Against the Dawn

by amanda bonilla

  Lovely.

  He recovered quickly, a fun-loving smile curving his lips as he waved me in. I looked at the bouncer and quirked a brow. This was why I didn’t often dress in anything other than my signature black. Party girls…not so intimidating. The bouncer looked at me like he did every other person in here who was trying to get across this flimsy rope barrier. As though I was some sort of spoiled brat, antsy to join my friends and the orgy about to take place at some high-roller’s table.

  Lorik shuffled over in the half-circle of the booth, taking the girls with him and giving me room to sit down. My breath left my lungs in an aggravated sigh as I sidled in to join the party. “Dariana!” His jubilant tone and little endearment weren’t earning him any points tonight. “Tell me you’ve come bearing good news.”

  “You played me, Lorik.”

  “Pfft. Hardly. I sent you on an errand. Are you trying to tell me it was something you couldn’t handle?”

  I figured that at least partial honesty was the best policy when dealing with Lorik. But rather than answer his question, I deflected. “You exposed me to someone I don’t want any attention from.”

  Again he dismissed my concerns, this time with a wave of his hand. “Kieran is harmless as long as you remain on his good side. And since you’re sitting here with me now, I’m assuming you didn’t do anything to piss him off.”

  Lorik’s ignorance was his number one problem. He approached everything with such carelessness, not even taking the time to assess his situation or circumstances. It’s the same devil-may-care attitude that had gotten his ass exiled seventy or so years ago. He never considered the consequences of his actions. Maybe it was a sign of my own budding maturity that his total disregard for his safety—or mine—bothered the ever-loving shit out of me.

  “That’s not the point, Lorik.” My gaze wandered to one of the women. Her eyes were glazed and her pupils little pin pricks of black in her wide blue eyes. She couldn’t keep her hands off of Lorik and every touch seemed to send her into an ecstatic state. I gave Lorik a pointed look. Really? This was how we were going to conduct business? My head was beginning to throb and all I wanted was to deliver Kieran’s message and get the hell out of here. “You should have told me what I was really being sent to retrieve for you. You lied to me, Lorik.”

  “What did he tell you?”

  Lorik disentangled himself from the women, all but shoving them away as he leaned in close to my face. Now I had his attention. “Why did you lie to me?” He had seriously fucked up my night. I wasn’t going to make this easy for him.

  His eyes narrowed as his lips thinned. “Kieran owed me a debt. I sent you to collect on it. Tell me, Darian, how exactly did I lie to you?”

  Tricky SOB. But I wasn’t letting him off on a technicality. “You misled me, which is as good as a lie in my book. You didn’t tell me what I was getting myself into by walking into that building. I could have been killed or worse in the quest to get your little piece of information.”

  Lorik rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t have sent you into a situation I didn’t think you couldn’t handle. Besides, since you were merely there on an errand for me, I knew that you’d be safe. Your life was never in danger, Darian.”

  Maybe not, but that didn’t mean Kieran wasn’t still a threat to me and mine. “Really? Do you know what I had to do for your little tidbit of useless information? Next time, I’ll take you with me, introduce you to the Reaper myself. If you’ve never encountered one, you’re in for a treat.”

  “What do you mean, useless?”

  As I suspected, Lorik weeded through my words, snatching up the only ones that pertained directly to him. He rounded on his female companions and sent them packing, using a few choice words that made even me cringe. When we were finally alone—well as alone as we could be in the middle of a crowded club—he moved in so close that I could smell the top shelf whiskey on his breath. “You tell me, word for fucking word, what that bastard told you.”

  What’s the matter, Lorik, scared? I studied his reaction closely. Hell, I could practically hear the frantic beat of his heart over the bass of the dance music. I was beginning to think that Ty’s assumption was correct. Lorik had gotten in deep with the wrong people and gambled his life away, which was quite a feat considering his newly immortal state. You’d think after almost a century, he would’ve learned to stay out of trouble. “Well, after I was forced to put on a show for Kieran and his guests in order to get what he owed you, he told me to let you know that your marker is irrevocable and non-transferable. There is nothing he can do about it.”

