by Maria Duffy
‘So am I forgiven for messing up the time?’ She looked at him, her eyebrows raised, the beginnings of a smile on her lips.
‘There’s nothing to forgive,’ he said, looking at the picture again. ‘These things happen. Now get that curry into you before you fade away from starvation.’
They spent the next half hour chatting about everything. There’d been a lot of tension between them lately, but now that they were talking again, maybe things would get a little easier. They really needed to enjoy this time together because, from what Josh had heard from friends with children, once the baby came along, there wouldn’t be a lot of couple time. But it would be worth it.
* * *
The weather had turned suddenly and it looked like they could be in for a frosty night. The car showed an outside temperature of minus one and it was still only just after seven. As they pulled into the driveway, Josh was beginning to wish he’d sorted out the timer for the heating because he knew the house was going to be freezing. He glanced across at Stephanie and saw she was still asleep so he nudged her gently to tell her they were home.
‘I was having a lovely sleep there,’ she said, stretching. ‘I can’t believe we’re home already.’
Josh didn’t have the heart to tell her they’d been in traffic for an hour while she snored all the way so he just nodded and smiled. He hopped out of the car and rushed around to her side to help her out. The paths had begun to frost over and he didn’t want her slipping on the ice. He noticed a figure walking up the street in their direction as Stephanie stepped out of the car and it took him just a moment to realise it was Holly.
He averted his eyes, pretending he hadn’t seen her, but unfortunately Stephanie had spotted her too. ‘Oh, there’s Holly. Let’s go over and show her the scan pictures.’
‘No!’ The words came out of his mouth a little too quickly, a little too sharply, and Stephanie noticed.
‘Why?’ she said, staring at him. ‘I’d have thought you’d be dying to show everyone.’
‘I am, but just not tonight. I don’t want them asking us in for a drink to celebrate or anything. I’m exhausted and just want to flake out on the sofa with you.’
Thankfully that seemed to satisfy her and they both waved at Holly as she arrived at her house. ‘Hi, Holly,’ Josh shouted, a little too loudly. ‘Just home from work?’
‘Yes,’ she said, looking unsure about whether to come over or not. She didn’t and Josh was relieved. ‘Thank God it’s Friday.’
They all nodded and laughed, and Holly disappeared in through her front door. Josh felt his heart racing as he stepped inside the house, and he cursed the effect Holly still had on him. But he was going to have to find a way around it. He couldn’t go getting palpitations every time he saw her. They were nothing to each other except neighbours, and Josh would just have to get used to that.
Stephanie headed upstairs to the shower and Josh fell exhausted onto the sofa in the sitting room. He reached into his pocket for the scan and stared at it for a few moments. That was his future. That was where he belonged. Holly was his past and that was where she’d stay. If he kept telling himself that, maybe sometime soon he’d believe it.
Chapter 19
May 2001
Holly felt empty. It had been the worst few weeks of her life and she wasn’t sure she’d ever recover. The physical pain was nothing in comparison to the mental torture. Her mobile beeped again and she rolled over in the bed to see who was messaging her. It was Josh again. She knew he was worried about her but she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be with him just then. She felt bad refusing to see him because she knew he was hurting too, but she was such a mess and she just wanted to be alone. She lay there willing sleep to come but no such luck. It was only 8 p.m. but she hadn’t wanted to sit downstairs with her mother fussing around, trying to get her to eat and making inane conversation.
After what seemed like an age of staring at the ceiling, there was a tap on the door. She closed her eyes and pretended to be sleeping, just in case it was her mother with another tray of food.
‘Holly, can I come in?’
Her eyes shot open when she heard his voice. It was Josh. He must have gotten fed up sending texts and had come to see her instead. Part of her wanted to curl up and pretend he wasn’t there, but the other part of her needed him.
‘Holly. Please. I know you’re hurting and I want to help. Please let me in.’
She sat up in the bed. ‘Come in.’ Her voice was barely a whisper but he obviously heard because the door opened and he rushed to her side.
‘Holly. Oh, Holly,’ he said, holding her tightly. ‘Come on. It’s going to be all right. We’ll get through this together.’
She eventually let herself relax in his arms and they both cried for a long time. She wondered if things would ever feel normal again. If she’d ever get over losing her little girl.
Holly couldn’t remember the last time she and Josh had kissed. Since she’d felt his breath on her face ten days ago, memories of the past had been flooding back to her. Lots of memories. Wonderful memories. Memories of everything they’d done together, except for that last kiss. It was like the more she tried to remember, the more she seemed to forget. Josh had been such a huge part of her life that surely she should have been able to remember that last time. But no, it completely evaded her and it was driving her crazy. The only explanation was that she’d blocked it out of her mind sometime in the past to protect herself, to stop herself reliving the memory and making herself too sad. And now, when she wanted to recall it, she couldn’t.
