by Amy Clipston
Katie pursed her lips. “I know you’re right. Jake and I simply can’t be together, and I need to accept that.”
Nancy frowned. “I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. I’m worried about you, Katie. If things get any worse, Dat might send you away.” She touched Katie’s hand. “I couldn’t bear to lose you, schweschder. Ich liebe dich.”
Katie hugged her sister. “Ich liebe dich too.”
Nancy yawned. “We need to get some sleep. It’s getting late.” Reaching over she flipped off the lantern and snuggled under the covers. “Gut nacht.”
“Danki for talking this through with me,” Katie said. “What you said made perfect sense.” She rolled onto her side facing the wall. Her sister’s breathing changed, and soon she was snoring in the soft way Katie had become accustomed to hearing every night since they were very young.
Closing her eyes, Katie turned her thoughts to God and silently recited her evening prayers. Soon, however, she found herself pleading with God for help with her predicament.
Why does this have to be so difficult, God? Please show me how You want me to live my life. I need Your guidance.
As tears trickled down Katie’s cheeks, she fell asleep.
16
The following evening, Jake steered down Beechdale Road and contemplated his day. Working in the same building with Katie and not being allowed to speak to her had been pure torture. Although he enjoyed his work on the display cabinets, he more than once considered asking Eli if he could go back to working at the store and have one of the other carpenters replace him at the bakery. Yet he knew he’d let Eli down if he did that, and he also wanted to stay in the bakery even if he couldn’t see Katie. Just knowing she was there was sort of a comfort to him, as crazy as it seemed.
Jake merged onto his street and then slowed. His thoughts drifted to his conversation with his parents, and he turned around to head back to his grandfather’s house.
The truck moved onto the street his grandparents lived on, and he couldn’t help but smile. Visiting his grandparents had always been a welcome treat. He spotted the farm and drove into the rock driveway. He studied the house, the same white two-story residence where his mother had grown up as an only child.
Jake looked toward the large barn and the small shed that had been converted into a shop beside it. He’d spent many days playing in the barn and working with his grandfather in his shop. Those were some of his best childhood memories.
As he eased the truck up toward the house, the front door opened to reveal his grandfather smiling and waving. Jake hopped out of the truck and started up the path toward the front porch.
“Jacob!” Elmer came down the stairs and greeted him with a handshake. “What a pleasant surprise. Did you come to join us for supper?”
“Actually, Grandpa,” Jake began, “I came to talk with you.”
“Oh,” Elmer said. “Let’s have a seat on the porch, and if you have time after we’re finished talking, maybe you can join us for supper. Sound good?”
“Absolutely.” Jake followed his grandfather up the steps and took a seat in a rocker next to him. “How was your day?”
“Gut,” Elmer said, tugging his long, graying beard. “How was yours?”
“Fine.” Jake leaned back in the rocker. “The display cabinets are starting to shape up. I think Elizabeth is happy with them.”
“Gut,” Elmer said. “We miss you at the store, but I’m glad you’re helping Eli.” He folded his hands on his lap. “What did you want to discuss with me, Jacob?”
Jake ran his fingers over the arms of the chair. “This is the rocker I helped you sand when I was about ten, right?”
“It is.” Elmer grinned. “You remember that?”
“I remember it like it was yesterday.” Jake glanced back toward the shop. “I was thinking on the way over how much I loved spending time here with you and Grandma. My days spent here were some of the best of my childhood.”
“Danki,” his grandfather said with a wide smile. “It makes me quite happy to hear you say that. I’m certain I enjoyed it as much as you. The day you told me you wanted to be a carpenter like me was one of the best days of my life.”
“Do you ever regret being Amish?” Jake asked.
“Do I regret being Amish?” Elmer looked confused. “Why would you ask that, Jacob?”
“I’ve been thinking lately about the differences between the Amish and Mennonite faiths and wondering what inspired you and Grandma to stay in the Amish faith and my mother to leave.”
