by Jae
Dawn shook her head. Her mouth was dry, but she didn't want to lose the safe feeling of Aiden by her side, and she still needed to finish telling her about the parallels between the two cases. "He told me the same thing when he raped me. This patient... she's a lesbian and so am I. Do you think that's a coincidence?"
Aiden studied her thoughtfully. "I don't want to make rash assumptions, and I can't make any promises without further investigation, but this could very well turn out to be our first solid lead. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me." The long fingers gently squeezed her hand once more before letting go.
Dawn smiled, grateful that Aiden knew exactly how hard it had been for her – or for any rape survivor – to trust someone enough to make herself vulnerable. She had taken a risk by telling the officer investigating her case that she was gay. Dawn had heard enough stories from gay and lesbian patients to understand why most didn't out themselves to the doctor doing the rape exam or the investigating detectives. They simply didn't want to do anything that could rob them of the help they needed after a rape. Some of her lesbian clients had told the ER doctor who asked about their usual form of birth control that they didn't use any because they were gay. Sometimes their coming out had resulted in an even more awkward and uncomfortable atmosphere during the examination and led to police officers who hadn't exactly busted a gut trying to solve the case. Dawn was sure that she didn't need to fear that.
"I'll need the name and the address of that patient," Aiden said. "Did she file charges?"
"No, she didn't call the police. She never even told anyone but her partner," Dawn said.
"Do you think you can get her to talk to us?"
Dawn shrugged, unsure if she wanted to drag her patient through all the questions she'd had to go through when she had given her statement. "Maybe, but it's been six years since her rape. The statute of limitations has run out, and I don't want to make her go through this again if you can't use it in court anyway."
"We have to catch him before we can go to court," Aiden said, "and that's what your patient can help us with. If this rapist really is targeting lesbians, we need to investigate how he finds out about their sexual orientation. I don't know your patient, but you, for one, are not exactly a leather-clad dyke with a rainbow bracelet."
"You're not stereotyping, are you, Detective?" Dawn teased.
Aiden rubbed her neck. "No, I don't mean to, but I'm asking myself how he could have known. I'm sure he couldn't tell just by looking at you."
"Are you sure?" This was something that Dawn had asked herself over and over again since she had found the patient's file with the case resembling her own. If she had to think that every stranger in the street could pick her out as a lesbian and attack her because of it, she would never feel safe again. It wasn't that she felt much safer now, but it was easier to think that her attacker had just picked the first open window he had come to. Windows and doors could be locked to make sure that no one else came in. It was the feeling of being targeted that she couldn't stand. The thought that someone may have been following her, watching her, and attacking her with no more provocation than who she was just made the violation that much stronger.
Aiden looked at her with compassion. "Even I couldn't tell if you were a lesbian or not, and I'm supposed to have gaydar," she said. "How well-known is your sexual orientation?"
"I haven't made a public announcement or anything, but it's not a big secret. My mother, my colleagues, and most of my friends know. My ex-husband knows but prefers to ignore it. I'm sure that none of them would discuss my sexual orientation with a stranger." Everyone Dawn knew accepted her sexual orientation or at least would never hurt her because of it.
"I'll look into some of our old cases tomorrow," Aiden promised, "and try to find victims who could have been targeted because of their sexual orientation."
"Tomorrow's Sunday," Dawn reminded.
Aiden shook her head. "Justice doesn't observe Sundays."
"Don't I know that." Dawn sighed and smiled at the same time as she remembered her childhood. "Sometimes it was as if I was growing up with a single parent. There were times that I didn't get to see my father all week. With night shifts, overtime, and interrupted holidays, my mom was practically a married single."
"I always wondered how Ray, my partner, makes it work. He's married with four kids," Aiden said.
Dawn tilted her head. She could see Detective Bennet as a family man. "He must have found a way to make the time they spend together count. Maybe he's good at sharing his work experiences, not excluding her from this important part of his life like most cops do."
Aiden shook her head but didn't say anything, clearly unwilling to discuss relationships and what made them work with Dawn.
Yawning, Dawn stood up from the couch. "Okay, I should go now." Then her gaze fell on the window behind the couch, and she noticed with a sudden start that it had gotten dark outside.
Dawn swallowed. Since the rape, she avoided going out alone at night, but she had forgotten the time, and now she had no choice but to make her way to her car in the dark. She bit her lip when she remembered how far away she'd had to park.
"You look really tired." Aiden stood up from the couch.
That's the understatement of the century. For the last three weeks, she had been in a constant state of alert, always on guard. It was physically and mentally exhausting. "I haven't slept for more than a few hours at a time since the rape," she admitted. "Being alone in my apartment... or anywhere... at night is really difficult for me." She felt as if she could be honest and vulnerable with Aiden and didn't need to put on a show.
"Want me to drive you home?" Aiden offered immediately.
