The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  The three Drow were defeated. Kaella and Reyal lay on the ground, or at least their burnt husks did. Zavan’s still flesh-covered body lay face down on the ground.

  Throwing the Professor’s ultimate artifact at the trio hadn’t been on the top of James’ smartest plans ever, but it’d done the trick. All the good guys were alive, and the bad guys were dead.

  The amulet whispered quietly in James’ mind. Satisfied, maybe.

  Or smug.

  James could only assume that he hadn’t been burned to a crisp because of the amulet.

  “Is everyone all right?” Lieutenant Hall called.

  The other AET officer moaned their affirmative answers. Not a single man or woman remained on the ground, except the three charred Drow.

  Even though James wasn’t extra-crispy like the Drow, weariness infused every muscle in his body; perhaps a side-effect of being so close to the explosion’s epicenter. He could handle a little fatigue. Fuck, he was more than happy to take a nap like a preschooler in his truck after the shit he’d just been through.

  I guess the only important shit is that, in the end, those Drow assholes got what was coming to them. Fuckers.

  Zavan stirred and pushed himself to his knees, then his feet.

  James groaned. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

  For a brief moment, he understood what other people felt like when they complained about him not dying.

  The Drow turned to face James. The wounded elf trembled and swayed, having obvious difficulty standing. Blood ran freely now from his wounds. Pieces of his body winked in and out of existence, and he hissed in pain.

  “Have you seen it, Brownstone?” Zavan croaked. “Did the princess show you how you can feed the magic with a soul, but feeding it with your own soul is even more powerful?”

  “It’s over, Zavan. Give it up.”

  He threw both arms out to the side. Bright lines of energy webbed across the air and a circular wall of light shot into the air, trapping everyone inside it.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” James shouted.

  “My duty, human. If the legacy is to be denied the Drow, then I shall ensure it is denied to all.” Pieces of his body continued to disappear and reappear. “I don’t know what you used, or why you had it.” He screamed in pain. He laughed a second later. “You’ve thinned the walls between dimensions, but they already are starting to thicken. I can feel it. I’m sending us all away first.”

  James grunted. “You think you’re gonna get Drow reinforcements on Oriceran?”

  The bounty hunter tried to stand, only for his knees to give out.

  “Oriceran? Oh, no. Not even the World in Between. It traps, but does not destroy enough. I’ll use my soul and the thin walls to send us all to a much darker place.” The wall of light turned scarlet, and a massive glowing portal appeared in the sky. James couldn’t make out anything through the hole other than a thick gray mist that boiled with a mass of shadowy tentacles.

  I’m sorry, Alison, I guess I’m gonna have to use your inheritance after all. If it was just me, that’s one thing, but not all these other guys.

  The AET officers all scrambled to look for a working weapon, but no one found one. Everyone had been too close to the artifact explosion.

  “I’ve gotten partial to Earth,” James muttered. He took a deep breath. “I wish that—”

  A loud crack from behind accompanied Zavan’s head exploding like an overly ripe watermelon under a sledgehammer, and his body slumped to the ground. The dimensional hole above him sealed itself in a matter of seconds, and the wall of light faded from existence.

  James stared at the body, confused about what had happened. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he heard someone call out from behind him.

  “Brownstone? You are still alive, right? I’m not captaining PFW by myself.”

  James looked behind him. Sergeant Mack stood in the distance, a sniper rifle in his hands and an expression of awe on his face.

  Mack laughed. “The bullet I just used cost more than my entire year’s salary.”

  James offered him a wave and collapsed. “Fuck fighting in the sand and the sun.”

  26

  The sun had given up, and the darkness that choked the area was broken only by the red and white lights of police cars and ambulances. Tight knots of AET officers in warped armor waited in ambulances for treatment or chatted with sheriff’s deputies and highway patrol officers.

  Shay grimaced. There were too many cops there for a dead hitman who’d died again recently, but she had to take the risk. James wasn’t answering his phone.

