Infraction

by K. I. Lynn

  I was drained by the time I was done, the most physical activity in over a week I had participated in. Nathan hung the shower head back up after wetting my hair again and grabbed the bottle of shampoo. He applied some to my hair and sat down next to me.

  His fingers tangled in my hair, working up a good lather. My eyes closed, and I moaned a little; I always loved my hair being played with. He was careful on my stitches and avoided that area of my scalp as best he could.

  The movement of his hands stopped, and my eyes opened again to find him pulling the shower head back down to where we were sitting and began rinsing the suds out.

  I looked up to him and found him studying my face. One of his fingers reached up and lightly traced the outline of my fading bruises.

  His eyes met mine, and in the depths I could see everything. His pain was on display full force after our conversation. Had my bruises brought his memories and fears to the forefront? Tears welled in his eyes before one spilled down his cheek. He leaned forward and rested his forehead on mine.

  My hand reached up to comfort him; his stubble was coarse beneath my fingers. He clenched his jaw then dipped farther down.

  For the first time in over three weeks, I felt his lips against mine. It was soft, yet hungry and full of a familiar fire.

  Too much. The feeling was too much, and I had to pull away.

  He nodded in understanding, but it didn’t keep the pain from showing.

  A few minutes and a dose of conditioner later, we were done. I hadn’t felt so good or clean in over a week.

  Nathan exited the shower and came back with a towel wrapped around his waist and one in his hand. He helped me stand and began drying me off a bit before carrying me back out to the stool in front of the mirror where he removed the blue rubber boot from around my cast.

  Sure enough, the cast remained dry.

  He finished drying me off and toweling my hair before taking me back into the bedroom and laying me down on the bed. He located a fresh set of sleep shorts and tank top and helped me into them.

  His eyes lingered a bit on my skin, but that was all. The normal aggressive, sexual beast was kept away, and all that remained before me was a broken man.

  He arranged the pillows to where I was comfortable again, then left to get me a fresh glass of water and my next dose of meds for which I was happy. I was getting accustomed to being in pain, but the medicine helped take the strong edge off and left a lingering dull ache.

  I noticed every move he made, every conscious decision to make me more comfortable to sleep.

  Such a simple act, but I could feel it.

  A tear rolled down my cheek, and then the bed shifted with his weight. He was next to me.

  “Are you okay? Do you need more medicine?” he asked, his fingers wiping away the salty droplet.

  “I’m okay, just…rough day.”

  He nodded in agreement. We laid there for a few more minutes, gazing at one another. It wasn’t uncomfortable, just new. Before, if we were in a bed together, we were tangled together, but now there was an invisible wall. A barrier that kept our bodies’ will at bay.

  The effects of my medical cocktail began kicking in, and I let out a deep yawn.

  “It’s getting late,” he noted, taking that as a cue. He stood and stretched, leaning down and kissing the top of my head. “Goodnight, Lila love.”

  I stared at him as he turned and walked to the doorway; my chest constricted at the thought of him leaving.

  “Wait!” I called out to his retreating form, my hand reaching out to him. I couldn’t stand to watch him walk away from me again. “Please,” I said in a whisper. “Don’t leave me.”

  He stopped in his tracks and turned toward me, his expression a combination of hopeful and frightened at the same time.

  “I’m just going next door, Honeybear, to sleep in your guest room. I’ll leave the door open so all you have to do is call for me, okay?”

  Tears filled my eyes, my bottom lip quivering. I hurt, I was tired, and he was leaving.

  Panic rose in his features at my distress. “Oh, no, please don’t cry. I’m right here, baby, I’m right here.” His hand reached out to stroke my hair.

  I wasn’t ready to forgive him, and I wasn’t ready to let him back in, but I couldn’t stand to not be near him. The other room was too far away.

  Why couldn’t the drugs take away the pain in my heart, as well?