"No, thank you." In all honesty, Dawn wanted nothing more than to be in the company of someone with whom she felt safe, but she knew how difficult the situation was for Aiden. As much as Aiden wanted to help, she couldn't do it without risking her objectivity as a police officer. "I think I'll drive downtown and wake up my mother. I don't think I can be alone tonight." Perhaps it didn't make sense, but now that they had a possible lead and the rapist's motive, he suddenly appeared to be a more substantial threat than before.
Aiden lingered between Dawn and the front door, visibly debating something with herself. "Stay here tonight."
Dawn stared at her.
"It doesn't make sense for you to drive all the way downtown while you're this exhausted," Aiden reasoned. "I might think of more questions you need to clarify before I go through old case files tomorrow, and I would hate to wake up your mom by calling early, so you sleeping on my couch would be the logical choice."
Dawn knew that Aiden was reasoning more with herself than with Dawn. She looked through the window to the darkness outside. Finally, she glanced back at Aiden. "Thank you. I'll stay if it really doesn't bother you."
Aiden shook her head. "I'll lay out something for you to sleep in. Pajamas okay?"
Dawn nodded. The thought of Detective Aiden Carlisle in her nightclothes seemed almost surreal to her. Look behind the gold shield, she reminded herself. She needs to sleep just like any other human, and she doesn't always wear her detective clothes. She looked at the faded jeans and the button-down shirt that Aiden was wearing.
Aiden gave her a pair of silk pajamas that looked brand new and pointed her to the bathroom. "There should be a spare toothbrush somewhere in the cupboard."
Closing the door behind her, Dawn debated with herself whether to lock the door or not. Finally, she decided she didn't want to insult her hostess by implying that she wouldn't respect a closed bathroom door or couldn't protect her from any intruder and left it unlocked. The pajamas were a little too big on her, and with her splinted right index finger, she fumbled with the buttons.
By the time she left the bathroom, Aiden had already moved the coffee table out of the way and made up the couch for her. Aiden, now wearing sweatpants and a tank top, handed her a glass of water. "Do you need anything else?"
Dawn
swallowed her pride. "Can we leave one of the lights on?" She hadn't been able to sleep in total darkness since the rape.
"Sure." Aiden turned on a lamp sitting at one end of the couch. "Is this one enough?"
Dawn nodded and slipped under the covers. "Goodnight. And thanks."
"Goodnight." With one last glance over her shoulder, Aiden walked into the bedroom.
Dawn lay with her eyes open, listening to the little noises in the apartment: the creaking of bed springs, the jingling of some coins when something metallic – Aiden's watch, Dawn imagined – was dropped on top of them. In her own apartment, every sound tended to scare her, but now they had a soothing quality because she knew they were produced by someone who could protect her.
For a while, Dawn thought she could sleep tonight, but then she really noticed the position of the couch on which she was lying. The bedroom and the living room were practically one big room, but the back of the couch separated them, making it impossible for her to see Aiden. Above her, at the head end of the couch, was a window, and she was looking directly at the front door. Suddenly, she had the feeling of being trapped between two possible entryways into the apartment.
Trying to calm down, she reached for the book Aiden had forgotten on the coffee table. She knew the book, had only read it a month before and knew it was good, but it couldn't capture her attention now. She almost didn't feel like the woman who had read the book just four weeks ago.
"Hey, everything okay?" Aiden said from the bedroom. "Can't sleep?"
Dawn sat up. "Maybe I should just drive home."
"What?" A few seconds later, Aiden was kneeling down in the space between the coffee table and the couch. "Why? Aren't you comfortable here?"
"No... yes... it's..." Dawn pointed between the door and the window at either end of the couch.
"Ah." Aiden rubbed her neck as she seemed to understand that Dawn felt like easy prey between the two entry points into the apartment. "Why don't you sleep in the bed? I'll take the couch, and believe me, I won't even let a housefly pass through to the bedroom."
Dawn shook her head. "I can't make you sleep on the couch."
"Most nights I just stumble into the apartment and crash on the couch, anyway. I've slept out here hundreds of times before," Aiden said. "Come on."
Reluctantly, Dawn rose and followed her into the bedroom.
Aiden took the cordless and her cell phone from the nightstand. "Do you want fresh linens?"
Dawn shook her head and wished her a "good night" again. Slipping under the still warm covers, she exhaled and relaxed. The bed was in the corner of the room that was farthest away from the front door, which Aiden was blocking from any intruders. A small bedside lamp lit up the room around Dawn.
The pillow she laid her head on was obviously Aiden's own, and she inhaled the soothing scent deeply. For the first time in three weeks, Dawn felt safe enough to close her eyes without sheer exhaustion forcing her.
* * *
Aiden lay in the semi-darkness of her living room, listening to the deep breathing of her surprise guest.
Internally, she had berated herself for her offer to let Dawn sleep over as soon as she had made it. She could only imagine what Ray or the rest of her colleagues would say when she told them that a victim had stayed at her apartment overnight. But when she listened to Dawn's peaceful breathing, knowing it was the first good night's sleep she had gotten in weeks, it was hard to regret her decision.