  Her heart thundered. Even though Peyton had located a wizard who could gate her directly to California for a ridiculous amount of money, she’d obviously arrived for the aftermath.

  You were supposed to wait for me, James. Dumbass.

  None of the cops present were paying any attention to her, which helped. Shay made her way toward the ambulances. If James had been hurt, that would be the best place to check.

  “Stop whining like a baby, Weber,” a female AET officer with dark hair commented to another AET member with only the bottom of his armor on. Burns covered the top of his body. A paramedic was inspecting his wounds and applying spray.

  “I don’t even get it, Lieutenant,” Weber replied. “You were closer, and you got hurt less.”

  “I know how to duck better than you, dumbass.” She clapped him on the shoulder in the one spot that looked untouched. “Good job today, though.”

  “Thanks, Lieutenant.”

  The female AET officer turned and Shay winced, recognizing Lieutenant Maria Hall. The tomb raider rushed toward an ambulance.

  Hall narrowed her eyes and jogged after Shay. “Hey, you—wait up!”

  Shay’s hand dropped inside her jacket and rested on the grip of her 9mm. She moved between two ambulances.

  “I said fucking stop!” Hall shouted from behind Shay.

  The tomb raider took several deep breaths and turned around.

  The AET lieutenant stared at Shay, her mouth open. “What the fuck?”

  I’m gonna have to kill her, but if I do, what the fuck will James say? There’s no way he’s gonna forgive me for killing a cop.

  Lieutenant Hall took a few steps forward but didn’t shout for reinforcements or charge Shay.

  “Are you actually a fucking human, or are you another Drow?” the cop asked.

  “Some people have called me a monster, but last time I checked I’m a human.”

  The cop tilted her head. “Yeah, you’d have to be. No way a Drow wouldn’t have just gone to town to slaughter all our wounded asses. You’re her, then. The real one.” She snorted. “I fucking knew I was right about Brownstone having help.”

  Shay swallowed, her heart thumping.

  I have to do it, James. If she blows my cover, it won’t just be cops I’m having to deal with. Even with the cartel gone, it’ll be dangerous, not just for me, but for Peyton.

  Lieutenant Hall snorted. “You’ve got nothing to say?”

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “Brownstone’s a lot of things, but he’s not a hitman. Even I get now that he’s only killed people who had it coming. So where do you fit in?”

  Shay shrugged. “I’m not a hitman either. Not anymore. I can honestly say that woman is dead and buried.”

  The AET officer stared at Shay in silence for an uncomfortably long time before looking over her shoulder to confirm no one else was present and stepping closer to the tomb raider.

  Lieutenant Hall shrugged. “I don’t like to admit I’m wrong since it gives idiots like Weber ideas, but I was wrong about Brownstone. Take care of him. He’s a good man.”

  Shay blinked and let her hand drift away from her gun. “Take care of him?”

  “Yeah, I doubt some hot chick like you is hanging around a guy like Brownstone without him dipping his wick. A woman who is willing to take on a high-end killer to protect a man gives a
major shit about him.” The cop shrugged. “Look, I’ll never admit I said he’s a good man, so don’t go saying that to anyone.” She chuckled. “Not that a twice-dead hitman is going to go blabbing.”

  “It’d be a dumbass move.” Shay grinned.

  “I’m not going to bother asking you your name. I don’t even know if something like that means much to a woman like you, but I do want to know one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “If you’re not a hitman anymore, then what are you?”

  “A tomb raider. And it’s not like no one knows my name. You can call me Shay Carson.”

  Hall scrutinized her. “And are you thinking about becoming Shay Brownstone?”

  Shay followed the cop’s gaze. Relief flooded her. James stood by an ambulance with his phone pressed to his ear. Shay assumed it was Alison on the other end by his body language.

  “Maybe, but I think I’ll keep my name. Girl power, and all that shit. You probably understand.”

