The New Rakes

by Nikki Magennis

  Kara dressed in her lucky red Converse and favourite vest top – grey with neon flowers spilling across the chest and a deep-slashed neck. She pulled on a pair of jeans and shoved her make-up bag into a backpack, along with her song sheets. As a final thought, she packed the silver guitar pick Tam had given her for her twenty-first birthday. She tried not to think too hard about what Tam might be doing or thinking.

  There was no time to call him or worry about Lina’s threats. In a few hours Kara would be on stage. This was what she’d been working towards for the past five years – nothing else could get in the way.

  By the time she heard Mike’s horn outside, Kara had drunk two cans of Coke and put on her brightest, reddest red lipstick. She clattered downstairs to his car and slid into the seat, barely getting the door pulled shut before he was pulling away from the kerb.

  ‘Morning,’ Mike said brusquely. His normally calm face was scored with deep lines and his eyes were flashing deep violet. ‘Good to see you.’

  Kara ignored the sarcasm in his voice. She looked out of the window at the fruit shops and cafés that were passing as they sped down Great Western Road. Mike ran two red lights and took the corners way too fast – swearing bitterly when the car got snarled up in the Saturday traffic.

  Kara watched a couple walking over Kelvin Bridge, the man with his arm slung over the woman’s shoulders, their heads turned in to snatch a kiss.

  ‘Is Lina at the venue?’ Kara asked, trying to keep her voice even.

  ‘She’ll be around,’ Mike said, keeping his eyes on the road. ‘Why?’

  ‘No reason,’ Kara said.

  ‘Wherever the action is, you’ll find Lina,’ Mike muttered.

  Kara threw him a curious glance. Was there more to his mood than stress and the fact she’d run out of the studio the night before? ‘You fell out?’ she asked, before she could stop herself.

  Mike crunched the gears as he pulled up at a junction and braked hard. ‘What else is new,’ he said, almost to himself. Then he twisted in his seat to look at Kara. ‘We’ve been up most of the night trying to set up this gig.’ His gaze tripped over Kara as if hunting for clues. ‘While you’ve been up to God knows what.’

  ‘I had stuff to sort out,’ Kara answered, pulling at her fringe.

  ‘What stuff? With whom?’

  The question, or the fierceness of Mike’s tone, startled her.

  The light had changed to green, but Mike sat motionless with his hand on the gear stick, waiting for her to talk. Behind them a taxi sounded its horn.

  Kara opened her mouth to give him a choice reply, but bit her lip when she saw his face. Something told her this was something she really, really didn’t want to get into.

  21

  POLAR WAS A very different place during the day. The whole place reeked of pine disinfectant layered over the lingering smell of stale beer, and the black walls were scuffed and shabby. Without the lighting and the crowds, and with the pulsing background music silent, the place echoed like an empty gym hall. Stagehands and engineers shouted to each other across the stage, wires lay coiled on the floor and bursts of feedback crackled at random through the speakers.

  Kara followed Mike through the warren of corridors behind the stage, glancing through half-open doors and trying to keep her bearings. Backstage spaces always disoriented her – windowless, functional labyrinths with the feel of an engine room. There was always the sense that everything was humming with purpose, counting the hours until show time. Mike knocked on a white door and tried the handle. It didn’t budge.

  ‘Shit,’ he muttered, wheeling round and letting Kara see the tic of irritation that jerked in his cheek. ‘The instruments are in there. Lina has the key.’

  Kara took a deep breath and exhaled through her mouth. She could tell the tension was getting to Mike. Before a gig, she and Tam would be wound up and brimming with nerves, ready to spark a fight or a fuck at any moment. She found sex usually helped take the edge off. But they had hours to go yet – and Mike looked like he was suffering from something worse than stage fright.

  ‘Is everything OK?’ she asked, unsettled that Mike wasn’t as cool and in control as he always seemed to be.

  He bit his lip. ‘It’s been a long time,’ he said.

  ‘Since you played on stage?’

  Mike sighed. He rattled the door handle again, as if it might magically unlock itself. ‘Go and find Lina,’ he said, abruptly. ‘Get the key and bring it back here.’

  He kept his back to Kara as he spoke and she hovered for a moment waiting for more information.

