Always Wanted Forever

by Sarah Tork

Xander: 9:22

  Normally I wouldn’t object to a simple delivery; sometimes I prefer it like that. But on this occasion…I’d say there’s nothing better than having ‘It’ as fresh as possible. There’s nothing I want more than to watch you glide that treasure off your temple of creation, right here, in front of me.

  Baby, it’s part of the deal, one that I will not back down from.

  So please…don’t make me miss out what I’ve been salivating for all day.

  I can’t wait to smell everything.

  Kisses and caresses

  Marisa: 9:28

  You are so annoying. Fine! I’ll come, but I’m not staying for more than a few minutes. You get the thong and I’m outa there!

  Got it?

  Xander: 9:29

  Baby…you made me so happy…see you within the hour.

  A stampede of heels entered the bathroom, followed with drunken howling, and whoever it was stopped in front of my stall.

  “Ruthie!”

  “Shush! Don’t bring attention to us, Francine; it was an accident!”

  Ruthie and Francine?

  A memory flashed from last summer. Mom was having one of her summer parties, and one of her many divorced friends came over wearing a tiny hooker dress with her boobs popping out. No wait, there were two of them, and they were both dressed like twin hookers.

  They were out on the hunt, and Mom had taken them around introducing them to all the singles. Mom was a Madame in her own right that night. In fact, I should have expressed that thought with her that night in front of everyone.

  Damn it, I was always getting the genius ideas too late.

  “Ruthie, I know it was an accident, you dirty girl, but I can’t believe you! You just had sex with that sexy food attendant in the back room! That was on purpose…don’t you deny it!”

  My jaw dropped. No way! Uh-oh, ladies, the cat’ s out of the bag. Ruthie, you dirty slut, having unprotected sex with one of the waiters! How scandalous!

  “It was amazing; we did it in the broom closet and he came all over me. My vagina is still throbbing. Ohhh,” Ruthie purred.

  Oh God…graphic images…no!

  “He came all over you? You’re still wearing your thing, right?” Francine asked in a slightly hushed tone.

  “Of course I am. I had one put in after Marcus and I divorced,” Ruthie answered. “I do not need a pregnancy scare. I already have two little ones that I can’t stand to be around for too long; and thank God, they’re at their father’s for the entire month!”

  Fucking bitch!

  “That’s fab. We should totally go to Vegas next weekend!” Francine exclaimed excitedly.

  Totally?

  “That’s an amazing idea! It’ll be like so much fun. A spur of the moment trip, maybe some of the other girls would love to come as well,” Ruthie said happily.

  “I’m so excited, shopping, dancing, gambling, late night fucking fests with gorgeous younger bachelors,” Francine slurred loudly.

  “Ugh, all this talk about sexy bachelors has me riled up all over again,” Ruthie said, then moaned as she stomped repeatedly. “I’ll just take this off… don’t need it now that I’ve decided to go catch Donald again.”

  “No, you’re going back for seconds?” Francine exclaimed in disbelief.

  “Darling, I’m going back for thirds.” Ruthie purred. “Give me that small empty blue plastic bag from your purse.”

  Plastic crinkled.

  “He came all over them!” Francine screeched.

  What?

  Disgusting!

  Shake it off, shake that image off like your life depends on it!

  “Among other places, and I loved it!” Ruthie hissed like she’s extending her tongue in and out and clicking it, along with lip-smacking noises.

  My eyes bulged

  Shake it off…shake it off!.

  NO!

  “You are so bad,” Francine hissed uncontrollably. “Oh my God, your black underwear has a zebra print now.”

  “Why do you think I’m throwing them out? I love it on me, not on my clothes,” Ruthie answered, and the plastic crinkling stopped.

  “Now that that’s been dealt with, how about you help me find Donald? I’ve got something I need to tell him,” Ruthie purred.

  Francine gasped. “You’re bringing the girls out again!”

  “He seemed rather fond of them before. Why not bring them out more and watch him explode with desire? I can’t wait,” Ruthie purred. The sound of Francine giggling in disbelief and sheer joy dimmed out as they left the bathroom.