  CHAPTER 7

  I awoke warm and in pain, struggling to gain a full breath. There was a squeeze around my chest constricting me even further. I opened my eyes and turned to find Nathan’s closed ones in front of me. His arms were wrapped around me, our legs entangled. We had both drifted in the night, our bodies not fighting the pull as they crawled to find each other.

  “Nate.” I was quiet as I tried to rouse him. As much as I loved being wrapped in his arms, it hurt to breathe and my bladder was screaming at me, as well. “Nathan, I need to go to the bathroom.”

  My chest tightened over the fact I needed help doing such menial tasks, but I couldn’t walk yet, even on crutches.

  He made a cute noise before snuggling further, mumbling something I couldn’t understand. “Nathan.” I tried again, this time stroking his cheek, hoping my touch would stir him.

  His eyes fluttered open and a lazy smile spread on his face. “Mmm, Honeybear.” His voice was sleepy and he snuggled in again, his eyes closing.

  His movement caused a surge of pain to shoot through my chest. I drew in a sharp breath and cried out in pain, my eyes screwed tight.

  That got his attention and his eyes shot open, staring at me in horror. “Oh, shit!” he exclaimed before releasing me. “I’m so sorry!”

  His hands were frantic, but gentle, as he assessed me like adrenaline was running through him in his panicked search of my body. Mumbled apologies slipped from his lips, but I couldn’t get him to look me in the eye so I could tell him to stop, that I was all right.

  He ran into the bathroom and came out with the first aid kit. I twitched, wondering just what the hell he was planning on doing with it. Before I could even ask he left the room again, returning with a glass of water and a handful of my medication bottles.

  It was past ridiculous. “Nate!” He jumped, startled at my reaction, his movements ceased. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “Umm…you’re hurt.”

  “I hurt anyway, but I cried out because you squeezed my ribs. Once you stopped, the pain lessened to its ‘normal’ level.”

  He stared at me, and I watched the wild look leave his eyes and his breathing calm. He kissed my forehead before returning the items he had gathered back to their rightful places.

  After a bathroom break, he made up some breakfast, instant oatmeal, and we ate in the bed while watching the morning news. Once we were done eating, he returned our dishes to the kitchen and climbed back on the bed with me. We flipped through channels, settling on a marathon of some reality show.

  We lay there, side by side, watching as they went through outbuildings and homes, yards and estates, searching for unknown hidden treasures. The entire time I felt Nathan’s eyes on me, and every once in a while his fingers would gently run down my cheek, against my arm. Goose bumps formed and fire burned in the wake of his touch.

  It was strange how comfortable I was with his touch in that moment even after everything that had happened between us. Was it because I finally knew without a doubt I was in love with him? I swallowed, and my eyes drifted to his hands on me. My heart fluttered and my skin warmed at his touch.

  I wanted to launch myself at him, straddle his hips, and sink down on his perfect cock. His hands grabbing me, teeth biting my skin, the need I always felt pouring out of him. My body was desperate for the connection with him that I hadn’t felt in almost a month.

  A muscle twitch reminded me how such antics would not be good as pain shot down my leg. Also, my fears and insecurities about Nathan reared their ugly heads, and the feeling retreated. As much
as I wanted the comfort of his body, we weren’t ready for that yet.

  After a few hours and a nap, Nathan turned to me with a mischievous grin.

  “What?” I asked, knowing that face meant trouble.

  He held up the Jane Eyre DVD. “The doctor cleared me; I’m all healed from my lobotomy. I’m more than happy to watch it with you.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know, it’s a chick flick. You might need another lobotomy to get through it.”

  He smirked at me. “We’ll see about that.”

  He got off the bed and popped the DVD in. There was a small buzz of excitement running through me. It always happened when I was about to watch it, but there was something different about watching it with Nathan, the man I loved.

  I was surprised when an hour and a half later Nathan was still awake; in fact, he’d been enraptured by it.

  Erin stopped by that afternoon to drop off some homemade enchiladas and stayed to play a board game with us. Something other than television was wonderful. I lost focus about halfway through and ended up napping through the remainder. Erin won, though Nathan was not convinced she played fair.

