In the Best Families

by Rex Stout

  “My Lord. She blinked long lashes over dark blue eyes. “Do you always talk like that? The eyes went to Hammond. “Did you get that, Dana?

  “I quite agree with him, Hammond declared, “as you know. I’m not afraid to say so, either, because it shows the lengths I’ll go to, to be with you. When you opened his kennel and he leaped out I could feel my hair standing up.

  “I know, Annabel Frey said scornfully. “Duke knows too. I guess I’d better put him in. She left us, speaking to the dog, who abandoned his pose and trotted to her, and they disappeared around a corner of the building. There was a similarity in the movements of the two, muscular and sure and quick, but sort of nervous and dainty.

  “Now we can relax, I told Hammond.

  “I just can’t help it, he said, irritated. “I’m not strong for dogs anyhow, and with these… He shrugged. “I’d just as soon go for a walk with a tiger.

  Soon Annabel rejoined us, with a crack about Hammond’s hair. I suggested that if they had something to do I could wait for Leeds without any help, but she said no.

  “We only came to see you, she stated impersonally. “That is, I did, and Mr

  Hammond went to the length of coming along. Just to see you, even if you are

  Archie Goodwin, I wouldn’t cross the street; but I want to watch you work. So many things fall short of the build-up, I want to see if a famous detective does. I’m sceptical already. You look younger than you should, and you dress too well, and if you really thought that dog might jump you, you should have done something to-where did that come from? Hey!

  Sometimes I fumble a little drawing from my armpit, but that time it had been slick and clean. I had the barrel pointed straight up. Hammond had made a noise and an involuntary backward jerk.

  I grinned at her. “Showing off. Okay? Want to try it? Get him and send him out from behind that same bush, with orders to take me, and any amount up to two bits, even, that he won’t reach me. I returned the gun to the holster.

  “Ready?

  She blinked. “You mean you would?

  Hammond giggled. He was a full-sized middle-aged man and he looked like a banker, and I want to be fair to him, but he giggled. “Look out, Annabel, he said warningly. “He might.›

  “Of course, I told her, “you would be in the line of fire, and I’ve never shot a fast-moving dog, so we would both be taking a risk. Only I don’t like you being sceptical. Stick around and you’ll see.

  That was a mistake, caused by my temperament. It is natural and wholesome for a man of my age to enjoy association with a woman of her age, maid, wife, or widow, but I should have had sense enough to stop to realise what I was getting in for. She had said that she had come to watch me work, and there I was asking for it. As a result, I had to spend a solid hour pretending that I was hell bent to find out who had poisoned one of Leeds’ dogs when I didn’t care a hang. Not that I love dog poisoners, but that wasn’t what was on my mind.

  When Calvin Leeds showed up, as he did soon in an old station wagon with its rear taken up with a big wire cage, the four of us made a tour of the kennels and the runs, with Leeds briefing me, and me asking questions and making notes, and then we went in the house and extended the inquiry to aspects such as the poison used, the method employed, the known suspects, and so on. It was a strain. I had to make it good, because that was what I was supposed to be there for, and also because Annabel was too good-looking to let her be sceptical about me. And the dog hadn’t even died! He was alive and well. But I went to it as if it were the biggest case of the year for Nero Wolfe and me, and Leeds got a good fifty bucks’ worth of detection for nothing. Of course nobody got detected, but

  I asked damn’ good questions.

  After Annabel and Hammond left to return to Birchvale next door, I asked Leeds about Hammond, and sure enough he was a banker. He was a vice-president of the

  Metropolitan Trust Company, who handled affairs for Mrs Rackham-had done so ever since the death of her first husband. When I remarked that Hammond seemed to have it in mind to handle Mrs Rackham’s daughter-in-law also, Leeds said he hadn’t noticed. I asked who else would be there at dinner.

  “You and me, Leeds said. He was sipping a highball, taking his time with it. We were in the little living-room of his little house, about which there was nothing remarkable except the dozens of pictures of dogs on the walls. Moving around outside, there had been more spring to him than to lots of guys half his age; now he was sprawled on a couch, all loose. I was reminded of one of the dogs we had come upon during our tour, lying in the sun at the door of its kennel.

