“The children you teach probably know a lot more than I do about horses. It would probably be good if we just start off with the basics like you would with them,” David said.
The two of them sat and watched as Jack explained the parts of the saddle to Davey. He had always liked to start with the basics of horsemanship too.
“Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Sarah said. Now that the two of them knew each other better she was hoping that she wouldn’t offend him with one of the questions that had nagged at her from the time she’d learned that David was a single parent.
“Let me guess, you’re wondering about Davey’s mother.” While he didn’t seem upset by his comment, she could still tell that it wasn’t something he liked to talk about.
“I’m sorry if...”
“It’s okay. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked about Lisa. There’s not that many single dads raising a child who’s had a heart transplant. Questions about my ex are kind of natural. Lisa... She didn’t really understand what we were up against at first. I tried to explain it to her, but she...she seemed to think I was making too much of Davey’s heart defect. She had this idea that there would be a surgery and then we’d get back to our lives,” David said.
“A lot of times that’s as far as a parent can think ahead. They’re not really ready to deal with the future. They’ve made plans for their children’s lives and then everything changes and their whole world falls apart. It’s understandable that it might have taken some time for your wife to understand.” Sarah knew only too well how it felt when suddenly your world was upended.
“Once Lisa realized what life with Davey was going to be like, she took off,” David said. Anger dripped from every word, but if what he said was true, she couldn’t blame him for being angry. How could any woman leave their child when they were the most vulnerable? She could understand why David didn’t like to drag out memories of his wife. It had to be painful for him. And here she had been the one to cause him to relive those memories while she hadn’t had the courage to share her own with him.
“I’m sorry, I know that couldn’t have been easy for you. I know it might seem strange that I’m asking all these questions, it’s just that I need to tell you...”
Suddenly Jack and Davey joined them at the fence, chattering animatedly. For a few minutes Sarah had forgotten that the two of them weren’t alone. Now a bittersweet feeling filled her as she saw the light in her father-in-law’s eyes. A light that had been missing for so long now. She looked down at the little boy at Jack’s side. A miniature copy of David.
Jumping down from the fence she and David followed as Davey and Jack headed back to the stables, where Davey insisted on saying goodbye to all the horses individually.
And later as she watched David load a reluctant Davey into his car seat, she found herself pitying the little boy’s mother who was missing so much by not being there with her son. She couldn’t help but wonder about the woman who had walked away from a man like David. He had everything to offer a woman but somehow it seemed that hadn’t been enough for his ex-wife.
And that was the problem when you became too involved in someone’s life. Her obsession with knowing if Davey had her son’s heart had her becoming more and more involved with David. She needed to mind her own business, but that was hard to do when she felt that her and David’s lives had somehow been tied together that night three years ago. Still, she had no business being concerned about David’s private life. It wasn’t like she was interested in the man, at least not that way. She hadn’t thought about another man since she lost her husband. She had accepted that that part of her life was over when she had buried her husband and son. There was no reason for her to waste her time thinking of the good-looking doctor. His being married or divorced wasn’t important. The only thing she was interested in was learning more about Davey and finding out if he had been the recipient of her son’s heart.
A tiny voice inside her head called her a liar, but she refused to listen. She and David had a good relationship as co-workers, and they were becoming friends and that was all the two of them could ever be. How that friendship would fare when he learned that she had been keeping her suspicions concerning his son’s heart to herself she didn’t know, but she would have to face it soon. She couldn’t keep living this way, dodging every opportunity to come clean with David.
She made herself a promise that she would come clean with him the next time they were alone. She would open up to David about everything and somehow the two of them would work through this together.
* * *
Sarah walked into the unit early Monday morning to find the nurses rushing around the room of one of the toddlers that she had been involved with assessing for the transplant waiting list several weeks earlier. The eighteen-month-old had been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy are there had been little hope that there would be an available match in time to save him as he had been deteriorating at a faster pace than they had expected. And unfortunately, the little boy had antibodies that they knew would make it even harder to find a donor match. The call that there had been a match found had come unexpectedly and both the staff and the parents were thrilled.
Sarah took a minute to say hi to Tyler’s parents then started her examination of the little boy.
“Hey,” she heard from behind her. Turning she saw that David had arrived. Dressed in scrubs and with his hair bushed out wildly around his head, he looked as excited as a kid on Christmas morning.
“Hey,” she said, relieved that David seemed to be as comfortable with her as he had been before she had started prying into his business.
She introduced David to Tyler’s parents as they waited for the operating team to arrive to take the toddler to the operating room.
“How far out is the team?” she asked as she watched Tyler’s parents say goodbye. Their fear for their son was almost palpable in the room and she and David stepped out of the room to give the family some privacy.
“They called a few minutes ago and they were loading the plane then. It’s an hour flight. They’re as surprised as the rest of us that they found a match for Tyler this soon,” David said.
