The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  “Yep,” Tyler replied. “Plus, you need to build up your anti-magic experience and capabilities. You can’t be everywhere at once.” A faint tremor in his voice reignited James’ suspicions. “You should pay a good premium for that sort of thing; someone with that kind of experience.”

  James sighed. “I’ll think about it, but I can’t worry about that shit right now. I need to figure out who is trying to kill me first.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’ll find out. After all, I’m curious anyway.”

  “Curious about what?”

  “Who is such a dumb shit that they’re willing to go after you in LA? Talk to you soon.”

  Tyler ended the call.

  James held out his phone and stared at it for a second, again wondering why Tyler was so insistent on discussing staffing. Given the man’s history, this had to be part of some sort of money-making scheme.

  Fuck him if he thinks I’m going to hire anyone to do pay-per-view bounties.

  James lay down and closed his eyes, but a few minutes later he sat up and shook his head.

  I can’t keep putting this shit off. It’ll just make it worse.

  He reached over and picked up his phone, hesitating for a moment before dialing Shay.

  Maybe I’ll get lucky, and she’ll be in some cave where she won’t even be able to get reception.

  “I was waiting for you to call,” she answered.

  “Not in a cave, huh?”

  Shay laughed. “Nope. At a hotel. We’re hitting the site tomorrow morning.”

  Not so lucky after all.

  James rubbed the back of his head. “And why were you waiting for me to call?”

  “I have alerts set up for unusual crimes in Los Angeles County. Sometimes I even have Peyton keep an eye on that sort of thing, but he’s on vacation with his girlfriend, so I just used my meager efforts—not that it was hard.” Shay snickered. “But unless the report I saw was very much mistaken, you blew up a barbeque restaurant in a firefight.”

  “I would never blow up a barbeque restaurant,” James snarled. “The fuckers who tried to kill me did.”

  “Okay, calm down there. Don’t go all crazy on me for insulting the honor of barbeque.” She sighed. “Seriously, though, who the fuck is trying to kill you now?”

  “I’ll tell you what I told the cops. Don’t know. I’ve got Tyler looking into it. You don’t need to come back.”

  “And Alison?”

  James groaned. “She doesn’t need to worry.”

  Shay snorted. “She deserves to know. She’s not a little kid anymore. The minute you started taking her on bounties, you went way past ‘have to protect her from the truth’ land.”

  “Fine. I’ll fucking call her. Just not tonight. I’m still pissed about the whole thing.”

  “Because someone tried to kill you?”

  James grunted. “Nah. Lots of people try to kill me. Why couldn’t they have tried to fucking kill me in front of a frozen yogurt place instead of a barbeque place?”

  Shay laughed so hard James had to pull the phone away from his ear for a few seconds.

  The cackling turned into mere chuckling. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat frozen yogurt.”

  “Just saying.” James glanced at his nightstand. The amulet lay there, the separator off, just in case he needed a quick bonding in the middle of the night. “I’m gonna get going.”

  “Okay. Be careful. Don’t be a dumbass, and don’t get yourself killed. I’m heading straight home with Lily after this tomb raid. It seems like I can’t take my eyes off you for a minute without something trying to murder you.”

  James chuckled. “I’m a real love-or-hate kind of guy.”

  6

  Shay picked up a rock and threw it against the rocky face of Mount Hallasan right in front of her. The stone disappeared, and a wide area of the wall rippled like the surface of the water.

  “Looks like we’re here.”

  At least something’s gone right.

  Shay muttered and cursed under her breath as she stepped through the wall into a dark cave, which was a vast lava tube. Her headlamp pierced the darkness to reveal stalactites and stalagmites running down the tube mouth, which gave the whole area a resemblance to the maw of a giant monster.

  Yeah, not creepy at all.

  The scabbard of her tachi clacked against the rock formations as she moved through them.

  “You’re mumbling again,” Lily called from behind her, a slight smirk on her face. The false wall rippled as she stepped past.