  What the hell was that?

  I feel violated...

  I should sue…

  The images…

  The words….

  Zebra print….

  I can never go to the zoo again…. NO! I love the zoo!

  CURSES!

  My phone rang as I exited the stall.

  Xander Barns said the caller I.D.

  “What now, Xander?” I hissed through the receiver, stopping before the exit.

  “Run in the parking lot before coming over.” he ordered, sounding like he was trying not to laugh. “I want them nice and sweaty.”

  I growled into the phone, hoping his ears bled. “I’ll shove them down your throat you disgusting bitch. Goodbye, Xander!”

  Disgusted and feeling extremely violated, I ended the call and charged out of the bathroom, not looking from the floor. I bumped into someone standing underneath the threshold. I glanced up and it was Ben, looking untouched.

  “Why were you standing there? You scared me!” I yelled at him, stepping out of his embrace and beginning to walk away. He grabbed my arm, stopping me.

  I stared at his hand like it was poison. “Take your hand off of me.”

  “No,” Ben shook his head. “So, it makes sense now. The new dress. The new look. The ride in the SUV. Was it all from that guy, Xander?”

  I leaned closer to him, looking him dead in the eyes. “Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. Why the fuck do you care anyway?”

  “Stop playing with me,” Ben whispered back, pulling me closer.

  “I’m not playing with you. You were set free months ago, so run along. There’s nothing for you here,” I hissed. “Besides, don’t you have a date to get to?”

  Shit….. now he’s going to know I read his email.

  “So, you have been reading my emails.” Ben smiled snidely, like he knew shit. “And you didn’t feel the need to respond to them at all? That’s nice, real nice, Marisa.”

  “I had nothing to say to you; and honestly, it confused the shit out of me, wondering why you were taking your princess-time emailing me,” I informed him matter-of-factly. “I mean, didn’t you have things to do? You know, like make out with some more short, skanky redheads? I’m sure there’s bound to be more than just that one from Kyle’s party. What do you think, at least five left in Ottawa alone that haven’t had the privilege of kissing your precious cashmere lips yet!”

  Ben’s face turned red.

  Goal one for me!

  “What did you just say?” he asked me slowly.

  “You… heard…. me.” I whispered back.

  “I didn’t cheat on you with multiple women, the girl at the party was a drunken mistake!” Ben growled.

  “Not my problem anymore, what you did or you didn’t do. Go kiss, go fuck, whatever, just leave me alone,” I hissed at him.

  He grimaced. “Is that what you really want?”

  “Made that clear months ago. Guess you didn’t hear me loud and clear back then when I moved to another city,” I hissed, jerking my chin up at him.

  “You’re full of shit.” he stated, shaking his head. “You’ve lost it completely. Psycho status.”

  I scoffed at him. “Among other things, but sure, add that to the list. I know how you love adding every con about me to it, with anticipation every time one came up. You were always so happy to see me crash and burn in all things in my life!”

  Ben lets
go of my arm finally, and stepped back with his eyes widening. “You’re crazy. Delusional.”

  “That’s right…… AND PROUD OF IT!” I jerked my chin up to him. “So step aside, princess-boy, and don’t let me catch you anywhere near me ever again. You’ve got that disease still I see, bet you thought those red spots around your lips were just pimples. My opinion, the way you’ve been acting lately, you best get that checked, like now.”

  I took a deep breath.

  “You have a problem, Marisa,” Ben whispered, looking at me like I was unstable.

  Maybe I was….. wouldn’t have it in any other way. I wanted him to think twice before speaking to me ever again.

  The psycho ex-girlfriend.

  “No – not just ‘A’ problem, correction, a lot of problems. I’m a changed girl. That’s right, I twitch now, and say ‘Fuck’ and ‘Shit’ more when I get angry. Fuck you, by the way.”

  “Oh, so this is you angry?” Ben stated, amusedly.

  “No baby, this is not me angry. Trust me, you’ll know when I scream your ear off in front of every one of those fancy-pants ass-wipes back in there who think they’re hot shit. Then you’ll know what humiliation really feels like, what feeling like shit is like! Golden Boy!” I growled in a low voice. “Now, get out of my way.”

