Conflict of Interest

by Jae

  "What are you doing in front of my apartment at ten p.m.?" Dawn asked, the fear now replaced with surprise.

  Aiden tugged at her bottom lip. "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drive by and make sure everything's all right," she tried Ray's old excuse.

  "So, you've been 'driving by' for two hours, with your engine turned off?" The excuse didn't work any better for her than it had for Ray.

  "Well, with the price of gas, I decided to do a poor man's drive by instead," Aiden said, glad that Dawn couldn't see her blush.

  Ray laughed and began to cough when she shot him a glare.

  "Come on up," Dawn invited.

  Aiden shook her head even if Dawn couldn't see it. "No."

  "Come on up, Detective," Dawn repeated patiently.

  "No, really, we're quite comfortable down here. We even have coffee." Aiden had bargained with herself to sit in front of Dawn's apartment building so she could protect her and still keep the emotional distance that was expected of her.

  But Dawn was relentless. "I don't care if you have a whole coffee shop in the car. I want you to come up."

  "Dawn..." Aiden pinched the bridge of her nose.

  Ray laughed again. "God, the woman's more stubborn than my mother-in-law. Can you imagine being married to her?"

  Aiden could, and that was the problem. She felt so drawn to Dawn that she was in a constant internal debate with herself. She was determined not to cross the line she had always kept between her personal and professional life. She would never allow herself to become involved with Dawn while her case was still open, but sometimes she found herself thinking about the time after the trial was over – and that scared her because she had never planned for the future in any of her relationships with another woman.

  "You're here to keep me safe and make me feel better, right?" Dawn argued when Aiden kept silent.

  Aiden slumped against the back of the driver's seat. She couldn't deny the obvious. "Yes."

  "Well, I would be safe, and I would feel better if you came up instead of freezing your stubborn ass off down there in the car," Dawn told her.

  Aiden sighed in defeat. "I'm not alone. Ray's here, too."

  "The more the merrier. Come on up," Dawn said one last time before she hung up.

  Ray grabbed his thermos. "If you're going up, I think I'll go home to my own stubborn woman."

  "She's not my stubborn anything," Aiden protested sharply.

  Ray shrugged. "You won't need backup while you're drinking coffee with her, will you?"

  Aiden wasn't sure if he was talking about backup or a chaperone. She rubbed her eyes. "I think I can handle it, Ray. Give my best to Susan and the girls."

  "Will do." Ray disappeared into the night.

  Hesitantly, Aiden crossed the street and was immediately buzzed in when she pressed the buzzer for apartment 5D.

  "Come in and thaw out," Dawn greeted her at the door. "You must be half-frozen."

  "It's not that bad," Aiden lied, rubbing her cold hands as she followed Dawn into the apartment. She stopped abruptly when she saw the woman sitting on Dawn's new couch. "Sorry to interrupt. I didn't know you had company." She looked awkwardly from Dawn to the stranger.

  "Introduce yourselves while I make coffee," Dawn ordered and left them alone.

  Aiden had seen her fair share of beautiful women in her life, but this stranger definitely made the top five, maybe even topping them all, she decided. The woman had arranged her slender body into a pose of casual elegance on the couch, one long leg crossed over the other. Ebony hair contrasted with startling blue eyes and flowed in carefully coifed waves down to her narrow waist. The stranger was stylishly dressed in a designer skirt suit that Aiden suspected cost more than her entire wardrobe put together.

  The woman practically screamed money, style, and Ivy League education – and Aiden should know. She had spent enough time around Kade to recognize the signs. Aiden instantly felt inferior. Hey, what's up with that, Carlisle? She reprimanded herself. Who told you this was a beauty contest? You're here to protect Dawn, not to compare your clothes, your looks, or your bank account to some woman who just happens to be in her apartment at this hour of the night.

  The stranger stood with graceful movements, extending an elegant hand in Aiden's direction. "Hello, I'm Maggie Forsyth." Her voice was soft, almost sensual.

  Aiden shook the offered hand, careful not to grip it too hard. "Aiden Carlisle." Not knowing who the woman was in relation to Dawn made her a little uncomfortable, but their hostess was still busy in the kitchen and obviously in no hurry to clear up the stranger's role in her life.

  "Carlisle?" Maggie Forsyth repeated. "You're not by any chance related to Robyn Carlisle, the artist?"

  The question made Aiden even more uncomfortable, but she didn't want to be impolite to Dawn's guest, so she answered, "I'm her daughter."

  "Robyn Carlisle's daughter..." Maggie looked at her with new respect. "Do you paint, too?"

  "No," Aiden said. She tried but couldn't keep herself from becoming defensive.

  "You sculpt, then?" Maggie asked. Apparently, she couldn't imagine Robyn Carlisle's daughter not having any artistic talent whatsoever.

  Aiden bit her lip. "No. I'm a detective. Drawing crime scene sketches is as far as my artistic talent goes."

  "Oh." Maggie seemed almost disappointed.

