by Nella Tyler
Oh God, I didn't know, and I had no idea what to do. I had never felt so defeated in my life. All I was trying to do was work! Why did everything have to be so filled with drama? In frustration, I wiped the tears from my cheeks and focused on getting home, where maybe, just maybe, I could think this through and make some sense out of it.
*
By the time I got home, I was reeling with a myriad of emotions. The most overriding one was a sense of betrayal, not only from Luke, but my father. I tossed my keys and purse on the kitchen counter and then headed toward the sofa. My head hurt, but I was too lazy and discouraged to even go into the bathroom to get some aspirin. I flopped onto my back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. I wished today had never happened. I yearned to forget that it had.
Unfortunately, my anger just continued to grow. I was so mentally exhausted, I couldn't even think straight. Nevertheless, I tried to hold it together. It wasn't as if I was in love with Luke or we had a long-term relationship. So what exactly did we have between us? Great sex, sure, but that wasn't something I wanted to be the foundation of any relationship I had. Luke had been hesitant to tell me anything about his business dealings with my dad. While on one hand I didn't expect him to blab everything, after all our relationship was still new, but still, he was doing some kind of business with my father. Because of this latest development, didn’t I have a right to know? It involved me, too!
And my father…what right did he have to invade my privacy or control my life from afar? To have the audacity to give someone an ultimatum over me? It pissed me off to no end. I had no idea how everything could possibly have gotten so out of control – and in less than two weeks! I was just trying to hold down a job, for crying out loud. The fact that I had already made some errors in judgment was beside the point. Was this the way it was going to be for the rest of my life? My father constantly looking over my shoulder and micromanaging my life?
Why couldn't he let me make my own mistakes? Why did he have to peek into every one of my decisions? I knew my parents loved me; I had no doubt of that, and I loved them, too. But my mother didn't butt in the way my father did. If anything, she had raised me to be independent and self-reliant. It seemed as if my father was trying to accomplish the opposite.
My biggest problem right now was that I didn't know how to put a stop to it. It bothered me to no end. All I had ever wanted from taking this job, or in fact any job, was to earn a steady paycheck. To say that I had gotten more than I bargained for was an understatement. Luke had been more than I had bargained for. The entire situation was. Then again, I was an adult, and I had the right to make my own decisions, didn't I? I glared up at the ceiling. According to my father, I didn't.
Again I wondered why in the world my father felt the need to intervene so blatantly into my personal life. I came back to the question whether he knew something about Luke that I didn't. If he did, and he was so invested in my private life, why hadn't he called me? Why didn’t he tell me himself? Why threaten Luke? What if Luke hadn’t said anything to me about it? What if he had continued things the way they were, hoping my father didn’t find out?
My heart thudded dully inside my chest. Was there something about Luke? Something I didn't want to know? Was there something about Luke or his past that my father didn't approve of? Still, regardless of what he had discovered, did that give him any right to interfere so blatantly? To give the guy an ultimatum? I didn't agree.
The fact of the matter was, if my father knew about Luke and me, and if he did know that we had already slept together, wouldn't it stand to reason that if he were concerned about Luke for some reason, he would have given me a head’s up? Why hadn’t he called me? Why sneak around behind my back?
In fact, why did I even care? I had butted heads with my father on more than one occasion growing up. That didn't mean I didn't love or respect him. I did. Still, there had to be some boundaries. Maybe it was time I made that clear to him. I didn't get involved in his private life or business dealings, so why should he get involved in mine? While I understood he would always want to protect me, I had to experience life on my own eventually, didn't I? The minute I had moved out of my father's estate, he shouldn't have had so much influence on how I lived my life. At least in my opinion. Maybe that's why I was so angry. He had tried to force his own decisions upon me, without even discussing it with me in the first place. He had gone straight to Luke. He had threatened Luke; essentially blackmailed him into making a decision that either left me out in the cold or put Luke himself in danger of losing out on his current business negotiations, as well as future ones.
Then again, the fact that Luke had even considered kowtowing to such an ultimatum left me feeling more than deflated, it left me feeling depressed. Did I mean nothing to him? I wished I could talk to Samantha about all this, but the last thing I needed to hear at this point was an “I told you so.”
At that moment, I realized that there were very few people I could trust and rely on in my life. I had relied on Samantha as my best friend for years, but now we were odds – not angry or anything with each other, but our opinions regarding my situation with Luke had been pretty opposite. Even though I understood where she was coming from, I needed the support. Right now, I felt as if I were totally alone. Even Luke couldn't make a decision – not that I expected him to. The ultimatum was ridiculous.
My father and I didn't always see eye to eye, and yes, we did have our arguments, but this was something totally different. I felt insulted. Didn't he think I could take care of myself? He didn't give me any more credit than that? Even if he was trying to protect me from being hurt, wasn't it something I needed to decide on my own? Wasn't getting hurt part of living life to its fullest? How else was I going to learn unless I experienced it, both the good and the bad?