  ‘Go on!’ Mike said, and Kara spun on her heel and jogged back the way they’d come, retracing her steps until she emerged in the auditorium. She caught sight of the hired guitarist sitting on the edge of the stage.

  ‘Seen Lina?’ she called, not willing to say more to him than she absolutely had to. Every time he saw her, Eric’s face took on a contemptuous leer.

  Now he sat back and spread his legs wide, giving Kara a greasy smile. ‘Who wants to know?’

  Kara nearly spat on the floor. ‘Just tell me where she is,’ she said, putting her hands on her hips.

  ‘Surely Mike doesn’t want to see her,’ he continued. ‘Ever again, I’d have thought.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  Eric frowned. ‘Of course, you disappeared last night. That did not go down well. Want to hear what happened next?’ He beckoned to her, patted the stage next to him. ‘Come and sit down, I’ll tell you everything.’

  Kara swallowed. She edged closer to the stage, keeping Eric at arm’s length. ‘So spill.’

  ‘What, you don’t want to cuddle up next to me?’ Eric raised his eyebrows.

  ‘Eric. Tell me what happened,’ Kara said through her teeth.

  ‘OK,’ Eric sighed. ‘Let’s just say – “hell hath no fury”. After you left, Mike freaked out. He shouts at Lina –’

  ‘And Lina shouts back, no doubt,’ Kara filled in, impatient to hear the rest. ‘Then what?’

  Eric screwed up his face and winced. ‘It wasn’t pretty. Lina tells Mike he’s going to mess it all up like he did the last time.’

  ‘What, the concert?’

  ‘Yeah. Hasn’t played for six years. But she also said …’ Eric stopped talking and pulled at a thread on his jeans.

  Come on, Kara urged him silently. She slid a little closer and put her hand on his knee, forced herself to smile at him. ‘Said what?’

  Eric looked at her. His eyes were as wide as a startled animal’s. Underneath that sleazy exterior, Kara realised, he was just an insecure kid. She squeezed his thigh hard.

  He cleared his throat and kept talking. ‘She said you were using him. That you didn’t need him. And that you had probably gone to, uh … to get together with Tam.’

  ‘What did Mike say?’

  ‘He just went really quiet. And then he left. Lina went after him,’ Eric said. He shrugged. ‘They drove off in his car. Left us standing about like spare parts. So we packed up our gear and called it a night.’

  Kara realised she was gnawing at her bottom lip. Had Mike listened to Lina’s outburst? Would he care? Maybe she was using him. It seemed everybody had marked her down as a selfish bitch lately. She slid off the stage and wandered towards the ticket desk, turning things over in her mind.

  Lina was crouched over the desk, phone clamped to her ear, laughing with that smoke-and-gravel voice she had in the mornings. Kara waited at a discreet distance, trying to make out what the conversation was about. Whoever she was talking to, Lina was turning on the charm.

  ‘Well, just make sure you do,’ she said, playing with a lock of her hair. ‘OK. See you then.’ She looked up and caught sight of Kara, hovering behind a pillar. Her expression slipped for a moment, and then she nodded. ‘Bye, Tam,’ she said sweetly, and folded the phone slowly shut. ‘Kara. What is it?’

  ‘That was Tam? How is he?’ Kara asked. The blood buzzed in her ears and she had a crazy impulse to
wrench the phone out of Lina’s hand.

  Lina stared at her for a moment and raised an eyebrow. ‘What do you want, Kara?’

  Of course, the way Lina played her games included never giving a straight answer. Keep cool, Kara told herself, although her heart was squeezing. ‘We need the key for the dressing room,’ she said.

  Lina plunged a hand into her pocket and pulled out a keyring. She held it out, dangling it on the end of her fingertips. Kara reached for it, but Lina swung it aside, leaving her hands to close on empty air.

  ‘You failed,’ Lina said.

  Kara noticed the other woman’s lips were rimmed with colour but pale in the centre, as though she’d chewed off the berry-coloured lipstick that was usually so perfectly applied.

  ‘Failed at what?’ Kara asked. She wondered if Lina and Mike had been up all night like she had. If they’d been together.

  ‘Better pay special attention to your lover today,’ Lina said, her voice as brittle as spun sugar. ‘He missed you last night.’

  ‘Mike?’ Kara asked, noticing how the name made Lina flinch.