  I woke up a while later to Erin sitting on the bed next to me. Her focus was on something in her lap. She was working with large needles in her hand, and yarn to her side: knitting.

  “You know, Lila, I’m here for you if you need to talk. I’m hoping we can be friends, so I’m here not only for my idiot cousin, but for you.” Her head rose and her eyes met mine. There was nothing false in her eyes; no acting. She was sincere and straightforward. No games, no gimmicks.

  “Where’s Nathan?” I asked.

  “He had to run a few errands. It’s just you and me.” She smiled before her attention moved back to her project.

  My mouth opened, and I spoke without meaning to. “I’m scared.”

  She looked back up and gave me a small smile, her fingers moved to brush a lock of hair behind my ear. “I know, sweetie. Baby steps. You will get through this. I know it’s rough now, but you can lean on me for support – Nathan, George, Sarah, Teresa, Caroline, Andrew, Trent, and Darren – all of us. You’re not alone anymore.”

  I froze at her last sentence. “What do you know, Erin?” Her brother-in-law was my therapist, and I knew about doctor-patient confidentiality, but I began to worry.

  Her brow scrunched and she shook her head. “I don’t know anything. All I know is that Nathan said you have no family, besides Teresa and her husband.”

  I sighed in relief. I didn’t like people knowing the hell I grew up in, because I couldn’t stand the look of pity I always saw in their eyes. I got out, away from them; from him. I went to college, graduated from law school, and had a nice job. I had become something, even when most of the time I still felt like nothing.

  I took a deep breath, a bad idea when my ribs cried out in protest. Erin’s words and the sharp pain sparked a memory I was unable to stop from surfacing. It was sudden… I was lost.

  My body shook as the memory of each hit, each kick, each pull of my hair, and each slap and punch to my face flashed into my mind. The snap and crunch of my broken bones and the painful breathing they created.

  I was unguarded, the memory assaulting me, completely taking over my entire body and mind. I couldn’t get free of it.

  “Lila!” Nathan’s voice called out, and I was back. “Are you okay? Talk to me.”

  Nathan was there. I didn’t know when he’d returned, but his hands were holding either side of my face, his expression frightened and worried. I couldn’t answer his question because I didn’t know.

  Then I noticed wetness from my tears streaming down my face. I glanced over to Erin and saw the fright in her eyes as well, tears also flowing freely down her cheeks.

  I pulled Nathan closer, hiding my head in his neck while I tried to calm down. What had I said, what had I done, for Erin to wear that look?

  It took a few minutes for me to settle, and I pulled away from his warm embrace. His thumbs brushed my tears away.

  “So,” I began, wanting to pull the attention away from me and whatever had happened. “What did you get?”

  Nathan regarded me for a moment, checking to make sure I was really okay before grabbing the bags. “Well, I picked up a few television shows I thought you might like, as well as more movies. And I also picked up a Wii game system and about a dozen games to help keep you occupied. We can’t keep watching Jane and Mr. Rochester.” He winked at me.

  I stared up at him in disbelief. “That’s a lot of money. You already bought me a movie.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Something to keep you entertained, take your mind off things. Plus, it can be therapeutic.”

  I didn’t buy his reasoning, but was happy to have something fun to do while bedridden. Nathan smiled like a kid on Christmas when I asked him about the games he bought. He was so excited, but competitiveness reared when Erin started trash talking him.

  Nathan grumbled about Erin cheating on their last game, while a sly smile crept up on Erin’s face. “He’s a sore loser.”

  Nathan handed me my next dose of meds, and an hour later I was out again.

  Nathan was still carrying on about Erin’s cheating ways even hours later. She did not play fair during their game, and I was awoken by name calling and elbow jabbing. She did make fantastic enchiladas, though.

  We spent all of Saturday and Sunday in my bed watching a myriad of movies Nathan picked up. He must have bought fifty movies to keep me occupied.

