” She stopped. “You’ve been clear about marriage. And I respect it but that leaves us with nothing.”
He leaned his forehead against hers, it sounded like goodbye and his hands shook harder. He needed her. “Not nothing.” It was becoming clear he’d done this all wrong. But how to change it now was a mystery.
“If I marry Wurts, it will take the temptation away for both of us. I’ll get to stay in America and you’ll get your contract.” Her heard her breath shudder out. “I’ll see myself in,” she whispered as she rose from the bench.
There was no way in hell he’d allow her to marry Will Wurts. He’d kill the man or die trying. He sat for a minute or two wondering what to do. The shaking in his hands grew worse.
There was only one thing to do. Stay close to her.
10
There was only one thing to do. Stay far away from Lucius Loudoun. She’d barely been able to walk away in the garden. Her need for him both physically and emotionally was growing despite his attempts to push her away.
But when he wasn’t putting distance between them he was teasing with delicious kisses and breath stealing caresses and that was what she had to avoid. She should have smacked him harder.
Perhaps he’d been right all along. He was no good after all. But that made her heart twist painfully too. She knew there was good in him, his life had forced him to bury it deep but someone had to help him draw it out.
She saw him walk by, and even from a distance she noticed the trembling. His face was pale and, if she drew closer, she was sure his brow was sweating. He checked over his shoulder a few times and then disappeared down a hall.
The set finished and the beau she’d been dancing with presented his elbow to escort her back to Barrett. Willy had disappeared altogether, which was fine as far as she was concerned, though it was odd behavior for a man who claimed to be so enamored. She sighed. Whatever his motivation for wanting to court her, he likely had no more feeling for her than she for him. Part of her was relieved. Perhaps they could have a marriage of convenience if neither heart was involved.
She looked to the hall that Loudoun had used, she shouldn’t care about what he was doing or why he looked so distressed. But she bit her lip, he looked to be in real trouble and she just couldn’t turn it off. It was who she was… she cared deeply. Put herself out for those she loved. As they walked, her escort swung them past the very hall Loudoun had disappeared to.
“Mr. Sampson,” she drawled, turning to the man escorting her.
“Simpson,” he corrected, looking eager nonetheless.
“Of course,” she gave him a bright smile. “No need to escort me further.” She started to pull away but he grasped her hand.
“Oh I wouldn’t feel right, not returning a lady to her chaperone,” he answered.
She stretched her smile even wider. “I’ll return shortly.” She leaned in for a conspiratorial whisper. “I need to find the ladies’ salon. You’re such a vivacious dancer, I simply must rest for a moment.”
He blushed and nodded eagerly, telling her that he would inform Barrett of her whereabouts. That did not give her much time and so she dashed down the hall.
Most of the doors were closed but one was cracked open. Peeking in, she recognized Loudoun’s back as he stood at the desk. “Are you all right?” she asked as she slipped into the room, checking behind her to see if anyone saw her go in.
Before she could even close the door, Loudoun had swept her into his arms. She reached her hands around his neck but not before she peeked at the desk to see a snifter of brandy. “Did you drink any?” she asked trying not let her voice show how frightened she was.
Instead of answering he captured her lips with his own. His kiss tasted as it always did, like cloves and cinnamon, not a hint liquor.
She sighed with relief against his mouth and he used the opportunity to touch his tongue to hers. Every muscle in her body tightened, a sweet ache building inside her. It both excited and irritated her because there was never any relief.
Pulling her mouth from his, she looked at him with accusing eyes. “You frightened me.”
He touched her cheek, giving her a warm smile. “Sorry, love.” He glanced over at the desk. “I know you see me struggling but it isn’t usually so, I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”
She shook her head. “I really am terrible for you. You said I reminded you of the worst time in your life. Am I making you relive it?”
He blinked at her. “I don’t think that is it. I wasn’t being entirely honest with you that night. I was attracted to you but felt I shouldn’t be because of our past relationship.”
A blush crept into her cheeks. “That’s silly. It’s not like Barrett who is like a father to me. We haven’t even seen each other in years.”
“I know that, but even so, you’re right. You are not a woman for an affair and I am not a man meant for marriage. I’m no good at love.”
“You don’t know that. You’ve never really tried.” She touched his cheek, hope blooming in her chest. They were finally having an honest conversation.
“I did. With my parents. I tried to give affection to them in the hopes they’d return it but not even they could love me.” His face tightened.
Her body molded to his. “But that isn’t fair. They were never going to return your feelings. I meant try with someone who would willingly return your affection.”
“The only way to find out is to marry. That is a dangerous risk.” He was already backing away from her again. Retreating.
“Giving and receiving love is the most natural think in the world.” She stepped closer not wanting this moment to end.
“You’ve seen me, what if it puts my sobriety at risk?” His eyes pleaded with her to understand.
She gasped. Her presence did seem to tempt him to drink. “I’ve been worried that it was me.”
“May,” Barrett’s voice called from the hall. “I hear you.”
