Circle of Secrets

by Lauren Tisdale

  Once they arrived at the hospital he became a little more agitated than normal. She wheeled him up to the room in a wheelchair. She opened the door to find Abigail smiling and holding Olivia. Helen smiled and quietly wheeled her father in as she saw the baby was asleep in Abigail’s arms.

  * * * *

  Joseph watched as Helen took Olivia and held her, his mouth slightly open as he took in the actions. Helen swayed back and forth with a slight bounce as the infant slept. Seeing this brought him back to the year his little girl gave birth to her own child.

  ~1969~

  “Push!” The nurse told Helen as she strained and cried out in pain. Evelyn, the sweet nurse, was patting her head with a cold cloth while her mother stood on the other side coaching her to breathe. Joseph had a talk with his good friend Dr. Parker who was delivering Helen’s child. He stood outside the room with a hand on his chin watching through the small window on the door, looking up and saying a silent prayer that he was doing the right thing.

  Helen appeared to be struggling, shaking her head as tears rolled down her cheeks. He could tell she was about to give up, she was visibly exhausted. Evelyn continued to try and soothe her as she was told to push again. He watched as Helen strained to push as the doctor directed her to. Anne kissed her forehead and whispered something into her ear.

  He wanted to be in there, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. His baby girl was giving birth to her own baby, bringing another life into this world. She was so young, had so much ahead of her. He looked down as she continued to make sounds on the other side of the door. He hated seeing her struggle like this, hated knowing that if she raised this child she would never become a doctor like she wanted. She would be merely another statistic of teen pregnancy, the talk of the town and church. So many of the church ladies had been praying for her, even offering Anne and Joseph a spot for her at the group home the church ran for unwed mothers.

  He and his wife did not want that for Helen, she needed to thrive and be a normal seventeen year old. Finish school and get her degree. He had her future planned out, same as how he’d thought she had. He never really cared for Thomas, he knew the boy would be trouble. Joseph was thankful for the young man’s honorable service, but not thankful he got Helen into this trouble.

  His thoughts were broken when Helen screamed once more followed by a push before the room erupted with a baby’s wail. He looked up and saw Dr. Parker pull a small human from between her legs and hand the baby to Evelyn. Anne beamed with pride as she watched Evelyn and kissed Helen’s forehead again, wiping her brow with the cool cloth. Helen let her head fall back on the pillow as she held her hands out, impatiently waiting for her baby. Evelyn cleaned the baby up and brought it back bundled up while offering her a warm smile as she said the news. “It’s a girl!” she said, handing Helen the bundle.

  Tears filled Helen’s eyes as she smiled and looked down at how perfect her baby was. Anne looked down at the child in her daughter’s arms and wiped her own eyes, smiling ear to ear. He could hear Helen saying that Tommy would have been over the moon to see his daughter. She had her father’s eyes and dark brown curly hair on her small head, and she gave the sweetest little whimper as she held onto Helen’s finger.

  He watched Helen through the glass window and smiled as she looked down at her newborn baby. Tears pricked his eyes and he closed them hard. He had to remember why he was doing this, it was for Helen, for her own good. He had promised Elijah and Lorraine he would call with news of the baby when he could. He watched as Dr. Parker left the room and gave him a look as he passed him in the hallway. Swallowing thickly at the lump that had formed in his throat, he turned away from Helen as she cooed to the child. She was already attached, and part of him knew if he held her…he would be, too. Anne kissed the newborn’s forehead, then Helen’s temple and whispered low. She turned and opened the door, stepping into the hallway with Joseph.

  “It’s a girl, Joseph. A beautiful baby girl. She’s perfect. Oh, she’s just so perfect. Our baby is a mother.” He frowned as she gushed about the newborn, not thrilled about it. “Joseph?” Her brows furrowed as she stepped closer to him and rested a hand on his shoulder.

  “I heard you Anne. I heard you.” He kept his eyes on Helen and her natural ability to soothe the crying baby. Soon the infant was suckling at her breast. “Still no change in her mind I see?”