  “You and me, he said, “and my cousin and her husband, and Mrs Frey, whom you have met, and Hammond, and the statesman, that’s seven-

  “Who’s the statesman?

  “Oliver A. Pierce.

  “I’m intimate with lots of statesmen, but I never heard of him.

  “Don’t let him know it. Leeds chuckled. “It’s true that at thirty-four he has only got as far as state assemblyman, but the war made a gap for him the same as for other young men. Give him a chance. One will be enough.

  “What is he, a friend of the family?

  “No, and that’s one on him. He chuckled again. “When he was first seen here, last summer, he came as a guest of Mrs Frey-that is, invited by her-but before long either she had seen enough of him or he had seen enough of her. Meanwhile, however, he had seen Lina Darrow, and he was caught anyhow.

  “Who’s Lina Darrow?

  “My cousin’s secretary-by the way, she’ll be at dinner too, that’ll make eight.

  I don’t know who invited him-my cousin perhaps-but it’s Miss Darrow that gets him here, a busy statesman. Leeds snorted. “At his age he might know better.

  “You don’t think much of women, huh?

  “I don’t think of them at all. Much or little. Leeds finished his drink. “Look at it. Which would you rather live with, those wonderful animals out there, or a woman?

  “A woman, I said firmly. “I haven’t run across her yet, there are so many, but even if she does turn out to be a dog I hope to God it won’t be one of yours. I want the kind I can let run loose. I waved a hand. “Forget it. You like ‘em, you can have ‘em. Mrs Frey is a member of the household, is she?

  “Yes, he said shortly.

  “Mrs Rackham keeping her around as a souvenir of her dead son? Being neurotic about it?

  “I don’t know. Ask her. Leeds straightened up and got to his feet. “You know, of course, that I didn’t approve of her going to Nero Wolfe. I went with her only because she insisted on it. I don’t see how any good can come of it, but I think harm might. I don’t think you ought to be here, but you are, and we might as well go on over and drink their liquor instead of mine. I’ll go and wash up. He left me.

  Chapter Four

  Having been given by Leeds my choice of driving over-three minutes-or taking a trail through the woods, I voted for walking. The edge of the woods was only a hundred yards to the rear of the kennels. It had been a warm day for early

  April, but now, with the sun gone over the hill, the sharp air made me want to step it up, which was just as well because I had to, to keep up with Leeds. He walked as if he meant it. When I commented on the fact that we ran into no fence anywhere, neither in the woods nor in the clear, he said that his place was merely a little corner of Mrs Rackham’s property which she had let him build on some years ago.

  The last stretch of our walk was along a curving gravel path that wound through lawns, shrubs, trees, and different-shaped patches of bare earth. Living in the country would be more convenient if they would repeal the law against paths that go straight from one place to another place. The bigger and showier the grounds are, the more the paths have to curve, and the main reason for having lots of bushes and things is to compel the paths to curve in order to get through the mess. Anyhow, Leeds and I finally got to the house, entered without ringing or knocking, apparently he was more or less a member of the household too.

/>   All six of them were gathered in a room that was longer and wider than Leeds’ whole house, with twenty rugs to slide on and at least forty different things to sit on, but it didn’t seem as if they had worked up much gaiety, in spite of the full stock of the portable bar, because Leeds and I were greeted as though nothing so nice had happened in years. Leeds introduced me, since I wasn’t supposed to have met Mrs Rackham, and after I had been supplied with liquid

  Annabel Frey gave a lecture on how I worked. Then Oliver

  A. Pierce, the statesman, wanted me to demonstrate by grilling each of them as suspected dog poisoners. When I tried to beg off they insisted, so I obliged. I was only so-so.

