by Jae
Dawn crossed the room, reached under the Christmas tree, and returned with the second present. "Merry Christmas."
Aiden looked down at the present, studying it for a few seconds before she patiently loosened the ribbons and bows and began to remove the wrapping paper.
"It's much more fun if you just tear the paper," Dawn advised her.
Aiden loved seeing the childlike wonder and anticipation in Dawn's eyes, but she preferred a more controlled approach for herself. She folded the paper and set it to one side before she opened the small box. With trembling fingers, she lifted a silver necklace from the box. She's already buying me jewelry? Aiden had never bought or received jewelry from anyone with whom she had been in a relationship, and it made her a little anxious.
"Relax," Dawn said as if reading her thoughts. "It's not a ring or anything like that. It's just a lucky charm."
More relaxed now, Aiden studied the small, oval pendant. "Hey, that's Saint Michael, the patron saint of law enforcement, isn't it?"
Dawn nodded in confirmation. "It was my father's."
Aiden's head jerked up. She's giving me her father's good luck charm? "I can't take this." She tried to press the necklace into Dawn's hand. "It should be yours."
"It was mine," Dawn said, refusing to take the necklace. "My father gave it to me a few weeks before he died. And now I want you to have it."
Aiden took a deep breath. She didn't know what to say. "Thank you," she finally whispered. She looked down at the necklace in her hand. She wasn't one to wear much jewelry. Usually one ring and a pair of studs was all she wore, but she would definitely wear the necklace, knowing how much it meant to Dawn. "Will you help me put it on?"
She turned around and felt the couch dip behind her. Dawn's elbows came to rest on her shoulders for a moment, and the warm breath on her neck made Aiden shiver. Then Dawn closed the necklace's clasp and moved back.
"There." Dawn touched the pendant resting on Aiden's chest with one gentle finger, making Aiden's breath catch even though she hadn't been touched at all. "It looks good on you."
"Thank you," Aiden said again. She knew that Dawn was still a little tight financially, but this meant more to her than anything Dawn could have bought. Slowly, she leaned forward, making her intentions obvious to Dawn so she would have the opportunity to draw back.
Dawn didn't move away.
Aiden pressed a gentle kiss on Dawn's lips. She drew back a few inches. Their eyes met, and Aiden couldn't read anything but trust and affection in the gray-green eyes. Leaning in again, she kissed Dawn with a little more passion. "Thank you," she whispered one last time. For the pendant and for your trust in me.
"You're welcome," Dawn answered quietly.
They settled back onto the couch. Half an hour later, Aiden watched with amusement as Dawn yawned for the third time in a row. "I hope it's not the company," she commented with a grin.
"What?" Dawn looked up and blinked. "Oh, no, no, of course not. It's just... I didn't sleep so well last night."
Aiden watched her blush. God, she's adorable. "Couldn't sleep because you were waiting for Santa to come down the chimney and leave presents in your stocking?"
"Nothing quite as pleasant, I'm afraid." Dawn sighed. "I stayed in my mother's guest room last night, with Jamie..."
"Tell me," Aiden encouraged her when Dawn hesitated.
"Jamie tends to cuddle up to me, and I woke in the middle of the night with her weight pressing me down, unable to move for a second." Dawn looked down. Her trembling fingers busied themselves with picking lint from the couch. "I came very close to having a full-fledged panic attack and stayed awake for the rest of the night."
Aiden fought the urge to enfold Dawn in comforting arms, not sure if any touch, innocent as it might be, would be welcome right now.
"So no, it's not the company," Dawn said, sounding more composed. "I'm just a little tired."
"Then I think I'll go now so that you can get some sleep," Aiden offered even though she was reluctant to leave just yet.
Dawn shook her head. "No, I can get some sleep later. I want to spend a little more time with you." She couldn't hide another yawn, though.
Dawn's emotional openness astonished Aiden again and again. It inspired her to try and be more open about her own feelings with Dawn, but it was not something that came naturally to her. "Then at least lie down for a while," Aiden suggested. She had been glad when she had seen the dark shadows under Dawn's eyes disappear during the last few weeks, and she didn't want to see them reappear.
"Only if you keep me company and promise not to leave," Dawn bargained.
"I promise." Aiden started to rise from the couch to make room for Dawn's whole body.
"No, no, stay." Dawn reached out a hand, laying it on Aiden's thigh to press her back down. She licked her lips and stared down at her own hand. "I want to... I want to try..."
Aiden's eyes widened. A thousand assumptions and speculations about what Dawn might want to try raced through her mind, and she mentally slapped herself.
Dawn swallowed and finally looked up. "I want to try and be a little bit... closer to you tonight."
Aiden could feel her heartbeat pick up at these words. Her body was reacting to Dawn's suggestion of closeness even though she knew that it didn't imply anything sexual. "Okay." She fought to keep her voice calm, never showing her rising nervousness. "How do you wanna go about it? Anything that you want is okay with me."
"I thought... I could lie down right here," Dawn pointed to the couch, "and you could just... stay where you are right now." She looked at Aiden with questioning eyes.
