The Christmas Blessing

by VanLiere, Donna

  Our family visited my mother’s grave every Christmas, but for whatever reason I decided to swing by there first before going home. I pulled onto the grounds and realized there was no way my little pickup was going to make it up the icy road that wound through the property. I parked and grabbed the sack off the front seat.

  I hoofed my way up the road to my mother’s tombstone and found it covered with ice. All the stones were sparkling from the most recent ice storm. I put the sack down and started clearing the leaves and debris from the stone. I caught movement in my eye and looked up to see a man carrying a wreath and poinsettias. We said hello to each other, and I think I wished him a merry Christmas, I don’t know, I can’t recall. He went about his business, carrying on with his work as I finished mine.

  “I brought the shoes, Mom,” I said, opening the sack and placing the glittery, beaded pair on her tombstone. “I know you don’t need them anymore. Makes me feel better, though.” The wind picked up, and I pulled my coat up around my neck and pushed the university hat I was wearing farther down on my head. “I’ve met a girl, Mom. And she’s one of those girls you told me about; one I can’t live without.” My throat tightened, and I ran my fingers over the letters on the stone. “I can’t imagine my life without her in it now.”

  The wind shrieked and drowned out my voice. I remembered my grandmother said she’d have dinner ready at 6:00. I looked down at my watch: 4:35. “I think I’m supposed to be eating Christmas dinner right now, but I’m not sure because the watch you bought for me doesn’t work.” I tapped the face of it and the second hand started to move. “But I can’t get rid of it.” I positioned the shoes so the light caught them, reflecting off the sequins just so. “I wish you were here with us, Mom. I’ll wish that for the rest of my life.”

  Gramma pulled me inside the door, taking my coat from me. She held on to my face and studied my eyes before she gave me a kiss. “You didn’t have to come,” she said.

  “Meg made me come.” Her eyes filled with tears, and she kissed me again. After my mother died, words never had to be spoken to bring tears to Gramma’s eyes.

  I tried to eat my plateful of turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and peas, but I couldn’t help but think I’d done something terrible in leaving the hospital. In my heart, I knew I should have stayed. We set the dishes aside and unwrapped our gifts by the tree. Rachel and I got Gramma a red silk wrap similar to the one she gave Mom on her last Christmas. Gramma had worn it when she was married and from the time she was a little girl, Mom had wanted it. Gramma pulled the wrap from the box and ran it through her fingers.

  “What in the world will I do with something this beautiful? It looks like something the queen of England would wear.”

  “Then wear it while you and the queen are having lunch,” Dad said.

  “I wouldn’t know what to feed the queen,” Gramma said, fussing with the wrap. “I just can’t imagine where I’d wear something like this.”

  “Wear it in the house,” Rachel said. Gramma gasped at the thought.

  “I couldn’t wear this in the house! The neighbors could see me and think I was being uppity.” Gramma was always afraid someone would think she was being uppity. Dad reached under the tree for an oversize gift with Gramma’s name on it.

  “Then go on a cruise and wear it there,” Dad said.

  “Good Lord, Jack! What would the neighbors think if they knew I was on a cruise wearing this? Lorraine would never let me hear the end of it.” Dad put the present at Gramma’s feet.

  “Isn’t anybody else having Christmas around here?” she asked, tearing into the wrapping. She waded through layers of tissue paper before finding an envelope at the bottom of the box. She opened it and her mouth dropped open. “What in the world?” Rachel laughed and scooted next to her on the sofa.

  “It’s a ticket for a seven-day cruise.” For once, Gramma sat speechless. “Aunt Kathy and Uncle Brian and everybody pitched in.” Gramma held the ticket in front of her as if handling the Hope Diamond.

  “I can’t go on a cruise by myself,” she whispered.

  “Lorraine’s going with you,” Rachel said. Dad opened the door, and Lorraine cha-cha’d her way through the living room, wearing a bright red sweat suit with a big smiling reindeer sequined to the back. Gramma laughed and sprang to her feet, grabbing Lorraine’s hands in midair. They laughed and cried like young girls on their wedding day, planning when to go and what to wear. Watching them, I was grateful Meghan had made me come.

