by K. I. Lynn
The smell hit me and my stomach growled in want. He smirked, holding a fork up to my mouth. I reached for the fork and he pulled back.
“Give it to me. I can feed myself. Just set the container on my lap.” I waited, but he didn’t move, the fork still an inch from my mouth.
“First off,” he began, “the container is too hot to sit on your lap. Second, you can’t use your left arm, and you think I can’t see your right arm is stiff today? You pulled some muscles, so even if I moved the table in front of you, it would be difficult. And how are you going to cut it? Third, I’m just as fucking stubborn as you are, so open your damn mouth.” I set my jaw despite the pain, unwilling to do as he requested, and glared up at him. His hard eyes softened and he sighed. “Please, let me help you do this. I just want to help you.”
I looked over to Teresa; she was urging me with her gaze and mouthing words to me. With great reluctance my mouth crept open, and he slid the fork between my lips.
I moaned when the flavor hit my taste buds, my eyes rolling back. Two days with little food, hospital food at that, made the bite heaven and my stomach happy. My greedy mouth devoured the whole lasagna, my stomach more than full once done. Somehow, I still had room for the mini cannoli he placed at my lips; the sweetness was the perfect end to the meal.
We were all talking after eating when the nurse came in with another round of meds. Soon I found my eyelids heavy, fighting against the light.
The next time I awoke, Nathan was beside me, his fingers making light trails up and down my good arm. He was humming something, but I couldn’t make out the tune.
An involuntary twitch in my hand caused his head to rise, and he smiled when he saw I was awake. Picking my hand up, he brought it to his lips and placed a light kiss on the scrapes.
“Today any better?” he asked, his hand reaching up to brush a strand of hair from my eyes. His fingers lingered a while on my skin, and I leaned into his touch.
“We’ll see. It’s a little bit easier to breathe than it was four days ago, so I suppose that’s an improvement.”
“You’ll be out of here in no time,” he said. “You won’t have to worry about a thing; we’re going to take care of everything.” I looked at him in shock. He hadn’t implied what I thought he had. “We decided it’s best for you if you stay with me, where you will have friends and me to take care of you.”
My expression morphed, and I resisted the urge to yell out, knowing that would cause me great pain. “No.”
His brow scrunched in confusion. “No? No, what?”
“Look, I’m not going to fucking sit here and have everyone make decisions for me. I’m a grown woman, and I can take care of myself. I have a mind of my own; I don’t need you.”
He shook his head. “You’re not in any physical position to help yourself right now. You need round-the-clock care.”
“Well, I think I can manage to set that up myself. They have services for that.”
His spine straightened and his lip quirked up in a snarl. “Fuck services. You have friends and people who consider you family—who want to help take care of you. You can’t do it on your own.”
My teeth mashed together as I glared at him. “Like hell I can’t.”
I was about to continue, but we were interrupted by the sudden entrance of an unknown person.
“Oh, good, you’re up!” I recognized her as the woman who was with his parents a few days ago. “Lila, I brought you a change of clothes and some toiletries from your condo.”
I stared at the woman in front of me, trying to recall if I knew her. Did I have amnesia? She was addressing me as if she already knew me.
“I think I’m hallucinating. Do you see her, too?”
Nathan sighed. “Yes, she’s really there.”
“Okay,” I said and turned back to the strange woman. “Who are you, and how did you get into my condo?”
“Oh! Sorry! Erin Morgenson. I’m so happy to finally meet you.” Her hand grabbed my good one for a small shake. “Also, don’t worry, but I did some laundry so you have clean sheets, and I made sure all pathways were clear.”
“Erin!” Nathan said with a hiss.
She stared back at him. “What? It’s not like you were in any shape to do it.”
“She’s going to stay with me.”
I lay there and watched the odd conversation unfold before me, lost in what was centered around me.
“She cannot stay there! Not with the ‘redecorating’ you’ve done.” Her fingers made air quotations for the word.
“Redecorating?” I asked, and they both turned to look at me.
Nathan’s jaw tightened and he held a pained expression, while Erin’s was a little frightening, in a maniacal sort of way.
“Erin,” Nathan growled in warning, but she just shrugged him off.
“He lost it and tore down all the dry wall with his bare hands the night he left you.”
His fist slammed down on the bed next to me. “Damn it. Always sticking your fingers in things.”
Erin rolled her eyes. “She has a right to know just how crazy you are about her. And, fuck, it’s been years; let me have a moment of finger sticking.”
“What you just described sounds psychotic,” Nathan said with a huff.
“I’m no expert there. Should I get Darren?” Erin asked in a sweet, condescending tone.
My brain was still processing what all I had heard in the last hour and that bit pushed me over the edge. “How the fuck did you get into my damn condo?”
They stopped their childish argument, then Erin turned to me and squeezed my hand. “Your friend Caroline; we were getting it ready for you.”
My brain hurt. I was so confused. “Why the hell were you there? Who are you?”
“This is my cousin. Sorry, she lacks manners.”
“Oh!” It clicked into place.
