Buttons and Blame

by Penelope Sky

  “Lots of couples don’t have sex for three days.”

  “Not us.” I rubbed my nose against hers. “I know you’re upset right now, but shutting me out isn’t accomplishing anything. We should enjoy each other as much as we can. I’m your husband, and I have needs. And let’s not pretend that your needs aren’t the same as mine.” My hand moved up her thigh, and I gripped her ass. I watched the resistance fade in her eyes before I leaned down and kissed her again.

  This time she kissed me back, her hand moving across my chest.

  My hand moved to her thong, and I pulled it down again, this time making it to her ankles. My thighs parted hers, and within seconds, I was plunged deep inside her. I was balls deep in the pussy I was obsessed with, right where I belonged. She wasn’t as wet as she normally was, but it was definitely enough for us to move together.

  I pressed my face to hers as I moved deep and slow, exploring her like I’d never felt her before. The arousal came within minutes, sheathing me to the hilt. Soon enough, she started to rock with me, to moan for me.

  And it felt right again.

  It was her and me—and no one else.

  11

  Cane

  “Fuck.” I jolted upright in bed and thudded my skull against the headboard. I straightened myself out and gripped the sheets as I felt my bare back become exposed to the air. I was covered in sweat, and it slowly evaporated in the cool air.

  I was breathing hard, my lungs screaming for air they weren’t receiving. I dragged my hand down my face, and I felt the sweat on the bridge of my nose. I was covered in sweat everywhere, and I was boiling hot. I kicked the sheets away and slowly took in my bedroom.

  It was dark, and the sun hadn’t come up yet. I didn’t know what time it was, but it must have been a few hours before sunrise. I leaned against the headboard and ran my fingers through my hair, feeling more sweat.

  The nightmare still lingered behind my eyes, the image impossible to forget.

  Bellissima.

  She was in so much pain.

  She was being tortured, raped, beaten…

  Her tears haunted me.

  She was calling my name, asking me to protect her.

  She was dying.

  She swallowed the pills and convulsed as the heart attack swallowed her up and snuffed out her life.

  Now she was gone.

  I couldn’t even out my breathing. I couldn’t calm down. The adrenaline was still thick in my blood, still painful in my veins. When my vision was clear, I got out of bed and walked downstairs to the living room.

  I needed a drink.

  The bedroom haunted me because it still smelled like her. Her clothes were in my closet. I saw them every day. Every part of the house was heavy with her ghost. But the bedroom was the worst place of all.

  I made a drink and sat on the couch. I turned on the TV and got the fire going, needing something to distract me from the horrific thoughts that were circling in my head. I couldn’t eat because I felt too guilty. I couldn’t sleep because that made me feel like shit too. I couldn’t concentrate on anything since I knew what she was going through.

  It hurt so fucking much.

  I wasn’t supposed to care. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and she had to suffer the unfair consequences. If she were anyone else, it wouldn’t matter to me. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. I wouldn’t give a damn at all.

  But now I couldn’t even function.

  It shouldn’t be her.

  I wished it were me.

  The doorbell rang.

  Who the hell stopped by to see me? Anyone who knew me understood I didn’t want to be bothered right now. I didn’t want to look at anyone’s face. My phone was still turned off. The battery was probably dead too.

  I walked to the front door and spotted my brother standing on the other side of it.

  What did he want?

  I opened the door, giving him a threatening glare. “If you need shit done, talk to Bran. He’s handling everything for the time being.”

  Both of his arms hung by his sides, and he stood in a black suit with a blue tie. He obviously hadn’t been to the base. He was working at his winery down the road. His visit had nothing to do with business. “Not why I’m here.”

  “Well, what do you want?”

  “Your phone has been off. Started to get worried.”

  “I can take care of myself, Crow.” I started to shut the door.

  He wedged his foot inside so it would stay propped open. He helped himself inside, walking into my home like he’d been invited. “Never said you couldn’t. But it’s been a while now. Thought you would bounce back.”

  “Sorry if I need a little more time,” I snapped. I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge even though I wasn’t hungry or thirsty. I felt the cold air rush over me, quieting my anger, before I shut it again.

  Crow stood at the counter, wearing an expression of indifference. “I can handle the base. Take as much time as you need.”

  “Great. Then you can leave.”

  He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. “Is there anything I can do for you, Cane? I’m at your disposal day and night.”

  “No.” I moved to the other side of the kitchen island and gripped the edge of the counter.

  My brother continued to stare me down.

  “You can go now.”

  “Just talk to me.”

  “We don’t talk,” I argued. “We never talk.”

  “Things change,” he said. “You were there for me when I went through a hard time with Button. You know I’m always here for you.”

  “Well, I’m fine. There’s nothing to talk about.”

  Crow eyed me coldly, calling my bluff without actually saying it.

  “What?” I said with a sigh.

  “You haven’t been to work. Your phone is off. Not to mention, you look like hell.”

  “Nothing has changed, then.”

  “Cane,” he said with annoyance. “You’re taking this hard.”