  Pierce was a smooth article. His manner was of course based on the law of nature regulating the attitude of an elected person towards everybody old enough to vote, but his timing and variations were so good that it was hard to recognise it, although he was only about my age. He was also about my size, with broad shoulders and a homely honest face, and a draw on his smile as swift as a flash bulb. I made a note to look up whether I lived in his assembly district. If he got the breaks the only question about him as how far and how soon.

  If in addition to his own equipment and talents he acquired Lina Darrow asa pa, it would probably be farther and sooner. She was, I would have guessed, slightly younger than Annabel Frey-twenty-six maybe-and I never saw a finer pair of eyes.

  She was obviously underplaying them, or rather what was back of them. When I was questioning her she pretended I had her in a corner, while her eyes gave it away that she could have waltzed all around me if she wanted to. I didn’t know whether she thought she was kidding somebody, or was just practising, or had some serious reason for passing herself off as a flub.

  Barry Rackham had me stumped and also annoyed. Either I was dumber than Nero

  Wolfe thought I was, and twice as dumb as I thought I was, or he was smarter than he looked. New York was full of him, and he was full of New York. Go into and Madison Avenue bar between five and six-thirty and there would be six or eight of him there: not quite young but miles from being old; masculine all over except the fingernails; some tired and some fresh and ready, depending on the current status; and all slightly puffy below the eyes. I knew him from A to Z, or thought I did, but I couldn’t make up my mind whether he knew what I was there for, and that was the one concrete thing I had hoped to get done. If he knew, the question whether he was on Zeck’s payroll was answered; if he didn’t, that question was still open.

  And I still hadn’t been able to decide when, at the dinner table, we had finished the dessert and got up to go elsewhere for coffee. At first I had thought he couldn’t possibly be wise, when I had him sized up for a dummy who had had the good luck to catch Mrs Rackham’s eye somewhere and then had happened to take the only line she would fall for, but further observation had made me reconsider. His handling of his wife had character in it; it wasn’t just yes or no. At the dinner table he had an exchange with Pierce about rent control, and without seeming to try he got the statesman so tangled up he couldn’t wiggle loose. Then he had a good laugh, took the other side of the argument, and made a monkey out of Dana Hammond.

  I decided I’d better start all over.

  On the way back to the living-room for coffee, Lina Darrow joined me. “Why did you take it out on me? she demanded.

  I said I didn’t know I had.

  “Certainly you did. Trying to indict me for dog poisoning. You went after me much harder than you did the others. Her fingers were on the inside of my arm, lightly.

  “Certainly, I conceded. “Nothing new to you, was it? A man going after you harder than the others?

  “Thanks. But I mean it. Of course you know I’m just a working girl.

  “Sure. That’s why I was tougher with you. That, and because I wondered why you were playing dumb.

  The statesman Pierce broke us up then, as we entered the living-room, and I didn’t fight for her. We collected in the neighbourhood of the fireplace for coffee, and there was a good deal of talk about nothing, and after a while somebody suggested television, and Barry Rackham went and turned it on. He and

  Annabel turned out lights. As the rest of us got settled in favourably placed seats, Mrs Rackham left us. A little later, as I sat in the semi-darkness scowling at a cosmetic commercial, some obscure sense told me that danger was approaching and I jerked my head around. It was right there at my elbow: a

  Doberman pinscher, looking larger than normal in that light, staring intently past me at the screen.

  Mrs Rackham, just behind it, apparently misinterpreting my quick movement, spoke hastily and loudly above the noise of the broadcast. “Don’t try to pat him!

  “I won’t, I said emphatically.

  “He’ll behave, she assured me. “He loves television. She went on with him, farther forward. As they passed Calvin Leeds the affectionate pet halted for a brief sniff, and got a. stroke on the head in response. No one else was honoured.

  Ninety minutes of video got us to half-past ten, and got us nothing else, especially me. I was still on the fence about Barry Rackham. Television is raising hell with the detective business. It used to be that a social evening at someone’s house or apartment was a fine opportunity for picking up lines and angles, moving around, watching and talking and listening; but with a television session you might as well be home in bed. You can’t see faces, and if someone does make a remark you can’t hear it unless it’s a scream, and you can’t even start a private inquiry, such as finding out where a young widow stands now on scepticism. In a movie theatre at least you can hold hands.

