by Jae
Dawn smiled and studied the things Aiden had arranged on a tray. "Are you making breakfast?"
"Don't sound so skeptical, please," Aiden demanded with a smile. "I'll let you know I can make breakfast with the best of them. It's not considered cooking, so you're in no danger of food poisoning."
Laughing, Dawn helped her set the table. "You're an only child, aren't you?"
"You know that from the way I like my eggs or what?" Aiden looked at her in amazement.
"No, I know it from the way you set down the cornflakes within easy reach of me. When I grew up, I had to grab the cereals first or risk having to watch my brother eating the last of them. To this day, I tend to keep the cereal box on my side of the table," Dawn explained with a self-ironic grin.
Growing up not only without sisters or brothers but also without cousins or friends that spent a lot of time at her home, Aiden had never really understood sibling rivalry. She had often regretted not having a sibling. But who knows, she thought with a bitter smile, maybe I just don't know about them. Maybe there's a litter of offspring that bastard fathered somewhere out there. "You and your brother, were you close?"
"Brian was five years older than me, so I got on his last nerve when he was a teenager and I would follow him around like a puppy, but other than that, we were close, yes." Dawn sighed. "Sometimes, I'd give everything to be able to see him now, to see the man he would have become. He was only twenty-three when he died and in some respects still very much a kid."
Aiden counted quickly. God, she lost her father and her brother within one or two years. "Did he...?" She stopped and looked down into the pan in which their scrambled eggs were frying.
"...die while he was on duty?" Dawn continued for her and nodded. "He was shot when he and his partner ran after some drug dealers. Brian loved being a cop, and he threw himself enthusiastically into every patrol, every investigation, and every drug raid. Even after Dad's death, he never considered that he could die doing his job, too. It was very hard on my mom."
And on you. Aiden decided to change the topic when Dawn fell silent. She sprinkled a little salt and pepper across the eggs and put equal parts of them onto the two plates.
Dawn smiled when a cup was set in front of her from which the tag of a tea bag was dangling. She put the orange juice back into the refrigerator before they both sat down.
Aiden had never liked to share her morning routine with anyone. Except for Ray, she hadn't looked across a breakfast table at another person in years, but now she found that she didn't mind Dawn's presence in her home in the least.
Despite telling her about her brother's death, Dawn was smiling this morning, obviously not one of those people who wouldn't even exchange a halfway polite greeting before their second cup of coffee. Nothing reminded Aiden of the sobbing woman who had clung to her in desperation just last night. In the light of day, Dawn appeared to be strong and full of life.
The smile vanished from Dawn's face when Aiden set a plate with eggs, bacon, and toast in front of her. Dawn stumbled from the table and disappeared into the bathroom.
Aiden skeptically tried a forkful of her scrambled eggs. "Hey, they're not that bad," she defended, shaking her head. She wrinkled her brow when she heard Dawn gagging and retching behind the bathroom door.
Abandoning her own food, she crossed the room to lean against the bathroom door. "Dawn? Are you sick?"
It took a few moments for Dawn to answer. "I... I'll be out in a second." Her voice sounded shaky.
Aiden waited a second, then a minute. Still, Dawn was in the bathroom, not saying a word. Only occasional gagging and heaving could be heard. "Dawn?" Aiden knocked on the door to announce herself. "I'm coming in, okay?"
"No!" Dawn protested. "Stay out there. I don't want you to always have to take care of me. I'll be fine in a second."
"Dawn..." Aiden shook her head with frustrated helplessness. "Cut the macho superhero routine, please. It's reserved strictly for cops."
"Stay out," Dawn repeated weakly. "I don't want you to see me like this."
Aiden hesitated, but then another round of retching started behind the bathroom door. When she opened the door, Dawn was kneeling on the bathroom tiles, holding on to the toilet with trembling hands. Her skin was ghostly pale and glistening with cold sweat.
Hastily, Aiden ran water over a washcloth and handed it to Dawn while she gently brushed back limp strands of hair from her face. "Why didn't you tell me sooner that you didn't feel well?"
Dawn shuddered, obviously fighting against another bout of nausea. "I didn't. I was perfectly fine until I smelled the bacon or the eggs or something." She wiped her mouth and stood.
Concerned, Aiden watched as she stood on legs that were still a little shaky. Not wanting to take the risk of Dawn falling and hitting her head in the small bathroom, she wrapped a supporting arm around her and tried to lead her out of the bathroom.
"Wait," Dawn protested. "I'd like to brush my teeth first."
"Oh. Of course." Aiden quickly let go of her. "Want me to wait outside?"
"If you don't mind. I promise I'll be fine on my own," Dawn said when she saw Aiden's concerned glance.
Aiden stepped outside and waited right next to the door. When Dawn emerged from the bathroom, she led her to the couch, away from the smell of food. She spread the Afghan across Dawn's lap and retrieved her cup of tea for her. "Better now?" she asked when she knelt down in front of her.