  Shay looked over her shoulder and shrugged. “Just pissed that I go away and he immediately gets in trouble.”

  Lily shrugged. “It’s not like he can’t take care of himself. The guy’s like a one-man army.”

  Shay shook her head. “He always says that, but I’ve had to save his ass plenty of times. No one’s an island and all that shit.”

  The teen Gray Elf laughed, her eyes lit up in amusement.

  Shay frowned. “What’s so fucking funny?”

  “Just you. You’ve…changed.” Lily shrugged.

  Shay looked at Lily. She wasn’t the only one who had changed. Her protégé was far more toned and fit than when Shay had first met her. She even walked with more confidence. Combined with her existing magical abilities, Lily was turning into the perfect tomb raider.

  “Everyone changes. Hopefully, they just change for the better.” Shay shrugged. “I’ll stop bitching about him now, so we can concentrate on the tomb raid.” She stepped farther into the cool and moist cave. “Get any visions?”

  Lily shook her head. “Nothing. Other than that guy getting sick at breakfast, haven’t seen much.”

  Shay chuckled and nodded. “You helped save my jacket from a fate worse than death. I appreciate it.”

  The entire job was already strange. They’d been hired to go to Jeju Island off the coast of South Korea to recover a magical glass jug, specifically a glass ewer associated with the bath rituals of the founder of one the ancient Korean precursor kingdoms, Silla. The ewer had been kept by Silla Royalty, but lost with the fall of the kingdom. Allegedly, it possessed magical healing powers and no one had a record of it, even in rumor, for over a millennium. Just recently, a Korean shaman had somehow discovered its location on Jeju Island, far from where it’d last been seen.

  None of that was unusual for Shay, but the client was: the government of South Korea. Even though she’d been hired indirectly under her alias of Aletheia, this whole job was approaching something rather official.

  It’s like I’m Hollingsworth now.

  She wasn’t sure why it was bothering her. It wasn’t like she normally chose to work for criminal scum, but the idea of working on a tomb raid for a government shortly after working on a bounty for another government agency didn’t sit well.

  I’ve come a long way from being a professional killer. I’m all mainstream and aboveboard and shit.

  The Korean government had passed along the cryptic information that the shaman who had located the artifact had noted extreme magic at the site and suggested a professional tomb raider recover the item.

  Wonder if that means they actually expect me to succeed, or if they just want to judge the level of danger. Doesn’t matter. They’re paying enough.

  Shay grinned over her shoulder. “Is this making you homesick? Miss the tunnels?”

  Lily rolled her eyes. “No, we like the apartments much better.”

  Shay’s grin faded, and she nodded. “Good. You’re making far too much money to be living underground. Is everything still going okay with Harry and the rest running their little information-collection business?”

  “Yeah. Fine.” The teen let out a quiet laugh. “It just seems like we needed to be able to catch our breath, and once we did, everything worked itself out.”

  Their footsteps and voices echoed down the tube.

  Shay took a moment to look around for any obvious traps before continuing deeper into the mountain. “And have you th
ought about what I asked you?”

  Lily nodded. “About the School of Necessary Magic?”

  “Yeah.”

  Lily sighed. “I’ve talked with everyone about it, and they all feel the same way I do.”

  “You know Alison’s benefited a lot from being there.” Shay shrugged. “Just something to consider.”

  “Even with everything strange in her life, she still grew up in a normal home situation with two parents, at least until all that crap happened.” Lily shook her head. “I understand, and they all understand, that maybe we’d have more magic if we went to the school, but it just doesn’t feel like the place for us.”

  Shay shrugged. “You’re doing well for yourself already, so I can’t say you’re wrong. In fact, you’re getting to the point where real solo raids aren’t out of the question.”

  Lily glanced at Shay, her gray eyes widening. “You think so?”

  “Yeah, between your premonitions and your reflexes, you’re already more prepared for a typical tomb raid than most tomb raiders.” Shay stepped around a shallow pool of fetid water. “I can talk to Peyton about setting up your own identity, and you can start building your rep. I guess I’m pulling a James. I’ll just take a cut of what you’re doing, but a lot of it would be you working on your own jobs.”