  I gripped the edge of the counter and looked at the basket of molding fruit. “How can I not? She’s an incredible woman, and now she’s…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I couldn’t dive into the details. It would only make the nightmare more real. “When I dropped her off…it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to.”

  “I can only imagine.”

  “You can’t even begin to imagine.” I closed my eyes and wished the pain would stop. I wished I’d never taken Tristan’s offer. Or better yet, I wished Adelina had never gone to Greece in the first place. I wished we’d never met. We both wouldn’t be suffering right now otherwise.

  “Does she have the pills?”

  I nodded. “I hope she’s taken them already…but I also hope she hasn’t.” I didn’t want her to suffer, but knowing she was a lifeless corpse made me want to hurl all over my kitchen.

  “Maybe Tristan found them. Maybe he hasn’t. I think he would call you if she died.”

  “Why would he?”

  “He’s a paranoid man.”

  “It makes the death look natural.”

  “She’s twenty-three,” Crow said. “People at that age don’t have heart attacks.”

  “Unless they’re under extreme circumstances…”

  “I just don’t think she’s dead yet. Tristan would have said something.”

  “Maybe.” That made me feel good but also bad.

  Crow continued to watch me, wearing his knowing gaze. “How are you doing?”

  “I think we covered that pretty well…”

  “But you haven’t actually told me anything. I’m your brother. You can talk to me about this.”

  “We’ve never been the kind of brothers who talk.”

  “But you’ve never been in a situation like this. I know you’re hurting.”

  I stepped back and crossed my arms over my chest. “There’s nothing you can do, Crow. There’s nothing anyone can do. I just want to be by my
self. I just want to be alone.” I looked out the window, not wanting to look at my brother’s eyes that were identical to my own. “Just go, alright?”

  Crow didn’t press the conversation any further. It was futile at this point. “You know where to find me.” He left the kitchen and walked out the front door. I could see him through the front windows. He got into his black car, started the loud engine, and then drove off.

  When I was alone again, I didn’t feel any better.

  I felt just as bad.

  I woke up in the middle of the night again.

  From a nightmare.

  Just as before, I was covered in sweat and stunned. I felt the heat stick to my back as my chest heaved to breathe. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand and realized it was only one in the morning.

  I had just gone to sleep an hour ago.

  Not only could I not make it through the night, but I couldn’t even make it through some of it.

  I went downstairs and made a drink like last night. I sat on the couch, turned on the TV so I had something to distract myself, and spotted the book she’d left behind. She’d been reading it for the past week. It was hardbound and a little dusty. I wasn’t sure where she got it because I didn’t read. It was probably a gift from Pearl.

  Looking at the book only reminded me that she wasn’t here. It reminded me of the comfortable schedule we had. I’d come home from work and see her sitting on the couch. Dinner was already prepared, and she was wearing one of my shirts.

  Now I sat in an empty house.

  It didn’t even smell like her anymore.

  I didn’t want to look at this book. I didn’t want to think of her every time I walked into the room. I grabbed it and contemplated throwing it in the fire. Once it burned to ashes, I wouldn’t have to think about it ever again.

  But would that really erase her?

  Did I want to erase her?

  I spotted the bookmark she’d left in the center of the pages. It was regular white stock paper, something she’d grabbed from my printer. I pulled it from between the pages for no particular reason, just wanting to see if my hunch was right.

  It was paper from my printer.

  But my name was written in her handwriting.

  Cane.

  My heart dropped into my stomach.

  I unfolded the paper with shaking hands and spotted the handwritten note she’d left for me. It was short, her feminine writing filling the pages with stark black ink. My eyes stared at the words without reading them, unsure if I could handle her message.

  I wanted to close it and ignore it forever, but I couldn’t. Not reading it would haunt me forever.

  * * *

  Cane,

  By the time you read this, I might already be dead.

  And if I am, don’t pity me. I’m in a better place.

  I just wanted you to know that you changed my life. I was taken from my family, but somehow, I felt at home with you. My innocence was taken from me, but you somehow gave it back. I’d only seen cold and cruel men, but you taught me that good people are everywhere. You weren’t the Prince Charming I’d been waiting my whole life for, but you were so much better. Because you were real. You were deep, complicated. You wanted to hurt me, but you couldn’t do it. Your heart is too strong. You’re far too kind. And you made me feel like a queen even while I was a prisoner. You’ve made this horrific ending a little easier to bear, gave me a little more life to live.

  Thank you for everything,

  Bellissima

  I walked into Crow’s office without knocking. I didn’t learn my lesson the first time because lessons didn’t matter right now. Everything else could wait. Nothing was more important than what I had to say.

  Crow looked up when I stormed into his office, but he didn’t give me any of his sarcasm. He only looked at me with surprise, his eyebrow arched. We hadn’t spoken in days, and when he’d come by the house, I’d basically kicked him out. “Everything alright?”

  “No.” I sat in the chair facing his desk as I rested my elbows on my knees. I leaned forward, the anxiety gripping my chest. “I’m gonna get her back.”

  “Get who back?”