  Lorik’s gaze wandered to his nearly empty glass. When he met my eyes again his expression was almost…resigned. “Mithras has requested a meeting. I suppose we either impressed him with the werewolf delivery or we botched it so badly he wants to kill us himself.” His eyes crinkled at the corners with humor I suspected he didn’t truly feel.

  With the sudden change of subject and the issue of his marker off the table, I didn’t think it would be wise to press him about it quite yet. I’d get my chance and I sure as hell wasn’t going to convince him to open up to me in the middle of a hot as hell packed club with plenty of women and liquor to distract him. Already, his gaze wandered, looking for his dismissed companions. As though they possessed some kind of sugar daddy sonar, the women ambled back to our table, more than ready to forgive Lorik for his earlier crass words and dismissal. Go figure.

  “When is the meet?” I wasn’t quiet finished talking shop.

  “In two days,” Lorik replied.

  His companions sidled back into the booth, all groping hands and silly laughter. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and sat back against the pleather upholstery of the seat. Two days would give me a little breathing room. Time that I desperately needed to deal with the matter of Xander, his daggers, and the apparent hard-on he had to take Tyler down for clocking him in the face at the PNT ball.

  Forty-eight hours wasn’t long to tie up so many loose ends, but I had a feeling that was all I was going to get.

  “You need me before then?” Technically, I was Lorik’s employee. It might look suspicious for me to ditch him until the meet. I crossed my fingers, said a little prayer that he’d give me some space.

  “I have business over the next couple of days, but nothing I’ll need you for. Looks like you’ll have some time off.”

  “Great.” I fought the urge to shout, Woohoo! and moved to slide out of the booth.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  The question hung in the air with more than a fair amount of accusation. “I’m going home.” Well, not really. What I wanted was to see if I could finally get a few minutes with Reaver, but Lorik didn’t need to know that. “We’re done here, aren’t we?”

  Lorik sighed. “You were more fun when Azriel was around. Now, you just act your age. Old. Such a disappointment.”

  The topic of Azriel was off limits. And seriously, I was way more exciting than most people who’d passed their centennial birthdays. “I’m still fun,” I replied. Lorik might not have found me entertaining anymore, but that didn’t mean I was a cranky old hag. Okay, so I was pretty cranky sometimes. But I wasn’t a hag. “I assumed that since you’ve got plenty of company you don’t need me hanging around.” Sheesh, most guys wouldn’t want a third wheel—or in my case a fourth wheel—getting in the way of their fun.

  “Let’s dance.” He made the suggestion as though he were the first person to ever have the notion.

  “No thanks.” I hadn’t set foot on a dance floor in decades. I was more of a spectator these days.

  Lorik’s dark brows drew sharply over his eyes and he brought his palm down on the table with a resounding slap, startling the women lounging beside him. “Darian, I’ve been dealt some particularly shitty news today and your sour attitude isn’t doing anything for my mood.” He seemed to compose himself, though I sensed the anger simmering right below the surface. “Now, I want to dance. With you. Indulge
me.”

  Good lord. What was it going to take to convince Lorik that these weren’t the good ’ole days? But if one thing had remained the same over the years, it was his volatile temperament. And if I had any hopes of getting out of here in a decent amount of time to still pay Reaver a visit, I had no choice but to indulge him. “All right, let’s dance.”

  His dates trailed behind us out onto the dance floor. Dancing was one thing, but if he thought I was going to grind on his girlfriends, he had another think coming. Lorik grabbed my hand and spun me out into the mass of bodies and I cursed the stupid heels I’d decided to wear when I tripped over my own feet. Once I regained my balance, I decided it was useless to swim upstream. The heavy bass pounded in my chest like a heartbeat, vibrating in my lungs and through my limbs in a way that almost relaxed me. My eyes drifted shut and I let my body move the way it wanted to.

