Trouble From the Start

by Rachel Hawthorne

  “I was going crazy, too,” I admitted. Was going crazy now. I hoped he was thinking about kissing me again. I really wanted him to. I glanced around. A few of the houses still had lights on. But there was privacy in the shadows. I almost laughed. It seemed a little late to worry about privacy when our last kiss had been in public and televised to an entire stadium.

  “The thing is,” he said solemnly, “I know kissing you is a bad idea. Us doing anything together is a bad idea.”

  Not what I’d expected. I’d hoped tonight would prove that we could do things together.

  “It was just a baseball game,” I said.

  “It wasn’t and you know it. You wanted it to be a date.”

  If I was honest with myself, he was right. What an idiot I’d been. I did want for us to be more than friends. I wanted what Kendall had with Jeremy.

  Fletcher wasn’t Jeremy.

  “Avery, you’re leaving in a few weeks. I’m staying here. You’re going to college. I’m not. Hell, I’m still in high school. You’re a one-guy kinda girl. I’m not a one-girl kinda guy.”

  At that particular moment I really didn’t like who he was. I thought about trying to convince him differently, but he knew himself a lot better than I did.

  “You really read too much into tonight. It was just a night with friends,” I said and started walking up the street. Now I was glad the darkness hid my face so he couldn’t see my mortification. “I didn’t want to be a third wheel, okay? So tonight I decided to use you.”

  We reached my house. “Don’t worry about the cost of the ticket, Fletcher. It was my treat. You know, for the extra work you’re doing on my car. When will it be ready?”

  “Unfortunately, we had to order a part. It should come in tomorrow but I won’t get a chance to install it until tomorrow evening.”

  “No problem. I’ll take Mom’s car to work.”

  “Knock on my door when you get home tomorrow night and I’ll take you to get it.”

  He said it casually, like we were just friends, like I could knock on the door to the room where he slept and nothing was going to happen. “Will do,” I said with the same casualness.

  “Avery.”

  I hated when he said my name like that, all soft and low, a rumble that seemed to come up from the depths of his soul. Turning, I faced him.

  “I did have fun tonight,” he said. “I like you. But I also realize I’m not what you need.”

  “You don’t know what I need, Fletcher. You don’t talk to me, so you can’t know. You don’t share things. You have this wall around you, and all I can do is knock against it.”

  He gave me a sad-looking smile. “See, you just proved my point. You need someone who will talk to you and share things. That’s just not me.”

  “But it could be if you tried.”

  “That’s the thing, Avery. I don’t want to try.”

  With long strides, he walked over to his motorcycle, put on his helmet, straddled the bike, and started it up. He tore out of the driveway at a speed that probably would have gotten him a ticket if my dad had been around.

  I thought about walking back to Kendall’s and talking to her about this, but I figured she was still in the car with Jeremy, talking about things that happened tonight, making plans for tomorrow, and sharing doubts, worries, or fears. And kissing him. She would definitely be kissing him. Afterward, he wouldn’t make her feel like he wished they hadn’t done all that.

  I opened the door and went inside. Mom was standing in the entryway. I figured she’d come to look out the window when she heard the motorcycle take off.

  “How was it?” Mom asked.

  “Great fun.”

  “Where’s Fletcher going?”

  “I don’t know. He didn’t say. It’s not really any of my business.”

  I headed for the stairs.

  “Avery, are you sure everything is okay?” she asked.

  “Everything’s fine,” I lied.

  In my bedroom, I curled up on the window seat and stared at his door. I couldn’t imagine how lonely it would be over there. Even though I was alone in my room, I could sense other people in the house, moving around. Although I wasn’t lonely here when no one else was around, but that was because this was my home. I had a place here, my place, with all the things that were personal to me, things that meant something to me. I had memories here.

  From what I could tell during the couple of times that I’d been in the FROG with Fletcher, he hadn’t brought anything other than clothes. No personal touches, but then his being there was temporary. I guess that was what bothered me the most: there was nothing permanent in his life, except his bike.