She checked her watch as she hurried down the street. She’d spent most of the morning with Mrs Jackson, whose shih-tzu, Kylie, was close to her delivery date. Mrs Jackson had rung the surgery the previous day in a panic. She’d needed to fill Kylie’s prescription but she didn’t want to leave the dog alone or bring her out when she could go into labour any minute. The pair weren’t Holly’s favourite customers but she knew Mrs Jackson was genuinely worried so she’d offered to get the medication and bring it to her. The old woman had been very grateful and had been persistent in offering her a cup of tea. She’d reluctantly agreed and had found it difficult to get away afterwards. She realised that the woman was probably lonely. She gave off an air of nonchalance and confidence, but really she was a vulnerable old lady.
Holly breathed a sigh of relief when she finally arrived home. She had a day off and David was finished work at lunchtime, so she was looking forward to spending some time with him. Today was the first day of December and Holly had decided she’d enter the new month with a new attitude and show David how dedicated to him and their forthcoming wedding she was. She owed him that at least. She’d been depressed before he’d come along. She’d realised that all her friends had moved on with their lives while she was still stuck in a rut. And then she’d met David at one of her friends’ weddings. He’d been there with his mother and had looked almost as miserable as she’d felt. They’d got talking at the bar and had clicked straight away. By the end of the evening they’d swapped numbers and Holly had felt a glimmer of hope for the future. They’d started dating soon after and she’d finally felt free. Free from the depression of sitting in every night, free from the worry of being alone for the rest of her life and free from living in the past. Her life had been really sorted before Josh had reappeared. Seeing him again had just jolted her out of her comfort zone and forced her to remember things and times she’d rather forget.
She quickly showered and rooted in her wardrobe until she found a pair of skinny jeans that still fit. She teamed them with a tight-fitting navy T-shirt that she’d bought in River Island a couple of years before and for once was pretty happy with how she looked. She wanted to look nice for him. She wanted to make an effort. She brought a nice dusky-pink nail polish into the sitting room and flicked on the telly. Ruth Langsford’s face appeared on the screen and she raised the volume. She loved Loose Women but she rarely got a chance to watch it. She sett
led down to paint her nails and listen to the women’s words of wisdom.
She and David had chatted for hours the previous night about the wedding and they’d finally settled on a date. Saturday 10 June 2017. Much as she’d have loved a Christmas wedding, Doreen had probably been right. The weather would be too uncertain, and if there was snow or ice, it could stop people from going altogether. So a summer wedding it was and they had a whole eighteen months to plan it. She’d also given in on the whole church thing. But she hadn’t done it for Doreen. She’d done it for David. He was a traditionalist at heart and said he’d feel strange not getting married in a church. So she wasn’t getting her castle on a hill with snow drifting down, but the important thing was that they were going to become husband and wife. She’d never be lonely again. Suddenly there was a sound of raised voices from outside and Holly jumped up to look out the window.
A car was parked across the road outside number three and Stephanie was speaking to the driver. She looked agitated. It was difficult to make out what they were saying but Stephanie was clearly not happy. She was gesturing wildly with her hands and shaking her head. Then the driver got out and Holly held her breath. He was a distinguished-looking man, well dressed in a grey suit with shirt and tie, and he was towering over Stephanie. Holly suddenly felt worried for the girl’s safety. What if he was going to harm her? Should she go out and say something? Should she check to see if Stephanie was okay? He leaned in close to Stephanie and Holly’s heart almost stopped. She should really ring the police. But while she was still faffing around trying to decide what to do, he got back into his car and sped off down the road. Holly breathed a sigh of relief, but it looked like she wasn’t the only one. Stephanie leaned against the wall at the front of the house and ran a hand through her dishevelled hair.
Holly suddenly felt foolish for hiding herself inside when clearly Stephanie was distraught. So without a further thought, she rushed out the front door and across the road.
‘Stephanie, are you okay? What did that guy want?’
Stephanie looked at her in surprise. ‘He … he was just looking for directions.’
‘It looked like more than that to me. Do you know him? I thought he was going to hit you or something.’
‘Don’t be silly.’ A nervous laugh. ‘And of course I don’t know him. He just got out of the car so I could point out the directions to him.’
‘Oh. But you look shaken. Are you sure he didn’t do something to hurt you? Or threaten you or something?’
Stephanie glared at her, and Holly felt herself shrinking back. ‘You’re being ridiculous, Holly. And what were you doing spying on me anyway? Don’t you have anything better to do?’
‘I wasn’t spying, Stephanie. I heard raised voices so I just came out to have a look. So you’re saying it was just a random man who drove into our estate and asked you for directions?’
‘That’s exactly what happened. I was out sweeping the driveway when he pulled up.’
‘I see.’ Holly noticed the absence of a sweeping brush anywhere close by but she refrained from pointing that out. ‘Well, in that case, sorry to have bothered you. I just thought you looked upset so I wanted to see if I could help.’
Stephanie’s mood seemed to change and she smiled sweetly. ‘Thank you so much, Holly. It’s nice to know that if anything bad did happen, you’d be there to save the day.’
Holly couldn’t figure out if she was being genuine or sarcastic but she chose to believe the former as she bid Stephanie goodbye and headed back to her own house. Thankfully David arrived home at that moment and he looked at her quizzically as he got out of the car.
‘Was that Stephanie you were talking to?’ he said, following her into the house. ‘Are you two friends now or something?’