  ‘Of course, Mike,’ she said. There were dark shadows under her eyes, grey and heavy. ‘It seems you didn’t break the spell. Despite our deal.’

  ‘I left last night, you saw me. I didn’t spend the night with him,’ Kara said.

  ‘I know,’ Lina said bluntly. ‘But I did.’ She looked up at Kara and her eyes were as hard and grey as granite. ‘It should have been just like old times. But no matter how tightly he closed his eyes and tried to pretend, it didn’t work.’ She looked down blankly at the papers strewn over the desk in front of her. ‘Even when he was in me. I knew he was thinking of you.’

  Kara swallowed. She couldn’t quite picture self-assured, commanding Mike missing her. She could imagine the other stuff. He and Lina playing out their power games. Fucking like they were fighting. She couldn’t imagine him pining for anyone.

  ‘Hard to believe, isn’t it?’ Lina continued. ‘I suppose you’d never have guessed it. Too wrapped up in your own dramas.’

  Kara remembered what Tam had said to her the night before. Lina echoed his words almost exactly. Was she really that oblivious?

  ‘I know him better than you. I can tell when he’s faking it,’ Lina said. She took a deep breath and leaned forwards over the desk, covering her eyes with her hand. ‘Better get moving. You’re on stage in –’ She flicked her wrist and looked at her watch ‘– just over five hours. Make the most of it,’ she said, dropping the keys on the table with a loud clatter.

  ‘Is Tam coming tonight?’ Kara asked, leaning forwards to snatch the keys.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Lina. Please.’ Kara never thought she’d find herself asking Lina for anything. Her voice shook a little. ‘Please leave him out of this.’

  Lina turned away from her and started leafing through a list of numbers she had printed out on the desk. ‘I’m busy, Kara. Got to make sure everybody turns up tonight.’ She lifted her gaze and the intensity of it made Kara take a step backwards. ‘Got to make sure it’s a big success,’ she said. ‘Don’t I?’

  When she got back to the dressing room, Mike was slumped on the floor with his head in his hands. Kara slowed as she approached him.

  ‘I got the key,’ she said. Mike didn’t move. ‘Is everything OK?’ Kara asked, almost scared to hear his answer.

  Mike laughed. In the narrow corridor the sound bounced back flat and hollow. He looked up at her. He was smiling, but there was no light in his eyes. ‘I don’t know why I’m worried,’ he murmured. ‘Nobody would even notice if I sat there and knocked out Stravinsky’s “Piano Rag”.’ He stood up and leaned towards Kara, caught hold of the hem of her top and tugged it down to expose the cleft of her breasts. ‘That’s all they want to see.’

  Kara frowned and pulled away. ‘They’re coming to listen to the music. What else have we been busting our arses for?’

  He laughed again, shaking his head so his hair flopped forwards. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. We’re selling them you, Kara. Not music.’ Mike sighed and pulled himself up to stand above her. ‘All we need to do is provide a little background noise.’ He reached round to cup her buttocks with his hand and squeezed. ‘Face it, Kara. You’re a product with sex written all over it. Nobody gives a damn whether you can sing or not.’

  Kara tried to pull away. She reached round Mike and slid the key into the lock, all the time keenly aware of him watching her. Her shoulders were pulled up high and she was gulping air. She flung the door open and made for the bathroom, with Mike following right on her heels. He grabbed her shoulder and pulled her up short.

  ‘Oh come on. You win the jackpot, Kara! After tonight you’ll have the world at your feet. All the glory. Silver and gold. What more could you want?’

  She spun round to face him. ‘It’s not enough,’ she said, searching his face for some glimmer of understanding.

  ‘Everything you’ve ever wanted is not enough?’ Mike said, raising an eyebrow. ‘Now that is breathtaking ambition.’

  He licked his lips. Kara noticed the gleam in his eye and knew what was coming next.

  ‘I know what you need,’ he said, running his thumbs up and down her bare arms. ‘To scratch that itch.’

  His hand danced over her shoulder and traced a line across her throat, curling round her neck. He buried his fingers in her hair and held on tight, pulling her head back slowly.

  ‘It’s hard when your dreams come true, isn’t it?’ he murmured.

  Kara knew she didn’t have to answer the question. Mike was playing with her again. But this time something had changed. When his free hand flicked at the neck of her top, she noticed his fingers were unsteady, as though he’d been drinking.

