A Need So Insatiable

by Cecilia Robert

  He stiffens. The sexual tension dissipates and he pulls his hand away, leaving me cold.

  “All right. After my parents died, things went downhill fast. I was in the custody of my grandmother in the Netherlands. When I was thirteen, I found a truck coming to Vienna, and I left. This is the place I was most happy, and I wanted to see you and Olivia. But when I got here, I just couldn’t face you. I was scared she’d send me back.

  “I wandered the streets for a while. I was good at math so one of my acquaintances, an eighteen-year-old boy, taught me how to balance accounts and work the stock market. Soon, I found people looking for cheap labor. Finally, Kravic heard about me and hired me, offering a position in his ‘Crowd’, as he called it. And when I was sixteen, he offered me the chance to be the ‘Master’. The leader of his Crowd. I was a far cry from the boy you knew when I was eleven. You wouldn’t have known me, if we’d met. I was taller and more built than most boys my age, and I had to fight--literally, fight--for the position. It felt fucking good at the time. I felt powerful. Invincible.

  “But then, I did something that changed everything and brought me back to Olivia. Being bigger, stronger and more brutal than the other fifteen and sixteen-year-olds, I was always sent to ‘deal’ with the troublemakers. People who didn’t pay for goods delivered. I had to do things that would make you cringe, Sophie. I remember going to see this one guy and feeling rage burst inside me. I hit him. Punch after punch. I put him in the hospital, baby.” He drops his head in his hands. I’m too shocked to do anything but stare at his stiff posture.

  He lifts his head. “He was this close to losing his life. Someone rescued him from the street and called the ambulance. The next day, I went in search of Olivia. I was so ashamed. I told her everything. She took me for counseling, helped me start on the right path. But by that time, Kravic had gotten suspicious of my whereabouts, and I was forced to cut back the sessions. I visited the man in the hospital whenever I could. His right arm was paralyzed, Sophie.” He turns to look at me. I wish I could take away the pain in his eyes, the guilt coiling his body tight. “That was my turning point.”

  He looks small--considering his huge bulk--sitting on the steps, his hands around his mouth.

  I wrap my arms around my knees, still reeling from his confession. His head is turned away from me. I swallow hard, trying to process the revelation. How can one human hurt another so badly? How does one justify that?

  I fight the urge to scoot away from him, and, stare at him instead. God, what had Kravic done to him? He must have suffered so much after his parents’ death. Alone. But who am I to judge? Hell, I’ve hurt people close to me, too. His past clearly drags him down. And as much as I want to move away, hate him for the pain he caused that man, I realize I can’t.

  “After I left, Kravic kept calling, telling me he wanted me back.”

  “But what if you don’t want to be the Master?”

  He shakes his head. “Then I have to fight the guy who’ll take over for me. You don’t walk inside that ring and leave alive. And Kravic knows it. He knows I don’t want to fight.”

  “The press hasn’t not gotten wind of this?”

  “Kravic keeps things on the down low.”

  “How fucking powerful is this guy? He should take over the Mastership.”

  He laughs, but there’s no warmth in it. “It doesn’t work that way. He works behind the scenes.”

  I link my fingers with his.

  He stares ahead, takes a long breath, and looks at the cloudy sky. “I can’t have him clinging to my back my whole damn life.”

  “Why didn’t he contact you earlier? I mean . . . you left his Crowd years ago. Why now?”

  He sighs, running a hand down his face. “I left for Sydney eight years ago, so there was no way for Kravic to get a hold of me. I continued my studies there, and would visit Simone for a few weeks at a time before flying back. I wasn’t strong enough to face him. I needed to prepare myself. So I stayed in Sydney, but also traveled, working in different countries until eight months ago, when I received news that the opera house here in Vienna was looking for a conductor and music director. I missed being here. This city held so many memories, both good and bad. But mostly good. I’d been training with a friend of mine in Muay Thai, so I knew I was ready to face Kravic. And I was prepared to search for you as soon as I had enough courage.

  “I resigned as music director for the Sydney Opera House, and came here. Then I saw you.” He lifts my hands to kiss my knuckles. “I thought I’d healed. That, if I saw you again, I’d be strong enough not to crumble at your feet. I was wrong. The second you turned around and saw me, you owned me, just like you always had.”

