Duplicity

by Lisa J. Hobman

I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down and the open gawk was replaced by a wide grin. “Fuck me, you’re amazing. Absolutely bloody amazing. Your pictures…honestly, nothing two dimensional has ever been able to make me feel such…such a range of emotions, Star. Oh, God. Now I sound like a fucking groupie. Forgive me. I’m just…I’m blown away. I love your work.”

  Tingles ran the length of my spine as I listened to him enthuse about my pictures. I’d never particularly felt proud of something before, but the way Fin spoke had me straightening my back a little more and holding my head up. “Really?”

  “The image of Edinburgh castle at night with the silhouette of the lovers. Wow…just…wow. I get goosebumps whenever I stand in my living room looking at it.”

  I scrunched my brow in confusion. “I don’t remember seeing it when I was there.”

  “No. Most of my artwork was in boxes when I left my old apartment. I finished putting things on the wall this last week. Fuck. I can’t get my head around the fact that it’s you. I love that it’s you.” His voice trailed off and I met his penetrating gaze that told me there was more behind what he was saying.

  Butterflies took flight in my stomach and hope flourished inside of me. “Well, thank you. It’s good to know my work is appreciated.”

  “Do you ever do exhibitions or anything like that?” he asked, with obvious enthusiasm.

  “Oh, no. I have my work in a few small outlets, but no. No plans to exhibit. I do it for myself mainly. Because I love producing images. And anyway, I don’t think anyone would be interested.”

  His responding wide-eyed stare of incredulity shocked me. “You’re wrong. So wrong, Star. I love your photographs, and I can guarantee others would too. You should consider it. In fact…”

  Narrowing my eyes again, I wondered what was going through his mind. “In fact what?”

  He waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, nothing. Forget it. But I would love to see more of your work. If you’d like to show it to me.”

  I couldn’t help giggling like a teenager. “Hmm, maybe I should invite you up to see my etchings.”

  He laughed, throwing his head back, and I could’ve orgasmed on the spot. That voice, that laugh, that smile.

  Sheesh, I was totally done for.

  Fin

  After taking Star for breakfast, we went for a walk through the Princes Street Gardens, and she pointed out some of her favourite places to shoot. Every so often, she snapped a shot of a view that caught her eye, and on a couple of occasions, she snapped shots of me when I was supposedly focused elsewhere. She was absolutely fascinating. And when she spoke about her art, her face glowed, and her eyes danced with the passion she clearly felt soul deep for her work.

  I didn’t want to make any more mistakes with her, and I decided I would ask her the question that had almost been burning my tongue off all morning. “So…would you like to go for dinner with me sometime?”

  She stopped and I followed suit, turning to face her. She pursed her lips and snapped a shot of me as I waited with a crumpled brow for her answer. “I’m not sure if I’ve totally forgiven you yet.”

  I stepped closer to her and stuck out my bottom lip. “Pwetty pweez go on a date with me.”

  She giggled and shook her head, taking another candid shot. “Urgh! It’s against my better judgement, but okay.”

  My heart somersaulted in my chest. “You’re saying yes?”

  She rolled her eyes and nodded. “I’m saying yes.”

  “Fantastic!” I fought the urge to hug her, deciding to be a gentleman instead. “So, can I pick you up tonight? Say around eight?”

  “Wow, you don’t waste any time, huh?”

  I laughed. “Strike whilst the iron’s hot, I say.”

  “Okay. Eight tonight. Where are we going?”

  “How about Cafe Andaluz?”

  She licked her lips and my blood made a speedy descent south. Nodding, she told me, “Oh, I love tapas. It reminds me of my abuela. Sounds great.”

  Excitement knotted my insides and I tried to stifle the ridiculous grin fighting to spread across my face. “Great. Great. Okay. I’ll see you at your place at eight then.”

  She chewed her lip and stepped back. “Uh-huh. Well…I should go. I need to pick up some stuff before I head home so…”

  “Until tonight then.” I leaned and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, and as I did, my senses were filled with that intoxicating scent of jasmine.

  I paused maybe a little too long and she pulled away. “Bye, Fin.”

