Ask Me

by M. Malone

  I walk behind the reception desk and notice my college dashboard is still open. I lean closer to see my grades from my last quiz. The “D” next to the quiz number hits me like a slap in the face. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.

  “Anya, can you find that newspaper for me?”

  She leans over and grabs it from the floor. “Here it is. Although I think calling it a newspaper is an insult to newspapers everywhere. This is trash, pure and simple.”

  “Look at the headline. According to this, Andre is just sowing his oats before he marries some Italian socialite.”

  “Italy’s Fashion King sows his wild oats with a local Cinderella.” She frowns down at the paper. “They think they’re so clever. You can’t believe anything you read in a tabloid.”

  I shrug miserably. “For all I know, he has a penthouse just like the one here in other cities. Maybe he has a woman playing house with him in every city he travels to. I’m in way over my head here.”

  “I’m sure he can explain, Casey. The way he looks at you… I don’t think that’s an act.” Anya pushes the paper away. “Don’t let what some stupid tabloid reporter made up bother you. They’ll print anything to sell papers.”

  At that moment Jason comes back in, stopping short when Anya turns to glare at him. “I just need to get my briefcase. I dropped it while I was making calls.” His eyes meet mine briefly before he turns away.

  “Wait!”

  I run from behind the desk and stand in front of him. The last time I was fooled by a man, I ignored all the signs. Maybe if I’d been a little braver and asked a few questions, I wouldn’t have been so blindsided.

  I hold up the paper. “Is there any truth to this?”

  Jason looks at his feet. “Not exactly.”

  “Not exactly? I knew it. He’s really married, isn’t he?”

  Jason looks up, startled. “What? I didn’t say that! He wasn’t married to Marcella, they were only engaged.”

  I grit my teeth. “Oh? Engaged, is that all? My mistake.” I walk back behind the reception desk and snatch my purse from the floor. After a moment of hesitation, I pick up the tabloid and fold it under my arm.

  “Wait, let me explain. They broke up ages ago, I swear.”

  I point at the door. “Just leave, Jason. Please? Haven’t you done enough for one day?”

  Anya motions toward the door. “She needs a little time to deal with all this. Mr. Lavin will be back soon and this whole misunderstanding will be cleared up.”

  He looks over at me. “I really am sorry.” Then he’s gone.

  Anya pulls me into a hug. “I meant what I said to him. I’m sure this whole thing is just a misunderstanding. Just because he was engaged to that lady at some point doesn’t mean anything.”

  “That’s just it, Anya. With some men, there’s always a misunderstanding. There’s always an excuse. I’ve seen this movie before and I already know how it ends. This time though, I’m not waiting around for the closing credits.”

  I pull a blank sheet of paper from the printer. “Would you give him something for me?”

  I write with precision, as if the care I take writing the words will soften the blow of the contents. It was foolish to think that having what I wanted would be easy. Rich, handsome princes only come to the rescue in Disney movies.

  And it seems I kissed a prince and he turned into a frog. Andre was right. We really have done everything backward.

  Anya slaps a hand on the edge of the paper. “I really hope that’s not a Dear John note.”

  “I’ll be back later. Right now, I need to get out of here before I lose it.”

  I glance at the mess on the floor again, Jason’s words coming back to haunt me. No pussy is that good. He might be an asshole but he had a point.

  Andre has worked to make his business a success for years. His public image is everything and a crucial part of his success, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He’s been the darling of the fashion world for years without a whiff of scandal until now.

  If he loses all that because of me, eventually he’ll grow to resent me. It’ll be like a slow poison eating away at any life we build together. I can’t allow him to throw everything he’s worked for away for something that could never last anyway.

  And I won’t throw my pride away again for a man I can’t trust.

  22

  * * *

  After walking around the block a few times, I think I’m calm enough not to go for Jason’s throat. I need to talk to Casey. This is the worst way to be introduced to sudden fame and I have no idea how she’s handling it.

  But as soon as I walk back into the agency, I know she’s gone. Anya’s guilty expression as she hands me a note doesn’t make me feel any better, either.

  The simple note brings back unpleasant memories. I unfold the plain white sheet.

  I can’t do this anymore. I’m so sorry. I’ll come by the penthouse later to get my things.

  I read the words over and over and they still hold no meaning. All that comes through for me is sadness. Finality. She’s ending our relationship over lies. I can’t let that happen. I sit in the lobby of the agency and I have no idea how much time has passed when I hear the sound of her voice.

  “I can’t believe you’re still here.”

  She’s standing just inside the doorway wearing dark jeans and a blue hoodie pulled up to shield her face. Her eyes are red. Even like this, she’s so beautiful she looks like sunlight.

  “There you are. I had to know you were all right but I didn’t want to lead the reporters to your apartment.”

  “I’m sorry I left that way.” Casey rubs her arms. “Everything was falling apart and I needed a minute to think. We don’t really know each other at all.”

  “I know you.” Suddenly angry, I draw her against me. She fits in the cradle of my arms perfectly. “I may not know every detail yet, but I know your heart. I know you.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were engaged to Marcella?” Casey demands.

  I pause. “Who told you we were engaged? We never announced it.”