  Cupping his face with my palms, I lean close and kiss him. “I’m glad you came back.”

  He traces my cheek with his thumb, following the trail of tears. “I’m glad I did, too.” His gaze is gentle, his lips curling at the corners.

  “Does the man . . . that man--” I shoot him a look. His lips tighten before he averts his gaze. I inhale deeply. “Does he know you?”

  “He never got a chance to see my face--” He runs a hand through his hair. “I was a coward and never confronted him, either. I’m still such a fucking coward.” He closes his eyes, shame written plainly on his features. “He has three kids now.”

  We fall silent, the echoes of his confession still lingering in the air.

  “Third truth. My turn,” I say. He slides his hand across my shoulder, pulling me to him. I sink into him. “The night my mother died, I had just argued with her. She died because of me.”

  Rafael

  “SHE WHAT?”

  Sophie takes a shaky breath. “The night before the accident, I’d gone out with some friends, and come home late. Past the time she’d told me. I was . . . wasn’t coping so well with my teen years. So she grounded me. I called her while she was driving and argued with her. Told her I hated her. Hated her.” She shudders. “Mom was one of the most loveable people I’ve ever met, and I was mean to her. She started pleading with me, but I was beyond angry. I heard a horrible crash, and the call disconnected. I knew I’d lost her even before the police called us.” She presses closer to me, as if seeking my warm. “I loved her so much, Rafael. I miss her.”

  “Sophie, no. No. That accident wasn’t your fault. Olivia was so proud of you. She boasted to everyone about how perfect you were.” I shut my eyes, trying not to blurt the words that have haunted me since Olivia’s death. I pull her onto my lap and hold her until she stops shaking.

  She pulls back, makes a sound in her throat, and inhales deeply. “I’m not perfect. Mom focused on the best in people. I was stubborn, and rebellious. When I was fourteen, Mom and Dad were hardly ever home. Mom traveled a lot, performing in different cities, and Dad’s company had taken off. We were practically raised by a babysitter. I befriended a few girls in the cliques at school and things went downhill fast.” She stretches her left arm out and pulls up the jacket sleeve, exposing the smooth skin there.

  “See this?” She points at the inner elbow of her right arm.

  I know what she’s talking about. But I don’t want to tell her I do. She might freak and I’m not ready to lose her that way. I know how she was when she was fourteen, what she’d gotten herself into.

  I pretend to squint at her arm.

  “This is how far I’d gone. I knew it was wrong to use drugs. I knew how dangerous it could get, but I did it anyway. I did it to rebel against my parents. Hurt them for leaving us. It was a cry for attention, I guess. I almost got in too deep, but my grandmother arrived and took over for the lady who’d been taking care of us. Mom promised that her next projects would keep her within the country. I was so selfish. I stopped her from following her dream, and she still chose to see the best in me.”

  She looks up from her arm, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

  “That accident wasn’t your fault,” I say again. I should tell her what happened, but I’m a coward. I won’t let
her slip through my fingers.

  She sniffs, her lips stretching into a trembling smile. “God, confessions are draining. Do you want some coffee?”

  My girl is strong. I wish I had that kind of strength. Even after her confession, she has the courage to smile. The power to rise to her feet again, and meet life head on.

  Smiling, I pull her to her feet, and she turns to head inside. I should leave right now, before I say things I’m not ready to.

  I tug her back, and hug her fiercely. She whispers, “Thank you for not judging me.”

  “Who am I to judge?” I press a kiss on her forehead. “We all make mistakes. Imagine how dull life would be if we’d spent our whole lives inside a bubble.”

  Sophie

  LILLI IS upstairs packing her suitcases. We packed most of her stuff yesterday, and organized the transfer papers she’ll take to the school Grandma enrolled her in. She broke down and cried. It took all my willpower not to cancel the flight and keep her here with me. But I know even Rafael can’t protect her. Kravic’s a sneaky bastard.

  My phone vibrates as a message comes in. I pick it up from the kitchen counter and read Rafael’s text:

  “On the way. Need anything?”

  “Nothing at the moment. See you soon.” I press send.

