The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  A portly man in a wifebeater cracked the door open, a chain still attached on top. “Who the fuck are you? If this is about buying magazines or some shit, I don’t want any.”

  Trey smiled. “Curtis Mayhew?”

  “I don’t know you, fucker. Get off my property.”

  “You’re a renter, don’t get so cocky.” Trey scoffed. “Let me make this simple, Mr. Mayhew. I’m Trey Garfield with the Brownstone Agency. We’ve got your place surrounded, and you’re gonna come out here and let me handcuff your ass. Then I’ll drag you to the police station. Or you can resist, and I kick the crap out of you, and the same shit happens anyway in the end. Your choice, asshole.”

  Curtis blinked several times, his mouth open. “Bounty hunters,” he screamed.

  Trey delivered a spinning back kick to the door. The door burst open, the chain ripping off, and slammed right into Curtis’ face. The man hissed in pain and stumbled backward.

  The bounty hunter charged the stumbling criminal in front of him. Trey slammed him into a nearby wall, then delivered several quick punches to the man’s gut. Curtis collapsed to the ground, groaning, blood pouring down his face from a forehead laceration.

  Loud footsteps sounded from the back of the house. Trey gritted his teeth and looked between the downed Curtis and the back of the house.

  Shit. Wait. I ain’t alone anymore. That’s the whole damned point. I’ve got a team, and I got two boys who can handle the other fool.

  Trey dropped to a knee and whipped out his handcuffs to secure the groaning Curtis Mayhew. Once the man was handcuffed, he shot back up and sprinted toward the back. Several loud thuds sounded from the back.

  No gunshots. That’s good.

  He yanked out his pistol and rushed through the open back door. Shorty’s knee rested on the back of another man splayed on the ground. The junior bounty hunter was pulling out his handcuffs, and Kevin had his gun trained on the guy.

  “A level two and a level one,” Trey announced. “Damn. Teams really do make a difference. Let’s go drop these fools off with the 5-0.”

  Trey shot Sergeant Choi a huge grin. The cop looked between him and the two suspects being shoved along by his boys. The cop stared at the battered bounties, pure disbelief etched on his face.

  “Level two and level one for processing, Sergeant,” Trey announced.

  “We didn’t talk all that long ago. A few hours.”

  “Yeah, that’s true enough.”

  The sergeant chuckled and started entering processing data into his computer. “That was damned fast. Don’t know if Brownstone himself could bring in two guys that quickly.”

  Kevin sauntered up and fluffed out his suit jacket. “That’s because we are the Brownstone Agency. We get shit done in hours what takes others a week.”

  Trey crossed his arms and nodded. He thought he’d known pride when he was a gang leader, thought he’d known pride when he’d caught his first bounty. That was nothing compared to the pride he felt in his team at that moment.

  “Now that you’ve said that, we’d best be living up to it in the future.”

  21

  Thundering boots echoed through the nearby hallway in the police station. Sergeant Mack frowned and looked up from his computer.

  What the hell?

  Sergeant Mack rushed toward the sound. No alarms were going off in the station, and he’d not heard anything about major deployments or incidents requiring a full departmental response. Everyone had been on edge ever since the farmer’s market massacre. Occasionally someone called in a false alarm, terrified of the idea a rogue witch of Oriceran releasing the full wrath of their magic.

  An armored AET officer turned the corner, his helmet in hand. He slowed for a moment and took a deep breath before preparing to run after the rest of his team.

  “Weber,” Mack shouted. “What the hell is going on? You got a level four or higher pop up? Please tell me we don’t have a copycat attack on a public event.”

  The AET sergeant stopped. “Nope, but we do have three presumed hostile level-five equivalents closing on James Brownstone at the Salton Sea.”

  “What the hell is he doing out there?”

  “Luring the bad guys away from anyone who might get hurt.”

  Mack took a deep breath. “Brownstone can’t win against three level fives. Even he’s not that tough.”