  “Joseph, I thought we discussed—”

  “Anne! We did not agree to this,” his voice rose as did his anger. He turned away from her and walked down the hall, rubbing his hand over his mouth as he cursed under his breath.

  “Dad? Dad?” Joseph looked up at Helen who smiled. “You want to hold Olivia?”

  His eyes brimmed with tears as he shook his head. “I’m…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Helen.” She knew something was very wrong and Abigail watched with concern as Helen gave her the baby back and knelt down in front of her father.

  “Dad, what is it? What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”

  He had his face covered with his hands, as he looked up and shook his head. “I—I don’t know. I’m tired. Can you take me home?”

  She looked back at Abigail who nodded and mouthed that she understood. She kissed Olivia and Abby and waved goodbye as she wheeled her father out, rubbing one of his shoulders as she pushed.

  “It’s okay, Dad. We’re going home. Do you not feel well? Should I stop and get you some medicine?”

  He just shook his head no, “I just want to rest.”

  “Okay, Dad, we’ll be home soon.” She drove home in silence, occasionally looking over at her father who stared out the window, with such sadness in his face. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it. A frail man sat next to her, a man who had invaded her strong, young father’s body. His wrinkled hands showed his age, along with his gray and balding head, but he was still her daddy and always would be. She wished he would just talk to her about what was bugging him. She respected his silence and left him alone with his own thoughts as she thought about her own.

  She helped him inside, gave him his pain medication and left him alone in the guest room to sleep. Helen was constantly worrying about what could possibly be wrong and why he was acting so strange. Since he’d come to stay she’d noticed many changes in him. He got angry and frustrated quickly. He was often mistaking her for Anne, her mother. He’d say things and confuse himself.

  As she waited for Tyson to return home, she decided to cook while she had the time. Gathering all the ingredients she’d need to make a chicken casserole, she began to prepare supper. Her father was acting strange and she wished she knew what was bugging him so much. It was almost as if he was afraid to say something, then as luck would have it, his confusion would overpower his thinking and they were back to square one.

  She chopped a bell pepper slowly as she thought about what could be causing all this confusion and mood swings. It could be a side effect from the slight brain trauma he received in the car accident. It could be something else entirely, and that worried her. As she cut the last bit of bell pepper, she sighed and wiped her hands on the small kitchen towel. She heard a sound come from the guest room and went to check on Joseph. He was sleeping soundly but appeared to be having a dream. She thought about waking him, but instead let him sleep. Going back to the kitchen, she grabbed the chicken and began to cut it just right. The phone rang and she rushed over to answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Mom, I was just calling to check on Grandpa. He seemed pretty off today. I hope we didn’t upset him or anything.”

  “Oh, no, Brent. Don’t think that. He just isn’t feeling well is all. Please tell Abigail that I enjoyed the visit and I am still so blessed that you gave Olivia that middle name. It touched my heart.”

  “We wouldn’t have had it any other way, Mom. Abigail agreed. It was a perfect fit. I hope Grandpa feels better soon, please keep me updated on his health. Is it normal, for him to act that way, I mean?

  Helen smiled.
“Thank you dear. As far as your grandpa’s signs being normal, we really aren’t sure. First we have to figure out what it is that is causing these symptoms.”

  “Well when you do, let us know please?”

  “Of course, Brent.”

  “I’ll let you go, Mom, Olivia is ready for a feeding and it’s my turn to change her after.” She could hear the smile on his face as he spoke. He was a proud father, she’d seen that today.

  “Okay dear, you give Olivia and Abigail my love.”

  After she hung up, she returned to cutting chicken and thinking silently. A smile tugged at her lips as she remembered holding Olivia and how much it reminded her of the first time she held her little girl.

  ~1969~

  “Oh, Mama. She’s perfect.” She looked down at her baby with tears in her eyes. She felt so many emotions for the small human she held. Part of her was afraid of what came next, raising a child on her own and not really sure how her parents would react. She was still fearful they might kick her out when she refused to give her baby up. But she had to fight for what was right, she could not just give her away. Looking up at her mother, she smiled and asked, “Where’s Daddy?”