  Rafael will drive us to the airport. Dani and Jace will meet us there.

  At 9:00 am, we’re standing in the line for Austrian Airlines. The ticket didn’t come cheap, but it guaranteed only one layover, in Washington DC, before connecting to Denver.

  Lilli glances around the crowded terminal, fiddling with the edge of her grey sweater. Her face is clear of make-up, giving her a vulnerable look. She hasn’t redyed her hair either, so her natural blonde is growing back.

  “Tell me you’re going to be fine,” I say, tugging her along as we exit the duty-free shop. She’s clutching two new novels to read during the flight. We halt a few feet away from our

  friends, and she slings her arm over my shoulder, embracing me.

  “I’m going to be fine, Soph.” She darts a look to where Rafael is chatting with Jace and Dani. “He’ll take care of you. I can tell by the way he looks at you.”

  I don’t need to turn around to know Rafael is looking my way. I can feel him, right down to my essence. “He will. But I can take care of myself, you know. We were doing well enough before he came along.”

  “You’ve taken care of me for so long, it’s time someone took care of you.”

  I blink at her. “When did you grow up so fast, Lil?”

  “In the last month or so.” She smiles and shrugs. “It took Kravic’s men chasing us down the street.”

  I open my mouth to reply the same time the speakers crackle, announcing Lilli’s flight and the gate number.

  Soon, she’s next in line to board. She hugs me, crying again, and I try hard not to break down in front of her. When it’s Rafael’s turn, she grabs him, holding him tight, and leans in to whisper something in his ear.

  He nods, darting a look at me, a barely-there smile tugging his lips.

  “I will.” The look in his eyes and the passionate way he says those words sends shivers down to my toes.

  They announce her flight one more time, and she throws herself into my arms. “Call me when you get there, okay?”

  She nods, and moves toward the gate, dragging her carry-on with her. I watch as she disappears down the ramp, and hope to God I’m doing the right thing.

  “You okay?” Rafael says, pulling me into his arms. I nod, still staring at the door. “You can cry. I’m here to catch you.”

  “Crying is for sissies,” I say, my voice muffled in his chest as I soak his shirt with my tears. I breathe in his scent, trying not to sob. I do anyway. Lilli and I have never been apart, and this is like a freakin’ knife in my stomach. I fumble around in my handbag for a tissue, pulling one out and dabbing at my eyes. But the more I wipe the tears, the more I feel like I made a mistake sending Lilli away.

  He pulls back and shakes his head.

  Jace slaps my shoulder, making me stumble forward. “Time to go drink. What do you say, Soph?” She grins. Oh, I love this girl.

  “Sure,” I say, sniffling. “Schnaps?”

  “If you like. But I have two mini-Jägermeisters in my purse.” I give her a watery smile as the pain eases a notch.

  Sophie

  WE HEAD back home for an intervention--as Jace calls it--to distract me from thinking about Lilli. Thank God! I wasn’t looking forward to curling up in bed and crying my eyes out. I’ve already done enough of that to last me a lifetime.

  Hawk arrives ten minutes later, carrying a six-pack of Budweiser. Jace glares at him before turning away, pouting. She’s still mad he spent so much on a hotel, when she had a room for him at her flat. Hawk had given a vague excuse about wanting to stay in touch with some business partners, but it hadn’t been enough to ease Jace’s disappointment. I’m not worried about them, though. I’ve seen them fight one minute, and poke jokes at each other the next.

  Dinner consists of pizza, Coca Cola, popcorn and beer.

  As soon as the table has been cleared, I pull out the deck of cards Lilli, Dad and I had used every Sunday.

  Dani’s phone rings and she leaves the room to answer it.

  “How about we play Old Maid?” I ask. Everyone seems to agree, so we end up teaming girls against boys. Hawk removes the Queens, and deals the cards. Jace and I huddle together on the sofa, cards fanned between our fingers.

  Ten minutes go by, and still, no team has won.

  Jace brandishes the last card like a dagger and tosses it on the coffee table. Hawk and Rafael groan, throwing their cards down in defeat.

  “I told you, you were going down. Who’s the Old Maid now? Or should I say, Maids?” I jab a finger at Hawk and Rafael. Jace leaps up, does a hip-dance, and runs around the sofa in circles.