  “Bye, Star,” I breathed, like a swooning teenage boy.

  ♫♫♫

  As I made my way back to my apartment, I pulled my phone out and dialled Tom’s number. He answered quickly, and before he could make some insulting quip like he usually did, I blurted out, “Tom, I need to speak to you about something, mate. You’ll never believe what’s happened. Are you free?”

  “Ooohkay. Siân’s in at the gallery today, so yeah. What’s up?”

  “Can you be at mine in ten?”

  After he confirmed he’d be there, I hung up and almost jogged back home as adrenaline and nervous excitement coursed through my veins. I had a way to make amends for my shitty behaviour to Star, and Tom was the right man to help me.

  Once back at home, I paced the living room floor until Tom arrived. As soon as he knocked, I flung the door open, almost causing him to fall flat on his face.

  He frowned and shook his head. “What the hell has you all riled up, Hunter?”

  “Come in. Sit down. Coffee?”

  “I think you might have had too much of it judging by how on edge you are, mate. Cut to the chase, pal.” He plonked himself down on my leather couch and stretched his arms across the back.

  I sat in the chair opposite. “I’ve finally got S.A.M.”

  He laughed heartily. “Ah, don’t worry, buddy. I’m sure you can get ointment for it. Better get some quick before your dinky drops off, eh?”

  “The photographer, you arsehole. You know the photographic prints I’m crazy about? The ones Elise hated? Well, I’ve found the artist behind them.”

  He sat up straight and his eyes widened. “No fucking shit!” Tom knew how long I’d been trying to locate the artist, or any information, but even with all his contacts in the art world, he’d drawn a blank. “So…who is he?”

  “He is a she. And she’s called Star Mendoza.”

  His brow crumpled. “Wait…isn’t she…? Didn’t you…?”

  I nodded emphatically. “Yep. It’s her.”

  “Well, fuck me sideways.” He ran his hands through his short brown hair.

  I sniggered. “I think I’ll pass, mate.”

  “You have to get her to agree to an exhibition, Fin. Would she do it?”

  Spurred on by his enthusiasm but a little unsure, I shrugged. “Honestly? I was hoping you’d say that, but I don’t know. She doesn’t strike me as the type of person to go in for the spotlight.” I continued to tramp across the carpet as nervous energy coursed through my veins.

  “Well, I would’ve thought the same of you until I saw you on stage, Fin. We all have our secret passions. And isn’t this the girl with pink hair? I’d say she was quite keen on attracting attention.”

  That was a good point, actually. “I’m taking her to dinner tonight so I’ll maybe put it out there.”

  Tom chuckled. “Oh, I don’t know if she’d want to see it so soon again if it’s about to drop off.” He broke into full-blown guffaws. “Ask her about the exhibition too mate, eh? And don’t get arrested, okay? Especially if you haven’t got a cream for your S.A.M problem yet.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Dickhead.”

  He just laughed.

  Star

  “Twinkle, you’re going to wear a bloody ridge in the floor at this rate. Will you just sit down?” Alec’s voice dragged me back to earth from whatever fantasy world my mind had been briefly trapped in. I glanced over to where he sat on the couch with his glasses perched on the end of hi
s nose, newspaper in hand.

  I sat as instructed. “Do I look okay? I mean…he’s so well dressed and…well, I’m not.”

  He peered at me over the top of the broadsheet. “Oh please. You look bloody gorgeous. Sex on a stick.”

  I shook my head. “Need I remind you that you’re gay?”

  He placed down his reading material and waved a dismissive hand. “Well, if I was straight, I’d do you.”

  I let out an exasperated sigh/growl. “Alec! I don’t want to be done, as you so delightfully put it. I just want to…I want to be good enough.”

  Uh-oh.