  “No,” Ben shook his head.

  My eyes widened. “I said, get out of my way!”

  Ben shook his head again. “No.”

  “I will move you myself if I have to; don’t play with me Ben.” I threatened.

  Ben scoffed at me. “Go ahead; let’s see you do your worst.”

  “You know, you’re lucky I’m wearing a dress that I love, or else I’d have tackled your ass right out of my way,” I explained.

  Ben took a step closer, leaning in. “Trust me, baby, I almost wish you weren’t wearing that dress either so you would. God knows, I’ve been waiting,”

  “What?” I muttered confused.

  Ben shrugged, giving me a snide smile. “It’s too bad, different place, different time…”

  “Stop saying things like that; you can’t say things like that. I don’t like you anymore!” I interrupted.

  “You’re lying,” Ben stated.

  “I’m not. I actually hate you!” I spat out.

  His eyes turned serious as he leaned closer. “You might, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love me anymore.”

  “Stop talking to me,” I order, quickly turning and facing the wall. Ben moved in a flash, standing right behind me, his breath on my neck.

  “You still love me,” he whispered.

  “Stop talking,” I ordered, barely choking out the words. He circled his arms around my waist and tucked his face into my neck.

  Oh.

  My.

  GOD!

  “I know you still do,” he murmured.

  “Stop,” I pleaded quietly.

  “Baby, please. I never stopped loving you,” Ben said.

  I shook my head, frantic. “Stop, Ben. Don’t say stuff like that, you can’t!”

  “I’m dying without you, baby.” he whispered.

  “Ben… please don’t,” I pleaded as his arms tightened around my waist.

  “I fucking love you,” he said into my neck.

  “Stop!” I jerked my head away from his face. “You don’t! You cheated, people who cheat, don’t know what love is.”

  Don’t cry! Shit, I’m going to cry…shit…my makeup!

  “I fucking love you,” he said again. “I made a stupid mistake. I was too drunk. We had that fight a few days before and I was at the party all by myself. Everyone had their girls with them,”

  He’s making it my fault again!

  I found my strength and yanked out of his arms, but as I turned, he pressed me against the wall with his body.

  “So we’re back to that again, huh? It’s my fault; everything is all my fault. My lips weren’t the ones on someone else’s.” I hissed a breath away from his lips. “Get away from me, Ben. It’s not going to work.”

  Ben’s eyes darkened. He leaned back, turned abruptly and quickly walked away, leaving me paralyzed against the wall.

  CHAPTER 16

  “Hey, Darcy,” I whispered into her ear as soon as I got back to our table. She looked up from her phone. “I’m leaving, okay?”

  “Why? The party isn’t over yet,” Darcy said loudly. Cameron looked up from his phone confused.

  “Where are you going?” Cameron asked, getting up from his seat.

  “You guys,” I whispered to them, my eyes pleading, hoping they’ll understand the situation. “I can’t be here anymore; you know how it is. They won’t leave me alone.”

  Cameron looked at Darcy worriedly, then back at me. “Is it Ben? Is he bothering you?” Cameron asks. “Because if it is, I’ll kick his ass for you.”

  I gave him a small smile and squeezed his shoulder. “Little bro, don’t worry. It’s fine. I’m fine. I just can’t be here anymore,”

  “But we haven’t seen you for months,” Darcy whispered. “When are we going to see you again? It’s going to be our birthday in July.”

  “I’m not going to miss your birthday for anything in the world. I’m going to go back – well, okay, I live in Toronto now, and I have job – please don’t tell anyone. I’m going back tomorrow.” I explained as their eyes widened at me mentioning Toronto.

  “You live in T.O?” Cameron gasped.

  “Can we come and visit?” Darcy asked right after.

  “You guys, come on. You think Mom’s going to let you visit me? And speaking of Mom, don’t tell her where I live, okay? This is between you guys and me, got it?” I looked at the both of them. “I’m coming back for your birthdays. Mom’s having a huge party, right?”

  “Duh!” the twins said in unison.