  “Finally! A night worth enjoying.” Lorik shouted over the din of the music. “Drinks, dancing, and good company!”

  His dates let out simultaneous squeals of agreement, a sort of battle cry for hard-core partiers everywhere. I peeked through one lid at the press of dancers, all of them lost in their own worlds, answering to the call of the music. My skin prickled with heat and perspiration beaded my brow as I continued to sway and dip, throwing my arms high over my head. There was something to be said for letting go. Maybe there were still a few things I could learn from Lorik…

  I stumbled through my front door sometime around two in the morning. Lorik had squashed any plans I’d had to drop in on Reaver and I doubted the Sidhe would appreciate my popping in at this hour. And whereas I could have been annoyed with Lorik for pressuring me to stay and party the night away, it felt good to cut loose a little. My limbs were heavy from the energy I’d exerted on the dance floor and my body overheated from the press of bodies and stifling air of the club. For the first time in a while, I felt like I could fall into bed and sleep for eight or more hours without nightmares or anxiety plaguing me. As I kicked off my heels and peeled the sweat-dampened tunic from my body, I realized that Lorik had done me a favor tonight.

  “It seems we’ve come full circle,” a dark, delicious voice said from behind me. “All you’re missing is that fluffy white robe.”

  My heart scrambled up through my throat as though to make room for the hoard of butterflies swirling around in my stomach. The sound of his voice elicited an instant, physical reaction as goose bumps rose on my flesh. I swore that damned voice was his superpower.

  “What’s the matter, Xander?” I didn’t dare turn around. Wasn’t sure I was ready to make eye contact with him. “Did Raif run you out of the house and you had nowhere else to go?”

  “I’ve been here for hours.” The tenor of his words reached out in a caress that raked me from head to toe. “Waiting for you.”

  “If you needed to talk to me, you could have just called you know. No need to come in person.”

  I waited for the tell-tale creak of the sofa frame, but instead, felt a shift in the atmosphere as the particles of Xander’s body shifted and changed. A cloud of fragrant, heady air made its way to my nostrils and I inhaled the rich aroma, holding it in my lungs.

  His warm breath brushed the shell of my ear as a wisp of dark shadow caressed my bare shoulder. A shudder passed the length of my body when he said, “I’ve given you the space you asked for, Darian. I’ve waited. Patiently.”

  I fiddled with the shirt in my grasp, desperate to untangle it so I could put it back on. I was still wearing my leggings and bra, but I felt naked in Xander’s presence. Too exposed. “Oh yeah?” The words left my mouth in a breathy whisper. “Then why are you here now?”

  Another lick of shadow traced down my spine. “Because I’m tired of waiting.”

  Uh-oh.

  I’d played with fire so it’s not like I could be surprised to feel the blistering heat of it now. And though my affair with Xander had been brief, we’d formed an emotional connection of sorts. I’d been avoiding him for weeks because I didn’t want to acknowledge there would be consequences for the choices I’d made. What happened between me and Xander was by no means a mistake. It was a choice. And every choice made comes with ramifications. It showed the level of chicken shit I was that I couldn’t bring myself to address my own.

  “I’ve bided my time. Reminded myself that distance is what you needed. Spoke the words over and again until they tasted foul in my mouth. This is the closest you’ve been to me in months and still, you are millions of miles away. Do you enjoy this, Darian? Torturing me? Does it make you feel powerful to know you’ve laid me low? That you’ve destroyed me.”

  “Xander.” My mouth went dry as I forced the words past my lips. “You can’t possibly think that my intention is to hurt you.”

  “No?” The word remained suspended in the air between us, a low rumble like coming thunder.

  “No.”

  “Then why do you refuse to turn around and face me?”

  Good question. Maybe because deep down, past the bravado that I wore like armor, I was nothing more than a coward. Or perhaps because I still wasn’t right in my own head and I didn’t know what I wanted. I hit the ground running the second I came back to Seattle because I knew that if kept busy, I wouldn’t have to deal with my personal life.