  ‘All the things you had to do to get where you are. They come back to haunt you, don’t they?’

  Kara closed her eyes. She thought of Ruby and Jon, of the fierce anger in her friend’s eyes the night before. She thought of Tam kneeling on the floor in front of her, unable to ask her straight out what she knew he wanted to.

  ‘You have to learn to ignore the jealousy, Kara.’

  Mike let go her hair, took her top in both hands and tugged it. The slashed neck tore with a faint rasp as Mike ripped it to her waist. Kara stumbled backwards, but Mike had her tethered by the ragged handfuls of fabric. When she swore at him, he let go and the two tails fell back on either side of her exposed chest.

  ‘You have to make sacrifices,’ Mike said, giving her a half-smile. Kara held herself stone still. Mike reached out to trace the lace edge of her bra as though he were drawing patterns on the skin underneath.

  ‘And what have you ever sacrificed?’ she asked, keeping her eyes fixed on his. ‘Apart from your conscience, that is?’

  He nodded. ‘Touché.’

  Idly, he stroked the curve of her breast, sweeping his fingers over her nipple and scraping the cloth gently with his blunt nails. Kara itched under his touch, but still she kept herself motionless.

  ‘I’ve sacrificed more than you know,’ Mike said, his voice very soft. He bent his head to her breast and sucked at her through her bra, so that the damp fabric clung to her nipple and chafed against it, stiffening in the heat of his mouth.

  Kara knew that someone might walk in at any moment. She also knew the risk would only fuel Mike’s desire. A picture of Eric bursting through the door to find Mike suckling on her tit flashed into Kara’s head and she twisted away. Her nipple was wet and stiff from his sucking and her legs were already going weak. God, he knew how to manipulate her.

  ‘I can’t do this,’ she said, pulling her top across her chest and holding the torn fabric close to her skin.

  ‘Crap. I bet you’re already soaking,’ Mike said, starting towards the button of her jeans. Kara took a step backwards and shook her head.

  ‘I mean, the show. The record. The fuckable star with a forgettable soundtrack.’ She waved her hand vaguely to describe what she meant. ‘Everything. It all feels wrong.
’

  Mike looked at her shrewdly. ‘Pre-performance jitters,’ he said, rolling his eyes. ‘Now don’t be ridiculous.’

  ‘I’m serious.’

  ‘So am I,’ he said, pacing across the room to a small fridge and pulling it open. ‘It’s far too late to get cold feet, Kara. I’ve given you what you wanted. Everything I promised.’

  ‘I … I’ve changed my mind,’ Kara said. Her voice sounded like a whisper in a wind tunnel, so small and frail it could be blown away.

  ‘No dice.’ Mike shook his head. ‘You’ll be up there tonight. You will shake your arse to the requisite beat, you will flash your tits and you will knock the audience dead.’

  ‘I can’t.’

  Mike pulled a bottle of Stolly out of the fridge and searched for glasses in the cupboard. He tore the lid open and poured a tumblerful of clear oily vodka.

  ‘If you’re not up to singing we’ll just dub a recording over the musicians,’ he continued. ‘You can mime.’

  ‘No!’

  He took a long swig of his drink before he answered. ‘Like I said, Kara. It’s far too late to back out now. You know the deal. Do you want me to make some clichéd remark about how the show must go on?’

  He approached and pulled her hands away from her top, forcing them to her sides. ‘Just do exactly as I say and everything will be fine,’ he said. He plucked at the top button of her jeans. ‘Take those off,’ he added, nodding at her while he took another sip. His fingers made wet smudges on the side of the glass.

  Half of Kara wanted to knock it out of his hand and scream him out of the room. There was a storm thrashing inside her, a gathering, tumbling sensation that she’d never felt before. Yes, there were nerves before a show. But that was light, jangly electric excitement. This was different. Dark and sour.

  She was on the tightrope again, scrabbling at thin air. Underneath her a thousand people swarmed, eyes glittering in the darkness. And instead of the rush of anticipation, Kara was aware of a rising seasickness, the sensation that the crowd only wanted to rip her apart and consume her.

  Mike waited for her to carry out his instructions. He faced her with the cool certainty that she would do as she was bid, watched her with that mild curiosity that made her hair stand on end.