  God, I missed them. I wrapped my arms around them, giving them a huge hug. “I’ll send an email tomorrow, okay?”

  I left the table and found Dad with his friends a few tables down. The good news was that Mom was no where near him. I didn’t want to say goodbye with Mom lurking in the background, making stupid remarks about how selfish I was for leaving early, especially in light of my absence.

  In her eyes, I probably owed time.

  Not gonna happen.

  Dad looked up as I walked up to him. “Dad, having fun?”

  “I’m having a great time. Are you having a good time?” he asked me, putting his drink down.

  I shrugged. “Um, it’s been interesting, but that doesn’t matter. This is your day; the only person who should be having fun here is you.”

  Dad held his arms out and I went in for a hug. “I’ve missed you, Marisa. Things aren’t the same here without you. You know that, right?”

  I tucked my face into my dad’s neck, taking a giant whiff of his cologne; it instantly calmed my nerves. “I know, Dad.”

  “You know you can come home anytime you want. Don’t worry about your mother; she may not be showing it, but these last five months, they haven’t been easy for her either,” Dad released me from the hug.

  “Dad, come on. You know that’s never going to happen,” I told him, cocking an eyebrow.

  “Seriously, she’s been in pain, I know she’d love it if you came back home,” Dad said. “And wait a minute, I don’t even know where you’re living now. Where are you living now?”

  I looked at him, contemplating whether I should tell him or not. Considering I just told the twins, and the chances that Johnny and Jennifer heard were more than likely, it was bound to come out anyway.

  “Toronto,” I told him, and his eyes widened instantly.

  “Toronto!” Dad repeated, obviously flabbergasted that I moved a good four-hours away. “Why? How?”

  “My car and my savings from the ice cream store. I’ve got a job now, but I had to sell my car a little while ago. Things are expensive down there,” I explained to him as the shock of me moving to Toronto dimmed.

  “Wow,” Dad said, still shocked.


  “Yeah, um, I’m going back tomorrow,” I told him, shocking him again. “I’ve got to go to work on Monday.”

  “You’re leaving tomorrow?” Dad’s voice turned panicked. “But you just came back after months of being away. We haven’t even been able to sit down and talk. We need to talk.”

  I cleared my throat. “Well, actually, speaking of leaving, um…I kind of have to leave right now.”

  Dad opened his mouth to object, but I beat him to it. “But my train doesn’t leave until 1:30 P.M., maybe we can have coffee tomorrow?”

  Dad calmed down. “I’d love that. Is that my birthday present?”

  “No! I have your birthday present right here,” I opened my clutch, pulled out a Canadian Tire gift card, and gave it to him.

  “A gift card, for me? Marisa you shouldn’t have spent money on me; especially with moving to an expensive city like Toronto,” Dad said, opening the envelope the card came in. “Wow, this is a lot. A hundred and twenty five dollars? You should have saved your money.” Dad said, not looking away from the gift card.

  Success.

  And just like my special luck, Mom chose to come over and investigate what I was up to. “What’s going on here?” she announced, tucking herself beside Dad, like the unfortunate ‘package deal’ they were.

  Well, they were because they’re married; but she knew that Dad and I, our relationship, was much better then hers and mine. It probably killed her knowing not everyone found me annoying and troublesome.

  “I just came to give Dad his gift,” I explained nonchalantly.

  Don’t lose it; keep calm. Don’t let her affect you; ignore any jabs.

  “Oh really, what did you buy?” Mom asked, peering over Dad to get a good look at my present. “A Canadian Tire gift card.”

  The knowing smile struggled to break free at the sound of Mom’s annoyed voice. She hated Canadian Tire; especially when Dad came home with things they didn’t need.

  Special sponges anyone?

  “Yeah, Dad loves Canadian Tire. What better gift is there?” I told her, smiling brightly. “I hope he buys some good stuff from there – oooh, maybe you two can go together one night next week. You can have a date night! They don’t close ‘til nine, so it’s all good; and get some hotdogs afterward at the little food hut they have out front. There’s a special on Wednesdays. I think. Two can eat for five dollars– it’s uh-mazing.”