‘Hardly.’ Holly filled the kettle and told him about the events of the previous ten minutes. He listened intently before speaking.
‘It sounds strange all right, but I wouldn’t get involved.’
‘Well, I hadn’t planned to get involved in anything,’ she said, stung by his dismissive words. ‘But when I thought somebody was hassling her and she looked upset, of course I was going to check to see if she was okay.’
‘But what were you doing spying on her in the first place?’
Not him too. She sighed and told him what she’d just told Stephanie. ‘I just think there was more to it than she let on. I’m sure they were arguing. And what man would get out of the car and approach a woman on her own if he was just looking for directions?’
‘Leave it, Holly,’ he said, folding his arms and fixing her with a stare. ‘It’s nothing to do with us so whatever happened or didn’t happen, it’s her business.’
‘But what if she’s up to something behind Josh’s back? Shouldn’t we say something?’
He pulled off his tie and sighed. ‘Like what? “Oh, hi, Josh. You might want to check Stephanie out. We think she’s cheating on you.”’
‘Well, when you say it like that …’
‘Holly, it doesn’t matter which way I say it,’ said David, the little vein at the side of his head popping in and out as his voice got louder. ‘It’s their business. We need to keep our noses out. Now let’s worry about our own lives and future instead of wasting time on other people.’
Holly stared at his back as he headed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. She didn’t think she’d ever heard David being so forceful about an issue. In a strange sort of way, she kind of liked it. And he was right, of course. Whatever Stephanie got up to and whatever went on between her and Josh was none of their business. She poured boiling water into the teapot and rinsed it out before making the tea. The rest of the day was going to be dedicated to her and David and their plans. They were going to look at some hotels for the wedding and Holly was going to put all thoughts of Stephanie and Josh firmly out of her head.
* * *
‘So what do you think?’ David said, as they walked around the gardens at the front of the first hotel on their list. ‘Pretty spectacular, isn’t it? Couldn’t you just see us having photos taken here? Apparently the flower beds are amazing in the summertime.’
Holly had to admit the hotel was fabulous and the gardens were really beautiful. But the thing was, it didn’t really excite her. Although everything about it seemed perfect, she didn’t feel any connection to it. It felt like it had no soul. She wanted their wedding to be personal to them. To have their stamp on it. Not just another generic wedding done in the traditional way.
‘Holly?’
She realised he was still waiting for an answer so she told him what he wanted to hear. ‘Yes, it’s beautiful. And we’d definitely get some lovely shots out here in the gardens.’
‘But?’
She stopped and looked at him. ‘But is it really us? It’s very posh and almost too perfect.’
‘Nothing is too perfect for you, Holly.’ He pulled her to him and kissed her gently. ‘I want you to have the best. I really love you, you know.’
She was touched by his gesture. ‘I love you too, David.’
‘And I can’t wait to marry you,’ he said, placing little feather kisses on her head. ‘We’re going to have a wonderful future together, you and me. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Holly Russo.’
She looked into his eyes and saw the man she’d fallen for. The man who’d taken her away from the life she’d hated. Suddenly, the details of the wedding didn’t matter, as long as she had David. ‘Let’s do it!’
‘What?’ He looked at her, his eyebrows raised.
‘The hotel. Let’s book it. The date is available so why don’t we just decide to go with it?’
‘Are you serious? But what about all the other hotels on the list? Shouldn’t we go and check them out too?’
She shook her head. ‘It’s like buying a dress. You love the first one you try on but you feel you should go and try on a hundred more just to be sure. But what happens in the end?’
He laughed. ‘
You go back to the first shop and buy that dress.’
‘Exactly,’ she said, taking his hand again and leading him back towards the door of the hotel. ‘So why don’t we save time and book this place. What do you think?’
‘Well, I’m definitely happy about it. But are you sure? It’s just I know you weren’t too keen on the whole traditional thing.’
‘It’s fine. I’ve come around to it. Once we’re married at the end of it, none of the details matter really.’
They headed inside to find the manager, Geraldine, and to ask her to put them in the diary. Geraldine was delighted they’d decided to book. She promised to ensure they had a wonderful experience and a day to remember. Holly could scarcely believe she was actually getting married. It just didn’t seem real. It was so far away and she knew only too well how life could change in the blink of an eye. Geraldine’s voice was just a dull drone in the background as a myriad thoughts whirred around Holly’s head. Stephanie and the man looking for directions. Something didn’t ring true about that. Josh and all of their history. And the beautiful, romantic wedding in a snow-covered castle on a hill that she knew now, with certainty, would never be anything other than a dream.
Chapter 20
Josh sat looking over the household accounts and clicked his tongue. They really weren’t looking too good. With the baby coming along soon, he needed to start budgeting properly. He was constantly assuring Stephanie that he earned enough for them both, but it just wasn’t true. His salary barely covered the rent and the bills, leaving only a small amount for food and nothing for any extras. He just didn’t know how he was going to find the extra cash they’d need for when the baby arrived. He leaned his head into his hands and prayed for inspiration. A few moments later his mobile rang, jolting him out of his reverie. He reached across the table to grab it and smiled when he saw his mum’s name flashing on the screen.