  His brow crumpled and he took his glasses off. “What did you say, Star?” The look of incredulity told me I was in for a lecture. “I don’t ever want to hear you say you’re not good enough for someone. Do you hear me, lady? You’re bloody gorgeous, and if he doesn’t think so then maybe he’s gay. And if that turns out to be the case, pass him my number, okay?” He winked.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at his blatant attempt to steal my not-quite-boyfriend. Unable to settle, I stood and walked to my room once again. Standing before my full-length mirror, I examined my outfit. I had chosen a fitted tartan pencil skirt, with a black fitted T-shirt. My biker boots finished off the look and I had let my hair fall in natural pink and blonde waves around my shoulders. I was going for smart/casual, but with my own personality slipped in for my own comfort. The tight fitting T-shirt moulded itself to my breasts and I wondered if it was too slutty. I was on the verge of changing when Alec appeared at my door.

  “I’m heading out, babe. Will you be okay when Prince Charming arrives if you’re alone?” My heart jumped so hard it almost escaped my throat and splattered on the carpet.

  “Oh fuuuuck.” I waved my hands like they were on fire. “It’s a date, Alec. An official date. Shiiit.”

  “Breathe, darlin’. You’ll be absolutely fine. And one of these days I want to meet him and make sure he’s good enough for you, not the other way around.”

  Alec kissed my cheek and then disappeared, and I heard the door close as he left. My heart pounded in my chest and the butterflies were learning a Stomp routine in my stomach. Fin had been on my mind so much that I was beginning to get scared. I hadn’t felt this way in… forever. And yes, I know the early part of a relationship is usually about lust and excitement, but what if I wanted more? And what if I was setting myself up for a fall with someone who was so different to me? How would I cope if it all went horribly wrong, considering the way he was already taking over my every waking thought? I inwardly chastised myself for over-thinking, as usual, and checked my appearance one last time.

  Even though I was expecting it, the loud knocking that followed almost caused me to jump out of my skin. With shaking, clammy hands and jelly legs, I made my way to the door, inhaled a deep, calming breath, and opened it. Fin stood there in dark jeans, white T-shirt, and a black leather jacket. I trailed my gaze down the full length of his body and back up again, swallowing hard when our eyes met.

  He smiled warmly. “Wow, you look stunning.”

  I touched my hair like women in the movies do when given a compliment, and immediately felt stupid. “I…I was going to say the same about you.”

  He pulled his bottom lip in at one side and tilted his lips up further. “Shall we? It’s a nice evening so I thought we could walk.”

  I began to relax. “Sure. Sounds good.”

  We left my apartment block and began the walk into the city centre. I could see Fin glancing at me in my peripheral vision and it made my stomach flutter.

  He opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally speaking. “I have something to ask you.”

  I turned and narrowed my eyes suspiciously. “Hmm…sounds ominous.”

  He fell silent and I wondered if he was going to tell me after all. Eventually, he took a deep breath and began. “I have this friend. Tom Fielding. He manages an art gallery in the city centre. He…I…Look, I told him about you and he already knows how much of a fan I am. Anyway, he asked if you’d be interested in putting on an exhibition.”

  I stopped in my tracks, horrified at the idea. “No! No, I don’t want to open myself up for all the crap that comes with being known. I’d rather just blend into the background, Fin. I don’t want the limelight.” Panic set in, and what had been excitement turned sour.

  He placed one hand on my upper arm and tilted my chin up with his finger so that I met his gaze. “This from the girl with pink hair and tattoos?” Okay, so he had a point, but I didn’t like it. He tenderly ran his thumb over the tip of my chin. “Don’t you realise how talented you are, Star? Tom knows your work through my love of it, and he knows good art when he sees it. I really think you could make something of this. It could be a fantastic career opportunity for you.”

  I frowned and sighed, unwilling to think about the idea further. “I like my career just fine. Photography is just a hobby.” I hoped that would be an end to it.

  “But…I don’t understand. I bought some of your work so you must be happy to sell it.”

  He certainly was tenacious. And again, he had made a valid point. How the hell do I explain? “That was a long time ago, and it was a mistake. Alec convinced me to sell a few of my pieces via a couple of little craft shops, but I felt…I feel really uncomfortable about it. I’m not an artist. It’s something I do to relax and get through tough times. I…I can’t think about changing that. You go down that road and things become a chore. I don’t want that.”

  He cupped my cheek and nodded as he leaned in and kissed the middle of my forehead. It was such a sweet gesture and it caught me off guard. My insides melted as he ran his nose along mine.

