Rissa and Tregare

by F. M. Busby

  "You're telling me something," he said, "but I'm not sure what."

  "Neither am I-except that this afternoon I spoke in anger, and I wish to retract what I said. If you would like, again, the unrewarding role of simply helping me to keep warm .."

  Sparline's laugh rang. "Now that's a polite way to say you're still too sore to spread for pleasure! Your answer, Bran?"

  He scowled. "You know our history. Husband or no, it's fitting that bed games, now, wait on her decision." He slanted an eyebrow. "Of course, if she takes too long, I can help myself elsewhere."

  Sidelong, he looked at Rissa. She said, "What you do out-side our bed is your concern-as what I do is mine. Need we belabor the point?" Sparline, hands to face, shook with laughter. Then, "Bran -if you haven't learned yet not to bait this one, you're slow." She looked at Tregare; he smiled. "Given time enough, I think we'l make a good match." Liesel and Hawkman entered from one door, food-laden servitors from another. Between seating and greetings and serving, a new conversation began-skipping, as they ate, from one subject to another. Tregare recapitulated the Sleeker interview; Hawkman, laughing, slapped the table hard enough to upset his wine. Rissa only partially understood the talk of how to consolidate the Windy Lakes situation after Fenner-abilis' withdrawal. Even less could she folow Tregare's cryp-tic mentions of other Escaped Ships. "I'l know in a few weeks what's realistic to plan for, and what isn't," he said. Before Rissa could frame a question, Liesel spoke to her. "I've got a figure on your share from dal Nardo-nearly thirty milion. With the rest, it's as I said; you're wel up in the middle'oligarchal ranks. If you don't mind discussing it now, I've got some ideas to sel you-how to invest as much as you choose, here, to benefit the whole family interest. Al right?"

  "Of course. Liesel, you need not be a salesperson to me. Tell me your wishes, and I will see how'far I can agree with you."

  Liesel rubbed her forehead. "Black eye and al, you look so baby-face young I keep forgetting you trained with Erika. Al right-Bleeker's warehouse complex that he tried to fob off as part of the bet. The way he runs it, he's losing money. But look-" With stylus on paper she sketched rapidly. "Here's the way he has it set up. You see?"

  "Yes. His routings. Here-and here-blockages, and much time wasted." She pointed. "Is this building of importance?"

  "No-a catchall for things he buys and can't sell."

  "Then remove it, contents and all, at salvage prices." She took the stylus and sketched new routings. Brow wrinkled, muttering, she corrected her first efforts. " . . . smooth flow. . separate access in and out from dockside . . . a gate here, to do the same for the spaceport. . . load in and out without undue delay..."

  Liesel waved a hand. "Enough-you see it perfectly. Now, then-you'll take it?" Rissa nodded. "Al right; let me do the dickering, though-I can do it quicker than I could coach you on the details." She brought out another paper. "Now, then-" With elaborate ostentation, Tregare yawned. "Liesel, with al due respect, you'd stop in mid-fuck to modify a contract. Enough of business, I say! Who votes with me?"

  Laughter answered him, and Hawkman said, "If your mother's not insulted-and I see she isn't-I'll forgive your underestimation of me. And you have my vote!"

  Sparline lit a drugstick. "Shall we relax, then?" Each, ex-cept Rissa, took one. She thought, then shook her head.

  "I am still tuned to utilize tension for survival. In a few days, perhaps, but not now." She watched the euphoria take them, and knew their time-senses were expanding as hers had done under adrenaline shock. But it is so different, she thought-the one time-dilation so diffuse and relaxed, the other so tense and concentrated. In her own way she, too, relaxed, and enjoyed the vague strands of conversation as the others went deeper into pleasant drug-hazed introversion. When, much later, the group dispersed, she steadied Tregare's path to the stairs and up them. Drug or no drug, she thought, if necessary, he could act. But here there was no need. She helped him out of clothing and into bed, and fell asleep against his warmth.

  next morning, she woke first. Seeing that Tregare stil slept heavily, she did not wake him as she dressed and prepared for the day. Downstairs she found Liesel with papers, some coffee-stained, spread among her breakfast debris.

  "Morning, Rissa. Sit here; clear yourself a space. Just shuffle that stack together; my clerk can sort them later."