  “Sure.” Lieutenant Hall chuckled. “Brownstone and I have come to an understanding, and I don’t think I’m going mess that up by trying to take down his woman.” Hall shrugged. “Besides, the woman who looked like you is dead, and the woman with your DNA is dead. There’s no point in digging up the dead. Just don’t do shit in my jurisdiction and we won’t have a problem.”

  “Fair enough.”

  Hall gestured toward James. “I also wouldn’t hang out here too long. It’ll raise too many questions, and just because I’m willing to look the other way doesn’t mean every cop is.”

  “Thanks.” Shay gave the other woman a polite nod and made her way to James.

  He brightened as he spotted her. Shay walked over to him and looked him up and down. He had on a borrowed cop’s jacket, but his pants and shirt looked like someone had blasted him with a flamethrower and a shotgun several times.

  “You look like shit,” she observed.

  James shrugged. “Three Drow tried to kill me, then a clown blew up.”

  Shay blinked. “A clown blew up?”

  “Yeah, the Clown of Doom. Long story. Involves barbeque at one point. And dwarf mobsters.”

  She laughed. “Of course it does.” She threw her arms around him and leaned in to whisper into his ear, “Next time, wait for me.”

  The deputies exchanged glances.

  “Who is this?” one of them asked.

  James smiled. “My girlfriend.”

  “Damn, Brownstone, your girl is a hottie.”

  The other deputy elbowed the first.

  “Just sayin’.”

  Shay opened her mouth to object but closed it. Being friendly didn’t mean she was blowing her cover. It wasn’t like she needed to hang out with the cops going forward. For the moment, she’d let James have the pretty woman on his arm and not worry. It wasn’t like James had mentioned her warehouses or her tomb-raiding alias.

  Maybe in the future when her past was truly behind her, she’d be able to befriend cops. It’d take a long time for her to trust the people she’d hidden from for years, but this was a start.

  James has lived in the open, so he can have normal friends. I’m still trapped in the shadows, but I’m crawling toward the sunlight with his help. Maybe that’s what love does—makes us better people.

  She gave him a kiss on his cheek.

  “What was that for?”

  Shay grinned. “Not dying. Now I don’t have to spend money on a necromancer.”

  James turned to the deputies. “My girlfriend threatened that if I got killed, she was gonna hire a necromancer to bring me back to life so she could kick my ass.”

  The cops both laughed.

  Shay threaded her fingers between James’. “Do the cops need any more statements from you?”

  “Nope.”

  “Then let’s get in your truck and go home.”

  James offered the deputies a polite nod and walked off toward his truck with Shay’s hand in his.

  “It’s time to see who will become the Mud Kings,” Royce announced.

  The gathered bounty hunters and trainees cheered. James watched, his arms crossed as he leaned against a wall.

  “First, everyone in the pit.”

  The men all marched into the pit.

  “Take off your shirts and roll around like pigs.”

  The men blinked and stared at him.

  Royce glared. “What, you too prissy to get dirty? I want you fucking muddy before you try to become the Mud Kings.”

  The bounty hunters and trainees yanked off their shirts and dropped into the pit, and soon everyone was coated with grime.

  James chuckled and headed over to whip off his shirt and coat himself with mud. Even though he wouldn’t be going for at least twenty minutes, he wanted the conditions to be as close as possible between him and the competitors. He left the pit and re-crossed his arms.

  “Now, this is a team challenge as I explained before.” He grabbed a box and walked toward the assembled rows of bounty hunters. He started handing out pink and neon yellow bandanas to different men.

  Kevin eyed his pink bandana. “Uh, Staff Sergeant, why these colors?”

  Royce shrugged. “Why the fuck not?”

  He continued down the line and handed Lachlan a pink bandana. “You got a problem with this too, kid?”

  Lachlan shook his head. “Nah, I just think about what Marcus Aurelius would say.”

  “And what would he say?”

  “He’d tell me that pink used to be a man’s color back in the day, and he’d tell me to grow a fucking pair. It’s just a bandana. But fancier talk than that, and in Latin or some shit.”

  Everyone laughed, and Royce smiled, as did Trey and James.

  “Good attitude, Lachlan.”