  He smiled. “Okay. I’ll drop the subject. I wanted to do something nice for you, and I thought it would be something you’d like to consider. No bother though.” He let his hand fall away from my face but kept his gaze locked on mine. “But…just for the record…and you may not like the fact, but you are an artist, Star. And a very good one at that.” And with that, the subject was, thankfully, closed.

  We continued to walk, but my mind was whirring with worries and paranoid thoughts of my inferiority. Was he concerned about my lack of career? Was I simply not good enough for him whilst I worked in a coffee shop? Would an artist with a fancy-pants exhibition be more befitting of him? Stop it, Star. Remember what Alec said.

  I gradually relaxed as we arrived at the restaurant and were shown to a cosy table in back. Fin pulled out my chair and we were handed menus by a handsome Spanish waiter. After making our selections, Fin ordered a bottle of red wine and our waiter left us alone.

  “So…have you spoken to your dad at all?” I wasn’t sure if my question was intrusive, but after how down he had been on the night I officially met him, I was concerned.

  He took a long gulp of his wine and shook his head. “I have no desire to contact him, to be honest. I think our relationship has finally hit rock bottom. I just don’t see us getting past this.”

  Poor guy. “It must be hard for you. I can’t imagine what it’s like.”

  Our food arrived and the waiter arranged it in front of us. The smell of spiced chicken and fresh bread infiltrated my senses and my mouth began to water in readiness for the feast.

  Fin stayed quiet until we were alone once more before he spoke. “Well, it seems you’ve always been close to your parents. They support you unconditionally. It’s how it should be. I never really had that.” He shrugged, and the pain in his eyes made my heart ache for him.

  Sadness washed over me as I watched him twisting his wine glass between his thumb and forefinger. I needed to lighten the mood. “So, have you been singing lately?”

  He laughed and shook his head before widening his eyes briefly and huffing the air from his lungs. “No. No, I don’t think I’ll be doing that again any time soon.”

  His reticence to perform surprised me, and I decided to dig deeper. “Really? But you’re so good. You should be in a band.”
/>   His blue eyes sparkled in the dim lighting of the restaurant. “Hmm. I’m not so sure about that.”

  Okay, so he’s happy to try and drag me kicking and screaming from my comfort zone, whilst his feet are firmly planted in his own, huh? Duly noted.

  Our conversation was easy and light, and the food was sensational. So many different flavours to tantalise my taste buds and remind me of my grandmother’s cooking. I didn’t want to stop eating, but there came a point where I had visions of being wheeled home in a cart, and so I reluctantly placed down my fork.

  I pushed my plate away and heaved a contented sigh. “Well, I can’t eat another mouthful.”

  He patted his stomach. “Me neither. Bloody good though, eh?”

  I smiled, hoping my appreciation shone through. “Delicious. Thank you.”

  We sat in silence for a few moments, sipping the last of our second bottle of red wine until Fin gestured to the waiter for the check. I excused myself and made my way to the ladies’ room. Once I was finished washing my hands and touching up my lip colour, I checked out my reflection. My cheeks were flushed, and for some reason, I was getting nervous again. But this was the end of the evening, so I would be going home, right?

  “You will not sleep with him tonight. You will not,” I told my reflection. And then, “Please don’t sleep with him tonight,” I finished off, more realistically, before making my way back to the waiting blonde hunk.

  Fin

  Walking through the city of Edinburgh at night was one of my favourite experiences. Being there with Star beside me made it so much more special. The place was alive with revellers and music. Even though it was past ten, there were people still making their way into town to start their night of fun. The castle was illuminated with colourful lights that cast rainbows over the stony surface, just like the print I had bought by S.A.M. Now known to be Star.

  We’d shared a wonderful evening, and I wasn’t ready for it to end. Reaching out, I tentatively took her hand, hoping she didn’t pull away. When she laced her fingers with mine, a wide smile took over my face.

  My mind whirred with what I could say to make the evening last longer. After taking a deep breath, I took the plunge. “I’m not really ready to go home yet. How about you?” Please say you want to stay out a little longer.