I felt so confused that once again tears rolled down my cheeks. Who could I turn to for comfort, advice, and support? My dad? No. Luke? No. Samantha? I didn't think so. The plain fact was that at this moment, when I most needed support, I had no one to turn to. Yes, I was feeling sorry for myself, but why not? I had just gotten to the point where I had accepted Luke's invitation to begin a relationship with him, and I had allowed my heart to open up to the possibility. One day later, my hopes had been dashed – and by my father and Luke's reaction, no less.
Disappointment, shock, and a growing sense of frustration pulled my mind from one direction to the next. I had no idea what to do, but I realized that whatever I did, it was my decision to make. The fact that my father had forced me into a corner was beside the point. I supposed that eventually I would have to have a talk with him, but I was too angry right now to even consider it. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. The more I thought about the ultimatum, the angrier I grew at Luke. Then, realizing that he was in just a difficult position as I was, I began to feel guilty. He wasn't my knight in shining armor. He had made no declarations of affection, and neither had I. So why did I feel as if he owed something to me?
Did we have anything beyond a sexual relationship? I had enjoyed my day at the beach with him, but it was readily apparent that sex – hot, steamy, and passionate sex as it was – had so far proven to be the foundation of our relationship. The truth of the matter was, I wanted an emotional relationship, as well. Maybe Luke wasn’t ready for that. If that were the case, it would be better if I just backed out as gracefully as possible with as much dignity as I could.
Did I want to? Not particularly, but I didn't see that I had much of a choice. I didn't want Luke to lose any opportunities to engage in business ventures with my dad. He could go far. While I had no idea what they were doing, it didn't matter. Why should I expect Luke to risk money to have a relationship with me? What gave me that right? We still barely knew each other.
It was then that I realized how unfair I was being not only to Luke, but also to myself. Sure, I wanted the guy to stick up for me. Sure, I wanted a guy to feel so strongly about me that he was willing to make sacrifices. Bu
t the truth of the matter was, Luke and I hadn't even really begun a serious relationship. He had mentioned courting me and that hadn't even started yet, other than the day at the beach, which had, once again, culminated in sex.
The more I contemplated what we had or didn't have in our burgeoning relationship, the more I felt even more discouraged. Maybe it was time to back away. Maybe it was time for me to take a serious look at my actions and their ramifications. I wasn't only mad at my dad and Luke, but I finally realized that I was mad at myself.
"You're such an idiot, Molly," I muttered to the ceiling. I closed my eyes and sighed, tried to clear my mind, to think of something pleasant. The problem was, every time I closed my eyes, I saw Luke standing in front of me, naked except for that towel wrapped around his waist. My groin tingled. My nipples hardened almost immediately. Crap. I was in big trouble.
Chapter 3
I thought about calling my dad and asking him about the situation. What was he doing? Had he checked up on Luke? Most of all, I wanted to know how he knew I was working as a maid at the Benning Estate and even more so how he knew about the relationship – or developing relationship – between Luke and me.
As far as I was concerned, this whole mess was his fault. The plain truth was I didn't understand any of this. I felt very let down, not only due to our present circumstances, but in learning a very important truth about my father. Was he really as arrogant and pompous as that? Did he really treat people that way? Was this how he did so well in business and made his money?
Was my dad a bully? Well, he wasn't going to bully me. Maybe if I went over and talked to him and explained my side of things, he could explain himself. Only then would I be able to understand. The problem was, I knew how difficult my father could be. When he didn't want to talk about something, he didn't talk about it. Period. Of course, if you didn’t want to talk about something and he did, you had to sit there and listen, whether you wanted to or not.
I felt torn and confused. I wanted to talk to Samantha, but I couldn't, not now. Everything was so complicated, and I knew that Samantha would probably tell me the same thing she had last time. Turn around and walk away. I don't know if it was just innate stubbornness or the fact that I didn't like anyone telling me what I could or could not do, but I realized at that moment that I didn't want to walk away from Luke.
I reached for my phone and tapped the screen, bringing up my contact list. I scrolled down to my father’s phone number. My finger poised over the Call button for several seconds. Then, I sighed and dropped the phone to my lap. I couldn't do it. I was too emotional at the moment. I knew that any argument or discussion with my dad required a calm, rational head and I was far from rational. To be honest with myself, I also didn't want to hear my father's lectures or told-you-so attitude.
Dad was a micromanager, no doubt about it. Perhaps that's why he was so good at business. Still, it didn't really apply to or benefit the personal relationship he had with me, at least, not this time. I know there were plenty of times when my mom put her foot down about my dad's attitudes, but I hadn't been away from home long. Was I worried that if I crossed him, he would kick me out of the condo? Take my car back?
I sat down on the couch, staring out the living room window, contemplating that very thought. It scared me. My parents had made my life very easy. Because I had difficulty finding a job, I knew that it wasn’t easy out there in the big bad world. I knew I would never be able to afford anything close to this place, or even one of the cheapest apartments in the city, on a maid's salary. No, I would have to get another job. I would probably have to work two or three jobs to support myself in Raleigh. Oh, I could find a really cheap apartment, but it probably wouldn't be in the best of neighborhoods.