  Robert Layton picked the phone up in his home office and dialed a number. “Paula, this is Robert.” Paula Hurley had worked at the local paper for as long as Robert could remember. Her father, John Hurley, owned the farm that Robert’s parents visited every year with Robert and his brother in tow as they searched for the perfect Christmas tree.

  “It’s Christmas Day, Robert. Don’t tell me you need a favor today.”

  “I need a favor today.”

  “What is it?”

  “I need you to look up a fifteen-year-old obituary for me for a woman named Margaret Elizabeth Andrews.”

  “Don’t tell me you’ve got a client who’s suing the dead.”

  “Nope. I think I just found an old friend.”

  I shoved the last of the wrapping paper and empty boxes that covered the floor into a garbage bag and was about to take it out the back door when the doorbell rang. A man around my father’s age stood on the front porch wearing a brown leather jacket and holding a piece of paper in his hand. I assumed he was one of Dad’s customers. I opened the storm door to speak with him.

  “Are you Nathan?” I told him I was and motioned for him to come in. He stood at the door and looked at me before extending his hand.

  “My name is Robert Layton. I think you and I know each other.” When he heard a man’s voice, Dad walked into the living room, and I thought for sure he would take over from there; but Dad looked at the man as if he’d also never seen him before. “I’m Robert Layton,” he said again, shaking my father’s hand. “I don’t mean to disturb you but I wanted to be sure to catch someone at home and I was hoping it would be you,” he said, looking at me. Gramma and Rachel walked into the living room, and Robert did his introduction for the third and final time. “I don’t mean to interrupt your Christmas, so I’ll make this quick. This is going to sound strange, but I met Nathan fifteen years ago at Wilson’s Department Store.” My mind raced through the employees at Wilson’s. “I bought him a pair of sparkly shoes.” Gramma threw her hand over her mouth. I was stunned. Even as a child I remembered a man had bought the shoes for me, but I could never picture his face. I only remember grabbing the shoes and running.

  “That was you,” I said. “How did you find me?” He held up the piece of paper.

  “We met again at the cemetery.” In my mind I could see Robert holding the wreath and poinsettias. “I didn’t know it was you until I was leaving and the shoes on top of your mother’s tombstone caught my eye. I wrote down the information and called a friend at the newspaper. I hope that wasn’t too intrusive but I’d let you get away one Christmas. I didn’t want it to happen again.” A small tear fell down my grandmother’s cheek.

  “Days after Maggie died Nathan told us how he got those shoes,” she said in a whisper. “You showed up at that store just like an angel.” Robert smiled and cleared his throat, laughing.

  “I wasn’t an angel, believe me. I was on the verge of losing my family when I saw Nathan that Christmas Eve.” We were captivated as Robert told us the story of his marriage to Kate and about his two girls. Kate had told him that the marriage was over. Robert was in Wilson’s that night buying gifts for the last Christmas they’d spend together as a family. “It changed my life when I met you. I still can’t explain it. All I know is that nothing mattered to me more at that moment than my family, so I threw everything down and went home to my wife and kids—really went home for the first time in years.” He stopped and cleared his throat again. “Anyway, I just wanted to t
hank you.” He grabbed hold of me and wrapped his arms around me, pounding my back.

  “Whose grave were you visiting?” I asked.

  “My mother died that year, too—the day after Christmas. Christmas was her favorite time of year, so I decorate her grave no matter how cold it is, then I put a poinsettia on my father’s grave. He didn’t like decorations nearly as much as she did!”

  Gramma told him how I had given the shoes to my mother that night. “Nathan was so proud,” she said. “He put the shoes on Maggie’s feet, and when her face lit up, Nathan just about burst, he was so happy. It’s something I’ll never forget.” Dad jumped up to serve Robert a cup of coffee before we all dissolved into a puddle of tears. Gramma and Rachel went to clean the kitchen, leaving Robert and me alone. I noticed Robert’s BMW parked on the side of the road.