"Sounds nice," Aiden said. She moved back to one end of the couch and watched patiently as Dawn stretched out on her side, facing Aiden and settling her head on Aiden's lap. Aiden held still until she could feel Dawn's stiff muscles relax, and then she lifted her hand and rested it protectively along Dawn's shoulder. "Is this okay?"
"Mmm... very okay." Dawn brought one hand up and rested it on Aiden's thigh, just above her knee. Her index finger began to move, tracing lazy circles through the thick material of Aiden's jeans.
Aiden let her head fall back against the couch. Keeping her gaze on Dawn's face, she began to let her fingers slide through smooth, blond strands.
After a few seconds, Dawn finally exhaled and closed her eyes.
CHAPTER 27
"HEY, AIDEN." Ray shrugged out of his coat and perched on his partner's desk. He set a microwave container down next to the file on which she was working.
Aiden looked up. "What's that?"
"Since you missed Christmas dinner, Susan insisted that I bring you some leftovers. My wife is obviously afraid that you'll starve," Ray teased. Truth be told, he was a little concerned about his partner, too. She had never really celebrated Christmas, but at least he had always managed to convince her to stop by for dinner. But this year, she had refused to even take off her coat when she brought her presents for the kids over to his house.
Aiden snorted. "Hardly. I think I put on a pound or two over the holidays." She patted her flat stomach.
Ray settled down in his own chair, swinging his legs up onto the desk to study Aiden. "You treated yourself to dinner in a fancy restaurant?" He tried to sound casual and hide his curiosity about what his partner might have been up to over Christmas.
"No." Aiden signed her report and threw it into the outbox. "I was invited to a home-cooked meal, with dessert and all."
Ray patiently waited for her to say more. He had long since learned that Aiden refused to talk if he pressured her with too many questions.
Aiden busied herself with sharpening a pencil and then slowly raised it to her lips to blow away the wood chips from the point. Only then did she look up. "Dawn's mother is a really great cook," she said, trying for the same casual tone that Ray had used.
She spent Christmas with the Kinsley clan? Ray suddenly realized that Aiden was serious about the brave young woman. To his knowledge, Aiden had never met th
e family of any of her dates before. "So, this is really serious between the two of you, hmm?"
"Between Grace and me?" Aiden grinned. "No, don't worry. I don't get involved with older women. I only want her for her cooking skills."
Ray threw his eraser at her. "Smart-ass. You know who I'm talking about."
Aiden sobered. "I really like her, Ray."
Ray felt a satisfied smile form on his lips. He had waited for years for Aiden to find someone who held her interest beyond a few dates. "Why don't you bring her to our New Year's Eve party?" he suggested.
"So you can interrogate her for hours or tell her embarrassing stories about me?" Aiden shook her head. "I don't think so."
"Bring her," Ray insisted. "It'll be good for her to feel like a part of the group, and I even promise not to tell her the story about the search warrant, the bottle of tomato juice, and one Aiden Carlisle."
Aiden grabbed the next report. "We'll see."
Astrid Swenson's office door opened. "Carlisle, Bennet! They found the missing girl down at the piers." The lieutenant's grave expression told them all they needed to know.
Damn. All thoughts about New Year's Eve parties disappeared from Ray's mind as he rose and grabbed the car keys.
* * *
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!" Dawn called to the ringing phone. She kicked the door closed with her heel, slid her grocery bags onto the couch, and snapped up the receiver. "Kinsley."
"It's me."
Dawn felt her smile broaden. "Hi, Aiden. If you want to, you can come over a little earlier. Dinner isn't ready yet, but you can keep me company while I cook." She looked down at the ingredients of what would soon be a veggie lasagna.
An awkward clearing of her throat told Dawn that she would not see Aiden so soon, if at all this evening. "Listen, Dawn... about that... I can't come over right now."
"Still at work?"
"No, I'm at home, but... I'm just too tired." Aiden's voice sounded hoarse.
Sounds like she had a really tough day. "How about I come over and cook dinner at your place?" Dawn offered, ready to pamper her friend a little. "You don't have to move a finger, except for lifting the fork to your mouth."
"I'm not hungry," was Aiden's short reply.
Now Dawn was starting to get really worried. Aiden had always been eager to see her, no matter what. "You have to eat something, Aiden."
"Believe it or not, I didn't starve before I met you," Aiden snapped.
Dawn's legs started to tremble, and she plopped down onto the couch, not caring if she squashed the vegetables.
"Sorry! God, I'm... I'm really sorry, Dawn. I didn't want to..." Aiden's exhale sounded as if she was trembling, too. "That's exactly why I don't want to come over. I'm just not good company right now."
Now that the first shock of Aiden talking to her in anything but soft tones was over, Dawn felt anger stir, too. "I don't care. You don't have to entertain me. I just want to sit with you for a while."
"Not tonight, Dawn, okay?"