All I could think about was how everyone was making decisions for me and treating me like a child. I looked between Nathan and Erin, and with each turn of my head my expression soured and my anger grew. These two, one I didn’t know and the other who threw me away, were going to make decisions on my behalf? They knew what was best for me?
Oh, hell no.
I’d spent the first half of my life with people making decisions for me, from how I acted to how I would feel about myself.
Who did they think they were? Did my opinion matter at all? Was I going to have any say in what my life was like and who my time was spent with over the next who knew how many weeks?
The answer was no.
I lost it.
“Out!” Nathan’s head snapped to me, his expression full of shock and fear. “I said get out!”
“Lila, please.” He reached out to me, but I pulled away as best I could. “Not this again! You need my help whether you want to admit it or not.”
My heart broke further from the pain that flooded his beautiful face from my reaction. Hadn’t he destroyed me enough? He said he loved me, but with all that had happened in the last two weeks, did he really expected me to just forget? I wasn’t so desperate I could flip that switch. He hurt me, deeper than anyone before. From what had transpired over the last half an hour, I knew he had hurt himself, as well.
“I’ll leave these here for you,” Erin said with a sad smile, placing the bag on the empty chair next to the bed.
My chest burned, and I struggled to breathe.
“Lila,” he began, but I stopped him.
“I said get out!” I couldn’t stand to have him there at that moment.
I watched the two of them walk out, Erin dragging Nathan backward by the arm.
The nurse walked in a moment later, and she cursed under her breath about them upsetting me. I was gasping for air, and seconds later she added something into my IV.
I welcomed the sweet relief from the pain. The relief I felt from not thinking was what I welcomed most. I’d heard too much about Nathan and the pain he was in, which pointed to his declaration being true.
That was bad; that could spark hope, and the last thing I needed him to give me was hope.
Especially if it had anything to do with him and my heart. I was done being hurt.
CHAPTER 3
I stared at the speckled ceiling tiles, counting each irregular dot in my boredom. I’d been at it for hours.
There were 516 on the tile directly above my head.
I felt like Edmond Dantes from The Count of Monte Cristo in that moment, in his cell on Château d’If.
If there was a hell, I was certain I was in it. Half crazy, all broken, pain radiating through all of my body and soul.
Nathan’s words didn’t help. I’d accepted that he didn’t want me, that he was through with me. Part of me wanted to run into his arms, but another part reminded me of the pain from his heartbreaking note.
Round and round I went with myself, neither side winning. The only thing I could do was count the holes, since I had no answers. I was halfway through the tile to my right, the fourth in my dive into crazy town, when a light tapping on the door drew my attention. I glanced to the door with my eyes, not wanting to move my head, and found the heat had been turned up on my hellish fire.
“Can I come in?” Erin asked in a small voice.
“Why?”
She took a step into the room, and I scowled at her. She halted her movements, her hands fidgeting with her purse.
“Lila, I wanted to apologize for the other day. My behavior with Nate was unacceptable, I, well… I was happy.”
“Happy?” There was a definite edge to my voice.
She held up her hand. “Let me explain, please.” She walked forward and sat on the chair at my bedside. “I was happy, not because of what happened to you, because that was horrible, and not for what he did, because I kicked him in his bad shin for that.”
I fought a smile as I envisioned his pain, but it also made me sad he was hurt. Internally I hung my head; it was pathetic how much I was in love with him.
“I was happy because, for the first time in four years, I could see light in his eyes and a sweet smile on his face. Nate is like a brother to me; we’re practically twins,” she said with a smile.
“You don’t look anything alike.”
She let out a laugh. “Well, he’s only two weeks older than I am, and we were inseparable as kids. My parents were often out of the country, so I spent half my time at Aunt Sarah and Uncle George’s. We went to school together from preschool all the way up until college. If we hadn’t had different last names, most kids in school thought we were twins. He then went off to college and got married, and I gained a wonderful sister.”
I found myself smiling along with her, the image she was creating in my mind so different from the one I knew.
Her face darkened and filled with sadness. “And then that night came. I was on duty in the ER. I saw them w-wheel him in.” Tears began to fill her eyes and spill down her cheeks. “I only recognized him by a scar on his palm I gave him when we were kids. There was so much blood. His eyes were open, just slits, but they were empty. The side of his chest and abdomen were torn open, his leg and arm mangled and pointing in all the wrong directions.”
My chest constricted as she spoke, making my already difficult and painful breathing worse. I could see everything; I knew all of the scars that were proof of the damage she described.
“I was the one who had to contact everyone, and when they got there, I collapsed, unable to hold myself up anymore. The wait was excruciating. Surgery after surgery to put him back together, and on top of that, they kept him in a coma for weeks. When he came out of it, Nate was gone,” she said, choking back a sob. “I lost my best friend and my brother, and no matter how much I fought to bring him back, he slipped further and further away. When they brought him in the other day, I threw up, thinking it was the call I had been waiting for all these years. I was shocked when Uncle George told me it was because the woman he was in love with was in a bad accident, and he’d suffered a severe panic attack. When he woke up, he was in such a fury to find you, and in that moment, light broke through the clouds that covered me since that night.”
