Jack Hammer

by Tabatha Vargo

  I needed new memories. Memories that didn’t involve Blaine’s eyes or his lips and hands. Memories that didn’t make my body shake or my heart break. Ones that took away the pain I felt every time I thought of everything I’d loss… every time I thought about being alone and the physical pain I’d endured.

  I had nightmares every night. Nightmares full of blood and emptiness… nightmares of dying. Blaine left me with more than just a broken heart, and it was all the extras I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over.

  The dark place I entered when he left was hell. It was as if I’d left my body just to deal… a self-induced coma, so to speak. My parents threatened to send me to the psych ward if I didn’t snap out of it. Then I’d found out I was pregnant, and I really did shut down. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep.

  My life was going down the drain and all I could do was sit by and watch. I gave up on school, and even though my grades declined drastically, I was still able to graduate. My graduation day was nothing like I’d pictured it my whole life. I didn’t get valedictorian, and I walked across the stage sad and nauseated with my parents frowning in the crowd.

  The night I lost our baby was the worst night of my life. I was alone and afraid, and I needed Blaine to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. I was bleeding and in so much pain I could barely stand. I’d hid it from my parents up until that point, but there was no more hiding it once they had to rush me to the emergency room. There was no more hiding it when the doctor told us they had to do an emergency D and C.

  Everything inside of me was scraped away, and I was left empty and feeling more alone than ever. After that night I was never the same. My body was altered—my mind scrambled. I didn’t have a social life outside of Lynn, who tried her best to comfort me, and my parents.

  I swore off the opposite sex completely. I told myself I wasn’t going to think about anything but Columbia and my future until I was from under my parent’s rules, until I didn’t have their accusing and judging eyes all over me. My father couldn’t even look me in the eye and my mother barely spoke to me.

  I’d made it past all that and I was attending Columbia. I was ready to take on my future, and I was ready to date. If not for any other reason but to forget Blaine, I needed to do this. Avoiding the opposite sex was no longer an option. I was ready to live again. I needed to get over Blaine once and for all. I needed to let the terrible memories of my year after he left go away for good.

  With my plan to have more of a dating life in full force, I lost myself in my textbook and let the rest of the library fade away. Focusing on the words of my chemistry book, I tried to make sense of it all. An hour later, and with a mind full of mush, I closed my book and gave up studying for the rest of the day.

  Chemistry would have to wait until I didn’t have a million thoughts running through my head. I gathered my books and notes and shoved them in my bag. Standing, I hung the strap from my bag on my shoulder and turned.

  Blaine was there staring back at me. Again, he was freaking everywhere!

  My stomach twisted just like it had when I’d first met him, and I cursed his impeccable timing. Being alone with Blaine in the back of an empty library was not the ideal situation for me to be in.

  His cocky grin promised he was up to no good and his eyes, as they moved over me, confirmed that.

  “You’re studying on a Saturday? I guess some things never change, huh, Little Doe?”

  His nickname for me sparked anger inside stomach.

  “Don’t call me that,” I snapped. “And that’s not true. You’re walking proof that things change. You’re in a library on a Saturday and it’s not against your own will.”

  He chuckled. “College girl’s got jokes,” he said with the tilt of his head.

  “No jokes. I just tell it like I see it.”

  I moved to go around him, but he took a step to the right and blocked my path. I crossed my arms over my chest, and gave him my most annoyed look.

  He took a step toward me, obviously unfazed by my annoyance of him. He either didn’t care about my feelings, or was completely clueless to them. It was in my experience that Blaine was never clueless about anything involving him.

  When he took another step toward me, I moved back. We needed as much space between us as we could possibly get. Being too close to Blaine messed with my ability to use my better judgment.

  He looked around, and I frowned wondering what he looking for.

  “What are you doing?” I finally asked.

  He faced me again. “I’m just wondering why you’re sitting all the way back here.”

  I stiffened and gripped the strap of my bag. The urge to flee from him was so strong I didn’t want to lose my schoolwork in the process.

  “It’s quiet back here,” I muttered.

  “It’s a library, Chelsey. It’s always quiet in here. Try again with another lie.”

  “The lighting’s better, too.”

  He looked around. “That’s because half the lights back here are out and no one bothers to change them because no comes back here.”

  “Well, I do. Plus, it’s less crowded back here. I can work without anyone interrupting me.”

  “I call bullshit on all three accounts. It’s a Saturday. The only ones here are the staff.”

  “You’re here,” I pointed out.

  “I’m not here to study.”

  “Then why are you here?” I asked.

  As soon as I asked the question I wanted to take it back. I knew when the words left my mouth that I didn’t want to know the answer.

  “I thought you’d never ask.”

  He licked his lips and then stalked toward me with a predatory smile. I backed up until my shoulders brushed against a bookshelf. He stopped, a hairsbreadth between us. He didn’t touch me, but I could feel the heat of his body against mine.

  My body was a treacherous bitch.

  Mentally, I wanted nothing to do with him. I wanted to hate him. But my body was a traitor, and physically I was begging for him. The space between my thighs cried for him and I found myself squeezing my legs together and enjoying the sensation.