  Yeah, well, she's not the first. Aiden had always been convinced that her mother had been disappointed to discover she shared none of her talents. Aiden had been disappointed, too, because not being like her mother meant she resembled her father.

  "So, you're the stalker who just scared us to death," Maggie said with a smile.

  "Sorry about that." Aiden felt herself blush.

  "Oh, I don't mind," Maggie said. "It's not like I had a fearless reputation to lose. Dawn called me to keep her company, but I doubt very much that she really expected me to be able to protect her in hand-to-hand combat."

  Kia, Dawn's Balinese cat, strolled into the living room and circled Aiden's legs with a welcoming "Mrrrrow" before disappearing into the kitchen. Aiden stared after her in surprise.

  "Looks like you know each other rather well," Maggie commented.

  Aiden looked up sharply, not sure if Maggie was talking about the cat or its owner. Just wonderful! She mentally rolled her eyes. Now she thinks I'm Dawn's live-in girlfriend just because the cat suddenly acts like I'm her long lost mouse-hunting buddy. "She never did that before," she hastened to say. "The only two times I saw her, she scratched my weapon hand and then proceeded to treat me like an intruder into her territory."

  Maggie smiled. "Cats and women, the two last unsolved mysteries in the universe."

  No woman who doesn't have to live with one ever thinks women are anything other than perfectly logical and understandable creatures. So, she's gay? Aiden would have never guessed that. Is she Dawn's girlfriend or something? Not that I'd care. Yeah, right, Carlisle.

  Dawn returned from the kitchen, a cup of coffee in her hands and the cat in tow. "Please, have a seat, Detective." She handed Aiden the coffee and sat down in her rocking chair, leaving Aiden to sit down next to Maggie. Dawn studied Aiden over the rim of her mug. "Didn't you just tell me this afternoon that your department doesn't have the resources to have a protective detail watch my apartment?"

  Aiden shrugged as casually as possible. "Some last-minute resource distributions made it possible."

  "Resource distribution?" Dawn repeated. "If your precinct is anything like my dad's, that means you distributed your time from your private life to more overtime."

  "No overtime," Aiden promised. She didn't even have to lie.

  Maggie rose from the couch, smoothing invisible wrinkles out of her skirt. "I think I'll take my leave, now that you have a more suitable protector. Detective." She nodded at Aiden, who merely nodded back.

  Dawn stood and followed her to the door.

  The front door lay in full view of the couch, and Aiden couldn't help watc
hing them say good-bye.

  "Will I see you at our exhibit next week?" Maggie asked, one hand resting on Dawn's arm.

  Sounds like Maggie is either the owner of an art gallery or some kind of artist. Almost against her will, Aiden was impressed. She herself didn't have one artistic bone in her body and not much interest in art.

  "I'll be there," Dawn promised. She leaned over to give Maggie a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight."

  Aiden quickly looked away when Dawn turned and came back into the living room.

  Dawn, however, looked right through her pretended disinterest. "That," she said, pointing over her shoulder, "was the other ex I mentioned this afternoon."

  Her ex comes over to keep her company? When a man and a woman break up, they usually hate each other's guts and never want to see each other again. When two women end their relationship, they become part of the big ex-girlfriends network.

  "Very lesbian of us, isn't it?" Dawn laughed, easily guessing Aiden's thoughts.

  It almost scared Aiden how easily Dawn could read her. Didn't she say psychologists weren't mind readers? "She seems great," she commented lamely. Maggie Forsyth was elegant, sophisticated, rich, and completely untouched by all the things that made Aiden lie awake at night. She was everything Aiden was not.

  "She is great," Dawn confirmed. "But we're better off as friends. We've always lived in different worlds, just paying each other's lives a quick visit instead of really sharing it. Maggie couldn't relate to my life. She never understood the things that are most important to me."

  Aiden found herself fascinated. She wanted to know about all the things that were important to Dawn but was reluctant to talk about relationships with her at the same time, so she kept silent.

  "Maggie didn't share my love for kids, always making herself scarce when I was babysitting. And she never understood my job." Dawn shrugged. "It's not that I don't know how irritating it can be to have a romantic evening interrupted by the call of an upset patient who needs to see you right then and there, but like it or not, that is – or was – a part of my job, a part of my life."

  Aiden knew exactly what she was talking about. A lot of her dates had been interrupted, never to be picked up again, when she had been called away to a case. Finally, there's a woman who would understand, and I'm not allowed to really befriend her, much less anything more.

  "I liked sharing art, literature, wine-tastings, and haut cuisine with Maggie, but I also like having a hot dog at a baseball game or a beer in the cozy little bar around the corner, and I like ice-skating or romping around the park with my niece." Dawn shrugged, a little embarrassed. "Nothing special, I know, but I like the simple things in life."

  Sounds like the perfect woman, Aiden mused, but then shoved the thought away. "You have a niece?" she asked instead. "I thought your brother...?"

  "Jamie, my niece, was just a baby when Brian died. Now she's almost ten, going on thirty." Dawn smiled affectionately. "Brian and Eliza, Jamie's mom, were never married."

