Against the Dawn

by amanda bonilla

  “Here to check on the flowers?” I teased.

  “Here to check on you,” he replied. “Or rather, for you.”

  My smile melted at the severity of his tone. The knot that had only recently begun to loosen tightened once again in my stomach, anxiety coursing through my veins like liquid fire. I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t prepared to face any of them. “How did you know I’d be here?” I asked as I dropped my gaze to the floor.

  “I didn’t,” Asher said with a shrug. “He makes me come here. Every day. Sometimes twice a day.”

  Can you say awkward? I’d left for O Anel with my life in shambles. Xander was only one of the shattered pieces that I was going to have to clean up now that I was home. “That’s pretty messed up, even for Xander.” I tried to laugh but it came out as more of a strangled snort. “I’m sorry you’ve had to waste your time for the past few months.”

  “My king is very concerned for you, Darian.” I’d never heard Asher refer to Xander in such a formal manner. In fact, his very demeanor was less playful kid and more responsible adult. Quite the change for only six months’ time. “Whatever he commands me to do, I do. If that means camping out on your front steps for half a year, so be it.”

  Xander—sneaky SOB that he was—planted Asher in the team I’d assembled to help protect Anya when Kade had threatened her. But what I didn’t know at the time was that it wasn’t Asher’s job to look after Anya at all. He’d been hand-picked by the Shaede King to look after me. Though I’d been angry with Xander over the deception, in hindsight, it hadn’t been a bad idea.

  “So you just wander over a couple times a day, peek your head in, and shout, anybody home?”

  “Pretty much.” He pushed himself off the jamb and walked in to the living room.

  “And the flowers?” I couldn’t help but ask.

  “Not my responsibility,” he said with a smile. “Maybe you should ask Raif?”

  A pang of emotion tugged at my chest at the mention of my best friend’s name. Of all the things I’d left behind for my brief vacation, I missed him the most. “How is he?” Though I knew a reunion would be tough, I couldn’t wait to see him. In fact, Xander’s house was my next stop.

  “Unflappable. As always,” Asher replied. “He doesn’t say it, but I think he misses you, too.”

  “Too?” I let the word hang. Besides Xander and Raif, I wondered if anyone else had missed me. Maybe a certain overprotective Jinn…

  “Yeah,” he said, mockingly. “I sort of missed you, too.”

  A corner of my mouth lifted in a half-smile. Truth be told, I’d missed the little shit as well. And though I knew that he and Tyler didn’t exactly pal around or anything, I guess some part of me had wished that Ty had kept contact, checking in with Raif perhaps, in the hopes I’d been in touch with him. That maybe, Ash would have mentioned something about him, no matter how small.

  “Have you seen any action lately? You know, besides your housesitting gig.” I’d come a long way in the past couple of years, but I’m not going to lie, emotions were still pretty tough for me. It was best to stick to light small talk.

  “Nada. Well, that’s not exactly true,” Asher said as he settled himself down on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. I had a feeling Xander would blow a gasket if he was standing here right now and I couldn’t help but smile at the thought. “There’s something coming down the pipes but I’m not high enough on the ladder to know what it is quite yet. An envoy arrived last week. Sent by his majesty’s regent. There have been a lot of closed door meetings.”

  Just my luck that I’d decide to come home at the moment trouble began to brew. I’d never given Xander’s actual kingdom much consideration before. Of course I knew the heart of his kingdom was nowhere near Seattle, but I’d never asked where. And it served to reason that he’d appoint a regent to hold down the fort while he was away. “You think it’s something big?” I asked, taking a seat across from Asher in an overstuffed chair. Somehow, it made me feel better to pretend like it was business as usual, and I hadn’t just shown up from being scarce for half a year.

  Asher cocked his head to the side as if considering the options. “With issues of a political nature, it could be anything,” he replied. “I mean it could be as minor as a burst pipe in the king’s palace, or as major as a coup.”