  “I bet you love that car,” I said, pointing toward the window.

  “That’s only the second one I’ve owned. I had one the year my mother died, and I finally sold it six years ago. She did a lot of riding with me in that car, and I guess I had a hard time getting rid of it.” I asked about Robert’s work. “It’s just a small practice,” he said. “There was a time when I had dreams of owning a huge practice; you know, fourteen floors of associates and partners with a penthouse office overlooking the river. Now that dream seems absurd.” He came equipped with pictures of his grandson, and several of Kate and their two daughters and son-in-law. Robert was obviously a man in love with his family. “I blew it for a lot of years,” he said, rifling through the pictures. We touched on everything from football (he was a diehard Giants fan), to cable television: “Eighty-seven channels, and I can’t find anything to watch!” He shuffled the pictures around; one of his mother landed on top.

  “What do you miss most about your mother?” He didn’t need to think about the answer.

  “Her presence.” He put the pictures back into an envelope. “I miss her presence to this day. Months after she died I was still picking up the phone to call her, or I’d catch myself driving to her house.”

  “I remember getting off the school bus and running into the house. I’d always run straight to the kitchen for something to eat. Sometimes she’d be in there, already making dinner, but other times she’d be doing laundry or be in the back changing Rachel’s diaper. I never really knew what she was doing; I just knew she was there; she was in the house. After she died I’d come home from school and wander around the house, trying to feel her again.”

  “But you couldn’t.”

  “No.”

  “At the cemetery you told me you’re studying medicine,” he said. I didn’t remember telling him that. I made the conversation quick and told him I had just finished my last few days of school because it felt like the right thing to do. “You know, I love my job, but there are mornings when I sure don’t feel like talking with another client. After I saw you on Christmas Eve I felt a passion for my family that I hadn’t known in years but I didn’t feel in love with Kate and I knew she didn’t feel in love with me. If we were going to save our marriage we had to fuel up with something more than just feelings because the only ones we had between us were bitterness, anger, resentment, hostility, disappointment—feel free to stop me anytime.” I laughed along with him. “All I’m saying is, you may feel different in a while, so don’t pack it all in based on feelings alone.” Robert was a man I wished I had known my whole life; and in a way it felt as if I had. I looked at Robert and knew he believed what he was saying.

  “Do you have a girlfriend at school?” he asked. “I’m just wondering what she thinks.” I looked down at my watch; I needed to go but for some reason I wanted to tell Robert everything about Meghan. I spoke quickly; there wasn’t much time; it was already seven-thirty. I told him about the scholarship race she was organizing and recognition of some kind registered on his face, but Robert only nodded, letting me ramble on till he was certain I had finished.

  We exchanged phone numbers with promises to stay in touch. “All of you need to meet Kate. I know she’d love to have all of you over for dinner one night.”

  I walked Robert to the door and shook his hand. He had parked on the street and I watched as he got into his car and backed it into our driveway. My eyes fell to the license plate: L8N LAW. He drove away, and I closed the door.

  ELEVEN

  When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”

  —Erma Bombeck

  I pulled on my coat to leave for the hospital when the phone rang. It was eight o’clock. There are moments in life when you know who’s going to be on the other end of a phone and what they’re going to say and it’s in that split second that you want to run. My foot was on the first step when my father stopped me. I looked at him. It was the same face I remember fifteen years ago when he told me my mother died. Dad ran to the truck and drove me to the hospital. He got there faster than I ever had.

  In the course of only a few hours, Meghan’s condition was deteriorating.

  An hour earlier Dr. Goetz walked through the doors of the ICU and found Meghan’s room. He stood at her side and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. “You shouldn’t have come in,” she said. “It’s Christmas.”

  “Do you think I’m going to let somebody else spend Christmas with my best girl?”

  Meghan looked up at him. “Thank you, Dr. Goetz. Thank you for taking care of me for so long.” He smiled and patted her hand. “I know what’s happening.” Dr. Goetz felt his heart quicken; it was the same feeling he had experienced throughout the years when a patient knew that what happened next was beyond the scope of medicine and technology.