Elmer was silent for a moment while he tugged his beard. “Your grandma and I never wanted any other life for ourselves, but your mother did. In the end, it all worked out, and we’re still a family.”
“What do you think caused Mom to leave the Amish church?” Jake asked.
“You already know she met your father and fell in love,” Elmer said.
“But there had to be more than that, right?” Jake pressed on. “It had to be more than her love for him.”
“She felt God put the decision in her heart, and I believe that,” Elmer said. “I didn’t at first, but I was hurt, as was your grandmother. Once I overcame the hurt, I realized Anna Mary never truly connected with the Amish community like her friends did. Looking back, it made sense she decided to become Mennonite and marry your father.”
Jake ran his hands over the arms of the chair while considering his grandfather’s words. “Was it a tough transition when Mom became Mennonite?”
Elmer shrugged. “I’m not really certain about that. I wasn’t around her when she converted. I’m certain she missed us as much as we missed her. But she had your father and his family. They welcomed her with open arms, which I assume helped her through the pain.”
“Do you think Mennonites are more accepting of people who convert than those who convert to the Amish faith?” Jake asked.
Elmer looked surprised. “That’s a really tough question, Jake. I’m not sure I can answer it.”
“But you just said Mom was accepted with open arms into Dad’s family,” Jake said. “Would a person who is converting into the Amish faith also be welcomed?”
“I would suppose so. I can’t think of anyone who joined our community from another faith.”
“Not one?” Jake asked.
Elmer looked suspicious. “Why are you asking all of these questions, Jacob? You already know your mother left the faith. Why is it troubling you after all these years?”
“I guess I have questions about what happened when she left,” Jake said. “I’m thinking about the what-ifs, you know? For example, what if my father had converted and become Amish? Would you and Grandma have accepted him?”
Elmer rubbed his beard again, considering the question. “I suppose your grandma and I would’ve accepted John. It’s not our place to judge others. If his intentions had been true in the eyes of God, then he would’ve been part of the community. However, it’s rare for people to convert to our faith. They have to sacrifice quite a bit.”
“Do you think I would make a good Amish man?” Jake asked.
“You?” Elmer gestured toward Jake. “I think you’d be a fine Amish man.”
“Really and truly, Grandpa?” Jake asked. “Or are you just joking?”
“No, I’m not joking.” Elmer looked serious. “You realize what converting would mean though, ya? If you were Amish, you’d have to give up your truck, your electricity, your phone in your house, and all of your modern conveniences.” He pointed toward his jeans. “And your clothes. You’d have to get a haircut and trade in your jeans for some real trousers and suspenders. No more fancy ball caps; only straw and black felt hats.”
“I know, Grandpa,” Jake said, smiling. “But being Amish is about more than driving a horse and buggy and dressing a certain way. Do you think I would be a good member of the community if I were Amish instead of Mennonite?”
“You’re right, Jacob, it is about more than clothes and buggies.” Elmer smiled. “Ya, you’d make a f
ine Amish man. Your grandma and I would have loved it if you were raised Amish. You know I’d love having you with me at worship on Sundays.”
Jake’s heart warmed at his grandfather’s words.
“Jacob!” his grandmother, Malinda, called from the doorway. “What brings you out here?”
“Hi, Grandma,” Jake said. “I wanted to talk with Grandpa for a bit.”
“Come inside now,” Malinda said. “You must eat supper with us.” She frowned. “I won’t take no for an answer, young man.”
“Yes, Grandma.” Jake stood and gestured for his grandfather to enter the house first.
Malinda hurried ahead of them. When Jake entered the kitchen, she was setting a place for him. “You sit here,” she said, placing the plate, utensils, and glass next to his grandfather.
“Danki,” Jake said. “I really appreciate the invitation.”
“Don’t be silly,” she said. “Just sit.” She brought a pitcher of ice water to the table. “Here’s some water.”
Jake glanced around the table, taking in the roast, potatoes, carrots, and homemade bread in the center of the table. He breathed in the delicious smells and smiled. “Everything looks appeditlich.”