  Weber nodded. “I know. Lieutenant Hall’s lined up some helicopters to get us there to back him up. We’ve got full deflectors, railguns, rocket drones—the works. Full deployment package. We’re going to light those bastards up like we did that witch.”

  “The AET is going there to help Brownstone?”

  “Yeah.” Weber smiled. “Things have changed, and it’s about damned time. Look, I’ve got to go. We’re wheels-up on the choppers in not that long. If we don’t hurry, those level fives will shred him. We’re probably cutting it close as it is.”

  Mack nodded and sighed. “How much room you got on those choppers?”

  “Why?”

  “Salton Sea’s too far away for me to drive and get there in time. I want to hop a ride.”

  “I don’t know, Mack. This is an AET operation. We don’t have any spare deflectors.”

  The other sergeant snorted. “You all are way out of your jurisdiction anyway if you’re flying to the Salton Sea. Don’t feed me that shit about procedure and rules now, Weber. And it’s my damned life to risk.”

  The AET sergeant turned and motioned down the hall. “Follow me, but if Lieutenant Hall tells you to suck it then don’t blame me.”

  The long hours of the California summer meant darkness was still hours away. James didn’t know if that would be an advantage. Maybe being a Dark Elf meant that light bothered them, but it didn’t seem to bother Alison.

  Maybe dark just means evil fucks in this case.

  The dried-out lakebed was the perfect symbol of James’ life. The Salton Sea had given its all, but evaporation and outside redirection had first reduced it to a salty mess and finally to sediment plains devoid of much in the way of life.

  James shook his head. No, he couldn’t think that way. He had people who cared about him. Giving up was not an option.

  Shit. I can’t let it end like this. If I die here, I won’t even have said goodbye.

  James stepped out of the truck and pulled out his phone. He stared into the distance as the phone rang.

  “What’s up, James?” Shay answered.

  He hesitated for a moment before he finally forced his mouth open. “I just wanted to let you know that no matter what happens to me, I love you.”

  “Yeah, that doesn’t sound ominous as fuck at all. What’s going on?”

  “Some shit has come up, and I just wanted to make sure I called you before I dealt with it.”

  “Shit? What shit? Dangerous shit?”

  James grunted. “I was wrong about everything being okay. Turns out three Drow are hunting my ass. I’m out at the Salton Sea and LAPD AET is supposed to be backing me up, but I don’t know they’ll get here in time.”

  “Why the hell are you at the Salton Sea instead of the middle of LA where you can get cop backup? Or, shit, military backup? Doesn’t a bunch of Oricerans showing up to murder random Americans count as an invasion?”

  “You saw the aftermath of what Nicole did to those Grayson mercs, and she was just the one Drow. I can’t risk people getting hurt. This was a nice place where I knew there wouldn’t be a lot of people. Don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong. The Drow might not be here to kill me, but everything I’ve heard makes me think we probably won’t be swapping barbeque recipes.”

  “This is bullshit, James. Complete fucking bullshit. Earlier you texted me that you were okay, but now you have Drow fuckers on your ass?”

  James grunted. “I wasn’t lying. I didn’t know they were right on my ass.”

  Shay groaned. “Don’t die, asshole. The only person allowed to kill your ass is me. I’ll get there and back you up. Somehow. Just… Ju
st don’t fucking die, okay? Hide until those AET assholes show up if you have to. Find some random tourists to feed them.”

  The bounty hunter let out a low chuckle. “This isn’t exactly some Peruvian jungle. Not a lot of places to hide, and I’m not planning to die anyway. I was on a job, and I’m geared up. I have my amulet, so it’s not like they can roll over me.”

  “Good, so you go full-Krypton on their asses. Maybe you’ll get lucky and unlock a power or some shit.”

  James chuckled. “Don’t think it works that way, but here’s hoping.” He sighed. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how important you are to me, and how you’ve made me a better man. Promise me one thing.”

  “What?”

  “That you’ll take care of Alison.”