Come to think of it, even my phone was on our family plan. I shook my head, calling myself all sorts of a fool. I was so focused on just earning a steady paycheck that I hadn't stopped to consider what else I would need, financially, to support myself. If my dad did end up kicking me out of the condo, I would have to find an apartment, probably take over the car payments, pay for electricity, my phone plan, food…the list went on. All of a sudden, I felt so discouraged. I had been trying so hard to make a point that I had overlooked some very important details.
What to do? I shook my head and sighed. Would my father really do that – kick me out of my condo, make me live on my own – just because he disapproved of a job position or the person I was dating? Wait a minute – I wasn't dating Luke, not really. We were just testing the waters when it came to developing a relationship. Those waters had turned into a whirlpool when my dad got involved.
I lifted my phone and once again accessed my contact list, thinking that I needed to get this cleared up. Yet, with my fingertip hovering over the Call button one more time, I lost my sense of bravado. What would I say? How could I defend myself? I, of all people, knew the boundaries between employers and employees. I knew that if I spoke to my dad right now and accused him of spying on me, of having me followed, of checking into my daily life, whatever, I might say things that I would regret.
With a sigh of disgust, I tossed the phone to the other side of the couch. It landed face up, and as I stared at it, the screen lit up. Frowning, I leaned over and grabbed the phone, wondering who it was. When I glanced at the screen and saw the name on it, I stared at it. Luke. He had sent a text message. I wanted to look at it, and at the same time I didn't. None of this would be happening if I hadn't met Luke. None of this would have been happening if my body hadn't betrayed me.
Was sex and attraction all it took to cause a person to lose focus? To make mistakes and decisions that might never have been made otherwise? I had never been in this position before, and I didn't know how to deal with it. What decision would be the right one? Either I damaged my relationship with my father or with Luke. I was being forced to choose! That thought infuriated me. Once again, I grew incredibly angry with my father for putting me in this position in the first place.
With a growl of frustration, I looked at the phone and accessed my text messages. After only a brief hesitation, I opened the message from Luke.
I want to talk about what happened.
I thought about that a moment, shook my head and texted back.
What's to talk about? You made the call that you felt you had to make.
I didn't really want to get into this discussion at the moment. More than anything, I didn't want to make it more than it seemed, at least, as far as Luke was concerned, anyway. If I said anything more, I would be making this personal. That was just it. I wasn’t sure how personal this was to him. I didn't want to take it personally, either. But the plain truth of the matter was that Luke had rejected me or at least, that's how I felt at the moment. He had chosen a business relationship – and money – over me.
My phone screen lit up as another text message came through. Again I wanted to read it, but at the same time didn't. Rejection hurt. What had I wanted? Luke to cut off all ties with my father so that he could have me? Have me for what? We hadn't even begun to develop a relationship! This was turning into a big mess. My interest in Luke had not only endangered my job, but had potentially endangered Luke's business. If my dad got to the point where he didn't like Luke at all, he could make any business ventures that Luke attempted to develop in the Raleigh area extremely difficult. That wasn't fair!
At the same time, my relationship, whether it was real or not, could very well drive a wedge between my father and me. While my dad annoyed me on numerous occasions, I'm sure that I annoyed him, too. I had been forced to realize that I was not nearly as independent as I thought I was, but it was more than that. I had a relatively good relationship with my parents and I didn't want to see that destroyed, at least, not because of a man I barely knew.
What a conundrum! I glanced down at Luke's next text message.
I'm sorry.
He was sorry? He was sorry! That's it? My emotions took over and I angrily tapped out a reply.
&nb
sp; I won't be coming to work tomorrow.
He texted back.
That's fine, but before you come back, I want to talk.
Before I came back? How could he be so arrogant? What made him think I would come back at all? Did he think I was going to come crawling back on my hands and knees and beg him to allow me to keep my job as his maid? Or worse yet, did he think that I would continue this sexual relationship with him just because he offered it? That royally pissed me off. Before I could even tap out a reply, he sent another text.
That didn't come out right.
In a fit of pique, I replied.
You better believe it didn't!
As soon as I sent the message, I turned off my phone. Tears burned in my eyes. Trying to maintain control over my emotions was nearly impossible at the moment. I felt so confused, I just wanted to crumble into a heap and cry my eyes out. Why did everything have to be so difficult? What happened to turn my life into such a mess all of a sudden? I tried to push all my concerns and worry out of my head and went into my bathroom to take a shower. I stood under the hot water for quite some time. As the warm water soothed my muscles and the steam floated around my head, I began to cry.
Eventually, I cried myself out. I couldn't even explain why I was crying, exactly, other than I just wasn't used to dealing with such stress. For the first time in my life, I felt attracted to a guy, right or wrong. Since then, my thoughts had been trapped in a maelstrom. To make matters worse, my father was involved, leaving me feeling as if I was in a rather precarious position. I knew that at the bottom of everything was the fact that my dad and Luke were the ones making all the decisions. I was caught in the middle. It seemed to me as if neither of them had even considered my own opinion and attitudes regarding the situation. The thought that these two men could so completely control my immediate and potentially future destiny pissed me off to no end.