  I doubted closed door meetings and so much secrecy were for the benefit of something like Xander’s plumbing. “It’s definitely not the pipes.”

  “Probably not,” Asher said, fixing me with a stare. “Why don’t you go over there and find out what’s going on?”

  Nothing like a little political intrigue to distract a girl from her problems. But there were still a few things I needed to do. When I’d left for O Anel, I’d said goodbye to Raif and even to Xander. I hadn’t seen Tyler since the night he’d killed Kade. And no matter how much I wanted to say hi to Raif, and maybe even nose around a little, I needed to see Ty first. “I’ve got a few things to knock off my to-do list, but after, I think I’ll see what’s up.”

  “Who knows,” Asher mused, “maybe it’ll give us an excuse to get the gang back together.”

  The gang he was referring to was the group of Shaedes I’d assembled to help me hunt down Kade. I wasn’t sure I was ready for something quite so hardcore, yet. “Maybe,” I said as I stood and headed for the elevator, “But to be honest, Ash, I hope I get a break before shit hits the fan again.”

  “With you around?” Asher’s tone was incredulous as he followed me into the elevator. “Now that you’re back, Darian, shit is guaranteed to hit the fan.”

  That’s what I was afraid of.

  Chapter Two

  Before Ash took off to do whatever it was Xander had laid out for him for the rest of the day, he convinced me to head to Xander’s before I did anything else. I agreed because I didn’t want any distractions when I came face to face with Tyler and if trouble was brewing in the Shaede kingdom, I’d need to get the low-down from Raif so I wouldn’t be too worried about him. I traveled from Belltown to Capitol Hill as my ethereal self, gliding over the streets with the fading rays of sun that cast swaths of light on the sidewalks. As sluggish as the encroaching afternoon, I couldn’t help but wish I owned at least a motorcycle right about now. My fatigue from leaving my body behind and traveling as one with the light had little to do with the fact that I hadn’t done so in a while. Simply put, I was plain tired.

  Two weeks. Fourteen measly days. Three hundred and thirty six hours. Such an insubstantial amount of time compared to the century I’d lived, and yet… I felt older now than I ever had. I’d shut myself off from the world for a reason: no entanglements equaled zero chance of being hurt again. A cold-hearted bitch like me couldn’t be crushed when she kept everyone at arm’s length. But Tyler had managed to coax me out of my shell and taught me how beautiful and selfless love could be. Raif had reminded me of the power of true friendship. And Xander…well, the jury was still out on what I’d gleaned from my relationship with him.

  Even Anya managed to teach me a thing or two about what it meant to love and be loved. And so I’d allowed them all to melt my icy exterior. But despite all of the warm fuzzy feelings, my entanglements had led to yet another hurt I’d been trying so hard to avoid. It reminded me of why I’d chosen a life of closed-off solitude. Would it really be so bad to curl up in a ball and sleep the rest of my life away?

  In a word: Yes.

  Henry, my human husband, beat me almost daily and I’d lived through it. Azriel used me for his own devices and left me alone, naïve, and helpless and I’d lived through it. Faolán manipulated me, controlled me, and sought to destroy the world through me, and I’d lived through it. And Kade. The worst of them all, had killed someone I cared for, threatened my friends, drugged me, toyed with me, tortured me, and nearly raped me. And damn it, I would live through this, too.

  In no time at all, I looked up to find Xander’s ostentatious mansion staring down at me. Self-reflect
ion has a tendency to make the time pass quickly. I stood outside of the gate for a few minutes, my mind nothing more than tangled brambles of thought. So much had happened under this roof. Things I wasn’t quite ready to deal with. If Xander pushed, though, I’d push right back. I was twice as stubborn as he was persistent. He’d have to suck it up and let me get used to feeling comfortable in my own skin before I spared even a second to address what had happened between us while I lived here.