  “They’re going to increase the antibiotics, Meghan, and . . .” She held firm to his hand.

  “Will you tell my parents, Dr. Goetz?” She searched his eyes looking for truth, a recognition that he knew there was nothing more anyone could do. “Will you tell them what we know?”

  Meghan opened her eyes and saw both her parents at her side. “I always knew what I had,” she whispered. Allison stroked her face and put her ear closer to Meghan.

  “What?”

  “I always knew what I had. I always knew I was loved.” Jim leaned forward and kissed her face. “I always knew you loved each other. So many kids never know that.” Allison held on to Meghan’s hand, letting her tears fall between her lips. “If we hadn’t moved to this part of town I never would have run, or met Charlie or Nathan. That move was the best thing that could have happened. Remember, you always told me that?” Allison nodded. Meghan looked at her dad and squeezed his hand.

  “Remind Mom that it’s okay to be sad for a while, but not forever.” He struggled to smile and kissed her again. “I love you, Daddy. I always knew that there was no place on earth that you’d rather be than with us.” Jim picked up her hand and kissed it again and again.

  “You are the gift we always prayed for,” he said, stroking her cheek. “You are more than we ever imagined.” He looked at Allison. “A lot of people throw the word ‘grace’ around but they don’t really know what it means. I saw it in your eyes every time you looked at me, and I hear it in your mother’s voice when she lies down next to me every night and says she loves me. I never deserved any of you, but God gave you to me anyway.”

  “I know you always thought that you were nothing, Daddy—that you were just some guy who worked in a garage, but you were everything to me.” Jim leaned down and pulled her to him.

  “I’m not going to say good-bye,” Jim said, his tears falling onto Meghan’s shoulders. “I’m going to keep holding you and never say good-bye.”

  “Show the stars to Luke and Olivia, Dad,” Meghan said. “Olivia will get bored but show them to her anyway.” Meghan pulled away from her father and reached for Allison. “Tell them I love them, Mom. Will you tell them over and over for me?” Allison smiled and smoothed Meghan’s hair. “And when Olivia asks
why I’m not home, will you help her understand?” Tears streamed down Allison’s face as she nodded.

  When I got to the hospital, Meghan was sleeping. I walked to her bedside and looked at her face; she was beautiful, too beautiful to believe she was ill. I held her hand and kissed it, holding it to my face.

  This is why Dr. Goetz left medicine, I thought, looking at her. And this is why he came back.

  Meghan opened her eyes and smiled.

  “How was your family?” she said. Her voice was getting weak.

  “I never should have gone.” She held up her hand.

  “Yes, you should have. Tell me how it was.” I sat down and told her about Gramma’s gift and how she and Lorraine acted like young girls again and Meghan smiled. She wanted to hear more so I told her about Robert and her eyes widened.

  “That’s the miracle, Nathan!” I couldn’t imagine what she meant. “Robert came back into your life on Christmas. I told you there’s always a Christmas miracle.” Her eyes were dancing; she wanted nothing more than to convince me. “That’s why you were supposed to be with your family today. If you hadn’t gone, you would have missed your miracle.”

  “But what about your miracle, Meg?” She put her hand on my face.

  “I have my miracle.”

  I shook my head.

  “It was your love for me, Nathan. I couldn’t leave without falling in love, so God brought you to me.” A tear ran down my face. It was a heartbreaking, yet beautiful thought: Somehow, out of all the men in the world, I was chosen to love this extraordinary woman. “He brought you to me because you know how to love people, Nathan. You know how to care.” My mother’s letter sprang to my mind: The pain you feel now will help you care for others. Meghan ran her hand down the side of my face. “That’s why you were meant to be a doctor. Because you listen from here.” She touched my chest, resting her hand over my heart. “You were meant to work with children because they need people to listen to them from here. Not everyone can do that, but you can. It’s your gift.” She squeezed my hand and smiled; it was still the prettiest smile I’d ever seen. I tried to speak but felt a knot in my throat. She lifted her hand to stop me.