  Teresa and Sarah made their motherly presence known on Sunday, bringing more food. It seemed they both thought I would starve to death in Nathan’s care. Neither stayed very long, as both would be spending a lot of time with me during the week.

  I watched as Nathan interacted with both his mom and Teresa. There was no pretense or act—just a guy talking with his mom.

  He was joking around with them, mostly with his mom, about food and cooking. According to her, Nathan was not to be trusted in the kitchen, though I think he’d improved since the days of his mother’s memory.

  The entire time they were there, and even after, he was touching me: soft caresses and light squeezes. Small little gestures that added up to my being unable to deny what he wanted, which was to be close to me.

  At one point, he threw his head back in laughter at something, and I stared in disbelief.

  Nathan was a different man than he was before my accident. I began to believe his words that he was altered. He never complained about any of my requests or needs, but carried them out. He mentioned a newfound respect for his family in all they’d done for him in caring for me.

  I awoke after a nap on Sunday curled into Nathan’s side. I attempted to retreat, to separate us by rolling on my back. Pain shot through my ribs and my leg. I tried not to make a sound, but it was no use.

  Nathan’s eyes snapped open at my noise, and he sat up. His eyes locked onto the clock, then he jumped up from the bed and ran to the kitchen. He returned a short moment later with a fresh glass of water and my next dosage.

  “Why didn’t you wake me?”

  “I was just repositioning. I was fine until then,” I explained.

  His fingers brushed my hair back. “I wish I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow.”

  “Your mom and Teresa will be here. I’ll be well taken care of,” I said to reassure him. His brow scrunched, and I had the feeling he didn’t like my answer.

  We spent the remainder of the day playing a few games, nothing too exerting, and watching more movies.

  The next morning the alarm went off, and I groaned as I attempted to silence it before realizing it was on Nathan’s nightstand. He rose, picking up a groggy me on his way to the bathroom. I wasn’t quite awake and nuzzled into his neck, my hand clenching his t-shirt. I might not have been with it, but he was correct in thinking I needed to use the facilities.

  He returned me to the bed afterward and resumed getting ready while I fell back asleep. I felt his lip
s on my forehead a little later, along with the next dosage of meds. I was getting really tired of all the drugs, but I knew they were needed.

  “My mom is running behind, so I’ll stay until she arrives.”

  I shook my head. “I’ll be perfectly fine until she gets here. You need to get to work.” He grimaced. “Go.”

  He leaned over and kissed my forehead again. “If you need anything, just call, okay? I’ll check in at lunch.”

  My gaze followed him as he walked out, and I sighed when I heard the door click. It was the first moment of peace I’d experienced since the morning of the accident. No beeping machines, no nurses, no people asking me if I needed anything. Just… silence.

  My life had become a routine: wake up, take meds, watch a movie, eat, take meds, nap.

  For days this trend continued, the only variation being who was assigned as my babysitter.

  At first, it’d been difficult for me to rely on Sarah and Erin because I didn’t know them. However, the more time we spent together, the closer we became. We became even closer in some more intimate ways when bathroom breaks came around and they had to help me with some embarrassing, private matters. They almost seemed happy to do it, almost as if it was proof I trusted them and was allowing them into my life.

  Today they were staring at me, glints of mischief as they settled in.

  “Why are you fighting this thing you have with Nate?” Erin asked. “I’m just curious, because I see the way you look at him.”

  I sighed and took a deep breath, as well as a leap of faith. “Because it’s hard to fight for someone you never thought you deserved. Nathan is above me. He’s gorgeous, much smarter than me, social. The only thing I have to offer is my body.”

  Erin and Sarah shared a look, a silent conversation before Erin turned to me.

  “He told you everything, and you said you couldn’t give it a real try? Why?” Erin asked. Her expression was almost as sad as Nathan’s when I said it to him, but I couldn’t figure out why she would have such an emotional response. I was also surprised by the way her voice sounded tight and was breaking a little.