  “I don’t need to make that promise because you’re not gonna fucking die. You’re gonna rip the spines out of those Drow bastards and make bongo drums out of their fucking skulls.”

  “Promise me,” James thundered.

  “I promise,” Shay whispered back.

  Both fell into silence, only their heavy breaths audible on either end of the line for several long moments.

  Shay sighed. “James, if you die there, I’ll never forgive you. I’m gonna hire a necromancer to bring you back just so I can kick your ass.” She hung up.

  The bounty hunter nodded. If that was the last thing Shay ever said to him in this life, it’d be fitting.

  Should I even call Alison? Is it fair for her to feel afraid after what she went through with her mom?

  He took a deep breath and dialed Alison. There was no way he could die without saying goodbye to his daughter.

  “Hey, Dad,” the teen answered. “I wasn’t expecting you to call again so soon, but I guess you didn’t pay attention to my warning, did you? You’re in trouble. Bad trouble, I’m guessing.”

  “Huh? How did you know?”

  “I just did. I can feel it somehow.”

  James shook his head. Somehow his women always seemed to know what was going on with him better than he did.

  Maybe that’s why I feel so much more alive now that you two are in my life.

  “I thought about lying to you because you’re far away and can’t see me,” he began, “but you deserve the truth. Three Drow are after me, and from what I’ve heard I don’t think this little meet-up ends with them thanking me for looking after you.”

  Massive static filled the line for a few seconds. “I want to believe that you’ll be okay, but I’ve been learning about them. Mom left them for a reason, and I also know my Drow side is darker and hungrier than my human side. I’m not saying they’re all evil, but Dad, they are dangerous.”

  “Then you know I probably can’t invite them to Jessie Rae’s to talk this all out over some brisket. I don’t want to fight them, Alison, but I’m not gonna be anyone’s punching bag, even if you’re related to them. I hope you can understand that.”

  “Family’s about a lot more than blood. Walt and you both proved that to me in different ways.” Alison laughed. “And family first, Dad. The others can suck it. Brownstone for the win, always. I hope you kick their asses all the way back to Oriceran.”

  James laughed.

  “Remember, Dad, if you need it, you control the wish. You use it to survive.”

  “That’s for you, not me. Not gonna die anyway, but on the off chance that it looks like I might, I’ll consider it.”

  “If you die, I’m going to wish you back to life and then kick your butt for being stupid.”

  James laughed even harder than last time. “Okay there, Mini-Shay.”

  Alison let out a quiet sigh. “I love you, Dad.”

  “I love you, too, and I hope to see you soon.” He ended the call and held the phone to his chest for a moment.

  “I don’t care how much it costs, Peyton,” Shay shouted into her phone. “Just find someone who can do it. We live in a world crawling with magical assholes. I’m sure you can find one around here if you try hard enough. Don’t call me back until you’ve found someone.” She ended the call and took several deep breaths.

  Her phone chimed with a text, and she glared at it, prepared to send Peyton a nasty text back. But it wasn’t from him, it was from Alison.

  I will wipe out every Drow in existence if they kill my dad. I will go to Oriceran and burn their houses to the ground with my magic.

  Shay stared at the text. This wasn’t just a kid talking. She swallowed and texted back. She needed to try and pull the girl back.

  James couldn’t have a better daughter than you. Don’t worry. He’s got a lot of backup coming. Your dad is gonna be okay.

  Just hope we can get there in time.

  “I might be coming to join you soon, Father Thomas. Unless they boot me down south.”

  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

  James parked the F-350 behind a massive dune, stepped out, sighed, and threw on a backpack. Thankfully, the Professor’s lead box containing the Clown of Doom was small enough to fit inside. He couldn’t risk some random asshole thinking his truck was abandoned and grabbing it with a dangerous artifact inside. It’d suck to die and then be responsible for some city blowing up right after. God would probably frown on that for sure.