  Casey’s eyes close and she lets out a long, slow breath. “It doesn’t matter who told me. What matters is that you didn’t.”

  “No, Cassandra, please listen. I broke up with Marcella long before I met you. She’s someone my mother wanted to see me with. But she was never right for me. She’s definitely not who I want to be with now. That’s you. Only you.” I squeeze her arms gently but she steps back, out of my embrace.

  “Even if that’s true, I just don’t know if I can do this. We’re so different. Can you really see me fitting in with your family, your friends, your entire lifestyle?” She shakes her head and that’s when I see the sheen of tears in her eyes. “I can’t live wondering how long before you get bored with me and go back to your real life.”

  It hits me straight in the heart to hear her say these things. “Do you think so little of me then? You really believe that I would do that? That I would lie to you?”

  “I know you’d never hurt me on purpose. You’re a good man, one of the best I’ve ever known. But I need to do what’s best for me right now. And so do you.” She swipes at her eyes angrily as tears flow down her cheeks. “Maybe we were right in the beginning to say things could only be one night. And our one night is finally up.”

  With one last sad look, she goes down the hallway and turns into Mya’s office. I’m sure they’re strategizing with their own PR about how to keep this from affecting their business.

  And having me camped out in their lobby probably isn’t helping.

  I leave fighting the urge to rage or to punch someone else. The vultures who are no doubt taking pictures of me right now would probably love that. This day is everything I didn’t want for us, my worst nightmare come to life. And the fact that people around the world are looking at pictures of us during one of our most intimate moments makes me feel like I’ve failed her in the worst way.

  This is my fault.
<
br />   I know what this industry does to people. I’ve seen so many friends fall apart over the years or crack under the pressure. How could I let someone as sweet and full of life as Casey get chewed up by the entertainment machine? All those assholes looking at our picture don’t deserve to breathe the same air she does, but even as we speak they’re making memes of us and calling her names.

  Worse I can’t protect her because being near me is the only reason she’s at risk. I am the problem.

  You would think I would have learned.

  When I get home, I strip out of my clothes and change into sweatpants and the coffee stained T-shirt I haven’t worn since the day I met Casey. Little did I know that pint-sized, clumsy girl would change my whole perspective and make me happy for the first time in a long time. Maybe the first time ever.

  Thinking of her is getting me nowhere so I pull out the convertible sleeping bag coat I’ve been working on in my spare time.

  By the time I look up the light has faded, my throat is dry and my head hurts. When I turn around Philippe is sitting on the sofa. It looks like he’s been there for quite some time.

  “I was wondering how long it would take before you noticed I was here.” Philippe rises from the sofa. He looks at the coat. “You’ve made some changes to the design. I like it.”

  “Casey said that the pockets should be flatter. So that things wouldn’t fall out.” Why does my voice sound so rusty?

  “You know you never even told me about this project until after it was approved. Casey is the only one you told. Do you know why?” He doesn’t wait for me to answer. “Because you trust her. Not something you do easily.”

  “What’s the point? I’ve fucked up her life. She didn’t sign up to be trashed in the press. She’s an innocent, Philippe. She doesn’t know how to do this. The things they’re saying about her… How can I ask her to live like this?”

  Philippe sighs. “I’m not saying it will be easy. But what I saw in those pictures wasn’t a woman looking at a meal ticket. She loves you. Isn’t that worth fighting for?”

  When he leaves I wonder if he even knows the answer. Because I don’t. If my choices are keeping Casey with me and subjecting her to days like today, or letting her go, then I have no idea what to do.

  For the next few days, I attempt to be patient. She’s hurting right now and probably trying to avoid anything that reminds her of me. But by Friday morning, I’m done. The last time we were apart this long I ravaged her in the bathroom, the reason for this whole mess.

  I need to see her.

  Every one of my calls has gone straight to voicemail. None of my texts have been answered. I haven’t gone to her apartment because I don’t want anyone to follow me there but I’m out of options.

  Living under scrutiny as long as I have has taught me a thing or two about avoiding paparazzi notice. So I go to the Lavin Design office as if I’m just reporting for a day of work. Then I have Kate drive me to her apartment while I’m ducked down in the backseat.

  “Okay, so I’ll wait here until you text me again. You know, just in case…”

  “Just in case she tells me to go to hell? Thanks.”

  Kate looks stricken. “Sorry boss.”

  I climb out and walk straight to the building. By the time I get to the third floor, my palms are sweating. But I’m here so there’s no turning back now. I knock on the door and wait.

  Ariana opens the door wearing nurse’s scrubs and eating a yogurt. “It took you long enough to get here.”

  “Um, okay. Is Casey here?”

  She rolls her eyes. “You know what, I was actually rooting for you. I kept telling her that you were going to show up, sweep her off her feet and prove that all that tabloid bullshit wasn’t worth crying over. But then a day goes by and then another. I’m actually disappointed in you.”

  “You’re not the only one. I’m disappointed in myself. Please tell her that I love her and that I’m sorry. I’m trying to fix this.”