  “You’re such a puppy, Jace,” Hawk mumbles.

  Dani reenters the living room, smiling softly, and sits down, taking Jace’s place beside me. “Want to come to Paris with me?” she asks. “My designs have been picked for The Rising Star Award.”

  I shift my body to face her, fighting hard not to hug her. “Really? Look at you, Ms. Next Top Designer.”

  She leans closer and whispers, “You can hug me. Two seconds.” She smiles wide. I throw my arms around her, pulling back in record time. Hawk’s eyes land on Dani for just a second before he looks away, like he’s afraid to be caught.

  “You okay, man?” Rafael says, his gaze moving from Hawk to Dani. He taps his upper lip, fighting a smile.

  Hawk’s head jerks up, and he blinks. “Sure.” Frowning, he glances at Dani one more time and stands, heading for the kitchen. Dani gets up and follows Jace down the hallway, toward the bathroom, leaving Rafael and I temporarily alone.

  “Have you noticed, Hawk’s been doing that--staring at Dani--since we got here?” I whisper, jerking my chin toward the kitchen.

  “He has? I guess I was too busy staring at you, and trying to win. I didn’t notice.” He shrugs. “So.” He scoots closer, taking the seat Dani had vacated, and angles his body to mine. “You really want that?”

  He smells so good. I press my palms on my yellow dress. “What?”

  “For me to go down? I could do that. Meet me in the bathroom upstairs in five minutes.”

  “Jesus, Rafael. You can’t say things like that and expect me not to--”

  “Want me? Touch me?” His breath is now inches from my ear. “Get wet?”

  I tilt my head, and his warm breath caresses my lower lip. “All that and more.”

  “Oh SHIT! People? Leash it, right now. Ugh!” Jace yells, slapping her hands over her ears.

  We leap apart--or rather, I do. Rafael just chuckles, deep and low and all manly. “Hawk! Time to leave,” he says, his gaze locked with mine.

  Hawk strides back into the living room with a Budweiser in one hand. He takes a swig and swallows, watching Dani. Dani seems to feel his eyes
on her. She jerks her head up and runs a trembling hand across her face.

  “I have to leave.” She grabs her keys and bolts out the front door. Moments later, the sound of her Honda fills the room.

  “Jesus! One look from those grey eyes and my blood freezes solid.” Hawk shudders.

  “Leave her alone, Hawk,” I say, still reeling from Dani’s abrupt exit. I’ve never seen her react like that to anyone, or anything.

  “Maybe she’s allergic to you,” Jace pipes in, darting around the table, a scowling Hawk on her heels. I laugh. Hawk is huge, and seeing him chase after his sister is comical.

  Rafael grabs my hand, pulling my attention back to him, then slowly--oh, so slowly--brushes his fingertips on my inner wrist. He dips his dark head slightly, following the trail with his tongue.

  I close my eyes, panting. I groan. “Oh, God! Fuuucccck!”

  “Glad you think so, and yes, to the second.” The coarse material of his jeans rubs on my exposed legs, heightening the sensations in my body. My eyes flip open and collide with his, dark and dilated.

  “Game’s over. Hawk, Jace, leave. Now.” His voice is commanding, and yet, thick with need. I raise my eyebrows. “I don’t beg.”

  My eyebrows rise higher, and I try to stop quaking as his fingers draw circles on my palm. “You don’t?”

  He narrows his eyes at me, seeming to catch the drift of my thoughts. “Don’t do you dare, Sophie.”

  “Do what? Make you beg? You don’t beg, remember?”

  “Hawk. Jace. OUT!” he growls.

  Crap! Rafael’s unleashed The Growl. He really means business.

  Hawk sighs. “And here I thought we’d play another round of Old Maid.”

  “Hawken.”

  “Fine, fine,” Hawk mumbles under his breath.

  I have to remember that goading Rafael is like poking a lion with a stick. When he roars, he gets all fangy and growly.

  “Good luck, and be strong,” Jace yells before disappearing out the door with her brother. The air surrounding Rafael ignites, menacing and charged with sexual tension. My heart beats faster, trying to catch up with my panting breath. Heat sears my veins, curling between my legs.