  Warning bells sounded.

  “Stop it, Blaine,” I warned.

  “Stop what? I haven’t done anything… yet.”

  His heated breath struck my lips and I inhaled his minty flavor. My breath was shaky when I exhaled.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  I wanted to kick myself for how vulnerable I sounded.

  “What am I doing?” His eyes moved over my lips. His hands came up and gripped the bookshelf behind my head as he leaned into me. “Tell me the truth, Chelsey. Do you come back here because it reminds you of the time we were in the library together?”

  I closed my eyes as the memories of us moved in. The way he pressed me against the shelves and worked my body into a frenzy. It was all too much.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Even if I did, that’s not why I come back here. I come back here to think,” I lied.

  “Oh, I see.” His expression told me he knew I was lying. “Were you thinking about me?”

  The nerve. I wanted to slap him, and I wanted to kiss him, but more than anything, I needed him to put out the flame blazing between my legs. The man made me crazy.

  “Yes. Actually, I was thinking about you.” I smiled inside when his eyes lit up. “In fact, I was thinking about what you said the other night about me being boring. You’re right, Blaine. I’m young, I’m in college, and I’m single. I’ve decided to take your advice. I’m going to start going out more. Maybe go on a few dates and loosen up.”

  I don’t know what I expected his reaction to be, but he shocked me. His face turned dark, his brows pulled in, in anger, and then his face cleared and he burst into laughter. His shoulders shook and his eyes watered with amusement.

  “Yeah. I’d like to see you try that, Little Doe.” He wiped at his face. “Good luck. You’re going to need it.”

  Anger
ripped through me. He thought I wasn’t capable of getting a date. Either that, or he thought I was going to be a boring date. As far as I was concerned, Blaine had just dared me, and I never walked away from a dare.

  I pushed him hard in the chest and strode away with quick, determined steps. I left him in the back of the library alone with his laughter, while I went on the hunt.

  **********

  MY DATING LIFE STARTED OUT with an epic fail. Of course, that could have more to do with Blaine than it did with me.

  I’d just left Mr. Woods class when I heard someone calling out my name.

  “Hey, Chelsey! Wait up!”

  The deep voice startled me, and I turned to see Charles jogging up to me. I smiled at him as he skidded to a stop next to me and bent to rest his hands on his knees and catch his breath.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, holding back a laugh.

  He held up a finger above his head as if to tell me to give him a minute. When he looked up he squinted at the sun and took a deep breath before standing at full height.

  “Out of breath?” I asked.

  With his hands on his hips, he grinned down at me. “Only a little. I’m not much of a runner.”

  “Then why were you running across campus?”

  “To catch you.” He smiled again. “I wanted to see if you were ready for that date yet.”

  Technically, I wasn’t ready, but I had a plan. And after the last conversation I had with Blaine, I was definitely going through with it.

  “Are you asking me out?”

  “I thought that was obvious.” He chuckled. “Apparently, I’m doing this all wrong.”

  I laughed. “You’re not. I was just making sure.”

  “Yes. This is me asking you out on a date. I’m sorry. I’m not very good at the whole dating thing.”

  “Don’t worry. Neither am I. It’ll be our little secret.”

  “Good because I’d probably lose my man card for this one.”

  We both laughed.

  “So anyway, are you busy tonight? I know it’s short notice and if you have other plans I totally understand.”

  “No,” I was quick to say. This was going to happen. “I don’t have any plans.”

  He smiled, and I felt my cheeks warm hoping I didn’t sound as desperate as I felt.

  “Good. I’ll pick you up at your dorm tonight around six?”

  “Six is great, but I’m not in a dorm. I’m staying in an apartment off campus.”

  I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote down my address for him. His finger brushed mine when I handed it to him and sadly there was no spark. Still, I wasn’t about to let that stop me from going on a date with him.

  He looked down at the paper, and then smiled up at me. “Okay. I’ll see you at six.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  I spent too long getting ready. I couldn’t decide on what to wear since I had no idea where Charles was taking me. The closer it got to six, the more my stomach twisted and turned. I wasn’t entirely sure it was because I was nervous for my date. I mean, I was, but not in an excited way.

  I felt like I was doing something wrong—like I was cheating on a certain someone. I knew I had no reason to feel that way, but I couldn’t help it. It made me angry that my heart still felt like it belonged to Blaine. Especially when I knew Blaine never wanted my heart to begin with.

  Why couldn’t my heart understand that Blaine had left me with no regrets?

  He never tried to reach out to me after he left, and I needed him there to take away the pain of everything that was happening.

  The knock on the door scared me, and I jumped. A single tear rolled down my cheek and I swiped it away angrily. I hadn’t realized I was crying, but the memories were too much. As badly as I wanted to feel better and be over everything that happened, I wasn’t.

  There was another hesitant knock, and I rushed to pull it open. Charles’ cologne moved through the room, and I backed away to get some fresh air.

  “Hi,” he said with a sly smile. His eyes moved over my face, and his smile dropped. “Are you okay?”

  Crap!