  “Fix it? Everything can’t be fixed. Sometimes you’re just fucked. But don’t worry about Casey. I’m sure she’ll be fine. She’ll have a few drinks, hook up with her childhood sweetheart and then the next thing I know I’ll be getting a wedding invitation. That seems to be how things go with my roommates.”

  The next thing I know the door is coming for my face. I have to step back or risk a broken nose.

  “Well, that was helpful.”

  Her words about Casey crying make me feel even worse. I thought I was protecting her by staying away but obviously that was the wrong move. Now she thinks I don’t care enough to fight for her which couldn’t be further from the truth.

  But how am I supposed to fight for her when she won’t answer my calls or texts? I feel like the universe needs to help me get a clue because clearly I’m missing something.

  Then I think about what Ariana said again. Like most people, she revealed more than she thought in her anger. Why would she bring up Casey spending time with her childhood sweetheart? That would only be possible in one place.

  Her hometown.

  She’s gone.

  When I get back in the backseat of Kate’s car, she twists in the seat. “Oh no. You look worse. Did you see her?”

  “No.”

  She slaps the steering wheel. “You know what? I have held my tongue this whole time, because it’s not my place. I’m just the assistant. I’m just the person who deals with you the most and probably knows you better than your own mother. Who asks for the assistant’s advice? But you are screwing this whole thing up. That girl was perfect for you and she didn’t take any of your bullshit. You need her in your life.”

  Once she runs out of air, I lean forward and tap her seat. “I know. I finally figured that out. I just figured it out too late.”

  Kate blows out a breath. “Well, shit.”

  “Yeah.”

  Nothing about this feels right but I had no idea things were this bad. Meeting me has cost Casey her job and her home in the city. Now she’s been forced back to the very place she was desperate to escape from. I pull out my phone and think about what I’m about to do.

  Then I call her one final time and leave a voicemail.

  I push open the door to the penthouse and stand quietly in the entryway. After Kate dropped me off at the office, I went back to the bar where it all started, hoping I could drink until I forgot my own name. I got as far as ordering a beer when I noticed a woman reading a copy of the tabloid that started this whole mess.

  It’s dark and quiet as a tomb. How could I have gotten used to her presence so quickly? Already the penthouse seems lifeless and empty, like a stainless-steel prison.

  The stark décor never bothered me before but suddenly I find myself missing the pair of shoes Casey always kicked off next to the front door and the sounds of her chatter as she talked to herself while cooking. Those little touches made this cold place feel like home.

  I slam the door, needing to take out my aggression on something. Anything. Two quick knocks sound on the door behind me. When I open it, Jason stands on the other side watching me with a glum expression.

  That’ll do nicely.

  Before I can swing, he grabs my arm and kicks the door closed with his foot. “I don’t think you need any more tabloid coverage, do you? Unless you feel taking another cheap shot at me is worth that?”

  “It wasn’t a cheap shot. I didn’t hit you from behind. You had the opportunity to defend yourself.”

  He grunts. “That’s true. I was actually the one who took the cheap shot. I shouldn’t have said those things.”

  A long moment of silence passes as we stand staring at each other.

  Finally Jason breaks the standoff. “Are you going to make me get on my knees and beg? I’m trying to say I’m sorry here. Groveling isn’t something I do well, you know. I’m usually not sorry at all when I’m an asshole.”

  Just that quickly the animosity between us is gone. Either that or I’m just too tired to hold a grudge any lo
nger.

  “I should still hit you again. Did you see the look on her face? Nothing should ever make her feel the way your words did. I want to protect her from all the ugly bits of life. She’s not just another girl to me, Jason. She’s the one. The only one.”

  “I know. I saw you falling deeper and deeper for this girl and we don’t really know anything about her. I didn’t want you to go through what I did. Loving someone who’s only using you is the worst sort of betrayal. One you never really get over. Divorce doesn’t cure that.” Jason’s face hardens before he looks away.

  I walk over to the floor-to-ceiling wall of windows. The sky mirrors my mood with dark clouds that roil in a mass over the city. Inside I’m much the same, a big ball of destructive energy waiting to strike out at the closest victim.

  Because of that, I try to keep my voice calm when I reply. Jason is one of my oldest friends and there have been enough angry words between us. Especially since I understand why my friend is so deeply suspicious of women in general.

  “Every woman isn’t like your ex-wife. Casey doesn’t want my money. She basically dumped me because she thinks she doesn’t fit into my lifestyle. She also doesn’t trust me now. How did this all go to hell so fast?”

  Jason’s eyebrows shoot up. His mouth opens and closes a few times before he speaks again. “Wait a minute. A woman actually left you because you have too much money?”

  He stares for another moment before breaking into laughter. The longer he looks at me, the harder he laughs until I feel a smile cross my face as well.

  “What are you laughing at, you idiot? She left me.”

  At that, my smile falls. My sweet Clumsy Girl is out there in the world somewhere alone and I’m here. Determined to stay away from her because it’s the only thing she’s ever asked of me.

  I’d give her anything she asked for, anything she needed. Even if it kills me to stay away.

  Jason claps me on the back. “She didn’t really leave, you big sap. If she didn’t love you, she wouldn’t care about any of this. She’d just take what she could get for as long as she could get it. She’s just afraid.”