  “Because,” I said on an exhale. Yeah, that explanation oughtta do it. My eyes drifted shut and I focused on the sensation of Xander’s heat pulsing against my bare back as I waited for him to speak.

  “Why, Darian?” he prodded.

  “Because…I’m afraid.”

  “Of me?” The atmosphere shifted once again and a breath of inky darkness wound around my body, swathing me in warmth. It was dirty pool that Xander would use his ethereal form in this way, knowing that I’d find comfort encased in shadow.

  “No,” I replied as I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “I’m afraid of myself.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  I opened my eyes to find the dark shadows of Xander’s incorporeal form swirl and converge before me. His chest was a wall of muscle and I craned my neck up to look into his face and those molten caramel eyes I found so fascinating.

  What I saw there unnerved me.

  The warmth was gone; the gold veins of his irises nothing more than hardened amber. For as long as I’d known him, Xander had always kept his emotions in check, to the point that they all translated into cocky bravado. The look he gave me now was raw. Visceral. “Tell me, Darian, why have you sent me away, proclaimed your need for solitude only to spend your hours with the Jinn?”

  It always bothered me how Xander referred to Tyler like he was some sort of nameless stray dropped off at a shelter. I kept my thoughts to myself, though, sensing that Xander’s temper was a powder keg about to go off. I didn’t want to light the fuse if I could help it. “For starters, I work for Tyler. You know that. I’m not sure how you expect me to make a living and not spend time with him.”

  “I’ve told you, there is nothing that you could possibly want or need that I cannot provide. Yet you use your job as another excuse. One more wall constructed to keep me out.”

  I ignored the sneer in his tone, but if the King of Accusations wanted to pick a fight, I’d be more than happy to give him one. “Look, Xander, I appreciate the whole manly, caveman need to be a provider and whatnot, but I don’t need that. In fact, I don’t want it. I’ve been someone’s property to be looked after and provided for. And if you don’t remember the story, it didn’t work out so well for me.”

  “I am not that man,” Xander said, puffing his chest out.

  “And I am not that woman who let herself be dehumanized. You can’t lay down a set of rules and expect me to obey, Xander. Tyler and I have our own issues to work out. Issues that don’t have anything to do with you.”

  He opened his mouth to speak and I held up a hand.

  “I’m not saying that to hurt you or confess anything to you. I’m well aware that you and I have a few issues to w
ork out as well. What I am saying is that you can’t micromanage me and not expect me to put you at arms’ length.”

  Xander’s eyes dipped and I was reminded that I was standing before him with nothing more than a lacy bra separating his gaze from my naked breasts. It’s not like he hadn’t seen me in my birthday suit before, but things between us had changed. His expression was hungry, almost pained, as though it took every ounce of self-control in his stores not to reach out and touch. I felt a familiar spark ignite low in my belly and it reminded me how easily I’d once succumbed to the Shaede king’s charms. I took a step back and brought my shirt up, shielding myself from his gaze. I wasn’t interested in having my cake and eating it too.

  I refused to play games with anyone’s emotions.

  “Don’t.” He reached out and seized my wrist, hauling me against him. “No more walls. No more resistance. No more pretending as though I don’t exist.”

  “You might have paid for the remodel, your highness, but this is still my place.” I tried to jerk my arm free but he held me in an iron grasp. “I can kick your ass out of here if I want.”

  His eyes hardened further, so cold that I felt the chill. The hand not holding my wrist in a vice snaked around my waist as Xander held me immovable and put his mouth to mine. As his mouth slanted against mine, he released my wrist and cupped my neck in his searing palm. The kiss was desperate, relentless, filled with an urgency that broke my heart and sent me into a panic all at once. I pushed against his chest, but I might as well have been trying to topple a redwood. Panic surged, the sense of being forced, held against my will causing my insides to tie up into knots as I broke out into a sweat. My corporeal form vanished in a burst of shadow, an explosion that echoed my feelings to a tee. Xander took a stumbling step forward, his breath sawing in and out of his chest in ragged draughts.