  “I’m fine,” I said with cheer I didn’t feel. I plastered on a big, fake smile as I looked him over. “You look nice.”

  He was dressed casually in a white, Polo shirt, dark jacket and jeans and that made me feel better about my own outfit.

  “You look… amazing.” His brown eyes lit up.

  I flushed and looked down at myself. “I forgot to ask what we were doing, so I wasn’t exactly sure how to dress.”

  “It’s a surprise, but you’re dressed perfectly for tonight. Are you ready?”

  “Yes,” I said as I reached over and snagged my purse from the entrance table.

  I shut the door behind me, and we walked together down the hallway. It threw me off guard when he grabbed my hand and his fingers intertwined with mine. I didn’t want to make it awkward by looking at him, but I couldn’t tear my gaze away from our hands.

  I took long, deep breaths as we walked toward his car, trying not to hyperventilate.

  The ride to where we were going was quiet. Charles held my hand the entire time and I kept wishing he’d let it go. I didn’t want to be rude and pull away, but my hand was starting to feel sweaty. It was gross.

  We pulled up to a big, grassy park. There were people as far as the eye could see, and off in the distance there was a large movie screen. I sat and waited as Charles came around to my side of the car and opened the door for me.

  I waited by the trunk as he opened it and pulled out a blanket and a basket. Then again, he grabbed my hand and we walked onto the field full of people. Half way to the screen, we found a great spot and Charles set the basket down to spread out the blanket.

  “This is amazing,” I said, grabbing one end of the blanket and helping him spread it out.

  I was happy we’d found such a great spot because the park was completely full. We sat down, and I looked around as the massive crowd surrounding us. There was a constant stream of chatter and laughter while everyone mingled with their groups.

  “Yeah, I love coming to these things. They do them about once a month. I’m surprised you’ve never come out to one of these before.”

  “School is crazy. and I try not to fall behind by staying ahead, which means having no social life.”

  “Glad I’m not the only one.” He snorted. “Are you not from New York?”

  “Nope. I was born and raised in Georgia. Do you need any help?” I asked when he moved the basket in front of him and started to remove food.

  “I got it.” He smiled and winked at me.

  He looked down before he could see my reaction and I was glad for that. There was Blaine’s kind of winking, and then there was Charles’ kind. There was no competition.

  When I realized where my thought process was headed, I shook my head to rid my thoughts.

  “Are you from New York?” I asked.

  “Yep. My parents live in the city, but they might as well live on campus as much as they come to see me.”

  I laughed. “I consider myself lucky that my parents don’t live close to the school. They’d probably live on campus, too.”

  “Was Columbia your first choice?”

  I nodded. “It was my only choice since I could talk. My father went to Columbia so he was very excited for me to follow in his footsteps.”

  “Yeah, gotta love the pressure of following in family footsteps. Both of my parents went to Columbia, so there was no doubt in their minds that I’d go, too.”

  “What do your parents do?”

  It was nice to know I wasn’t the only one with strict parents, although, it sounded like Charles’ parents might’ve been a level above mine.

  “My father’s a broker and my mom’s an art director.”

  I heard his response, but it went in one ear and out the other. My lingering eyes landed on the one person I’d hoped I wouldn’t see again. Blaine.

  Was New York not big e
nough for the two of us or something?

  My heart sped up, and I silently prayed he wouldn’t see me. He was walking across the park like he owned it. Maddie, his little sister, held his hand and laughed at something he was saying to her. And then he looked up, and his eyes landed on mine.

  His expression changed from happiness and into confusion, before his brows pulled down and anger passed over his face. Then him and Maddie changed direction, and I stopped breathing when I realized they were headed our way.

  33

  BLAINE

  EVERYTHING WAS A FUCKING MESS. EVERYTHING.

  I couldn’t think, and every time I could, my thoughts went straight to Chelsey. My bed smelled like her. My car reminded me of her. And even Maddie was asking who she was. She’d somehow pushed herself right back into my life without even trying.

  I was even starting to forget all the reasons I was supposed to hate her. I had to constantly close my eyes and replay the most horrific night of my life, just so I could get the hatred to move back in. I needed to hate Chelsey. It was the only thing that kept me going every day.

  So for two weeks, I walked around pissed off at the world. I snapped at Grandma a few times and had to apologize, and I’d even made Maddie cry, which made me feel like shit.

  I decided it was better for everyone if I stayed at work and stayed busy. So, when Chris asked me on Friday if I could work some on Saturday, I agreed. I spent the day out in the sun working on some shrubbery around Butler Library, one of the twenty-two libraries on Columbia University campus.

  The place was massive, with huge columns and windows tucked behind them. Something about the place reminded me of the Lincoln Memorial in Delaware, minus the big statue of President Lincoln. I’d gone there once with my parents when I was younger, and every time I looked at Butler Library it sent me back to that memory. It was a good memory so that was fine by me.

  I knew I’d be tired as hell when I got to the banana later that night, but fuck it. I was always tired anyway. I clipped at the shrubs, making them perfectly square, and wiped at the sweat that formed on my forehead.