Falling Softly

by Maria Duffy

  ‘No,’ she said eventually. ‘Well, yes. But as he said, we were kids.’

  For a split second, David’s face darkened but then he smiled, and Holly wondered if she’d imagined it. ‘And the Hols thing?’

  Nobody had ever called her that except Josh and her heart had done a flip when she’d heard the word after all those years. She managed an awkward giggle. ‘We were just three years old when we met. That’s what he called me then and I suppose it stuck.’

  ‘Well, we’ll have to put him straight. I know you hate when people try to shorten your name.’

  She nodded in agreement but would never be able to tell him that the reason she didn’t like people to shorten her name was because it reminded her too much of Josh.

  He picked up the kettle and filled it with water. ‘Right, let’s have a cup of tea and decide what we’ll do tonight, since our neighbours won’t be joining us.’

  She perked up a little. Maybe what she needed was a good night out with David to remind her how happy they were together and try to banish thoughts of Josh from her mind.

  ‘What are you thinking? We could always go into town for something to eat.’

  ‘I can’t think of anything worse than the city centre on a Saturday night, actually. All those youngsters falling around the place drunk. Not my scene at all.’

  She tried again. ‘Well then, maybe just down to O’Malley’s for a few drinks and some bar food. I heard they have a new chef and the food is supposedly delicious.’

  ‘Actually, now that I think of it, I have a couple of hours’ work I need to do so maybe tonight would be a good time to get it done.’

  ‘Can’t you do it during the day?’ she pleaded. ‘It’s still early and then we can have tonight to ourselves.’

  ‘I won’t have time today I’m afraid. I’ve promised Mum I’ll bring her shopping so I’ll be heading over there shortly.’

  ‘But your mum isn’t an invalid. She can go shopping herself.’ She immediately cursed her loose tongue that tended to spit out words before her brain filtered them. Not surprisingly, David looked at her angrily.

  ‘Holly, that’s not fair. Even if I wasn’t bringing her shopping, I’d be visiting her. She’s my mother and she’s alone.’

  ‘I know and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out like that but it’s just … it’s just I was looking forward to a nice evening.’

  ‘I’ll tell you what,’ he said, making a pot of tea, ‘let’s have a bite to eat here together before I go to Mum’s. We can have a chat about wedding stuff and I can tell Mum all about it.’

  ‘And when you come back?’

  ‘I’ll pop into the shop on the way home, get you a few snacks, rent you a DVD and you can have a nice relaxing evening while I get my work done. And if I’m finished early, I can even join you. How does that sound?’

  Exhilarating. ‘Fine.’

  She didn’t want to think about Josh. She didn’t want to think about the fact that he’d moved into the house across the road. She didn’t want to imagine him snuggled up on the sofa with his pregnant girlfriend. She didn’t want to picture Josh as a dad. It was way too painful. She didn’t want to see him happy and fulfilled and complete. Without her. But David was forcing the memories upon her by giving her so much alone time. If only he knew.

  Holly was on her way to meet Milly. After sitting in all day and driving herself mad peeping out the front window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Josh, she’d had enough. When David had arrived home with Love Actually, it had been the final straw. That movie would make her cry at the best of times but today she’d be a complete and utter blubbering mess if she watched it.

  ‘I thought you loved that movie,’ he’d said, his face full of disappointment. ‘I thought you’d be thrilled I picked it.’

  ‘I do love it but it’s just that Milly rang. She and Greg have had a row and he’s gone out. She didn’t want to be on her own so I said I’d meet her in O’Malley’s for an hour or two.’ The lie just tripped off her lips.

  ‘Trouble in paradise, eh? I thought they were the perfect couple.’

  Holly nodded. ‘They are. Well, most of the time. It’s nothing serious. And you don’t mind, do you?’

  He looked at her for a moment and she was afraid he could tell she was lying. Then he smiled. ‘Of course not. Tell Milly I said hello.’

