In the Best Families

by Rex Stout

  I left my chair and did so. The room being small and the walls mostly bare, it wasn’t much of a job, and I made it thorough, even pulling the desk out to inspect behind it. As

  I straightened up from retrieving a pencil that had rolled off the desk when I pushed it back in place, he spoke to my back.

  “I see you have my dictionary here.

  Not through his nose. I whirled and went rigid, gaping at him. The eyes again-and now other items too, especially the forehead and ears. I had every right to stare, but I also had a right to my own opinion of the fitness of things. So while staring at him I got myself under control, and then circled the end of my desk, sat down and leaned back, and told him, “I knew you all-

  “Don’t talk so loud.

  “Very well. I knew you all the time, but with that damn’ driver there I had to-

  “Pfui. You hadn’t the slightest inkling.

  I shrugged. “That’s one we’ll never settle. As for the dictionary, it’s the one from my room which you gave me for Christmas nineteen thirty-nine. How much do you weigh?

  “I’ve lost a hundred and seventeen pounds.

  “Do you know what you look like?

  He made a face. With the pleats and whiskers, he didn’t really have to make one, but of course it was an old habit which had probably been suppressed for months.

  “Yes, he said, “I do. I look like a sixteenth-century prince of Savoy named

  Philibert. He flipped a hand impatiently. “This can wait, surely, until we’re home again?

  “I should think so, I conceded. “What’s the difference, another year or two? It won’t be as much fun, though, because now I’ll know what I’m waiting for. What I really enjoyed was the suspense. Were you dead or alive or what? A perfect picnic.

  He grunted. “I expected this, of course. It is you, and since I decided long ago to put up with you, I even welcome it. But you, also long ago, decided to put up with me. Are we going to shake hands or not?

  I got up and went halfway. He got up and came halfway. As we shook, our eyes met, and I deliberately focused on his eyes, because otherwise I would have been shaking with a stranger, and one hell of a specimen to boot. We returned to our chairs.

  As I sat down I told him courteously, “You’ll have to excuse me if I shut my eyes or look away from time to time. It’ll take a while to get adjusted.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “No other course, Wolfe said, “was possible. I had accepted money from Mrs

  Rackham and she had been murdered. I was committed in her interest, and therefore against Arnold Zeck, and I was no match for him. I had to ambush him.

  With me gone, how should you act? You should act as if I had disappeared and you knew nothing. Under what circumstances would you do that most convincingly? You are capable of dissimulation, but why try you so severely? Why not merely-

  “Skip it, I told him. “Save it for later. Where do we stand now, and what chance have we got? Any at all?

  “I think so, yes. If the purpose were merely to expose one or more of Zeck’s operations, it could be done like that. He snapped his fingers. “But since he must himself be destroyed-all I can say is that I have reached the point where you can help. I have talked with him three times.

  “Exactly who and what are you?

  “I come from Los Angeles. When I left here, on April ninth, I went to southern

  Texas, on the Gulf, and spent there the most painful month of my life-except one, long ago. At its end I was not recognisable. He shuddered. “I then went to

  Los Angeles, because a man of importance there considers himself more deeply in my debt even than he is. He is important but not reputable. The terms are not interchangeable.

  “I never said they were.

  Through him I met people and I engaged in certain activities. In appearance I was monstrous, but in the circles I frequented my stubble was accepted as a masquerade, which indeed it was, and I displayed myself publicly as little as possible. With my two invaluable assets, my brains and my important debtor, and with a temporary abandonment of scruple, I made a substantial impression in the shortest possible time, especially with a device which I conceived for getting considerable sums of money from ten different people simultaneously, with a minimum of risk. Luck had a hand in it too, but without luck no man can keep himself alive, let alone prevail over an Arnold Zeck.

  “So then Los Angeles was too hot for you.

  “It was not. But I was ready to return east, both physically and psychologically, and knowing that inquiries sent to Los Angeles would get a satisfactory response. I arrived on July twelfth. You remember that I once spoke of Arnold Zeck, calling him X, to the Sperling family?