  “Adelina.” I couldn’t bear it anymore. I couldn’t stand aside and let this happen to her. I couldn’t let her be grateful to me when I was the one who abandoned her. I should have fought for her. I should have killed all those men before they laid a hand on her.

  Crow’s surprise deepened into disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I am serious. You said you would be there if I needed anything. Well, I need something. I need her.”

  Crow slowly rose from behind his desk, moving to his full height and blocking most of the window. “I understand this is hard for you, but we can’t get her back. She’s gone, Cane.”

  “She’s not gone yet. You’re right. Tristan would call me.”

  “We have no idea if I’m right,” he snapped. “Tristan has dozens of men with him at all times. Not to mention, they’re equipped with the finest weapons in warfare. It’s a suicide mission.”

  “Yeah, it probably is.”

  “Then, what’s the point?”

  I couldn’t suffer through those nightmares anymore. I couldn’t live my life without that woman beside me. I had to get her back or die trying. Instead of letting her go, I should have fought for her. But now I was going to save her. “I’m going after her whether you come with me or not. I’m taking as many men as I can.”

  Crow shook his head. “This is fucking stupid.”

  “I know. Doesn’t change anything.”

  “If this is what you wanted, you shouldn’t have handed her over. This is going to be a million times harder. Even if we get in there and kill everyone, she could be dead. It could all be for nothing.”

  “I’m willing to risk that.”

  “Tristan is not a man you want to cross.”

  “I’m aware.”

  Crow tightened his jaw and shook his head. “You know I can’t help you.”

  “Why not? I risked my neck to save Pearl.”

  “It’s because of Pearl that I can’t do anything, and you know that. I can’t risk her safety.”

  “Then send her somewhere.”

  “Where?” he demanded. “The safest place in the world for her is at my side. If I send her to another country, I have no guarantee that she’s safe.”

  “Then bring her in on this. She’s tough. She’s smart.”

  “That’s not funny,” he said coldly. “My wife stays out of this. She’s been through enough.”

  “I know her as well as you do,” I said. “She would want to be a part of this. She would want to save Adelina.”

  “We both know I don’t give a damn what she wants.” He slammed his hand into his chest. “All that matters is what I want. She’s a brat with a head too big for her little shoulders. She’s naïve and thinks she can take on the world. She’s not getting involved in this. Final decision.”

  I understood my brother was protective since he’d almost lost her a few times. She was his entire world. Without her, he would go back to the miserable shadow that used to stand in the corner. But he forgot why he fell in love with her to begin with. “She’s not some weak little girl. You’re forgetting how tough your chick is. When I was doing…that horrible thing to her…she never showed a sign of weakness. When she was captured by those bounty hunters, she escaped. When she took my place and went back to Bones, she killed him. I understand why you’re protective, but don’t forget the woman we’re talking about. She’s not some damsel in distress. If she heard us call her that, she’d kick us both in the nuts.”

  Crow stared at me with the exact same expression, cold and quiet. He didn’t jump to his feet and argue with me, and he let the words soak into the air around us.

  “I have to get her, Crow. I can’t live like this another day. If I die in the attempt, so be it.”

  Crow sighed, his eyes cringing. “Take a second to think about what you
’re doing. You’re declaring war against a hostile ally—over a woman. You’re starting a blood war the likes of which we just ended. This could go on for generations. Think about how this will affect Pearl and me. All we want is a quiet life in the countryside, making wine. You’re risking all of that by doing this.”

  I bowed my head and stared at the floor.

  “This would be different if we still had her. We could have done something to make it look like she ran away or died. Breaking in to his compound and waging war on everyone inside is going to be nearly impossible. Even if we kill everyone, there could be more somewhere else. Do you understand the magnitude of this?”

  “Yes.” I rubbed my palms together, my eyes glued to the floor.

  Crow sighed. “We can find you another woman, Cane. We can find you one just as pretty and just as feisty. Most women would kill to be rescued by us. We could go to the underground market and pick one out.”

  “Fuck you, Crow.”

  “I’m being serious.”

  “I don’t want some other woman. Losing her isn’t difficult because I’m lonely and horny. It’s difficult because…I’m in love with her.”

  Crow was dead silent.

  I didn’t raise my head to look at him. It was easier to stare at my hands. It was easier to downplay the powerful confession I’d just made. I’d never said those words in my life, and they jumped off my tongue so easily.

  Crow continued to be quiet, letting the words sink in further.

  When minutes passed and we didn’t speak, I finally straightened in my chair and looked at him. “I wish I didn’t feel this way. I never wanted to feel this way…but I can’t sleep because of it. I can’t breathe because of it. If she dies…I’ll never be the same. It was a mistake to let her go in the first place. It was a mistake not to protect her. Now all I feel is regret. All I feel is pain.”

  Crow watched me with his dark eyes.

  “I know this puts you in a difficult position. I understand you have to protect your own family. If you don’t want any part in this, I won’t hold it against you. You and Pearl can hide somewhere until the dust settles.” I sighed and looked at my hands again.