She saw David look back into the room. Was he remembering how he had felt the day he had turned his own son over to the operating team as she was remembering the day they had taken her son away to the operating room? She had learned to accept the loss of her son and over the years she had seen many young patients who had survived because of the gift of life another grieving mother and father had helped give, but there were times that the pain refused to stay buried. She would never regret that her son had been able to save other children, but it didn’t ease the loss of her son.
They both turned and watched as the OR team arrived and the little boy was taken off on the stretcher. As David left to follow Tyler into the operating room, she watched as the couple began to gather their belongings so they could join the rest of their family in the waiting room.
* * *
Sarah, like the rest of the staff on the unit watched the clock constantly for the next few hours. News that the heart had been delivered and the surgery was going well so far filtered down through unofficial channels. As the hours passed and they waited for news that Tyler was coming off the bypass machine, Sarah forced herself to make her rounds. She’d stopped by Jason’s room to find the teenager preparing to be discharged home. Unlike the boy she had seen the week before, he now was willing to talk to her as she discussed his post-op care and his need to return for a follow-up appointment.
After checking the clock again when she left Jason’s room she turned and headed down to Lindsey’s room. She’d checked on the little girl on and off during the weekend and she’d been happy to learn that there had been some improvement in her condition. Opening the door to her room she was greeted with a smiling Lindsey who sat up on her bed playing wit
h a pink unicorn with a long flowing tail.
“Now, that is a pretty horse,” Sarah said as she moved some of the child’s other toys off the bedside chair so that she could sit down.
“It’s a unicorn. My momma brought it for me this weekend,” Lindsey said. “Isn’t she pretty?”
“She is,” Sarah said as she reached over and stroked the long rainbow-colored main. “Maybe we could dye Maple’s hair this color.”
Lindsey laughed, and then covered her mouth as she coughed. Sarah bent over and listened to her lungs with her stethoscope, then moved back to her chair.
“I’m much better,” she said to Sarah. “I told my momma that I might get out of the hospital this week.”
Sarah let her hands run through Lindsey’s long curls. She hoped that Hannah had been able to see that the child was being overly optimistic. Even with the improvement from the antibiotics she was getting it would be several days before they would move her out of the critical care unit. Lindsey’s condition was just too fragile to not take every precaution.
Her phone beeped and she looked down to find a message from Tyler’s parents. After she gave Lindsey the promised picture of Maple, Sarah headed down a floor to where Tyler’s parents waited in the surgical waiting room.
“Oh, Sarah,” Tyler’s mother said as she rounded the corner and found both the child’s parents standing in the hallway. “They said they would give us an update in an hour but that was over an hour and a half ago and no one has been out. The last update they gave us they said they were almost ready to take Tyler off the bypass machine. Can you find out what’s going on?”
“Let’s go over here,” Sarah said as she led the distraught mother back over to the area of the waiting room where she recognized some of Tyler’s other family members.
“I tried to tell her that they were just running a little behind,” Tyler’s father said reassuringly, though Sarah saw the way the man’s hands trembled as he gently rubbed his wife’s back.
“Let me go see what I can find out,” Sarah said, praying that nothing had gone wrong in the OR.
Before she could turn from the couple, though, she heard the voice of Dr. Benton as he entered the waiting room, David just behind him. The smile on both their faces told her all she needed to know.
As Dr. Benton discussed the surgery with Tyler’s parents, Sarah walked over to where David stood.
“So how did it go?” Sarah asked, as the two of them moved away from the group that surrounded Dr. Benton.
“It was amazing,” David said, “that moment when we removed the heart was one of the scariest moments of my surgical career so far, but after the new heart was attached and we waited for the new heart to start up...then that first beat and then another. It was like experiencing a miracle.”
“Weren’t you?” Sarah asked as she smiled up at him. They headed back to the doctors’ workroom where they could start requesting all the lab work and other tests that would need to be done on their newest transplant recipient. Sarah was impressed with the questions David had concerning the care Tyler would receive over the next twenty four hours. She had met many doctors in her years working as a nurse and then as a nurse practitioner and she felt that she had enough experience with both really good doctors and some not-so-good doctors to be able to tell the difference. She was already sure that David would be one of the best doctors due partly to his enthusiasm and partly to the empathy he showed for his patients.
While most of the doctors she had worked with showed their patients and their families’ empathy, David had experienced exactly what these families were going through which made him able to help them in ways that other doctors wouldn’t understand.
“By the way, I was thinking maybe I could start those riding lessons next week. That is if you have the time,” David asked as he set a cup of coffee on the desk in front of her.
They had fallen into a pattern of working together where the two of them ended each day discussing their plans for the next day. She was going to miss this when David finished his time learning the part of the practice that she handled.