  Lily nodded, a thoughtful look on her face. “I’m probably not ready to wander around foreign countries by myself.”

  “Then stick closer to home as you build up experience. Just saying, it won’t be that long before you’re better than me.” Shay smiled.

  “Shay, duck!” Lily yelled.

  Heart pounding, the tomb raider reacted without thought, which saved her life as a spinning blade shot from the side of the cave and passed right over her dropping head.

  Shay lingered on the ground for a moment. “That was a good premonition.” She reached into her backpack to fish out her AR goggles and took a moment to set them up and look at the wall. She tapped a few times on the side of the glasses.

  “Whatever was messing with the drone I tried to fly around earlier isn’t affecting this.” The trap apparatus glowed a few degrees hotter than the surroundings. “I can make out the trap using thermal mode. Guess we’re going to have to go a lot slower than…” She twisted to look down the cave. A huge humanoid signature rushed toward them. The thermal signature was blinding. “We’ve got company.”

  The thudding, echoing footsteps would have warned her even without her glasses.

  Shay hopped to her feet and pulled out her gun. Lily pulled out hers as well.

  A deafening roar echoed around them. Shay backed up and knelt behind a wide stalagmite, then tapped her goggles to revert to normal light mode, blinking a few times as her eyes adjusted.

  A few seconds later, flickering light illuminated the cave as a gray-skinned giant stomped around a bend in the tube. Bathed in an aura of flame, the creature had to duck to avoid some of the longer stalactites. His thick, cracked hide resembled the rock of the cave, two glowing solid-yellow eyes peered from his face, and long, sharp claws tipped his hands.

  “Shit,” Shay muttered. “I’d read about dokkaebi legends in this area, but nothing recent.”

  The monster bellowed again.

  Damn it. I was hoping to get one of the mischievous ones, not one of the large and angry ones. Shit luck today.

  “I’ve got no reason to fight with you,” Shay shouted back, her ears still ringing.

  The dokkaebi let out a low, deep chuckle and rattled something off in a foreign language. Shay presumed it was some Korean dialect.

  Of course. Not every human speaks English, why should every monster I run into?

  Shay sighed. “You don’t happen to speak Korean, do you, Lily?”

  The girl shook her head, her gray hair whipping around.

  Shay yanked out her phone, quickly brought up her translation app, and tried again.

  This time when the monster replied, the phone spat out a halting translation after a quick warning about archaic speech patterns.

  The message was simple. “Trespassers must die.”

  Shay rose, keeping her weapon pointed and her phone in her other hand. “We’ve been assigned to retrieve the glass ewer of King Bak Hyeokgeose. This is an official request from the Ministry of Culture, Sports, and Tourism of the Republic of Korea. This is a legal recovery of a cultural artifact.”

  The monster laughed and rattled off his response, his words continuing to be translated by Shay’s phone. “Humans always think words on a page mean something. Magic has returned. The world has become what it once was.” He sniffed at the air. “I leave the humans below alone, and they have wisely left this cave alone. But you fools came.”

  Don’t think they even know about it anymore, pal, but whatever.

  “Like I said, we’re just here for the ewer. It’s a Korean cultural treasure, and they want it back.”

  The monster slammed a fist against his chest. “It’s been so long since I’ve tasted human flesh. Centuries.”

  “Centuries, huh?” Shay grinned. “A lot of things have changed. Humans aren’t as weak as they once were. Maybe you should be the one walking away.”

  The monster let out a terrifying laugh. “Enough games. Now you die.”

  He rushed forward, and Shay fired three quick shots at his chest. He jerked back, bright red blood streaming from his chest, and fell to his knees.

  She pocketed her phone and smirked. “Now that wasn’t so har—”

  The dokkaebi stood and roared, its flames intensifying. The wound started burning, and a second later it was healed.