  “I do.

  “And I described briefly the echelons of crime. First, the criminal himself-or gang. In the problem of disposal of the loot, or of protection against discovery and prosecution, he can seldom avoid dealing with others. He will need a fence, a lawyer, witnesses for an alibi, a channel to police or political influence-no matter what, he nearly always needs someone or something. He goes to one he knows, or knows about, one named A. A, finding a little difficulty, consults B.

  B may be able to handle it; if not, he takes it on to C. C is usually able to oblige, but when he isn’t he communicates with D. Here we are getting close. D has access to Arnold Zeck, not only for the purpose described, but also in connection with one or more of the enterprises which Zeck controls.

  Wolfe tapped his chest with a forefinger, a gesture I had never before seen him use, acquired evidently along with his pleats and whiskers. “I am a D, Archie.

  “Congratulations.

  “Thank you. Having earned them, I accept them. Look at me.

  “Yeah, I am. Wait till Fritz sees you.

  “If he ever does, Wolfe said grimly. “We have a chance, and that’s all. If all we needed were evidence of Zeck’s complicity in felonies, there would be no problem; I know where it is and I could get it. But his defences are everywhere, making him next to invulnerable. It would be fatuous to suppose that he could ever be convicted, and even if he were, he would still be living, so that wouldn’t help any. Now that I am committed against him, and he knows it, there are only two possible outcomes-

  “How does he know it?

  “He knows me. Knowing me, he knows that I intend to get the murderer of Mrs

  Rackham. He intends to prevent me. Neither-

  “Wait a minute. Admitting he knows that about Nero Wolfe, what about you as

  Roeder? You say you’re a D. Then you’re on Zeck’s payroll.

  “Not on his payroll. I have been placed in charge of the operation here of the device which I conceived and used in Los Angeles. My handling of it has so impressed him that I am being trusted with other responsibilities.

  “And Max Christy and that driver downstairs-they’re Zeck men?

  “Yes-at a distance.

  “Then how come salting Barry Rackham? Wasn’t it Zeck money that Rackham was getting?

  Wolfe sighed. “Archie, if we had more time I would let you go on and on. I could shut my eyes and pretend I’m back home. He shook his head vigorously. “But we must get down to business. I said that driver is a Zeck man at a distance, but that is mere surmise. Being new and by no means firmly established in confidence, I am certainly being watched, and that driver might even report to

  Zeck himself. That was why I prolonged our talk in the car before suggesting that we come here. We shouldn’t be more than an hour, so you’d better let me—

  He stopped as I grasped the knob and pulled the door open. I had tiptoed across to it as he talked. Seeing an empty hall in both directions, I closed the door and went back to my chair.

  “I was only asking, I protested, “why the play on Rackham?

  “How long, Wolfe asked, “have you and I spent, there in the office, discussing some simple affair such as the forging of a cheque?

  “Oh, anywhere from four minutes to four hours.

&nbs
p; “Then what should we take for this? By the way, you will resume drawing your pay cheque this week. How much have you taken from the safe deposit box in New

  Jersey?

  “Nothing. Not a cent.

  “You should have. That was put there for the express purpose of financing this eventuality if it arose. You have been using your personal savings?

  “Only to buy these little items. I waved a hand. “Put it back long ago. I’ve been taking it easy, so my income from detective work has only been a little more than double what you were paying me.

  “I don’t believe it.

  “I didn’t expect you to, so I’ll have an audit-I stopped. “What the hell! My vacation!

  Wolfe grunted. “If we get Zeck you may have a month. If he gets me-He grunted again. “He will, confound it, if we don’t get to work. You asked about Rackham; yes, the source of his income, which his wife asked us to discover, was Zeck. He met him through Calvin Leeds.

  I raised the brows. “Leeds?

