by L. M. Carr
Our momentary reverie is gone when Sophie demands her mother’s attention, pulling Gina’s gaze downward, back to the simple headstone. I don’t know what it says. I’ve never seen it. I can’t imagine that his alcoholic father would’ve done anything too ornate; he’d say it was just a waste of money.
I whisper sweet goodbyes to my father and my daughter with a promise to return in the spring. Before climbing into the Jeep and starting the ignition, I offer a silent word of gratitude for all that I have.
THE ROAD IS packed down with heavy snow before the plow trucks have had a chance to make an appearance. I call Mrs. Longo to let her know that I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few things that she might need to ride out the storm.
I shut off the ignition and hop out. Most of my make-up had been smeared or wiped away, leaving me with a bare face and puffy, red eyes. I don’t have to hide from Mrs. Longo. She knows my story. Well, most of it anyway.
“Mia, my sweet girl. Come here,” she says as she wraps her thin arms around me. “How are you, darling?” She pulls back and cups my face, looking at me with pity.
“Please don’t look at me like that. I’m okay.” My eyes veer away from her face.
She narrows her old eyes in disbelief.
“Really . . . I’m okay.” I plaster on a smile to reassure her, but in all honesty, I’m not sure that I’m okay today. I will be better tomorrow.
“Good.”
She offers a quick cup of coffee and I accept especially when she pulls out her cherry nut bread and cuts a generous slice. I can’t resist. I send Adam a text to let him know where I am, but he doesn’t text back right away. He’s probably cooking dinner or doing homework with the kids.
Mr. Longo strolls into the kitchen, pulls out a chair and sits. He’s a man of very few words and I mean very few words. I used to think he was mean when I was a kid because he just waved but never spoke to us. I’ve learned over the years that that’s just his way. What he lacks in personality and charm, Mrs. Longo picks up the slack.
“Your friend have a new car?”
My head snaps up when I hear him speak. “My friend?”
“The queer one.”
I swallow hard and I’m not sure if I should be offended or not. “I’m not sure to whom you are referring. Could you be a little more specific?”
Mr. Longo gives me a knowing look. “The young man who manages the coffee shop. He prefers other men, does he not?”
Oh yes, he’s talking about Pete. But what difference does it make if he’s gay or not. That’s not anyone’s business except Pete’s.
I’m not going to dignify his question with an answer. “No, he didn’t get a new car. Not that I know of. Why do you ask?”
I don’t think he believes me. His eyebrows pull into a stern line and he scowls before looking at his wife.
“What? What’s going on?” My eyes play table tennis as I look between the two of them.
It’s Mrs. Longo’s turn to interject. “Honey, Phil saw two men a few nights ago walking around your backyard. He thought they were acting funny.”
“Funny?”
“You know suspicious, like they were there to do something they weren’t supposed to be doing.” Her eyes open like saucers, giving me a suggestive look of an implied meaning. The problem is I don’t get what she means. Not really.
Then the realization of her words hit me. “Wait. So you,” I turn to Mr. Longo, “saw two men hanging around my house and thought they were going to have sex?” I can barely contain my laughter. I am going to kill Pete for bringing his newest boy toy to my place. It’s one thing to park at my place so he can hang out or go down to the lake during the summer when I’m away, but it’s another thing to do it when I’m in town. I’m so going to kill him. I think I need to get that spare key back from him.
Adam is right. There is a time to laugh and it’s right now.
Poor Mr. Longo looks affronted at the thought of two men having sex. He stammers, “Well, you tell him to keep his inappropriate lifestyle away from here. If I see him hanging around late at night again, I’ll call the police. Friend or no friend.”
***
THE DRIVE TO Adam’s house is slow and cautious with driver’s flashing their yellow hazard lights. There are at least three inches of snow already; I’m sure school will be canceled as a snow day. I could take advantage of the day and bake all my Christmas cookies.