“Sure,” Sarah said. “How about next Saturday? I’ll check with Jack, but if he doesn’t have anything scheduled I’m sure he’d be happy to watch Davey for you. That is if you are okay with that.” Her father-in-law had mentioned the young boy several times in the last few days and she knew he had enjoyed the time he’s spent with Davey.
“Jack seems like a nice guy,” David said. “If you don’t mind me asking, does he have any other children?”
Sarah knew that David was being only curious about a man that his son had enjoyed spending time with, but that didn’t keep her from feeling the pain that was always present when she discussed her husband.
“Kolton, my husband, was an only child,” she said.
“I’m sorry. It’s easy to see how good Jack is with kids. He would have made a great grandfather,” David said.
This was the opportunity for her to tell David about Cody. If she could get through this maybe she would be able to approach the subject of Davey’s donated heart.
Little steps. Just take this little step and everything will be okay.
“He was a great grandfather to our son, Cody. When we lost Cody and Kolton, it was really hard on him,” she said.
“Oh, Sarah, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,” David said. He reached out and covered her hand with his. A small gesture but somehow it helped ease the pain that always came when she was forced to talk about the loss she had experienced.
“It’s not something I talk about. It’s hard, you know?” she said. She took a deep breath and forced the air out.
“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through,” David said as his hand tightened on hers. “How long ago did this happen?”
“Sometimes it feels like it was a long time ago and others it feels like it was just yesterday, but it was actually just over three years ago January,” she said. Would the time ring a bell with him? Was there a possibility that he would put things together without her having to tell him?
“There was an accident, a car accident,” she continued. Just that one statement drained her. There was a reason she didn’t discuss this with other people. It was still too raw. She wondered if she would ever be able to speak about her son and husband without feeling that way. Her mother had wanted her to go to a counselor, but she hadn’t been able to make herself go even after her mother had made an appointment for her.
“I’m sorry, Sarah. And I’ve sat here telling you how hard it is to live with the emotional rollercoaster of waiting for a heart donor,” David said before he withdrew his hand from hers.
She knew David was feeling uncomfortable now, which was another reason for not discussing the loss of her family with others. The conversation always became awkward later.
“If you ever need to talk, just let me know. I can be a good listener,” he said, then gave her a small smile before he returned his attention to the computer screen and she knew her chance to tell him everything she needed to was gone.
CHAPTER THREE
DAVID WAS UP early Saturday morning at his son’s demand. Davey had been so excited the night before when he learned that they would be going back to see his friend, Jack, that he hadn’t been able to sleep. He had gone to bed talking about all the horses he was sure he would get to see the next day, surprising David with all the names of the horses that he remembered.
If David had had any sense he would have waited until that morning to tell his son. Then he would have gotten a good night’s sleep. Marking it down as just another lesson learned in the single parent department, he made himself climb out of bed.
There was a slight nervousness in the middle of his stomach as he made breakfast for his son. Was it the excitement of starting something new and spending time around the horses or was it fear of looking a fool in fro
nt of Sarah that was making his stomach feel like it was doing summersaults? She made it look so easy when she was up on a horse but with his luck he’d fall off the minute he climbed up on one which would most definitely injure his manly pride along with his backside.
And then there was that strange attraction he felt while watching this new Sarah around the horses, an attraction that shouldn’t have been there. They had taken their relationship out of the work environment and with Sarah that felt a little dangerous now. He had no business thinking of Sarah as anything other than a colleague when his life was already full with the new fellowship and taking care of his son. Any kind of relationship other than friendship with Sarah was a complication that he didn’t need in his life. His first priority would always be taking care of Davey. Just the time and planning it took to make sure that all his medications were taken on time and all his follow-up appointments were made was a lot more than anyone who hadn’t lived with a child with a heart defect would understand. Lisa certainly had never understood.
But wouldn’t Sarah?
He picked up the phone to cancel his lesson then looked over to where his son was struggling to get his new cowboy boots on and cancelled the call. He couldn’t disappoint Davey. He was reminded of his promise to the little boy when he had lain surrounded by tubes and monitors that the two of them would have a life full of adventure. Even now he had no idea what the future held for his son. He had seen too much already while working with the young transplant patients at the hospital to not know that there was always a chance that Davey could go into rejection or that his new heart could go into heart failure.
He knew all the numbers, the percentages and the years that he could expect for his son to live with his new heart, and he wasn’t going to let the two of them miss out on any of the time they had together. Not that he was taking any chances with Davey. He’d already bought a helmet to wear when he was on one of the horses, something that had not made Davey happy as he had insisted that cowboys wore cowboy hats, not helmets. He knew he had made a mistake when he had pulled up a video of a bull rider with a helmet on to show Davey which had set his son into wanting to ride “cows” too.
Sarah and the Single Dad Page 4