“Hide,” she gasped.
“I won’t leave you to face him,” Loudoun whispered back.
“If you don’t, I’ll be wearing that wedding dress after all.”
Loudoun grimaced but retreated to the dark corner of the room just as Barrett barreled through the door.
“What are you doing?” he hissed.
“I grew dizzy. I was resting.” She stood up straighter.
“You’re lying. You’ve always been a terrible liar.” His gaze raked up and down her. “Besides I heard you talking. You were alone with a man. Who was it?”
She tilted her chin, but fear was curling in her stomach. “I wasn’t talking to anyone. I just wanted to rest.”
“It wasn’t William. He’s set himself at the gaming table.” He made a disgusted face. “They’re degenerate gamblers. I’d stake my business on it.” He assessed her again. “You could have been ruined for this.”
“But I wasn’t.” She put her hands up, something in his tone was frightening her and she’d never been afraid of Barrett a day in her life. He’d done nothing but love her.
“It’s time for this to end, May. It’s time for you to marry.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“Wurts?” she croaked out.
“Good God, no.” Barrett scrunched his nose as though he’d smelled something foul. “You know the Earl of Rutland has offered for you. He’s young, handsome, willing to overlook your lack of title.”
May grimaced. “I don’t even know him.” Nor did she like him that much. Not any more or less
than Wurts but at least then she’d get a life in America. Free of the aristocracy.
Rutland would marry her despite her lack of title because he wanted her money. But he wouldn’t actually stop judging her. He’d look down on her, she knew it. They all did.
Her insides were twisting and for the first time in her life, she thought she might faint. Leave America. Never see Lucius again. Each of her dreams was shattering in front of her.
“Like Piper, you were born with grace and class. You should marry well, May. Before it’s too late.” Barrett’s voice had softened. “We’ve given you time. But we’ve grown worried about your future. And now, sneaking off to private rooms. It’s time to face your future.”
Her eyes narrowed, but she said nothing. It was best that she gave no indication to Barrett what she was planning. Then he’d have no way to stop her.
HELL AND DAMNATION, he was about to get his wish. She would marry an Englishman. So why did it feel as though his heart were being ripped from his chest?
Just the thought of her getting on a boat and never returning made him ache and his hand tremble. If he didn’t know any better, he’d swear what he wanted was May and not alcohol at all.
It was though a bell were ringing truth in his head. He didn’t give a wit about the liquor. What he was fighting was his attraction to her.
He heard Barrett and May leave and he waited for several seconds before he left his dark corner, following them out the door and down the hall. Instead of going back to the ballroom, he headed for the gaming tables.
He circled around, not picking a game but pretending to consider as his thoughts drifted to May. Regret and need poked at him as he mentally retraced the feel of her curves, the sweetness of her smile. Within a half hour, he saw Barrett towering over the other men as he and May spoke with Wurts.
He approached as Barrett shook hands with Wurts senior. May was staring at him with wide eyes, her shoulders hunched, her lips pressed together, a green tinge to her normally flawless skin.
Turning to Loudoun, Barrett gave him an assessing look. “We’re leaving. Should I send the carriage back for you?”
“No, I’ll accompany you,” he answered quickly.
It took several minutes to reach the carriage and nearly all of his willpower to not pull her into his arms.
Once settled in the buggy, Loudoun sat next to May, his knee subtly brushing hers. He just wanted to touch her. Barrett rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I am sorry, Lucius, but I don’t think the railroad deal will go through.”
Of course, he knew this already but he couldn’t let on. He turned to May. “You’ve decided not to accept William’s suit?”
She didn’t answer, just shook her head, looking down at her lap. His insides gave a new lurch. He should rescue her. He should offer for her. He couldn’t be worse than a man she’d never met, could he?
“She’s accepted the suit of another. Lord Rutland of Yorkshire.”
It was even worse hearing this time because he felt her shudder. It was as though he were made of stone. That’s how still he sat. He couldn’t even pretend congratulations. This had been what he wanted. Her to return to England. Marry some faceless lord.
Except he wouldn’t be faceless to her. She’d have to live with that future. A lump in his throat made it hard to swallow.
The carriage arrived at his home and May didn’t wait for either of them to hand her out. She bolted from the carriage, racing up the steps.
He went to follow but Barrett held him back. “Let her go. She needs to be alone.”
Loudoun wasn’t so sure. She’d never left him alone when she thought he needed her. And it didn’t seem right not to do the same.
But Barrett was her guardian so obviously he’d have to wait till the other man went to bed.
* * *
IT TOOK over an hour before Barrett retreated to his room but then Loudoun raced up the stairs and knocked softly on May’s door. “I need to talk to you,” he whispered. But no response came from the other side.
Knocking again, a touch louder, he still got no response. Trying the knob, it gave under his hand and he swung open the door.
Candles lit the room, and the window was thrown open to the cool night air. It was chilly and he was surprised until he saw the knotted sheets hanging out the window. May had run away.