  "Jamie," Aiden said in sudden recognition. "She's named after your father, right?"

  Dawn nodded. "I always planned to name my first child after Dad, but Brian was quicker than I was. Now, I think I'll name the first one after my brother – Brian for a boy and Brianna for a girl."

  "Sounds good." Aiden didn't know what else to say, being no expert on family naming traditions or family planning. Dawn's openness regarding her private life astonished her, and she wondered whether Dawn was always so open and willing to share information about herself or whether she had somehow earned a special trust.

  "Have you ever thought about having kids?" With unerring precision, Dawn found one of the topics with which Aiden was most uncomfortable.

  "Not really," Aiden said.

  Dawn's blond eyebrows lifted. "No? Something about you tells me you'd be great with kids."

  "Being good with children is part of a sex crimes detective's job," Aiden pointed out.

  "I'm not talking about the job." Dawn didn't accept the cop-out.

  Finally, Aiden relented. "I like kids, and under the right circumstances I could see myself living with a child or maybe even more than one."

  The carefully phrased answer couldn't distract Dawn from what Aiden hadn't said. "You would like to live with a child but not have one." It wasn't a question but a statement.

  Aiden shrugged. "I don't need to give birth to a child to be able to love it."

  Dawn looked at her with her open, attentive gaze.

  "I don't think having a child that's biologically mine, passing on my genes, is a good idea," Aiden finally admitted the heart of the matter.

  "Why's that?" Dawn looked her up and down. "From what I can see, your genes are working perfectly fine. No club foot, no hunchback, and no overbite."

  Aiden knew that Dawn was aware of the genes to which she was referring. Dawn seemed to intuitively know everything else about her, why should this be the exception? "You know what I'm talking about."

  "I do." Dawn didn't try to deny it. "I once had a patient exactly like you."

  "Exactly like me?" Aiden repeated. Except for the odd suspect here and there, she had never before met anyone else who had been conceived through rape. She had never really wanted to, but now she felt a spark of curiosity.

  Dawn smiled a little. "Well, maybe not exactly like you. You're a pretty unique individual, Detective. I can't go into detail, but the issue of having children has been the same for him. He didn't want to pass on the genes of a man he knew nothing about other than that he was a violent rapist."

  "Dawn..." Aiden sighed, not wanting to wade deeper into an emotionally turbulent topic of which they had only just scratched the surface. "I'm sure you're a wonderful psychotherapist, but I'm not searching for one, and I don't see why we should talk about any of this."

  Dawn regarded her calmly, but for a moment Aiden thought she could detect something like hurt or disappointment in the gray-green eyes. "I'm not offering you psychotherapy," Dawn said quietly. "I'm offering simple friendship."

  And I can't accept the offer, Aiden thought. Not officially, at least not until after the trial. And even then... Aiden had always kept a safe distance from women she found not only physically attractive but who appealed to her on an emotional and intellectual level, too. Dawn was getting maximum points in all three departments, so she normally would have stayed away from her anyway.

  Dawn bit her lip when Aiden didn't answer. "I apologize if I went too far and –"

  "No," Aiden said. As uncomfortable as she was, she didn't want Dawn to apologize for showing a little interest and friendliness toward her. "No apology necessary. I just don't like to talk about this and feel like I shouldn't talk about it with you, anyway."

  "You don't want me to know about your father because I've been raped? Do you think I can't separate the act through which you were conceived from you as a person?" Dawn looked at her incredulously.

  Some days, even Aiden couldn't think about herself independently from the circumstances of her conception. But now they were back at the topic about which she didn't want to talk with a psychologist, not even this psychologist.

  "You're nothing like Gary Ballard, and I'm sure you're nothing like the man who raped your mother."

  The conviction in Dawn's voice, the sureness in her eyes astonished Aiden. "That's not the reason why I can't talk to you about any of this," she said, her mind reeling with the words Dawn had spoken. "I'm the detective working your case."

  "And that means I'm not allowed to see the person behind the badge?" Dawn asked. "I'm not allowed to be a little curious about her... to like her?"

  Aiden's eyebrows lifted. Do you? Do you like the person you see behind the badge? She wanted to ask but didn't. "You're allowed to," she said instead.

  "But you aren't," Dawn voiced what Aiden hadn't said. "You're not allowed to see me as anything other than a victim... a witness for the prosecution."

  Aiden studied the fine features. She couldn
't shake the feeling that this conversation was like an iceberg – just the tip of it was visible, but there was an enormous subtext lurking just beneath the surface. Was Dawn asking her if she would ever be interested in her when she wasn't a witness any longer? Or were they still just talking about the possibilities of a friendship?

  Angry voices from the staircase interrupted the moment. Aiden stood, crossing the living room while her right hand reached for the gun at her side. She glanced through the peephole and listened for a while. "Just your neighbor and his loving wife exchanging some pleasantries," she told Dawn.

  "They do this every day. Maybe I should offer them some marriage counseling so I can finally have some peace and quiet, huh?" Dawn was being a good sport, not insisting on a topic about which Aiden couldn't and wouldn't talk.