At the four way intersection, I wait for the traffic light to turn green and glance around at the rows of houses, their front lawns covered in white, decorated trees and some menorahs are showcased in the windows. Bing Crosby croons softly about dreaming of a White Christmas. Maybe this holiday won’t be so bad after all.
My four-legged kid comes running to the door as does Maddie when I manage to turn the knob and push my way in, my hands weighed down with groceries. “Hi, guys.” I smile.
“Hi! Guess what?” Maddie mumbles, causing me to observe her closely. “What?” I play along.
“Look!” She clamps her teeth together and pulls her lips back in a wide smile, her pink tongue darts forward between the empty space in front.
“You lost it? When did that happen?” She had been driving me a little crazy lately with that loose tooth, even disrupting a lesson at school when it started to bleed.
“A little while ago.”
“That’s awesome.” I bend down to inspect her gap. “Now you can add that to your Christmas list.”
“Santa is going to bring me a tooth?” Her face scrunches in confusion. “I thought the Tooth Fairy does that?”
I panic. “I think the Tooth Fairy will take your old tooth and tell Santa to bring you a new one.”
Her toothless grin is huge and priceless.
I unload my bags of groceries and look around for Adam and Luke while Maddie entertains Brady.
After putting away the groceries, I notice the sink is full of dishes from a dinner that I’ve missed so I set about rinsing them and load the dishwasher when Adam, casually dressed in jeans, finally comes in the room with Luke in tow. “Hey.” I smile at my boys before I turn the dishwasher on.
“What’s going on?” I ask when I see their faces. Concern is etched on Adam’s face and Luke looks . . . sad. “What’s wrong?” I quickly run a dish towel over my hands, making my way over to them.
“It’s fine. He’s okay.” I don’t believe his words at all. I know Luke is definitely not okay. “The question is ‘how are you?’” I am pulled flush against him, his hand circling my back and the nape of my neck. His warm lips press against mine, wanting to give more than an innocent kiss. They want me to open, to welcome his tongue into my mouth, but Luke is standing beside him. This is my home . . . he is my home.
“I’m okay,” I mumble into the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply before kissing his scruffy jaw. His brow furrows at my word choice.
For a moment, with Adam in my arms, I almost forget that Luke is standing there. Even though my body wants to respond to his, I push and step back. “Hi, Luke.” I smile at him and run my hand over his hair.
Adam’s mini-me looks up with big brown eyes, begging for something more. In a single moment of awkwardness, I’m not sure what to do. I flick my eyes to Adam, but before I realize what’s happening, my instinct kicks in and I bend down, grab Luke under the arms and lift him, pulling him into a hug as his arms tighten around my neck and his legs wrap around me. He squeezes the living shit out of me! He, like his father this morning, needs to be comforted. For what, I’m not sure, but I’m happy to be the one to do it. I feel his thin body go lax in my arms while I rub small circles on his back.
Like clockwork, Adam’s phone rings and he excuses himself after looking at the screen.
I take the opportunity to find out what’s going on with Luke. With his legs still wrapped around my waist, I make our way over to the island and pull out a stool. I thought he’d let go of his grip and sit on his own stool, but his hold on me doesn’t loosen so I sh
ift his legs, letting him sit sideways on my lap.
“What’s going on, Bud?”
Silence.
“Are you sick?”
Silence.
“Did you get in trouble with your dad?”
Silence.
What is it with men and boys being unable to express their feelings?
The last question finally elicits an answer.
“Did something happen with your sister?”
His head nods.
“Tell me what happened.”
His lips purse into a thin line as if he’s trying to hold back the tears that threaten to spill over.
“She said . . .” His body shakes and he turns his face into my chest. “She said you like her better.”
What? I’m taken aback. Why would Maddie say that to him? It’s not true at all. I love both of those kids fiercely but equally.