  “Don’t jump to conclusions. Leeds sold dogs to Zeck, two of them, to protect his house, and spent a week there, training them for their job. Zeck does not miss an opportunity. He used Rackham in one of his less offensive activities, gambling arrangements for people with too much money. Then when Rackham inherited more than half of his wife’s wealth a new situation developed; it was already developing when I arrived six weeks ago. I managed to get informed about it. Of course I had to be extremely careful, new as I was, but on the other hand my being a newcomer was an advantage. In preparing a list of prospects for the device I had conceived, a man in Rackham’s position was an eminently suitable candidate, and naturally I had to know all about him. That placed me favourably for starting, with the greatest caution, certain speculations and suspicions, and I got it to the point where it seemed desirable to put him under surveillance. Luckily I didn’t have to introduce your name; your enlistment had previously been considered, on a suggestion by Max Christy. I was ready for you anyhow-I had gone as far as I could without you-and that made it easier. I wouldn’t have dared to risk naming you myself, and was planning accordingly, but it’s vastly better this way.

  “Am I to proceed? Get Saul and Orrie and Fred? Tail Rackham?

  Wolfe looked at his wrist. His charade was certainly teaching him new tricks. In all my years with him he had never sported a watch, and here he was glancing at his wrist as if born to it. The way that wrist had been, normal, it would have required a custom-made strap.

  “I told that man an hour or more, he said, “but we shouldn’t be that long. A minim of cause for suspicion and I’m through. Nothing is too fantastic for them; they could even learn if we’ve been using the phone. Confound it, I must have hours with you.

  “Ditch him and we’ll meet somewhere.

  “Impossible. No place would be safe-except one. There is only one circumstance under which any man is granted the right to an extended period of undisturbed privacy, either by deliberation or on impulse. We need a woman. You know all kinds.

  “Not all kinds, I objected. “I do draw the line. What kind do we need?

  “Fairly young, attractive, a little wanton in appearance, utterly devoted to you and utterly trustworthy, and not a fool.

  “My God, if I knew where to find one like that I’d have been married long ago.

  Also I would be bragging-

  “Archie, he snapped. “If after all your promiscuous philandering you can’t produce a woman to those specifications, I’ve misjudged you. It’s risky to trust anyone at all, but any other way would be still riskier.

  I had my lips puckered. “Ruth Brady?

  “No. She’s an operative, and known. Out of the question.

  “There’s one who might take this as a substitute for a trip to Norway, which is now out. I could ask her.

  “What’s her name?

  “You know. Lily Rowan.

  He made a face. “She is rich, intemperate, and notorious.

  “Nuts. She is well-heeled and playful. You remember the time she helped out with an upstate murderer. I have no further suggestions. Do I phone her?

  “Yes.

  “And tell her what?

  He explained in some detail. When he had answered my three or four questions, and filed my objection by asking if I had something better to offer, I pulled the phone to me and dialled a number. No answer. I tried the Troubadour Room of the Churchill; she wasn’t there. Next in order of priority was the Flamingo

  Club. That found her. Asked my name, I said to tell her it was Escamillo, though she hadn’t called me that for quite a while.

  After a wait her voice came. “Archie? Really?

  “I prefer Escamillo, I said firmly. “It’s a question of security. How high are you?

  “Come and find out. I’m tired of the people I’m with anyhow. Listen, I’ll wander out and meet you in front and we’ll go-

  “We will not. I’m working, and I’m on a spot, and I need help. You’re just the type for it, and I pay a dollar an hour if you give satisfaction. I’m offering you a brand new thrill. You have never earned a nickel in your life, and here’s your chance. What mood are you in?

  “I’m bored as the devil, but all I need is six dances with you and-

  “Not tonight, my colleen bawn. Damn it, I’m working. Will you help?

  “When?

  “Now.

  “Is it any fun?

  “So-so. Nothing to brag of.

  “Are you coming here for me?

  “No. I’m going-you must get this straight. Now listen.

  “That’s exactly what I had in mind. I was just telling myself, Lily, my precious, if he starts talking you must listen, because he is very shy and sensitive and therefore-did you say something?