  "Good morning." But Liesel's attention was back to her work. Not until Rissa had been served her breakfast and eaten it, and was thinking of taking coffee to Tregare as a wake-up bonus, did Liesel speak again.

  "The warehouses-I'll offer six, and eight is tops. All right?"

  "You know the values; I do not. Liesel, something bothers me. Even with the poor routing, that complex should make a profit. Tel me-how does Bleeker base his charges?"

  Liesel shoved papers at her. "Look it over. If you see any changes to make, note them down." And she went back to her own chores, reading, muttering, marking and underlining in red slashes.

  Rissa puzzled at the tariff sheets; finaly she saw what was wrong. Depending on weight and bulk, storage was charged by a flat daily rate.

  ". . . nothing separate for loading in and out, and that is where his costs are greatest." The charges were disproportionate, with longer-storage items paying far more than their fair share.

  She wrote. A base fee for having a given weight and bulk on the premises at al. Then-she was surprised at how much the daily rates could be reduced-longer storage, which meant less work and more profit, would become considerably more at-tractive. Finished, she handed the sheets back to Liesel and waited.

  After a moment, the older woman nodded. "You've caught it-except one point you couldn't know. Only about a tenth of what Bleeker stores rates special security. But the damn fool installed and maintains it for the whole complex."

  "I see. We cut costs by maintaining the extra precautions only where needed, and sel the excess equipment-cheaper than new, but not by much-as demand arises."

  "I was hoping you'd see that one. Now, then-here's a list of things you could invest in or buy outright. For instance-" As the talk continued, Rissa approved most items. When she demurred, it was on the grounds that the enterprise was outside her field of knowledge. Until they came to the ques-tion of land, Liesel agreed, but that mater she refused to pass.

  "No. To be taken seriously, Rissa, you've got to have some. And this peninsula's ideal. It's Fennerabilis' last toehold near Windy Lakes, distant from his other areas; he'll be glad to sell."

  "But I know nothing of agriculture."

  "You don't have to; there's not enough to notice. Or log-ging-someday the upland timber wil be worth considerable, 12

  but not until the area's more settled. For now, North Point's mostly good for grazing; the herds prosper. But where you can make profit is in offshore fishing rights, out to the edge of the Shelf. Lease them out; sit back and collect. Fennerabilis hasn't done wel because he's too cheap to commission a patrol boat against poachers, so very few bother to pay him."

  "Al right-as you explain it, it sounds manageable." Rissa leaned back and stretched. "It is hardly mid-morning but I feel we have done a day's work. Yet there is one more thing."

  "Yes?"

  "I have noted the sums we propose to spend, adding on the normal operating expenses, and I think we have reached my limit."

  "Why, we've hardly gone past half!"

  "I have not yet mentioned the moneys I wish to send to Earth-and in lesser degree, to Far Corner." She named the amounts.

  Liesel whistled. "On top of what's already tied up off-planet, that's a lot to risk at such distances, over so many years. Why stretch yourself so thin and so far?"

  Rissa shrugged. "A feeling-that I have not seen the last of Earth. Far Corner, of course, is my liaison. But on Earth I would not like to be short of assets-particularly, of holdings in UET. In writing Erika-her Establishment-I have stressed that point. This time I will devote the entire sum to that one purpose."

  "Whatever you say. Maybe it wouldn't hu
rt if I-not that it'll do me any good, personally-but in the long view ..."

  "The long view, yes-I am only beginning to appreciate its power." She smiled and stood. "I will take coffee up, and wake Tregare if he stil sleeps."

  In the kitchen, after an enthusiastic greeting ("Hey! It's our champion!"), she obtained a pot of coffee and two cups. She needed no tray; the pot had hooks on the side for cups and ac-cessories. Upstairs, as she entered the room, the door banged against a chair. From the bathroom Tregare called, "Set it down in there! It sure took long enough!''

  Rissa pitched her voice to the high tones of Lysse Harnain. "Oh, I'm sorry, sir-I was busy kissing one of the stewards."

  "You what?" Scowling, holding a towel around him, Tregare emerged. He stared, then shook his head and laughed. "That's one on me. How long you been up?"

  "For hours." She poured the coffee and set the additives handy to their reach. "Liesel and I have been dividing Number One between us and deciding which is to be my half."