  Shay holstered her pistol and dropped her hand to the hilt of her sword. “Can you distract the flaming Hungry, Hungry Hippo there?”

  Lily nodded and took a deep breath. “Sure. This whole place is like one giant parkour course.”

  “Don’t die. I’d hate to have you die after I gave you that big speech about you being ready to fly solo.” Shay winked.

  The monster charged her again, moving around some of the obstacles in his way and crashing through others, the flying rock shards pelting the cave walls.

  Lily leapt on top of a stalagmite and then jumped up, spinning around a moist low-hanging stalactite, gloves protecting her hands. She let go and flew past the dokkaebi.

  The huge monster swung at her, narrowly missing as the girl twisted her body, her preternatural reflexes saving her. She grabbed another stalactite and yanked herself up, then pushed off with her legs.

  Shay took the opportunity to charge the distracted monster. She unsheathed her blade and wove around the stalagmites as she closed the distance.

  The dokkaebi spun around, roared, and swung a claw at Shay. She dodged to the side and slashed with her sword. The blade severed the monster’s forearm, splattering blood. A screaming roar followed as the huge monster flailed.

  Shay ducked his remaining arm, only for him to whip it back and slam it into her. She flew back and crashed against the hard rock of the cave wall, a distinct crack preceding an explosion of utter agony in her leg.

  She gritted her teeth and looked down. Her right leg was bent at an angle that would be impressive even for Gumby, and the entire limb throbbed.

  “Fuck.” Shay shook her head and groped for her sword, then grabbed it. “Lily, catch!”

  Her breathing ragged, the tomb raider threw the blade toward the girl. Lily rolled under the dokkaebi’s arm and snatched the hilt while the sword was still in flight, spun, and planted the blade into the neck of the monster. He lashed out and sent her into the same wall as her mentor.

  The dokkaebi rounded on the pair, blood spurting from his neck. He gurgled and took several ponderous steps forward before falling and impaling himself on a stalagmite. A few seconds later, the fiery aura around him died, and he slumped farther forward.

  Oh, fuck, was that close. Yeah, maybe I should keep that in mind next time I lecture James.

  Shay reached into a pouch on her tactical belt to pull out
a healing potion. “Lily, you okay?”

  The girl hissed and reached into her own belt to grab a potion as she pushed off the wall with her other arm. She fell forward, her back covered in blood. “I’ve been better.”

  Both women downed their healing potions and waited for their agony to end.

  A half-minute later they both stood, the pain and injury gone.

  Shay sighed and walked over to grab her tachi. “That could have gone better. I don’t just need a healing potion. I need a pain potion half the time. Damn, does that shit hurt.”

  Lily shrugged and patted her back. Her jacket had a massive hole where jagged rocks had pierced it. “We’re not dead. That’s a win, right?

  Shay slid down her AR goggles. “Let’s just hope the next trap and monsters show up as obviously on IR.” She shook her head. “I just want to get this shit over so I can get back to LA and save James’ ass.”

  7

  A half-hour more of wandering brought Shay and Lily in contact with ten more traps, but no more giant monsters. Between the AR goggles and Lily’s occasional premonitions, they escaped any further injury, which was fine by Shay since she and Lily each only had a single potion left.

  After they turned a corner, Shay was nearly blinded by an intense heat signature. She tapped the side of the goggles to revert to normal vision. Something about using voice commands around Lily felt silly.

  “Woah,” Lily murmured.

  Shay agreed mentally. Even without thermal mode, the entire cave was visible because of light pouring from an opening about twenty yards away. They looked at each other and jogged toward the opening.

  A large chamber lay beyond, bright as day but with no obvious light source. A white bed mat was arranged in the center, surrounded by soft cushions of different colors. Shelves of polished obsidian adorned the walls of the chamber, each filled with colorful stones.

  An obsidian pedestal held a beautiful blue-green ewer, elaborate patterns etched into the glass and threads of gold and silver crisscrossing it. It matched the description of the artifact perfectly.