  He headed upstairs to where he kept his laptop and Holly grabbed her mobile to make her arrangements. O’Malley’s was pretty packed when she arrived there an hour later, so she was glad to see Milly already sitting on a stool at a high table at the back. There were two pints of cider already on the table and, before saying a word, Holly downed almost half of hers.

  ‘Oh God, Holly. It’s something bad, isn’t it?’

  ‘I’m not sure what it is, to be honest,’ Holly said, unwrapping herself from the layers of clothing she wore to fend off the freezing November air. ‘But it’s sent my head into a spin.’

  Milly leaned forward on her elbows and urged her to go on. Holly didn’t need much encouragement and the whole saga began to spill out. She told her how Josh had just appeared at her front door and she’d felt as though she’d walked straight into her past. How he’d looked at her. How she’d felt. How time had stood still. Milly’s eyes were almost popping out of her head by the time Holly was finished her story, and she sat back and let out a long, low breath.

  ‘So what do you think?’ Holly asked, vainly hoping her friend had a magic wand she could wave to make sense of everything.

  But Milly shook her head. ‘I don’t know what to say. Talk about coincidence. I can’t believe we were just talking about him yesterday and he comes back into your life today.’

  ‘I know. It’s like I’ve made him appear with the power of my mind. Stupid, I know. But that’s the first thing I thought when I saw him. That I’d wished him here.’

  ‘Well, they do say to be careful what you wish for,’ she said, a glint in her eye. ‘You must be excited to see him again. Especially after what you told me yesterday.’

  Holly took another mouthful of her drink. ‘I’m not sure how to feel, Milly. It’s confusing.’

  ‘And he’s actually living across the street from you now? Right across the road where you can see him coming and going every day?’

  The enormity of the situation hit her and she felt her eyes well up. ‘We’re going to have to move, aren’t we? Me and David. We can’t go on living there. Oh God, what am I going to say to David? It’s not as though we’re even renting. He’ll have to sell up and we’ll have to find somewhere else and I don’t even know if –’

  ‘Holly, stop! You’re getting way ahead of yourself.’ Milly placed a calming hand over her friend’s and Holly stopped talking to allow her breath to return to normal.

  ‘You’re not thinking rationally,’ Milly continued. ‘Let’s deal with the facts.’

  The facts were clear. At least according to Holly they were. There was no way she could live across the road from the man she’d spent so much of her youth loving, seeing him every day and thinking about what could have been. There’d be just no way. The tears she’d been holding in began to fall and she rooted in her jacket pocket for tissues. Milly waited patiently while Holly cried quietly. A few minutes and a lot of tissues later, Holly was ready to speak again.

  ‘I loved him, Milly. I was so in love with him for so long.’

  ‘But it’s a long time ago, Holly. Surely you can’t still be in love with him.’

  ‘Of course not! But it’s just dredged up a lot of stuff from the past.’

  Milly’s eyes lit up then and she opened her mouth to speak. Holly waited expectantly for her words of wisdom but she fell silent.

  ‘Milly?’

  ‘I was just going to say … no, never mind …’

  ‘What? You can’t say that and not tell me.’

  ‘It was just a thought, but a stupid one.’ Milly brushed the air with her hand as if to dismiss her words.

  �
��Tell me.’

  Milly smiled sheepishly. ‘What if it’s fate?’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘I don’t know. It just seems like a mad coincidence that you should be telling me about Josh yesterday and today he appears like magic.’

  ‘It’s strange, all right,’ Holly concurred. ‘What are the chances?’

  ‘Very small, I should think,’ Milly said, her eyes dancing with mischief. ‘What if this Josh really is the one? What if fate is trying to intervene and tell you that you shouldn’t marry David?’

  ‘But I love David. I couldn’t do that to him. To us.’

  ‘I know, and I feel bad even saying it. But sometimes we have to follow our destiny. What do you think Josh thought when he saw you?’

  ‘I think he was just as shocked as I was. But I couldn’t read his face.’