  "Yeah, I can imagine-just as well I slept in, for once." Haphazard, he slung the towel into the bathroom, then sat naked across from her and sampled his cup.

  Again she noted the scars and welts that marred his skin. "Bran-I have never asked before and, if you wish, I wil not again. But I am curious-how is it that you are so scarred? In battles, or-"

  His face tensed almost to snarling. Then he shook his head and made visible effort to relax. "Mostly not. This, and this-at Escape, when we first took the ship. This, and a few others, in various hassles since then. But most of it-" He shuddered. "-most of it at UET's Academy, before I ever got into space."

  "They-"

  "Some of it they caled 'discipline,' but the worst was caled 'training.' They'd send a group of us-officer candidates-into the arena to fight free-for-all, every hand against every other. Usually unarmed, sometimes with clubs or knives. The fight went on until someone was kiled."

  "What if all refused? "

  "Al died. One example taught us that. Then a group tried to be smart-ganged up on the smallest and kiled him fast. It didn't work; the rest had to do it ail over again." He put his hands to his face, then looked up. "I hadn't known it was possible to live in such constant fear. Any day they could-"

  Her hand was to her mouth; she had drawn blood from a knuckle, unheeding the pain of her loosened teeth. "Tregare! That first day on Inconnu-when I asked if you were-afraid-"

  He nodded. "Yes. I'd fought fear for so many years, the very word set me off. I'd thought I was done with that, but coming into Far Corner, two of my officers were down sick and I had to stand double watches. Got so tired that when I did sleep I had nightmares-and guess what about? Right the first time!"

  She squeezed his hand once and let it go. "And to think when I goaded you until you hit me-I thought you were a weak man hiding behind hardness." His lips twitched but no smile came. "Who knows? Maybe I am."

  "You, Tregare-Bran? No. If you were, you would not be here. You would not be alive." She went to him and clasped his head against her. "Bran? If you wish-perhaps today I am not really so sore after all." Through her clothing she felt his lips move against her up-per belly, below her breasts. Then, gently, he moved free of her and looked up. "No, Rissa-I can wait until you're truly healed. But you're quite a healer yourself-you know?" He stood, stretched and sat again, and refilled his cup.

  She, too, sat. He looked better now, more like himself. She said, "What are your immediate plans? Can you tell me yet?"

  "I'm waiting for information I can't move without. How long? I don't know-too many factors-except that whether a certain ship gets here or not, there'll be a day when I go to Inconnu or she comes here. And then I'll have to decide things.

  "For now-first I have business in One Point One. When that's done, you'll have the tape off your ribs and be chewing again. And you and I go across the Hills to my scoutship for a while, if you like the idea ..."

  "Yes. I do like it."

  "Good." Careful of her damaged mouth, he kissed her. "All right-I'd better get dressed and go."

  "If I could accompany you, you would have said so. Very well-when shall I expect you to return?" He was pulling a shirt over his head; the mesh fabric muf-fled his voice. "Two-three days maybe-I'll call you some-times." Now his head came free of the garment. "Or you call me. If I'm not at Maison Renalle, I'll code relay, when I can, to reach me."

  "All right. If I am not here, I will arrange for relay also."

  "What? Where are .you going?"

  "How can I say? My plans are no more firm than yours."

  "Plans? I didn't know you had any. I mean-"

  "All my life, Bran Tregare, I have had plans. But only in the past two years have I had the scope to implement them." Fully clothed, he met her in a brief kiss and made his foot clattering way downstairs and out of her hearing. And to herself Rissa thought, We will be a time, he and I, learning the limits ofeach other-and how to loosen them.

  after she heard the aircar leave, she dressed for outdoors, took a snackbag from the kitchen and set out walking. She started slowly, but as her muscles limbered she turned uphil and lengthened her pace; soon she was sweating freely, pant-ing against the tape that restricted her breathing. She stopped at a minor summit and turned to look down at the Lodge, and past it. The valley below fell into blue distances before it reached its lighter-colored floor, flecked with yellows.

  Breeze cooled her; she found a sunlit, sheltered clearing and sat to eat the lunch she had brought. Now she was thirsty but had no water; she had drunk from streams by hand and the nearest was farther downhill than she wished to backtrack. Remembering a year at the Welfare Center when water had been available only twice a day, she shrugged. Lunch finished, she followed a narrow ridge that first dip-ped and then rose to join the next-higher hil. After a time of strolling, to let blood concentrate for digestion, again she walked fast and hard, swinging arms for balance and flexing her torso as she climbed, pushing herself nearer her current limits.