  “Whichever team wins will take on Mr. Brownstone,” Royce announced.

  Several of the men exchanged glances, but it was Max who spoke up.

  “Just to be clear, he’s a team by himself?”

  “I don’t need a team,” James rumbled.

  “That’s right,” Trey announced. “Because he’s James Motherfucking Brownstone.”

  Everyone laughed.

  A few minutes passed as Royce continued handing out bandanas. Among other men, Trey, Lachlan, and Kevin were on one team. Max, Shorty, Manuel, and Russell on the other.

  Royce waited as the men filed into the pit. “Remember, the point isn’t to kick people’s asses. You just need to get at least their head past the ring line.” He pointed.

  A circular line surrounded the bulk of the large mud pit, leaving only about a yard of soft mud outside the perimeter, but it was enough space that a person could get shoved out without landing on the much harder cement.

  “I’m gonna kick your ass out of this pit first thing, Lachlan,” Shorty announced. “Then we can see what Marcus Aurelius says about that.”

  “Sun Tzu called and told me, ‘Know yourself and know Shorty’s mom. You might as well, since a hundred other men do.’”

  The gathered men hooted and hollered.

  James grinned. Things have changed in such a short time, even for Lachlan. And now several of the men besides Trey have worked jobs. The agency will only grow from here. Fuck, this thing’s actually working.

  Shorty grinned and gave Lachlan a nod. “All right. We’ll see what’s what in the pit, bitch.”

  “Lachlan,” Trey called. “Come over here.”

  The nineteen-year-old headed over to his leader.

  “You stay behind me, and I’ll stay behind you. No one surprises our ass, and that way we can always survive. That’s the whole point of this shit. The team.”

  Lachlan nodded. “All right.”

  Royce walked to the edge of the pit and raised his arm. “Teams ready.” He dropped his arm. “Fight.”

  Several men charged each other. They grappled, struggling to gain purchase. Two men forced each other out only fifteen seconds in. More than a few got picked off because they focused straight ahea
d and weren’t ready for a surprise attack from the rear.

  James grunted his approval.

  “Keep your situational awareness, men,” Royce shouted.

  Lachlan and Trey stayed back to back, pushing and prodding as yellow bandanas came after them.

  Manuel tried to charge them from the side, but the pair grabbed him by his armpits and tossed him past the ring line.

  A large group from the yellow bandanas charged Trey, thinking the morale victory would be worth it. They lost several men for their trouble.

  Grunts and the slap of skin and splash of water and mud dominated the arena for the next several minutes until it was down to only three pink bandanas: Trey, Lachlan, and Kevin versus six yellow bandanas, including Shorty and Russell.

  Shorty circled Trey and Lachlan with a grin on his face. “Come on, Lachlan. You gonna hide behind Trey all day?”

  “I’m not fucking hiding behind Trey. I’ve got his six, bitch.”

  Royce and James watched from the sidelines in silent approval.

  “Don’t you want to settle this shit man-to-man, Lachlan?”

  “Nah.”

  Shorty barked out a laugh. “You too chickenshit now just because I beat your ass before?”

  “No, because I was thinking like a dumbass when I was a gangbanger, but Staff Sergeant and everyone has set me straight.”

  “How’s that?”

  “I should think of the team first, and my bitch-ass second.” Lachlan sniffed. “Yo, Trey! I’m about to do just that. You feel me?”

  Trey nodded. “Do what you need to do.”

  James narrowed his eyes, not sure what was happening, but Royce watched with a huge smile.

  Shorty shook his head. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Lachlan.”

  The younger man burst from behind Trey, his heavy footsteps splashing mud everywhere. The yellow bandanas blinked in surprise, pivoting as a group to go for him and exposing their backs.

  Trey and Kevin shot forward and slammed into the rear of the enemy team, shoving and throwing elbows. Three men were out of the ring before they even knew what hit them. Two others managed to turn, but Trey and Kevin bowled them over. One of them grabbed Kevin’s ankle and took him down with him.