  Feeling a little of my old pluck, I hopped over the gate and made my way to the front door. So many times, I’d walked in like I owned the place and as I turned the knob, I found myself slinking through the entry like a burglar. The house was quiet, no doubt most of Xander’s staff was busy preparing the evening meal. Most of the time, a plate wasn’t set in front of his regal face that didn’t look like it had popped off the pages of Bon Appetite magazine. Though I’d had occasion to see His Royal Haughtiness partake of a fast food burger at least once.

  From the bowels of the house, heated voices made their way to my ears. I abandoned the course I’d set for Xander’s office and headed instead downstairs toward his council room. It seemed odd that he’d have anything brewing this late in the afternoon, but if Asher’s assumptions carried any merit, then something unsavory was indeed coming down the pipes.

  “Your refusal to leave Seattle has caused considerable unrest!” an agitated voice exclaimed.

  Another voice jumped in after the first, “Usurpers circle the throne like hungry wolves and everything you’ve worked so hard to accomplish stands on the precipice of collapse. So please, indulge me, your highness and give me an explanation to relay to your regent—nay, to your people—why you insist on remaining here?”

  Uh-oh. I couldn’t place the voices, but I sure as hell knew the tone. Someone was taking Xander to school in a very serious way. I couldn’t imagine who would have the balls to talk to him like that, but whoever the second speaker was, he had a pair on him. Big and brass.

  “My reasons are my own.” The king sounded as tired as I felt. “You forget your place, and apparently so do others. I am the king. Me. Take care with your words when you address me in the future and take greater care to never question me or my reasons for doing anything ever again. Have I made myself clear?”

  “Your majesty.” The second voice had gone from demanding to simpering in a couple of seconds flat. Guess I overestimated the size of his cojones. “We’ve been sent out of concern, nothing else. Decisions must be made. The kingdom must be ruled. You cannot possibly—”

  “Get out of my sight!” Xander railed, and I swear the doors to his council room quivered on their hinges. “I’ll not abide being taken to task by the likes of either of you! Leave now before I lose my temper and forget my manners.”

  Xander had manners? Who knew? The double doors swung open and the two Shaedes rushed from the room, their heads bent together as they spoke hurriedly under their breaths. I merged with the light, careful to remain unseen and waited until they’d rounded the corner and headed up the stairs before I regained my corporeal form. No use adding to the ruckus when Xander had done such a good job all on his own.

  “Will you not listen to reason?” Raif’s soft, yet commanding voice echoed from the confines of the room, but still I held back and waited right outside the door. Insufferably calm, that was Raif all the way. “It’s been months. Perhaps if you went home, just for a while, so our people could see—”

  “Shall I throw you out as well?” Wow, looked like Xander wasn’t letting anyone finish a sentence today.

  Where Raif was level-headed and pragmatic, his brother was hot-headed and rash. Any discussion between them wasn’t going to end well. I’d come here to butt in, after all, and there was no use loitering in the hallway any longer. Besides, I didn’t want to listen to them fight. Sheesh. Brothers.

  I walked through the door to find Xander standing at the head of the council table, his palms flat on the polished mahogany surface, arms bracing his muscular body. His head hung between his broad shoulders, his golden hair framing his face like a curtain. Raif stood beside him, a look somewhere between pity and outrage etched on his hardened warrior’s face. As if sensing me at the same moment, both sets of eyes turned toward the doorway and settled on me: Raif’s sapphire ones flooded with relief and Xander’s molten caramel burning with something closer to pain.

  “My lady,” the king said, as he straightened to his full height and inclined his head. I would have laughed if I hadn’t known the gesture was meant as a token of his esteem. And since I wasn’t about to insult him mere minutes after traipsing through his door, I made sure to keep my expression pleasant. Xander and his dramatics.

  “So…” I said, averting my gaze and kicking a booted foot at the carpet. “What’s shakin’?”

  What’s shakin’? Jesus, Darian, that’s all you could think to say? While I cursed my abysmal conversation skills, Raif crossed the room in a few long strides and swept me up in a bear hug that damned near squeezed the air from my lungs.