"Yes, thank you." Dawn leaned back, still a little pale.
"Do you think you could eat a little? I can make you something else if you want," Aiden offered.
Dawn swallowed. "No. I think my stomach is too upset right now. But you should have breakfast." She pointed to the table where Aiden's breakfast was getting cold.
"Later." Aiden studied her in concern. "Seems like all those stressful things we talked about last night and this morning were a little too much for your stomach, huh?"
"Maybe," Dawn said vaguely. She didn't seem to believe in the explanation Aiden had offered.
What is it then? Aiden wondered. Can't be my cooking. No one's ever gotten sick before taking a bite of it. Suddenly, her eyes widened when another common cause of queasiness and throwing up occurred to her. "Dawn..." She looked at her in alarm.
Dawn bit her lip. Tears shone in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "I don't know how it's possible. Well, I know how... but... you know what I mean. I think I might be pregnant."
Aiden took a deep breath. She forced herself to be objective and to hide any of her personal feelings. "Pregnancy in spite of taking emergency contraceptives is not very likely, but it's still possible. You didn't do a pregnancy test?"
Dawn shook her head. "I stalled since I missed my period last week. I didn't have the courage to do the test. I don't know what I would do if I'm really pregnant." She looked at Aiden as if searching for an answer.
Almost a little panicky now, Aiden shook her head. She could feel a dull throb developing and pinched the bridge of her nose in a futile attempt to ward it off. This was quickly becoming more than she could handle, and she could only imagine what it must be like for Dawn. She was determined to make things easier for Dawn, but this was one decision she couldn't make for her. "I told you before; I'm not the best person to ask. No one who was conceived through rape can ever be objective when it comes to such a decision."
"What?" Dawn sat up on the couch.
"I said no one who was –"
Dawn wildly shook her head. "I heard you the first time. Do you mean to say that you're... your mother was raped and..." Dawn seemed to be speechless.
Aiden furrowed her brow. "You didn't know?"
"No!"
Now, Aiden was confused. "But you asked me to speak to your group, remember? The one with the women who've gotten pregnant through rape."
"I asked you to speak to the group because you're one of the very few women working with the Sexual Assault Detail," Dawn explained. "I knew the women in the group would feel more comfortab
le talking with you than with one of your male colleagues. I wanted them to meet someone who has to deal with rape every day of her life and can still relate to people with compassion."
Aiden rubbed the back of her neck. "I thought you knew."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "I don't know why people always think psychologists are mind readers. I'd just met you when I asked you to speak to the group; how could I have known such a personal thing about you?"
If Aiden thought about it, it was a really stupid assumption, but when confronted with this particular issue, she tended not to think, too busy with building walls to protect herself. "You wouldn't have told me about your possible pregnancy if you'd known about... the way I was conceived, would you?" she asked with sudden insight.
"I don't know. I didn't plan on telling anyone until I'd made a decision." Dawn pinched the bridge of her nose, unconsciously mirroring Aiden's earlier action, and looked down at the carpet. "I love kids, and I've always known that I'd have at least one someday, but I imagined having a loving co-parent and not... this... this whole situation." She closed her eyes.
Aiden nodded in understanding. "I can't make that decision for you, but I'll support you, no matter what you decide to do."
Dawn's gray-green eyes searched Aiden's own. "You'd hold my hand in the waiting room of an abortion clinic if that's what I wanted?"
"Of course," Aiden said without hesitation. "Just because I was conceived through rape doesn't necessarily mean that I'd make the same decision my mother made all those years ago. I don't know what I'd decide. But if anyone knows how hard it can be to bring up a child being aware every day that it was his or her father who brutally raped you, it's me. I saw the effect it had on my mother." She sighed and looked down at her watch. "I really have to go now if I want to catch my partner before he leaves for the kids' baseball game. Are you okay on your own?"
Dawn nodded and set her empty cup down, preparing to leave with Aiden.
Aiden rose and started for the bedroom to retrieve her gun and badge. After two steps, she stopped and turned back around. "Call me if you need to talk to someone."
* * *
Dawn watched as Aiden prepared for her unofficial shift. As she buckled on the holster with her duty weapon and clipped her gold shield to her belt, the soft, almost vulnerable side she had shown Dawn just a few moments before seemed to disappear. The detective's face was a picture of concentration. She was already planning her investigations.
Dawn's gaze never left Aiden as her long legs crossed the room with a confident stride, one strong hand reaching for her car keys while the other grabbed the ever-present leather jacket.
There was no doubt in Dawn's mind that Aiden Carlisle was a good detective, a wonderful friend, and an amazing person. How could any mother not be proud and love a child like her, regardless of how she came to be? Then she shook her head, reprimanding herself for judging Aiden's mother. Tell me you wouldn't feel conflicted if you have a child and he or she grows up to be the spitting image of their father even if only physically. How would you handle seeing the face of a man you hate on your own child every day?