So Aiden was lying awake, scolding herself, and watching over Dawn's sleeping form. She tried to keep her thoughts on the investigative steps she would take tomorrow, but her mind kept wandering back to Dawn's revelation. She still couldn't believe that Dawn Kinsley, the woman who had caught her eye from the first moment she saw her, was gay. That doesn't change anything. She remains just as unattainable for you. She's a rape victim, and she needs the professional Detective Carlisle, not the infatuated Aiden.
A sudden scream from the bedroom interrupted her brooding thoughts. With a curse, Aiden threw the covers off and raced to Dawn's side. The blankets were twisted around Dawn, practically tying her to the bed. She tossed around wildly and woke with a cry just as Aiden reached her. Tears ran down Dawn's cheeks as she blinked up at Aiden. Her breath was coming way too fast, and Aiden could see her pulse hammering in the carotid artery at the side of her neck. Dawn looked around like a scared animal, needing a few seconds to remember where and with whom she was.
Aiden looked down at the frightened woman, hesitant to hold or touch her without any indication from Dawn that such comfort was welcome. "Hey, it's just me. No one's going to hurt you here. Were you dreaming?" she asked as she sat on the side of bed, careful to leave some space between herself and her panicked guest.
"Nightmare," Dawn rasped.
Aiden couldn't watch her suffer bravely without offering comfort. Not wanting to frighten her with an unexpected touch, she decided to ask for permission. "Want a hug?"
Dawn didn't answer, at least not verbally. Her silent tears turned into sobs as she threw her arms around Aiden and buried her face against her neck, finally letting the tears fall without trying to be strong and brave.
Aiden held her carefully as though she would hurt Dawn by holding on tighter.
"I can't stop thinking about it," Dawn whispered against Aiden's skin. "My thoughts are going in circles even when I sleep."
"It's okay." Aiden stroked the blond head. "Just relax and breathe now. It's all right; you're okay. Nothing can hurt you now." She knew that she couldn't offer more of a comfort. The rape had been real, and its effects would probably last for quite some time, maybe even forever.
Finally, Dawn's sobs quieted, and the tears dried on her cheeks. "Sorry." She moved away from Aiden's soothing embrace; only one hand remained in contact with Aiden's arm. "I didn't intend to go all weepy on you again."
"You're allowed to 'get weepy,'" Aiden emphasized. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You wouldn't think of a crying client as weepy, would you? Why do you hold yourself to a different standard?"
Dawn sniffled. "Maybe I'm just not ready to accept what has happened to me and to think of myself as a victim."
"Then think of yourself as a survivor," Aiden suggested.
"You're really, really good at your job. Has anyone ever told you that?" Dawn dabbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her pajamas.
"Sure, my partner tells me every time he wants me to question a witness or a suspect he can't stand," Aiden joked, trying to hide the fact that this, being here with Dawn, was not just a job for her. "Do you want to stay up for a while or try to go back to sleep?"
Dawn brushed a few damp strands of hair from her face and looked up at Aiden. "Well, that depends..."
Aiden swallowed hard. Oh, please, please, please, don't let her ask me to sleep in the bed with her to keep the nightmares away. I can't seem to say no to her, and I want to help her, but I really can't do that! "Depends on what?" she asked cautiously.
"On whether or not you have ice cream in your freezer, Detective."
And that was how Detective Aiden Carlisle found herself sitting on her couch, eating ice cream at three a.m.
* * *
Aiden tiptoed into the bedroom. She smiled and leaned against one wall for a moment, watching Dawn sleep.
Dawn was sprawled across the length of her bed, not rolled up into a frightened little ball as she had been last night. Sunlight danced across creamy skin and blond hair, making it shine like gold. For the first time in weeks, Dawn looked totally at peace.
It had been years since Aiden had watched another person sleep. She hadn't been celibate by any means over the last few years, but she never stayed in bed long enough to watch her bed partners sleep. Usually, she preferred to slip out of bed and out of their lives as soon as possible. Now, although she had shared nothing but a pint of ice cream with Dawn, she wanted to stay and make her breakfast.
She had decided that she would forgo her usual Sunday morning run because she didn't
want Dawn to wake up alone in the unfamiliar apartment. So, bringing back pastries, croissants, and rolls from the bakery down the street was out of the question. Aiden tiptoed back into the kitchen and searched her cupboards and the fridge for breakfast ingredients.
"Morning."
Aiden jumped, startled by the sudden voice behind her, and slammed her head against the refrigerator door. Rubbing her head, she turned and regarded Dawn, who had already changed into the pair of snug-fitting low-rise jeans from last night. Aiden had secretly decided that she liked seeing Dawn in jeans almost better than seeing her in elegant skirt suits. "Hey, up already? I hope I didn't wake you?"
"Not at all. I'm surprised I slept as long as I did. Sorry for surprising you," Dawn said, indicating Aiden's head.
Aiden gave her a grin. "No harm done," she said. "Ray always says my head's the thickest part of me."