“Danki,” his grandmother said with a grin. “Kannscht du Pennsilfaanisch Dietsch schwetze?”
“Ya,” Jake said with a laugh. “I’ve been brushing up on mei Dietsch.”
His grandma looked pleased as she glanced at his grandfather. “That’s gut, ya?”
“Absolutely.” Grandpa winked at Jake before bowing his head in prayer.
Jake followed suit, silently thanking God for the meal and for his family and also asking for guidance with the confusion about Katie burdening his heart. Once the prayer was over, they began to eat, passing the platters and filling their plates with the meal that was causing Jake’s stomach to growl.
“Elmer tells me you’ve been working at the bakery,” Malinda began. “Tell me about your project.”
Between bites of the food and sips of water, Jake described the display cabinets he and Eli had been designing and installing in the bakery. His grandmother listened with interest while he talked.
“They sound lovely, Jacob,” Malinda said. “I’ll have to come by to see them sometime.”
“Maybe I’ll take you over there one day soon,” Elmer said. “You haven’t been to the bakery in quite a while.”
“I’d love to pick up some of Elizabeth’s chocolate cake,” his grandmother said. “I could never match her recipe. I’m convinced she has a secret ingredient she’s not sharing with anyone in the district.”
Jake chuckled as he sipped more water. “You just might be right about that.”
“What brings you here tonight, Jacob? You said you needed to talk to your grandfather.” She looked excited. “Can you share your secret with me? Do you have a wedding date set? Is that what this is about?”
“No, Grandma,” Jake began, “I’m sorry I’m not announcing a wedding. I know you’d like to see me married, but I don’t think that will happen soon for me.”
“Oh.” She looked confused as she sliced another piece of roast for herself. “What is it then?”
“Jacob was asking me about when Anna Mary left the Amish faith.” His grandfather looked serious. “He has some questions he felt he needed answered.”
“Oh.” Malinda looked surprised. “What did you want to know?”
“I know it was a hard time for you and Grandpa when my mom left,” Jake said. “I’ve heard the family was healed when my brother and I were born. Is it true it took the birth of your grandchildren to heal your hearts?”
“Ya,” Malinda said. “It was a very painful and complicated time for us.” She glanced at Elmer, and he nodded in agreement. “We felt like we lost our daughter when Anna Mary left, but we always loved her. When you and your brother were born, it was as if our family was renewed. The pain of her leaving wasn’t erased, but it was easier to accept she was gone from our community.”
“Do you think it’s like that when any member leaves the community?” Jake asked. “Is it always that painful for the parents?”
Malinda nodded. “Ya, I think so. It’s never easy when a member leaves, no matter what the circumstances are.” She looked curious. “Why are you asking about this now?”
“Jake was wondering what life would’ve been like if he’d been raised Amish,” Elmer said. “He asked if we would’ve accepted John if he converted instead of Anna Mary.”
“Why not?” She shrugged, buttering a homemade roll. “If he truly wanted to be Amish, we would’ve welcomed him into our family just like any other family member.”
“Jacob asked if I thought he’d make a good Amish man,” Elmer said, smiling. “I told him absolutely.”
His grandmother’s grin was wide. “Ya, you would, Jacob. I would’ve loved to have seen you be baptized into the faith, but we love you no matter what.”
“Danki,” Jake said, and his grandparents laughed.
While his grandparents continued to talk, he contemplated his grandmother’s words. After hearing how much pain his mother caused when she left, he knew he could never ask Katie to leave her family and become Mennonite. He couldn’t bear the thought of causing her or her family any more pain.
17
Rebecca sat across from Lindsay at a small restaurant on a Thursday afternoon a month later. She sipped her water and smiled. “The doctor said everything looks gut. I should stay on complete bed rest, but my blood pressure is excellent, and the boppli’s development is perfect.”
“That’s wunderbaar gut!” Lindsay clapped her hands together. “And the ultrasound was gut too?”
“Ya.” Rebecca sipped her water again to wet her parched throat. “Daniel was excited, and he squeezed my hand so hard, I yelped.”