  Milly swallowed the last of her pint and sat back. ‘I suppose you’ll just have to let the whole thing play out. See what happens over the next few weeks. But you said he had a girlfriend, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yes, and he seems very happy.’

  ‘But she’s his girlfriend, not his wife?’

  She knew what Milly was hinting at but Holly hadn’t told her everything. ‘Yes, they’re not married. But there’s more.’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘His girlfriend is pregnant. Josh is going to be a dad.’

  The words hung in the air for a few moments and, annoyingly, Holly felt tears spring to her eyes again. But this time she kept them under control.

  ‘Wow!’ said Milly, letting out a low whistle. ‘That certainly puts a different spin on things. It’s his first, I presume?’

  Holly shifted awkwardly on her chair but Milly didn’t wait for an answer. ‘Did you speak to David about any of it?’

  ‘I didn’t say much, really. We never talk about past relationships, and when he saw that Josh and I recognised each other, we just said we grew up together. He seemed happy enough with that. Said it was a small world and typical Ireland. The usual clichés.’

  The lounge girl arrived with two fresh pints they’d ordered and they both took lingering sips before Milly spoke again. ‘I think you need to speak to Josh alone when you get a chance. Find out about his relationship. Just catch up and see how it feels to be with him again. You might find there isn’t a connection there any more and that David is the one for you.’

  Holly shook her head. ‘I won’t be speaking to him, Milly. At least not alone and not about the past.’

  Milly looked confused. ‘But why not? If seeing him again has unsettled you, if you’re unsure about your feelings, you need to talk to him.’

  Holly had never spoken about how she and Josh had broken up. Milly had asked her but she just hadn’t wanted to talk about it. Even now, after all these years, it was way too painful.

  ‘Holly?’

  ‘I won’t be talking to him, Milly. Josh broke my heart. He broke it so badly that I vowed I’d never, ever give him a chance to do it again.’

  Chapter 12

  Stephanie and Josh were sitting on the sofa watching Miss Congeniality. Josh hated that movie but it was Stephanie’s favourite and she always seemed to get her own way when it came to movie night. She laughed out loud as she watched, and Josh smiled, but his mind was far from the movie. It was full of Holly Russo. He couldn’t have been more surprised to see her standing in front of him earlier. She’d looked at him in shock with those gorgeous eyes. Those deep pools of darkness that seemed to look right into his soul.

  It had taken Josh a long time to get over Holly. His life had felt empty for a number of years after they’d split and he’d thought he’d never find love again. He’d dated, of course, and even had a few steady girlfriends, but he’d compared everyone to Holly and they’d all paled into insignificance. That was until he’d met Stephanie. She had been his saviour. She’d made him fall properly in love with her and had helped him to forget. Until today. In just that moment, a moment that had felt like an eternity, all the old feelings of love and hurt had flooded back and threatened to explode inside him. How he’d managed to keep his composure, he’d never know.

  The movie credits appeared on screen and he glanced over at Stephanie. She was fast asleep and he stared at her for a few minutes. She looked beautiful when she slept, her features relaxed and her blonde hair falling in wisps over her face. But the most beautiful thing about her then was her baby bump. He reached his hand over and touched it gently and marvelled at the fact that there was a little life in there. His son or daughter. It filled him with excitement but it also made him a little anxious. What sort of a dad would he be? Would he be good enough? Patient enough? Loving enough? Would Stephanie and he manage to muddle through those baby years and keep their relationship intact? He really hoped so because this baby meant everything to him and he would do all he could to welcome him or her into a safe, secure and loving family.

  He and Holly used to talk all the time about their future. They would imagine living in a little house with a big garden and having maybe three or four children running around. Youth was a strange thing. It made you believe in your dreams. They used to speak about those things with no doubts at all in their minds. They believed they’d always be together and their future had felt secure. But they’d been forced to grow up way too quickly and had learned never to take anything for granted. They’d learned the hard way that dreams could be taken away in the blink of an eye.