  Underbrush hid the stream; had she not kicked a pebble and heard the splash, she would have missed it. The cool water, tasting of moss and mineral, pleased her. She drank sparingly, rose, and continued the climb.

  When she stopped she pushed sweat-soaked hair back from her forehead and looked first up to the next summit, then back to the lessening height of the sun. She was disappointed-to reach the Lodge before dark, she would have to turn back now and make speed. She did so-and even hastening enjoyed the changing view.

  inside the Lodge and walking toward the staircase, she met Liesel. "Well, Rissa-you look as if you had a good work-out."

  "I did, thank you. Even with Healing yet to come, I feel more like myself again."

  "Good. Listen, now-I'm having some fat wallets here to dine-Council members. Hawkman and Sparline won't be here-or Bran, of course. What I'm saying is, the company wil bore you spitless. So if you want to eat in your room, or the kitchen-" She grinned.

  "Besides, these are your new peers-as wel they don't see you first with an eye like sunset through dust clouds."

  "Make up your mind, Liesel-is it my feelings or theirs you wish to spare?" She smiled. "No matter-if necessary, I would concentrate on learning strangers and being agreeable, but I am in no mood for it."

  "Well enough. Shall I order dinner sent to your room?"

  "No, I will do it-but thank you." She touched Liesel's shoulder in passing and went to the kitchen; inside she saw no one she knew by name. She approached the cook in charge and asked for a light meal to be brought to her room. "On a tray that wil fasten to the side of the bathtub, please."

  The man smiled and nodded. "Yes, that's a pleasant way to eat. You've been hiking, I see-the grass stains, I mean. I don't get out enough anymore."

  He turned back to his work. She went upstairs and ran the tub full, waiting in a robe until her food arrived. Then in the steaming water she sat munching slowly on the tidbits and staples, then sipping wine, while she thought. Thought became daydream, then al
most trance; she came alert to find her hand rubbing her for pleasure's sake. She stopped, then thought-why not continue?-and did so. Afterward she dried herself and drained the tub and got into bed. She lay there, thinking how she had told Tregare he must free himself from his past-and that if ever she hoped to love fuly, even so must she free herself from hers.

  Using the methods she had learned at Erika's, she breathed deeply and set her mind to remember, from the beginning. First the girl who tried to satisfy her as she satisfied her-self-Rissa could not recal name or face, only her voice and touch. Then Gerard's impersonal usage-she could recapture her discomfort and indifference, the disgust she sometimes felt-none of it seemed important enough to cripple her responses. She moved ahead to Erika's, and those who had taught her many fashions of sexual performance but little of how to involve her own feelings. Here her impressions were pleasurable but lacked intensity. Then Tregare, on Inconnu, where sex had been most often a joyless contest. And Ernol -she felt a brief glow, but she remembered her failure, and it died. A future with Bran Tregare? The thought brought only fleeting sensations; she could not hold them.

  Stalemated, she shook her head and put attention to the present moment-she was panting, and sour perspiration soaked the bedclothing. Al right-she knew that was a good sign, but she was exhausted and frustrated. No point in bath-ing again this night-she dried herself on an already-used towel and got back into bed on Bran's side, where the sheets were dry. Before sleep came, she thought-well, if she had not found the answer, at least she had cleared a space that might hold it. Her first doze ended with a start, as something in her mind said that for her there was no answer. She pushed that some-thing, vague and unseen, into a compartment and closed it.

  Then she slept.

  the next days she divided between exercise and rest, and studying the business papers Liesel selected for her-deeds and contracts, development plans, articles of establish-ment-the lot. Liesel did not report on the meeting with Coun-cil members, and Rissa did not ask. Occasionally Tregare caled and twice she caled him, but the talk was of how-are-you, I'm-fine and I'11-cal you-tomorrow-as though, she felt, two recordings conversed. Most meals she ate alone, for she knew she was not good company. Bruises faded, cuts healed; her teeth solidified their roots again. And one day she pulled the tape from her ribs and could breathe freely.