  Unlike in Vegas with the Red-Eyes Killer, he had two major advantages going into the Drow confrontation. He’d expected a lot more trouble on the job, so he’d brought a standard layout, including his tactical harness, guns, multiple magazines, throwing knives, and grenades. Though he hadn’t bothered to bring much in the way of electronic gadgets, he didn’t expect that to be much of a disadvantage in a fight against the magical Drow.

  “Wish I would have brought an RPG or two,” James muttered. He finished checking his magazines and confirmed that he had his healing and energy potions in a pouch. As long as he could still move, he could survive.

  Or they could just blow my fucking arms off, and then I’m screwed.

  James stepped away from the truck, his boots leaving deep imprints as he marched toward the dry lakebed. He took a deep breath and reached under his shirt to yank the metal separator off the back of the amulet.

  The amulet touched his skin, and pain spiked from his chest as the amulet sank into his flesh. Agony spread from his chest to every part of his body, and fire burnt every nerve. He took deep breaths through his clenched teeth as he waited for the pain to fade.

  The agony receded, replaced by the dark whispers in the back of his mind. For the first time, James thought he could almost understand them.

  Curiosity. That’s what the amulet was feeling. Curiosity about an unfamiliar location.

  “You like that shit?” James whispered. “Help keep my ass alive, and you’ll have a chance to see a lot of new places. Three of them. Two of us. Let’s do this shit.”

  He marched out onto the dry lakebed.

  22

  Zavan narrowed his eyes as he surveyed the dried-out lakebed from the front seat of the Porsche. Barren. Lifeless. It reminded him of the destroyed and withered lands of Oriceran still marked by the Great War, some scorched and lifeless even thousands of years later.

  “Impressive,” he murmured. “They lack in many areas, but they do have a talent for destruction. One has to respect that.”

  Reyal looked his way. “What?”

  “The humans have destroyed an entire lake. That would have taken powerful magic to accomplish. Foolish in a way that only an Atlantean or human might do something, but then again the humans remind me of them in so many ways.”

  In the back seat, Kaella continued to stare at a pulsing black orb hovering above her hand. “Now that we’ve stopped moving, the suppression spell won’t help so much. If we’re being watched, they’ll soon find where we are because of the magical compass.”

  Zavan shook his head. “I’m not worried. The fools at the consulate have been weakened by spending too muc
h time around humans. Even if they detect our magic and attempt to intervene, it’ll be too late. We’re close to him now. We’ll defeat him and force the location of the princess out of him. By the time anyone comes looking, we’ll have already found the princess.”

  Reyal stared off into the distance. “There’s nothing here. Why would he come here?”

  Zavan shrugged. “I suspect he’s selected the battleground on which he wishes to die. There’s little reason for him to travel to such a forsaken place otherwise.”

  “You think he knows we’re following him?”

  “I suspect as much. Perhaps his outwitting of the Widowmaker wasn’t due to chance, as we thought. He must have access to powerful magical allies.”

  Reyal squinted. “There’s so much sun here, and no buildings to hide in. A plan to distract and weaken us.”

  “By Brownstone?”

  “Yes.”

  Zavan dismissed that outright. “His plans are worthless unless they keep us away from him. We’re close now, so he’s failed, and he will suffer for his failure.”

  Reyal glared at the sun as if she could frighten the star into setting. “Why couldn’t we have done this somewhere far from this wretched sun-soaked land?”

  Zavan snorted. “If Brownstone came here thinking a minor inconvenience would allow him victory, he’s far more foolish than we realized. It doesn’t matter. We have the cloaks, and we are three. He is but one. Being powerful for a human still means he’s merely human.”

  Kaella used her free hand to grab three dark cloaks from behind the front passenger seat and passed them to her fellow Drow. They slipped them on, which required some twisting in the tight seating of the sports car.

  “I hope Brownstone resists,” Kaella murmured. “It won’t be as much fun if he doesn’t.”

  Zavan frowned. “Remember our orders. We need to find the princess. That should be foremost in our minds.”

  “We’ve wasted so much time waiting. We should have attacked him days ago.”