She took my hand in hers. “I know he hurt you, and you don’t know why, but you will. I just ask that you think about forgiving him and give him a chance to show you the kind of man he is. I know you’re one of Darren’s patients; he’s my brother-in-law. I don’t know anything about you; I only know he works with trauma patients. I’ve heard from your friends how your relationship was healing you, and I know it was healing Nate. To get back to my original topic—sorry, I ramble when nervous—we’re all happy you’re here. Well, not here in the hospital, but that you met Nate. You give us hope, something we’d pretty much given up on. Thank you.”
I stared at her for a long moment. “Thank you?”
“For giving us back hope. Am I forgiven for my horrible behavior earlier? Do you understand now? I was overexcited, and my timing was just pretty bad.”
I surveyed her and found her to be mostly harmless before I held out my good hand. "Delilah Palmer."
Her whole face lit up. "It's such a pleasure to meet you, Lila."
"You, as well.”
"So, when you get your cast on, can I be the first to write on it?" she asked, excitement sparkling in her eyes.
"How old are you?" My lips curled up into a smile.
"Oh, come on!"
"No."
Her bottom lip jutted out in a pout. "Nate wouldn't let me either. Though it wasn't fun then."
"It isn't fun now!" I shook my head. "What in the world would you write anyway?"
"Hmmm," she paused for thought, her finger tapping on her lips. "Oh! How about this: Nathan and Lila sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Lila with a baby carriage."
I stared at her in disbelief, and then shook my head and smiled. "You’re crazy."
"Shh!" She leaned forward, her hand to the side of her mouth as she looked from side to side before continuing. "Don't tell my husband. My kids know, but they’ve been threatened with Brussels sprouts at every meal if they say anything. My youngest likes them, so I had to threaten him with lima beans."
"How many kids do you have?"
She beamed at me and pulled out her wallet. "We have two boys. Brennan is nine, and Alec is five." She flipped it open and showed me a picture of two little brown-haired boys.
Erin and I continued to talk for another hour. She told me all about her kids and her husband, Trent. They were contemplating having a third child; Erin really wanted to have a girl. Then conversation moved to her growing up with Nathan.
“Oh, we used to get into so much mischief. He was the leader of course.”
I let out a little chuckle. I could totally see that.
“He was a wild child, but I blame Aunt Sarah for some of our antics.”
“Why is that?”
Erin laughed and shook her head. “She pumped us full of sugar. I swear, that stuff is like speed for kids. I don’t even let mine have it very often. This one time, we were about six, and he found some pixie sticks hidden in the pantry and we stuffed them all down. Half an hour later, he was running around the neighborhood screaming ‘I’m too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts’ butt naked.”
Nathan walked in then, glaring at Erin. “Shut up. It didn’t happen.”
Erin winked at me. “I’ve got the photos his mom took.”
“I’ll have Trent find them, and then I’ll burn them.”
“That’s fine, but I also know where the video is your mom filmed as Uncle George started chasing you, trying to catch you. Full-Monty. And I know how to use YouTube now.”
Nathan shut up after that, but it was obvious he wasn’t happy.
I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in weeks. They were very amusing together. A spark of jealousy flared in me. If life had been different…
We spent the next few hours talking, sharing stories. Erin and Nathan had a much better and fun-filled child
hood in comparison to my own.
I relaxed as the conversation morphed, and I got to see a different side of Nathan.
A nurse came in after a while to shoo them out; visiting hours were over. She also came to give me the next round of drugs, and back under I went.
My eyes fluttered open for the billionth time in the last who knew how many days. I had been in and out of sleep and everything was running together. I wouldn’t know if it was day or night if it wasn’t for the southerly facing room I occupied.
It was Monday…no, Tuesday. Right?
I sighed in frustration. They needed some sort of countdown on the calendar where I could read it from where I was situated. All I knew was that it was six, or so said the clock on the wall above the door.
“Good morning,” Nathan’s voice called, pulling my attention down to my bedside. It was rough from sleep, and it reminded me of mornings when things were different. Times when I felt safe, our bodies intertwined as we shut away the world and it was only him and me.
There he was, in a different suit than I’d last seen him. His hands were wrapped around my good one, tracing light circles on my skin.
He’d gone back to work that week on a reduced hours capacity. Caroline and Andrew filled me in on the meeting Jack had on Friday describing how Owen, the intern Kelly accosted with a coat rack while leaving our office one day, was filling in for me.
They also mentioned how Jack made up an interesting story as to why Nathan was out and working less over the next few weeks.
It fell very much in line with real life, including telling people he’d been in an accident where he almost died, and hearing I was in a bad accident sparked the memory and induced a panic attack.
Once again, I wondered how much Jack knew.
Jack had come to visit once, when Nathan wasn’t there, to check up on me. He let me know that while things weren’t quite up to my standards, they were chugging along and I needed to concentrate on getting better and not worry about the office. I also was informed I would not be returning to work for at least two weeks, and even when I did it would be part-time for a few more. I had plenty of sick time built up over the last few years, but he said he already had the FMLA paperwork in the works if needed.