11
Slipping along the dark New York streets, May worked on a plan. Find a hotel, spend the night, that was first. Try to answer an ad for a lady’s companion or perhaps a nanny. If all else failed, she’d approach the Wurts. She didn’t know if William’s infatuation with her or with her connection to a duke, but she couldn’t rule it out.
But she wouldn’t go back to England. Especially not to marry some pompous lord. Barrett thought he was keeping her close but once she was married she was at her husband’s whim. She’d return to her family in time, having lived her life her way.
She knew the Ritz was only seven or eight blocks away so she kept walking. Seeing a group of men up ahead, she took a right down a side street, thinking she could avoid them and easily find her path again.
But the street kept veering further to the right, she cut down a street to the left, hoping to find her way again but it didn’t lead back to Fifth Avenue. Her heart began to beat faster as she looked around.
The buildings were changing, tenements replaced the upscale structures of a block ago. Should she turn around and backtrack?
Spinning to do just that, she saw a man walking casually behind her. He was several feet back with his hands in his pockets. Should she keep going forward or go back towards him? Ask him for help?
She could cross the street and then backtrack, which seemed safest. She should have hired a hack but she’d wanted to save her pin money for the hotel.
Crossing, she started back the other way but her heart jumped into her throat when the man crossed too and began to follow.
Moving faster, her eyes searched for the road she turned from. If she could just make it back to Fifth Avenue, she might be safe.
A glance over her shoulder near made her scream. He was moving closer, and another man was just behind him, following them both. She was close to running now, watching over her shoulder. Taking a quick glance forward, a third man suddenly stepped in front of her. She tried to scream but a hand clamped over her mouth.
“Well aren’t you a sweet little treat.” He leered at her and even in the dark, she could see the gaps in his teeth. Black holes that allowed his stinking breath to blow across her face. “Somebody would like a word with you.” His smiled broadened and she tried to pull away. A yelp escaped around the hand covering her mouth when her body bumped into another solid mass.
Heart hammering so loud she could barely hear, she tried to skirt to the side but the third man was there and she was pinned.
Their hands touched her as they pressed closer and nausea rose in her stomach. She didn’t mean to but tears leaked from her eyes as she put up a futile struggle to get free.
“He didn’t say she’d be so pretty.” One of them reached out to squeeze her breast through her clothes. A scream built in her chest as her heart hammered wildly.
“I don’t see why we can’t have a little fun first,” the other grunted, pressing closer.
A hand reached under her skirt, traveling up her leg. She wrenched to the side, but another body prevented her movement. Sick dread made her movements jerky and rational thought was next to impossible as another hand pulled at her pantaloons and the fabric ripped. Nausea made her weak and she fought to remain present. She had to fight.
She cried out but the sound was muted from the hand still clamped over her lips.
She tried to wrench her head to loosen his grip and bite at his fingers but just as she turned the hand was gone. She heard the thud of a body hitting the stone street. The man behind her disappeared. Turning her head the other way, she caught sight of Loudoun’s face, fury making the hard angles of cheeks and jaw look chiseled fr
om stone.
Before she could even cry with relief, his fist had landed in the face of her third assailant and the man dropped to the ground without making a sound.
And then his arms were around her, yanking her back the way she’d come. When she stumbled at the force of it, he swept her into his arms and carried her through an alley and out onto a much brighter street. “What the bloody hell were you thinking?”
He had every right to ask. But she just couldn’t answer. Relief made her limp and she buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in his scent and the strength of his body.
Though she hadn’t felt it, her hair had come loose during the struggle. His fingers wound into the strands, cradling her head. Giving a gentle tug, he pulled her head back to look at him. His voice rough with emotion, he asked, “Do you know how much danger you were in?”
Looking in his eyes, still narrowed in anger, her own voice caught as she tried to speak. “Lucius.” Her arms wrapped around his neck.
“I told you that New York wasn’t safe. That you shouldn’t be wandering alone, at night no less. Who were you meeting?” His grip around her waist tightened almost painfully.
“Meeting?” She looked at him in confusion.
“What bloody fool sent you out into the night by yourself? I’ll tear him to pieces.” Loudoun flagged a passing hack, who promptly stopped.
Barking out the address, he snapped open the door and carried her inside, sitting on the back bench with her in his lap.
“Is yer wife all right then?” The driver called down as he snapped the reins.
“Fine,” Loudoun responded. “Just hurt herself on a loose stone.”
“Oh, ye’ve got to watch out for those,” the driver answered as the horse picked up speed.
Loudoun leaned next to his ear. “If you were my wife, you wouldn’t have been out at night like that.”
“If I was your wife, I wouldn’t need to,” she replied, but couldn’t muster any anger and instead snuggled her head back into his shoulder.
“Why were you out?” His voice had calmed some, and his arms were wrapped like a blanket around her.
Taming a Rogue Earl: Taming the Heart Series Book 6 Page 7