“Luke, look at me.” I wait for him to give me his full attention, but he doesn’t look at me. “Listen, I may spend more time with Maddie because she’s in my class, but that doesn’t mean I like her more. In fact, I don’t even like the two of you.”
His shocked, hurt eyes snap up.
I smile. “Nah.” I shake my head. “I don’t like you at all. I love you.”
I kiss the top of his head and wipe his face. “I love you a whole lot, buddy! You’re actually my favorite seven year old boy in the entire universe.” He’s a little science geek like Shelby so he knows how big that is. A smile spreads across his face.
“Hey, what’s going on in here? Save some of that lovin’ for me!” Adam teases, strolling back into the kitchen. The trepidation on his face from earlier now gone and replaced with a happy smile when he sees his son on my lap.
“Thanks, Mia.” Luke kisses my cheek and hops off in search of his sister who is laughing hysterically with the dog in the family room.
Adam strides over with purpose as he spreads my legs wide, closing the gap between our bodies. I am enveloped in his chest; my arms find their home around his lean waist. His mouth crashes into mine, begging for my tongue to come out to play and welcome him. Kissing Adam is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. My incredibly strong man doesn’t always wear his heart on his sleeve, but he pours so much emotion, so much love into each swirl of his tongue, each peck with his lips, each ragged breath. My hands slide down to his ass, needing him even closer. I feel my core begin to throb and moisten when his rock solid cock twitches. He needs me. I need him.
Without warning, he pulls back, leaving my lips to feel abandoned. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”
I smirk, looking down at his erection that’s bulging through his jeans. “Yes,” I breathe.
“Not just that . . . what you do to me here.” His index finger curls, pointing to his heart. Holy shit, the former man-whore truly is reformed. One might even say he’s pussy-whipped. That’s perfectly fine with me as he’s whipped only by mine.
“I don’t know how I got you . . . after the things I’ve done in my life. I don’t deserve you.”
I scowl. I hate when he says things like that. Everybody in the world has got some regret, something they wish they hadn’t said or done. My constant reminder to him of how we can’t change the past and that we need to move forward apparently goes unheeded. “We deserve each other, Adam.”
“Thank you for cleaning up. You didn’t have to do that.” He looks around his tidy kitchen before kissing me again.
“I didn’t mind.” It’s true. He does so much for me and his kids, it’s the least I could do.
***
AFTER THE KIDS are bathed and tucked in their beds, Adam pulls me close as we lie on the oversized leather couch in the great room; our legs loosely tangled together, my back to his front. The white lights on the tree shine brightly, reminding me that Christmas is just a few days away. I watch the snow fall outside the window. My fingers make their way to the base of my throat to grasp at the silver circle. Adam hasn’t mentioned his text to me from earlier in the day. He somehow knew where I was going today but never said anything.
His fingers run the length of my hair, quietly stroking out the stress of the day. “You’ve had a tough day.” He doesn’t question it; he knows it’s true.
“I did.”
“Why didn’t you tell me where you were going today? I would’ve gone with you. You didn’t have to go alone.”
I shift my body to face him and smile sheepishly. “I’m sorry. It’s something I’ve always done on my own.” My voice hitches. I realize that I’ve cried enough today so I will myself to be strong.
“Babe, anything that concerns you, concerns me. Don’t you realize that?”
I know he’s right. Our lives have become so intertwined since we met last August. I’m amazed when I think about how quickly things changed once I finally decided that giving in to him was easier than running away.
“How did you know what today was? I never told you the exact day,” I confess.
He drops his gaze to the silver circle hanging from my necklace. “The date is on the back, isn’t it?” No one ever touches my necklace. And they certainly can’t see the four digits, 1217, on the back.
Silence.
“And the password on your phone is the same. So is the code to your house alarm.”
I nod softly in agreement.
“Will you bring me there sometime? I’d like to meet her.”
I nod again and smile, my eyes filling with tears and I swallow the lump in my throat.