  “Gods, I wondered when I’d hear that smart mouth of yours again,” he said as he set me back down on my feet.

  “Your hair is longer,” I remarked, my fingers skimming the tawny locks that spilled over his collar. I hugged him back for all I was worth and said, “I missed you too, Raif.”

  Xander cleared his throat, apparently miffed at being upstaged by this brother and Raif took a step back as if opening a path from me to the Shaede King. For the second time since I’d been home (which wasn’t very damned long) I experienced an awkward moment at facing someone I’d hoped to avoid. It’s not avoidance when you voluntarily show up, you idiot. Maybe I needed a lesson in staying off the radar. I’d obviously forgotten how to maintain my low profile.

  “Are you well?” Xander asked, and I realized that there was someone in the room more uncomfortable than I was right now. The time difference between the human and faery realms was still tough for me to wrap my head around. No one here had seen me in a long time.

  “Well enough,” I replied. I’d decided that I was done telling people I was fine when I wasn’t. And what I’d told Xander was the truth. I wasn’t one hundred percent, but I’d get there. Eventually. “Brakae sends her love to you both.”

  Raif smiled. The distance that separated him from his daughter was so much farther than it should have been. I pulled a packet of papers from my duster pocket, parchment sealed with wax, and held them out to him. “Letters from Brakae.”

  His smile broadened, melting some of the tension that tightened my limbs and caused my heart to beat a little too fast. “Thank you, Darian.”

  Raif sat down at the table, his attention solely focused on the letters. He broke the seal, impatient, and skimmed over what Brakae had sent. The room became unbearably silent and now I had no other choice but to focus my attention on the Shaede High King himself.

  Xander approached me slowly. He tried to come across as harmless, but the intensity of his gaze, coupled with the way his muscular body rolled with each step, made him look more like a predator than anything meant to put me at ease. When only a foot or so of space separated us, he stopped. He glanced down at my hands which I only now realized were balled up into tight fists. I took a tentative step back but my progress was stayed by the long table. Awesome.

  “You have been gone for far too long.” His murmured words encircled me in a velvet embrace and I shivered. “Your absence has been…”

  “A nice break?” I ventured with a small laugh.

  “Unbearable,” he said, his own voice devoid of humor.

  “Xander.” My voice stalled in my throat, panic rising up in me like a high tide. He was too close. I needed space. Room to breathe. I needed him to avert his gaze and quit looking at me like I was a freaking cheeseburger! “Don’t take this the wrong way, but if you don’t take about five steps back, I’m going to go ballistic.” His brow furrowed and his jaw took on a stubborn set. Great. Now I’d gone and hurt his regal fe
elings. I was the one about to suffer from a Godzilla-sized panic attack, but it was his feelings that were hurt. “I’m just…not ready. You know?”

  Raif pulled his attention from Brakae’s letters, his gaze focused on his brother with a seriously scary intensity. Xander nodded his head in acknowledgement and pulled out one of the chairs for me while he returned to the head of the table and took a seat. With a fair amount of distance between us, I could finally take a deep breath. It’s not that I thought he’d pounce on me or anything, but I had no idea how he’d react to my being back and that was the problem. Any intimate contact: a touch, an embrace—I shuddered—would be too much. I could handle giving Raif a hug. Raif was safe. My chest burned with anger over what Kade had done to me. The fear he’d caused to spring to life inside of me. I’d get past it. I knew I would. But it was going to take more than two weeks away for me to heal completely.

  “I forget it hasn’t been as long for you,” Xander said as he leaned back in his chair, looking very much the self-possessed king. “For those of us here, it’s been a little over six months since you left.”

  My estimation of the time difference had been pretty damned close. I’d left Seattle in April. It was now—I ticked the months off in my mind—October. Damn. I’d missed all of my favorite months. The warm ones. It was almost winter again and I’d have to endure the cold winds and biting rain. I really needed to consider moving somewhere more tropical. “It’s only been about two weeks for me,” I admitted. “Weird, isn’t it?”