  However, I did finally get what might have been a nibble. The screen had been turned off, and we had all got up to stretch, and Annabel offered to drive Leeds and me home, and Leeds had told her that we would rather walk, when Barry

  Rackham moseyed over to me and said he hoped the television hadn’t bored me too much. I said no, just enough.

  “Think you’ll get anywhere on your job for Leeds? he asked, jiggling his highball glass to make the ice tinkle.

  I lifted my shoulders and let them drop. “I don’t know. A month’s gone by.

  He nodded. “That’s what makes it hard to believe.

  “Yeah, why?

  “That he would wait a month and then decide to blow himself to a fee for Nero

  Wolfe. Everybody knows that Wolfe comes high. I wouldn’t have thought Leeds could afford it. Rackham smiled at me. “Driving back tonight?

  “No, I’m staying over.

  That’s sensible. Night driving is dangerous, I think. The Sunday traffic won’t be bad this time of year if you leave early. He touched my chest with a forefinger. That’s it, leave early. He moved off.

  Annabel was yawning, and Dana Hammorid was looking at her as if that was exactly what he had come to Birchvale for, to see her yawn. Lina Darrow was looking from

  Barry Rackham to me and back again, and pretending she wasn’t looking anywhere with those eyes. The Doberman pinscher was standing tense, and Pierce, from a safe ten feet-one more than springing distance-was regarding it with an expression that gave me a more sympathetic feeling for him than I ever expected to have for a statesman.

  Calvin Leeds and Mrs Rackham were also looking at the dog, with a quite different expression.

  “At least two pounds overweight, Leeds was saying. “You feed him too much.

  Mrs Rackham protested that she didn’t.

  Then you don’t run him enough.

  “I know it, she admitted. “I will from now on, I’ll be here more. I was busy to-day. I’ll take him out now. It’s a perfect night for a good walk-Barry, do you feel like walking?

  He didn’t. He was nice about it, but he didn’t. She broadened the invitation to take in the group, but there were no takers. She offered to walk Leeds and me home, but Leeds said she would go too slow, and he should have been in bed long ago since his rising time was six o’clock. He moved, and told me to come on if I was coming. />
  We said good night and left.

  The outdoor air was sharper now. There were a few stars but no moon, and alone with no flashlight I would never have been able to keep that trail through the woods and might have made the Hillside Kennels clearing by dawn. For Leeds a flashlight would have been only a nuisance. He strode along at the same gait as in the daytime, and I stumbled at his heels, catching my toes on things, teetering on roots and pebbles, and once going clear down. I am not a deerstalker and don’t want to be. As we approached the kennels Leeds called out, and the sound came of many movements, but not a bark. Who wants a dog, let alone thirty or forty, not even human enough to bark when you come home?

  Leeds said that since the poisoning he always took a look around before going to bed, and I went on in the house and up to the little room where I had put my bag. I was sitting on the bed in pyjamas, scratching the side of my neck and considering Barry Rackham’s last-minute remarks, when Leeds entered downstairs and came up to ask if I was comfortable. I told him I soon would be, and he said good night and went down the short hall to his room.

  I opened a window, turned out the light, and got into bed; but in three minutes

  I saw it wasn’t working. My practice is to empty my head simultaneously with dropping it on the pillow. If something sticks and doesn’t want to come out I’ll give it up to three minutes but no more. Then I act. This time, of course, it was Barry Rackham that stuck. I had to decide that he knew what I was there for or that he didn’t, or, as an alternative, decide definitely that I wouldn’t try to decide until tomorrow. I got out of bed and went and sat on a chair.

  It may have taken five minutes, or it could have been fifteen: I don’t know.

  Anyhow it didn’t accomplish anything except getting Rackham unstuck from my head for the night, for the best I could do was decide for postponement. If he had his guard up, so far I had not got past it. With that settled, I got under the covers again, took ten seconds to get into position on a strange mattress, and was off this time…