  ‘Oh, is it over?’ said Stephanie, waking suddenly and stretching her arms over her head with a yawn. ‘You should have woken me.’

  Josh smiled and continued to stroke her stomach. ‘You looked too peaceful. And besides, I love watching you sleep.’

  ‘I thought you said I snored.’

  He laughed at that. ‘But it’s a pretty snore.’

  ‘So do you think you and that girl – What did you say her name was?’

  ‘Holly.’ He really didn’t want to get into a conversation about her.

  ‘Right, Holly. Do you think you and this Holly will meet up to chat about old times?’

  He wasn’t sure how to answer that. Stephanie knew some of the details about his past with Holly but not everything. There was no point dredging stuff up that could cause hurt. Maybe some day he’d tell her more about his past, but now wasn’t the right time.

  ‘Well? Do you?’ She glared at him.

  He tried to think of the right thing to say. ‘Not specifically. But I’m sure if we all meet up, we’ll touch on old times – old friends, that sort of thing. We lost touch a long time ago.’

  ‘Right,’ she said, hauling herself up off the sofa. ‘On that note, I think I’ll head to bed. That walk earlier wore me out. I can’t wait to get rid of this bump so I can get back to proper exercise again.’

  Josh winced at her harsh words but she didn’t notice. He was glad she’d changed the subject, though, because he really, really didn’t want to talk about Holly. At least not until he had time to think.

  He took their empty bowls and glasses and headed towards the kitchen. ‘You go on up, Steph. I’ll clear away here and be up in a minute.’

  He pottered around for a while, cleaning up but mainly buying time. He wanted her to be asleep when he went up so that he could think in peace. For years he imagined what it would be like to reunite with Holly. He’d bump into her somewhere, their eyes would meet and they’d fall instantly in love again. He’d fantasised about that moment for so long. But in time, when he’d realised they weren’t going to meet across a smoky room like people did in the movies, he’d begun to detox her out of his mind. And it had worked. Eventually. He switched off all the lights and set the house alarm before heading upstairs. Thankfully Steph was snoring softly so he gently pulled back his side of the duvet and slipped quietly into bed.

  ‘So what happened with you two then?’ Steph’s voice cut through the darkness and scared him half to death.

  ‘I thought you were fast asleep. You were snoring a minute ago.’


  ‘Maybe I was just breathing heavily,’ she said, turning towards him. ‘I was just thinking that you never really told me much about your relationship with Holly.’

  ‘I told you, we went out for a few years but we were young. Practically children.’

  She snuggled in closer to him. ‘And why did you split up?’

  ‘Do you know, I can’t even remember. It seems so long ago. I think we just drifted apart. I moved home with my family then and she went off travelling.’ It was a lie. Well, partially. He could remember every last detail. Every single heartbreaking moment.

  ‘And did you love her?’

  He wanted to be honest so he nodded slowly. ‘Yes, I suppose I did. But young love is different. It’s nothing like what we have now, you and me.’

  ‘Are you sure? I won’t have to worry about you sneaking across the street to see her or anything, will I?’

  ‘Of course not, Steph,’ he said, and he was glad she couldn’t see him blushing. ‘Why would I want to do that?’

  She turned to put the bedside lamp on and sat up. ‘I don’t know, Josh. You tell me.’

  ‘Steph, what’s this all about? There’s nothing for you to worry about.’

  She sighed. ‘Is she the reason?’

  ‘The reason for what?’ He wasn’t sure he liked how this conversation was going.

  ‘The reason you don’t want to marry me.’

  Oh God. Not this again. ‘Steph, I never said I don’t want to marry you. I just … I just –’

  ‘You see? There you go again. Making excuses. If I’m not right for you – if I’m not enough – you should just tell me now.’

  ‘Stop, Steph. Don’t do this. You’re just being ridiculous. I love you. You know that. I don’t know what’s gotten into you.’

  She turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling. ‘I’m pregnant, Josh. And scared and unsure about everything. You’re supposed to reassure me and make me feel better.’