  I knew Fletcher was right. It was crazy for us to start anything when I’d be leaving for school in August. Long-distance relationships had to suck. And they took a lot of work.

  In spite of the way he kissed me, Fletcher and I were friends. That was all.

  I just had to convince myself of that.

  A soft rap sounded on my door.

  “Yeah?”

  It opened, and Mom peered in. “Got a sec?”

  “Sure.”

  She wandered in and sat on the edge of the bed. “Is there something going on between you and Fletcher?”

  How did I answer that? I brought my legs up and wrapped my arms around them. “Not really, no.”

  “Not a lot of conviction in that answer. Maybe you would like for there to be something between you,” she suggested.

  “No.”

  She studied me for a moment. She probably could see through the lie. “He has a lot going on in his life, Avery, things he needs to get straightened out. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “Fletcher wouldn’t hurt me.”

  “He might not mean to, but he’s a lot older than you.”

  I scowled at her. “He’s a year older.”

  “I’m not talking about a calendar year. I’m talking about experience. He’s been independent. He’s had to grow up fast. Your dad and I have tried to protect you. For good or bad, we’ve sheltered you. We’d like to see you with a nice boy, like Jeremy.”

  A spark of anger shot through me. “Fletcher’s nice. What’s he done to make you think he’s not nice? You taught me not to judge people on rumors. Now you’re doing it.”

  “You’re right. He’s nice. But his situation, his being part of the family now, you seeing each other so much—mixed in with teen hormones—just don’t misjudge your feelings.”

  I knew she was trying to offer me sage advice. And I knew if Fletcher wasn’t living in the FROG that I probably never would have seen him again after I dumped tea on him. I understood that the closeness of his current living arrangement meant we were continually crossing paths. But I also knew that I wanted to know him better, that I wanted to be his friend, maybe more than his friend. It wasn’t because I knew about his father. It was because of Fletcher.

  “I won’t do anything stupid,” I said.

  Mom laughed lightly. “Famous last words.” She got up, crossed over, and hugged me. “Just remember that you have the whole world and a bright future ahead of you.”

  I couldn’t help but think: shouldn’t Fletcher have the same?

  Chapter 24

  FLETCHER

  I sat in a back booth at Jo-Jo’s and thought about the first time that I’d ever eaten at the diner. I’d been twelve, picked up for shoplifting. I didn’t know if all cops would have done it, but Avery’s dad had studied the items I’d lifted and decided that I was hungry, so he’d brought me here. He was right. I’d wolfed down the equivalent of two meals before we left.

  While I ate, he talked about baseball and cars. He pointed out different breeds of dogs that wandered by. Until then I’d just thought a dog was a dog.

  When we were finished, when we were on the sidewalk, I finally got up the nerve to ask him why he hadn’t yelled at me.

  “Figured you’re the kind of kid whose conscience yells louder than I could,” he’d said.r />
  He was right. My conscience could nag really loud. Loudly.

  “What’ll it be, hon?” the waitress asked me now.

  “Pimento cheese sandwich, potato salad, strawberry shake.”

  She walked away and I looked out on the traffic light as it slowly changed colors. Green reminded me of Avery. She was going places. While I didn’t even have a high school diploma.

  But that wasn’t the only reason that I’d put on the brakes tonight, that I’d told her I wasn’t a one-girl kinda guy. No girl had ever made me want to be, but she came close. Sometimes I even thought about how nice it would be to have one person who was always there. But I knew how life worked. I knew I had to deserve that. And I didn’t.

  I might not have realized it if Jeremy hadn’t caught that stupid foul ball and without a thought, a moment’s hesitation, handed it off to Kendall. I never would have thought to give it to Avery. I would have caught it and thought, “Free ball! Cool!”

  Stupid.

  Jeremy had barely watched the game. He’d spent most of his time talking with Kendall like they hadn’t seen each other since graduation night, although I was willing to bet that wasn’t the case.