"Okay," Dawn mumbled even if it was anything but. She sat with the phone in her hand long after they had said good-bye and the call had been disconnected. Finally, she threw the cordless phone down next to the tomatoes that had fallen from their bag. You should have known that it would come to this eventually. She's a cop, so what did you expect? That she would come to you as soon as something job-related bothered her and talk about her emotions for hours? You know better than that. She had known from the start that a relationship between them would not be easy. Apart from her own intimacy issues that had developed after the rape, Aiden brought her own emotional baggage with her – including Aiden's fear of letting someone close and getting hurt or hurting others in the process.
So what do I do? Do I allow her to distance herself from me and let her suffer in silence? Dawn looked down at the grocery bags. After eight hours of counseling upset teens, she was hungry, and cooking had always had a calming effect on her. Let's cook lasagna.
* * *
"Go away, Ray!" Aiden grumbled when the doorbell rang again. "Leave me alone, goddammit!"
But the visitor at her door was as stubborn as she was. Finally, Aiden marched over to the door and threw it wide open. But it was not her partner who was standing at her door but Dawn, who was looking up at Aiden's towering form with almost scared eyes. Immediately, Aiden was ashamed of her own behavior and hastened to make her stance more nonthreatening. "Dawn..." She was at a loss at what to say. "I didn't know it was you."
"I figured as much when you hurled obscenities at the door," Dawn said with a small smile.
"What are you doing here?" Aiden didn't want to sound harsh, but she wasn't equipped to deal with another person's vulnerabilities and emotions right now – it was more than enough to deal with her own.
Dawn nodded down at the ovenproof dish that she was holding in front of herself like a protective shield.
She made lasagna, just because I mentioned that it was my favorite dish. God, don't I feel like an ass now! Aiden was still reluctant to let her in – literally and figuratively, but she stepped back with a sigh. "Come in."
She watched in silence as Dawn put the lasagna into the oven and set the table for the two of them. After lighting a candle, Dawn turned toward her. "The lasagna will need at least half an hour, so why don't you sit down for a while and take that off?"
Aiden stared at her without moving. She was only wearing jeans and a simple shirt, so there wasn't much to take off here. "Uh... what?"
"That weight on your shoulders. You would feel better if you took it off."
Aiden smiled sadly. "It's not that easy."
"I know, but it's sure as hell not going to get any easier if you continue to keep everything to yourself," Dawn insisted.
Aiden sighed. She had always told Ray how wrong it was to exclude his wife from the job part of his life. She had never been in a relationship long enough for it to become a problem for herself, but now she understood for the first time why he insisted on not bringing the job home with him. Dawn and their relationship were the only good things in her life, and she didn't want to taint them by telling her about all the gory stuff that went on at work. She wanted to protect her from the graphic reality of her job even if it meant excluding her from a large and important part of her life.
"Don't you want to tell me what happened?" Dawn tried again.
Aiden bit her lip. "Nothing happened."
Gray-green eyes darkened like angry thunderclouds. "Don't lie to me, Aiden Carlisle!"
"Then don't ask me questions that I don't want to answer!" Aiden shot back. "I don't want to talk about it. Why can't you accept that? She's dead, and no amount of talking will change that!"
"But it might change how you feel about it." Dawn shook her head with a sigh. "I don't know why police officers, who dedicate their lives to helping others, find it so difficult to accept help for themselves."
"I don't need any help." All Aiden wanted was to be left alone.
It was obvious that Dawn had no intention of granting that wish. "You're not invincible, Aiden. I know that you've always been self-contained and that you need to show a professional demeanor and stifle your feelings while you're on the job, but if you continue to allow that to trickle into your private life, too, it'll hurt you – and it'll hurt our relationship."
Aiden was too upset to listen. She started to pace. "Stop trying to psychoanalyze me!" she growled in a desperate attempt to get Dawn to back off. She wasn't used to dealing with someone who was unwilling to respect the protective barriers she had erected around herself. Dawn had managed to slip behind all her defenses from the start, and Aiden knew that they would completely crumble if she let Dawn in right now.
Dawn threw her hands up in frustration. "Why do you have to make this about my job?"
"Why do you have to make it about mine?" Aiden looked around like a caged animal. She wanted to lay her hands over her ears and either tell Dawn to shut up or throw her out of the apartment, but
she knew that Dawn wouldn't leave voluntarily. Suddenly, a wave of intense fear rose – not of Dawn but of herself and what she might do to get Dawn to leave her alone. Without another word, she turned on her heels and stormed out, relieved when she heard the apartment door close between her and Dawn.
When she finally calmed down enough to think clearly again, she was out on the street, two blocks away from her apartment... where I left Dawn, who will probably never talk to me again – not that I could blame her. God, how did I fuck this up so fast?
Slowly, she made her way back to the apartment building, half hoping and half fearing that Dawn would be gone. The apartment was silent when she hesitantly unlocked and opened the front door. Shit, she left. Then Aiden detected the delicious smell that wafted up from the kitchen, where the lasagna was still sizzling away. Aiden stepped into the kitchen and turned off the oven. The sight of the dish that Dawn had lovingly prepared for her and then abandoned almost brought Aiden to her knees.