  Anne smiled softly and looked back down at Audrey. “He’s talking to Dr. Parker, I’m sure he’ll be in soon.”

  Helen looked towards the door where she saw her father and her doctor engaged in what seemed like a heated conversation. She wondered what had happened and why they seemed to be arguing. Her attention was stuck on the two men outside her door as she gently rocked the infant. Her father turned his head and met her eyes, swallowing and seeming to force a smile before turning back to Dr. Parker and looking down, mumbling something she couldn’t make out. Dr. Parker looked at Helen and she smiled but he did not return the smile. He said something and shook his head before placing a hand on Joseph’s shoulder and then walking away. Helen furrowed her brows and was curious about what had happened.

  “What’s her name?” The sweet nurse Evelyn asked, catching her attention as Helen turned to look at her.

  “I haven’t thought about it much. But I like the name Audrey. After my great-grandmother.” Anne smiled and nodded.

  “I think that’s a lovely choice, dear.” Evelyn agreed as she wrote the information down. She continued to gather information for her records as Helen held her sweet Audrey. “Father’s name?” Helen frowned and tears pricked at her eyes. Evelyn looked between Anne and Helen, confused at the reaction.

  Anne shed some light on the situation. “Thomas Cole, but he is deceased,” she said gently and ran a hand along Helen’s arm in comfort. Helen looked down at Audrey who yawned and snuggled against her chest. She smiled and ran her index finger along her baby’s soft cheek. She didn’t want to dwell on the sadness that Tommy wouldn’t be here, or that he would ever hold their child. But in the back of her mind, she wondered what today would have been like to have him by her side. To see him smile so big it reached his eyes. He would have been just as nervous as she was, but having him here would have calmed her.

  “He would have been so proud, so happy. I know he’s watching over us though, and I will make sure you grow up knowing who he was,” Helen said softly to the infant. Evelyn’s eyes became a bit watery as did Anne’s. They watched the young mother interact with her newborn. Evelyn continued the medical questions as Helen answered them.

  Her father entered the room and he seemed stressed about something. “What’s wrong, Daddy? Is everything okay with Dr. Parker?” Helen asked. He just shook his head and looked at her arms. “Wanna hold her?” She offered as he smiled and stared at the small baby in her arms. He ran a hand along his forehead and exchanged a look with Anne. Slowly, he walked over to the bed and kissed Helen’s forehead.

  “She’s beautiful, Cupcake. How are you feeling?” he answered, completely ignoring her questions about the doctor.

  “I’m okay. Sleepy and a bit worn out.” She smiled and shrugged. “Guess it comes with childbirth. I’m just glad Audrey is healthy. She looks like Tommy…and a little like me. Have you called Eli? I know he wants to be here.”

  Joseph smiled and ran a hand over her hair. “You need to rest then. I called Elijah and he said congratulations and he loves you. Lorraine, too. She’s unable to get away from school but she will be coming home for Thanksgiving. Why don’t you rest and when you wake up we’ll all be back.”

  “Thanks Daddy. Did you want to hold her?”

  “I—”

  “Go on Joe, hold your granddaughter.” Anne insisted.

  “Sure…I’d love to.” He smiled nervously and offered his arms to take the baby.

  Helen watched proudly as she handed Audrey to her father. She beamed as she announced, “Audrey Marie, meet your grandpa.” The look on her father’s face was priceless as he held his granddaughter...

  She heard the door open as Tyson walked in from work, setting his briefcase down on the table as he took a whiff and smiled.

  “It smells amazing in here, love.”

  “Thank you. Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes. Can you check to see if my dad needs anything? He’s in the living room watching television.” He nodded and headed in to check on Joseph. She could hear them chit-chatting about the basketball games that were upcoming. Betting on teams and talking odds. She shook her head and was relieved her father was...himself. If the odd spells continued she’d talk to Tyson about getting him seen, because it was worrying her.