  He was the kind of boyfriend Avery deserved. He knew how to be one.

  I didn’t have a clue.

  That’s when my conscience had started yelling: you could ruin her life.

  The waitress set my order in front of me. I bit into the pimento cheese sandwich. It brought back the memory of sitting here with Avery’s dad all those years ago. He was partly responsible for my decision to cool it with her. He’d looked out for me then, was looking out for me now. I owed him. I wasn’t going to repay him by bringing his daughter down into the sewer with me.

  Chapter 25

  AVERY

  “So was that your boyfriend the other night?” Marc asked.

  I’d already been serving up fried seafood for an hour when his shift started, and those were his first words when our paths crossed. Not even a hello. Just cut right to the chase, even though we hadn’t seen each other for several nights.

  “No, a friend.”

  He shook his head. “No way. Not with the vibes that guy was sending. As far as he’s concerned, you’re his.”

  I turned in an order for a table of eight and began gathering up their coleslaw. “That is so Neanderthal. Trust me, we’re not involved.”

  Fletcher had made that loud and clear last night.

  “Then want to go to a movie next Thursday night?” he asked. “I checked the schedule. We’re both off.”

  I gave him what I hoped was a smile that indicated I appreciated the offer. “Thanks, but I already have plans.”

  “With him?”

  I lifted the tray. “With friends.”

  I headed through the swinging doors, crossed over to a large table by the window, and handed out the slaw. I didn’t have plans, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He was a nice guy but I wasn’t interested in dating him.

  In spite of everything, Fletcher was the one constantly on my mind. Even if he was brushing me off.

  “Could hit a matinee,” Marc said when I came back through the kitchen to grab a pitcher of tea.

  “I have to watch my little brother.”

  “Convenient.”

  “Marc—”

  “Seriously, that guy sees you as more than a friend, and I think you see him the same way,” Marc said. “I’m just trying to get you to admit it.”

  “By asking me out?”

  “If I’m wrong, I’ve got a date.”

  “I think you’re trying to make Katie jealous. Ask her to the movie as a friend. Who knows? Maybe she’ll discover she’s with the wrong guy.”

  I was two hours into my shift when I got to take a break. I walked down to the surf. This was one of my favorite parts of the job: that I could take a break close to the water. I loved the roar of the waves rolling in.

  Seeing Jenny standing at the water’s edge, I joined her. The sun was low in the sky but sunset wouldn’t be for another couple of hours.

  “I love working on the beach,” Jenny said. “Not at the restaurant but on the beach. I’ve thought about setting up a shack and renting surfboards because I hate serving food.”

  “I don’t think you’d meet as many people.”

  “And that’s a problem because . . .”

  “Have some crummy customers tonight?”

  “Yeah. They didn’t think I was focused on their need for attention. Honestly, they reminded me of some of the guys I dated at college this year.”

  “Did you date a lot?” I asked.

  “Oh, yeah.” She picked up a seashell and tossed it into the water. “A lot of first dates, a few second dates, a couple of third dates. Just no one who really did it for me, you know?”

  In a way I was glad to hear that she’d had so many dates in college. I’d been hoping the dating scene would be more active there, although suddenly I wasn’t that interested in college guys. On the other hand, her success rate at finding the right guy was disappointing. It sounded a little like playing Whac-A-Mole.

  “Did you kiss a lot of them?” I asked.

  “Most of them.” She looked over at me. “Still no dates?”

  I shook my head. Last night obviously didn’t count. “No.”

  She gave me a once-over from my toes to my head. “I don’t get it. Guys are idiots. But you will definitely find someone in college.”

  “It sounded like you dated a lot of them, and none of them were right.”

  She picked up another shell, studied it. “Right now I’m dating a bunch of frogs, still waiting for my prince. Course even if the prince showed up, I’d probably ditch him, too. Maybe I’m just not ready for a commitment. I like doing what I want to do when I want to do it. Look at Katie. She schedules her breaks for when she knows Colorado is available to chat. I don’t want to live my life around a guy’s schedule.”