  “I said shut up. I’m at my office. A man is here with me. We’ll leave as soon as

  I hang up. I’ll go alone to your place and wait for you outside your door. The man-

  “You won’t have to wait. I can make it-

  “Shut up, please. Your first hour has started, so this is on my time. The man with me has a car with a driver parked down in front. He will be driven to the

  Flamingo Club and stop at the curb, and you will be waiting there in front, and when he opens the door you will climb in, not waiting for him to get out like a gentleman, because he won’t. You will not speak to the driver, who, when you’re inside, will proceed to your address, where you and the man will find me waiting at your door.

  “Unless I get in the wrong car, and-

  “I’m telling you. It’s a dark grey forty-eight Chewy two-door sedan, New York licence OA six, seven, one, one, three. Got that?

  “Yes.

  Til make it a dollar ten an hour. The man will call you Lily, and you will call him Pete. Joining him in the car and riding up to your place, you need not go to extremes, but it is important for the driver to get the idea that you are mighty glad to see Pete and that you are looking forward with pleasure to the next several hours with him. But-

  “Is it a reunion after a long absence?

  “I’ll make it a dollar twenty an hour. I was about to say, you can leave it vague whether you last saw Pete a week ago or two months ago. You’re just glad to be with him because you’re so fond of him, but don’t get thinking you’re

  Paulette Goddard and ham it. Do it right. Pretend it’s me. Which brings me to the crux. It’s going to be an ordeal for you. Wait till you see Pete.

  “What’s the matter with him?

  “Everything. He’s old enough to be your father and then some. He has whiskers, turning grey. His face is pleated. You will have to fight down the feeling that you’re having a nightmare, and-

  “Archie! It’s Nero Wolfe!

  Goddam a woman anyhow. There was absolutely no sense or reason for it. My brain buzzed.

  “Sure, I said admiringly. “You do it with mirrors. If it was him, the way I feel about him, the first thing I would do would be to get him a date with you, huh? Okay, th
en don’t call him Pete, call him Nero.

  “Then who is it?

  “It’s a man named Peter Roeder, and I’ve got to have a long talk with him that won’t get in the papers.

  “We could take him to Norway.

  “Maybe. We have to discuss Norway. Give me a ring later in the week and tell me how you feel about this proposition.

  Til be out on the sidewalk in ten minutes, less than that, waiting for my Pete.

  “No public announcement.

  “Certainly not.

  Tm very pleased with your work so far. We’ll have to get you a social security number. I’ll be waiting anxiously at your door.

  I hung up and told Wolfe, “All set.

  Out of his chair, he grunted. “You overdid it a little, perhaps? Nightmare, for instance?

  “Yes, sir, I agreed. “I get too enthusiastic.

  I glared at him, and he glared back.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Since I do not intend to use up paper reporting the five-hour conference I had with Wolfe that night in Lily Rowan’s living-room, I could just as well go on to

  Wednesday morning, except for one thing. I have got to tell about their arrival at the door of Lily’s penthouse apartment on East Sixty-third Street. Wolfe didn’t speak and wouldn’t look at me. Lily shook hands with me, a form of greeting we hadn’t used for I don’t know how long, then unlocked the door, and we entered. When her wrap and Wolfe’s hat had been disposed of and we passed to the living-room, she tossed her firecracker.

  “Archie, she said, T knew darned well that something would happen some day to make up for all the time I’ve wasted on you. I just felt it would.

  I nodded. “Certainly. You’ll show a profit on the night even if you feed us sandwiches, especially since Pete is a light eater. He’s on a diet.

  “Oh, she said, “I didn’t mean money and you can go the limit on sandwiches. I meant the distinction you’ve brought me. I’m the only woman in America who has necked with Nero Wolfe. Nightmare, my eye. He has a flair.

  Wolfe, who had seated himself, cocked his head to frown at her-a first-rate performance.

  I smiled at her. T told Pete what you said on the phone, and he was flattered.