  “Dinner is served! Come and get it,” she called out as she set the table with their plates of food. Tyson helped Joseph to stand as he used his crutch to get over to the table and take a seat. Tyson waited until Helen was seated before taking a seat himself.

  “Smells wonderful, cupcake.”

  “Thanks, Dad. I hope it tastes just the same.”

  “If you cooked I’m sure it will.”

  “Tea?” Tyson offered Joseph, who nodded and took the glass, taking a sip.

  “Mmm, perfect amount of sweetener added.” They all began to eat and many mmms were mumbled. Helen didn’t want to bring up their trip to the hospital in case it upset her father again. She still wondered what had made him so upset while she was holding Olivia.

  “I think I’m going to call it an early night tonight. I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. I’ll be fine.”

  “Do you need help getting to bed?”

  He shook his head at her question and stood. “I’ve got it. Don’t worry about me. It’s just a headache. I’ll take some aspirin and call it a night.” He leaned down to kiss her forehead and waved to Tyson. “Goodnight.”

  She watched as he left the room, having barely eaten dinner. Maybe he was getting depressed since the anniversary of her mom’s death was coming up, or maybe it was because he was miserable in the cast, or missed his own home. Once they were alone she brought up her concerns to Tyson.

  “Ty? Have you noticed anything…funny about Dad?” she asked as he looked up from his plate and chewed while he thought.

  Shaking his head, “Not that I can think off. Aside from the occasional mood swing or two. He also called me Cliff once when you were at the hospital. I don’t know who Cliff is, but he said ‘We did something terrible, Cliff.’ whatever that means. But right after he said it, he was fine and normal. If it continues I think we should have him evaluated to make sure he doesn’t have any brain damage from the accident. Sometimes it takes time to develop signs or symptoms. I’ll continue to monitor him.”

  She nodded and added quietly, “Today we went to the hospital to see Olivia and Abby. He began to cry when I asked if he wanted to hold her. I’ve never seen him like this. I’m worried, Ty.”

  “I’ll make sure he’s okay, trust me?”

  She nodded as they continued to eat. She had full faith in her husband and he would not let her down.

  Weeks passed and things with Joseph’s leg improved but his mood swings became a little more frequent. Tyson got in contact with one of his neurologist friends, explaining t
he symptoms and such. Together they planned on doing an evaluation on Joseph.

  Abby and Brent had long since taken Olivia home, who was doing wonderfully. Jaxon loved being a big brother and was a little helper to mommy while she was home on maternity leave. Tyson II and Grace were doing great, along with Maggie and Hunter. Her little family had grown and everyone seemed in great health as they welcomed July.

  A fourth of July celebration was to take place soon at Grace and Tyson’s home. She loved her family get-togethers. It always made her feel complete when she was surrounded by her whole family. As the Tennessee air became hotter, and the summer weather rolled in, there were fewer outside activities and more inside. They all sat around the large family room and watched the kids play as the adults visited with each other.

  Abigail was in another room breastfeeding Olivia while Brent and Tyson II talked about work. Grace and Helen chatted about her and Tyson II’s plans to enroll Hunter in kindergarten that upcoming school year which would start in August. It would cut costs on daycare and be good for him. Helen agreed and said that was what she’d done with her two sons. Joseph and Tyson Sr. played a game of chess in the corner while everyone else talked.

  The kids were squealing as they ran around the house back and forth to Hunter’s room as they played. Maggie was giggling and running after them. She wasn’t the youngest any longer, now that Olivia had come along. As Grace followed the kids with her gaze she made a joke to Helen that it must run in the genes to have boys first then girls. Helen smiled and made no comment. Abby emerged from the room with a satiated Olivia.

  “Daddy, you want to hold Liv?” Abby asked Brent with a smile, obviously needing a break. As he took the baby from Abby’s arms she smiled at Grace and Helen, letting out an exhausted sigh as she took a seat and removed the burp rag from her shoulder.