Inhaling his scent, I breathe slowly, savoring each and every moment with him. “I love you.”
“I know.”
After some time passes, with each of us lost in the silence, I ask him about Luke.
“He was really upset after you left. I guess Maddie said that you favored her.”
I’m going to make a conscientious effort to treat them equally from now on. Sure, a stranger would certainly think that Maddie and Luke are my kids because we resemble each other. Madison could be my daughter with her long, dark hair and big brown eyes, but I know that she’s not mine. I wonder if I confuse her when I call her “my girl.” I don’t want to replace Johanna and I don’t want to replace my daughter. I know she’s not Lily.
“Let’s go upstairs. It’s getting late.” Adam pushes up off the couch, taking me with him.
“But, I’m not tired.” Who am I kidding? I’m freaking exhausted.
An eyebrow shoots up with wariness. “You’re exhausted.”
I’m led by the hand into his massive bathroom where he turns on the shower and proceeds to undress me. Standing naked under the hot water that sprays from two separate heads, I am washed and worshipped. Like always, his soapy hands run over the tight skin of my flat stomach reverently.
One of the showerheads is pulled down and water rains down on my skin, rinsing away any remnants of my vanilla scented shower gel. The sadness of the day is gone replaced by my insatiable need for this beautiful man. My man.
His lips find mine, tasting me like a starved and desperate man. He moves lower to my supple breasts, licking and sucking at my nipples, sending shivers down my spine and farther below. My eyes close when I feel his fingers graze over the smooth skin, separating me before he circles my buzzing flesh. Oh, God. The things he can do to me with his simple touch. His fingers slide lower, entering me easily.
“You’re so wet for me.”
I’m not ashamed or embarrassed. I want him to know how I feel.
My eyes open lazily and I smile. “Always.”
I know that if I look down past the V of his hard stomach, I’ll find him stiff as a board. This is what I do to him and I fucking love it.
In and out. In and out. His fingers work their magic, but when he adds his mouth after lowering himself and draping my leg over his shoulder, I am a goner. My head falls back against the marble wall and I come. Hard.
I am spun around and bent over as Adam plunges deep into me with a hard thrust, causing me to br
ace myself on the granite seat for his onslaught. It’s as though he needs to fuck me hard. There is no more worshipping, just raw, delicious sex. My eyes close and tighten as he goes deeper. Just when I think I can’t take it anymore, panting out his name, he slows the pace, circling his hips to procrastinate the inevitable.
Oh, thank God! I feel like I’m going to pass out. Using a more deliberate combination of deep, slow thrusts, Adam’s hand moves from my hip to grab my breast and the other to my clit, still sensitive from my previous orgasm. He pulls me flush against him. His hot breath is in my ear. “I love you and I want you to come for me.” He slams into me, hitting my spot deep within my core. “Give it up, Mia. Don’t fight it, baby. Let me feel it.”
With a final thrust, Adam grunts and stills in me. He spins us around so that he’s now sitting on the granite and I’m sprawled across his thighs, my head against his neck. Only the sounds of our ragged breathing and the water still raining down can be heard. I reach over and turn the lever off.
His strong arms snake around my chest, encasing me in his masculinity and love.
“What was that about?” I ask with amusement and pleasure while my hand reaches back to massage the nape of his neck, pushing my breasts forward into his hands.
“You needed a reminder.”
“A reminder?” I ask with short breaths.
“I had to remind you that you are not only a beautiful twenty seven year old woman who lost something seven years ago, but you are also an insanely gorgeous, incredibly sexy twenty seven year old woman who is loved fiercely. You bring me to my knees, Mia.”
I sigh at his words, feeling utterly and completely happy and in love.
I ROLL OVER to grab my phone when I hear it ringing. I know what the call is. The sound of the heavy trucks plowing the roads last night and into the early morning hours told me that the predicted Nor’Easter hit harder than expected. Schools are closed; it’s a snow day!