  “Colorado?” I asked.

  “Yeah, that’s about all I remember from the oodles she’s said about him. That he’s from Colorado. I gotta get back.”

  She might not live her life around a guy’s schedule but she did live it around Dot’s, and when breaks were over, they were over. I turned and started walking back with her.

  “The guys you dated . . . did any of them call things off?” I asked.

  “Oh, sure. I really liked a couple of them, but they just wanted to have fun. They practically wore signs that said ‘No Serious Relationships Allowed.’ Which was fine since I’m not into serious either.”

  “But what if you had been?”

  She stopped walking and studied me. “Is there someone you like?”

  I sighed. “There is this guy . . . he keeps putting distance between us.”

  “Could mean a couple of things. He doesn’t like you or he likes you way too much but doesn’t want to. In either case, if you keep knocking on that door, you could get hurt.”

  “So I shouldn’t knock.”

  She started walking again. “I didn’t say that. Just understand the consequences. Only you can decide if he’s worth the risk. Take Marc. Played it safe last summer. Never told Katie how he feels about her.”

  “He would die if he knew everyone knows how he feels.”

  “Even she knows.”

  “Really?” I asked.

  Jenny nodded. “But you know, you can only wait so long for someone, then you gotta move on.”

  “If Katie knew, maybe she should have encouraged him,” I said.

  “Love is a complicated business, girlfriend. Sometimes the risk isn’t worth the reward.”

  When I pulled into the driveway, Fletcher was waiting for me—or at least I told myself he’d been waiting for me. He was sitting on the steps outside his apartment, brown bottle in hand. Maybe he was just relaxing. But I was glad to see him. Probably more glad than I should have been.

  As I got out of Mom’s car, he set the bottle aside, slowly stood up in a sexy kind of
way that made my heart start pounding. He sauntered down the steps, reminding me of a panther prowling through the jungle.

  “It’s kinda late,” I said, wondering why I sounded breathless, as though I’d just run from work instead of driving. “I can get the car in the morning.”

  He rolled his shoulders. “Now’s fine. I’ve got nothing else to do.”

  We were obviously back at the beginning, where words were considered the enemy and conversation was quick and to the point.

  Fletcher straddled his bike and handed me his helmet. I tugged it on, then climbed on behind him and wrapped my arms around him. It was odd, how natural it seemed now, to be this close to him, to inhale his scent, to absorb his warmth. I wished we were doing more than popping into town to pick up my car. I wished we were traveling to California or Canada. I wished we were going to see the northern lights.

  I wished downtown was farther away than it was because we were drawing into Smiley’s parking lot before I’d had a chance to finish all my fantasizing. I knew I should be as smart as Katie. I should move on.

  But maybe I just wasn’t ready yet to give up on what could be amazing rewards.

  I spotted Trooper right away. Smiley’s had a car wash next door and apparently someone had not only washed my car but waxed it as well.

  “Did you make her shine?” I asked, handing Fletcher his helmet.

  “It’s Smiley’s policy to wash every car that’s brought in for repairs.”

  “Right, yeah, I’d forgotten about that.” But still it had never shined quite so much.

  He dug the keys out of his pocket, dangled them. “Here you go.”

  I did not want to be Katie. Deciding I needed to take a risk, I swallowed hard. “Fletcher, I’m not really sure what’s happening between us.”

  “Nothing.”

  “We just kiss for the fun of it?”

  A corner of his mouth hitched up. “We probably shouldn’t do that anymore.”

  I didn’t want to be back at the beginning. I didn’t want the kiss at the ball game to be the last one. I took a step toward him. “And if I want to?”

  Without much thought or planning, I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to his. Groaning low, he wrapped his hand around my neck, his thumb caressing the sensitive area just below my chin. I loved the way he took his time, the way he seemed to savor the movements of our mouths.