Still deep in thought, she followed Aiden to the door. And if you decide to have an abortion, how would you handle the thought of violating your body again, killing an innocent child? A child who may have had the potential to grow up into a compassionate person, someone who helps and protects people instead of hurting them? Someone as wonderful as Aiden Carlisle?
Aiden held the door open for her. Side by side, they made their way to the elevator. "Come on, my car's right here," Aiden said when they left the apartment building. "Where did you park yours? I'll give you a lift over there."
Dawn nodded and slipped into the passenger seat, glad not to be left alone with her thoughts for another few minutes. She knew she'd have a lot of thinking to do in the very near future.
"There it is," Aiden said when she detected Dawn's small car down the street. She stopped next to it and turned off her ignition.
Dawn turned to her, reluctant to just say "see you" and slip out of the car after everything Aiden had done for her, after the way she had held her after her nightmare and had taken care of her while she battled nausea.
She had intended for it to be just a quick hug good-bye, a little squeeze around the shoulders to show how grateful she was. But when she wrapped her arms around Aiden and smelled the mixture of leather and Aiden's perfume, a scent she had come to associate with comfort and safety, the embrace lasted longer than appropriate between mere acquaintances. After a few moments, Dawn felt the strong muscles of Aiden's shoulders move uncomfortably under her hands.
A little embarrassed, Dawn pulled back and reached for the door. "Be careful," she said and got out of the car. When she closed the door behind her, it occurred to her that there was now another cop in her life that she had to worry about.
CHAPTER 12
WHEN RAY BENNET entered the squad room on Monday morning, an unexpected sight greeted him. "I could have sworn it was a stack of unfinished reports I left on my desk Saturday, but now it seems to have morphed into my sleeping partner."
"It will take you months to get the drool marks sleeping beauty left behind off of your desk," Okada predicted.
Ruben looked down at their colleague, who was sprawled across the files, reports, and photos she had laid out on Ray's desk while her own desk was covered with crime scene photos. "What's she doing here this early?"
"I assume she's indulging in every detective's favorite hobby: becoming overly involved in one of our cases," Okada commented sarcastically.
Ruben nodded. "Wanna bet she spent the weekend scaring the cleaning ladies when they came in to clean up all the doughnut crumbs around your desk, Jeff?"
"They're not just doughnut crumbs, my friend. They're directional devices I use to find my way back to my apartment after our usual marathon shifts," Okada defended his sweet tooth.
Ray studied his sleeping partner. "She tried to call me yesterday and left a message on my answering machine that we may have a break in the Kinsley case, but it was already too late to call her back when we returned from visiting the in-laws."
"The Kinsley case," Okada repeated. "I may have been blowing smoke before but on a more serious note, she really is throwing herself into that case."
Ray shrugged as casually as he could manage. He knew that Okada was right, but he didn't want to betray his partner's confidence. "Oh, come on, this is Aiden we're talking about. It's almost normal for her. I'd start to worry if she didn't become overly involved in one of her cases every now and then. We all do." Only this time, it isn't just the case she's becoming overly involved with, and that's the problem, he silently added.
Aiden stirred, rubbing her eyes as she sat up. "Huh?" She blinked in the bright lights of the squad room and looked up at the three men surrounding her. "What time is it?"
"It's seven thirty." Ray sat down at Aiden's desk and swung his feet up onto the corner. "I didn't get your message until midnight. There's a break in the case? A DNA match on another rape?"
"No." Aiden stretched, combing through her short, slightly curly hair with one hand while the other was busy organizing the stacks of files on the two desks. "I don't think this is as random as we first thought. I think we're dealing with a hate crime here."
"Hate crime?" Ray rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and picked up some of the files. "You mean he picked Dawn... he picks all his victims because they're... gay?" He looked at his partner doubtfully. Isn't that just wishful thinking on your part, Aiden?
Apparently, Aiden could read the unvoiced question in his eyes. "It was Dawn who pointed out the parallels between her case and that of one of her patients. They're both lesbians, and the perp told them not to, and I quote, 'act as if they didn't enjoy being fucked by a real man.'"
"And you think there are more than just those two cases, or is this an early spring cleaning?" Okada asked, pointing to all the files.
Aiden smiled and rubbed the
back of her neck, which was stiff after falling asleep at the desk. "I've searched for lesbian rape victims, but that's not as easy as it sounds. Many of them never call 911, and even if they do, they're hesitant to come out to the detectives working the case."
"So we'll never know if there might be other victims with the same MO," Okada said.
"You really think I'd spend the whole night in here only to come up empty?" Aiden shook her head. "I had to dig through a whole lot of reports, and I went through hundreds of crime scene photos, but eventually I found two other women who are either lesbians or have very eclectic reading interests." She pointed to pictures of chaotic crime scenes. Books, magazines, and other objects were scattered across the floor just as it had been in Dawn's apartment.
Ray studied the photographs. "Could be the same MO, but what makes you so sure the victims are lesbians?"