Lindsay smiled. “I wish he could’ve come to lunch with us, but I guess they’re very busy at the store finishing up Christmas orders.”
“Ya, I know, but it was nice of him to tell us to go ahead and enjoy lunch. I wanted to do something special for you today. You’ve been working so hard for me.” Rebecca leaned forward and took her niece’s hands in hers. “I’m so thankful for you, Lindsay. You’ve been very generous and thoughtful throughout this pregnancy. I know you’d rather be working with your freinden and cousins at the bakery, but you’ve been stuck with me and the kinner all day every day. I’m glad Nancy could come over today to relieve you so we could have a special lunch together.”
Lindsay waved off Rebecca’s words. “You’re just gegisch. Ich liebe dich and the kinner more than anything. At heemet with you and them is where I’d rather be. Besides, I’m not with you all day every day. I get to see mei freinden at church and at youth gatherings.” She looked curious. “Now your due date has stayed the same, ya?”
Rebecca nodded. “Early January is what the doctor says.”
“Yay.” Lindsay clapped her hands again. “I can’t wait! I’ll have another little cousin.”
The waitress arrived with their grilled chicken sandwiches and potato chips, and Rebecca and Lindsay prayed before beginning to eat.
“Have you heard from Jessica?” Rebecca asked, grabbing a chip from her plate.
Lindsay shook her head. “No, it’s been quite a while since I’ve heard from her. I may call her this evening.”
“Ya,” Rebecca said. “Please do. I’d like to know if she’s still planning to come for the holidays. I hope she does. I miss her.”
“I do too.” Lindsay sipped her soda. “Last I heard, she was coming for Christmas, but she can’t get away before then. She’s taking a very difficult load of classes this semester and can’t afford the time away from her schoolwork the weekend of Thanksgiving.”
Rebecca shook her head, thinking of her older niece. “Jessica works awfully hard. Sometimes I worry about her.”
“I do too.” Lindsay frowned. “I hope she doesn’t work so much that she gets sick like she did after her internship. She was putting in
about fifty hours per week, and she sounded awful when she finished up. Nothing is worth getting yourself that sick.”
“I agree,” Rebecca said. “The holidays are coming fast, ya?”
“Ya, they are.” Lindsay placed her sandwich on her plate. “I can’t believe Lizzie Anne’s wedding is only a few weeks away. The material she bought for her dress and the attendants’ dresses is going to be beautiful. It’s royal blue.”
“That’s lovely.” Rebecca smiled. “I’m sure she’s very excited.”
Lindsay nodded while chewing more of her sandwich. “I just wish Katie had been involved in more of the planning. It isn’t the same without her around. I hope her dat will forgive her before the wedding. Her father said it was indefinite, but surely he will forgive her and lift it at some point.”
“Have you heard how she’s doing?” Rebecca asked.
“I haven’t seen her since church two weeks ago,” Lindsay said, lifting a potato chip from her plate. “Lizzie Anne saw her the other day when she went to visit Samuel, and she said Katie is very unhappy.” She shook her head. “I feel so bad for her. She tries to make it up to her parents by helping more around the house when she’s not at work.” She looked incredulous. “I still can’t believe she and Jake have feelings for each other. I always hoped Jake and mei schweschder would work things out even though they are so very different.”
Rebecca considered the comment. “I agree Jake and Jessica are different. They may like each other and be attracted to each other, but I think they want a different kind of life. Jessica wants something fast-paced, and Jake is satisfied working in a furniture store and having a simple life. I don’t think they would mesh very well.”
Lindsay nodded. “You’re right. I thought they gave each other balance, but they could never be together since they want such different things in life.” She ate a few more chips. “But Katie and Jake could never be together either. He’s not Amish. I feel so bad for her because she’s stuck at heemet with a broken heart while I’m getting to know Matthew better, and Lizzie Anne is planning her wedding. Poor Katie must be so lonely. I wish I could make things better for her, but I know it’s not my place to get involved. I would only make it worse with her dat if I said something to him.”
