A Need So Insatiable

by Cecilia Robert

  I wipe the rain off my face and take a couple deep breaths, then open the door. I storm up to the bedroom, rainwater dripping in my wake. Seeing her there, hair ruffled and wearing one of my t-shirts, almost brings me to my knees. I curl my fist. I’ve never crawled for anyone, but there’s always a first.

  She shifts, sinking lower in the bed.

  “Don’t” I say. Fuck! I’m hovering in the entrance, dripping rainwater and staring like a lunatic. It must be scaring her off.

  I head to the bathroom and strip out of my soaked clothes. When I come back, dressed in nothing but my goddamn birthday suit, her eyes grow wider, staring at my dick. She swallows, looks at my face, then back down.

  I grab her wrists and pull her to the edge of the bed, lift her hands and lace them with mine.

  “Relax, Sophie. This is just me wanting to love you.” I press my lips along her arms, kissing all the way to the place her shoulder and neck meet. I brush my nose along her jaw, bite the labret on her lip, and lick all the way to her breast. She sucks in a breath. When I pull back, her eyes are tightly shut, her lip caught between her teeth.

  “Open your eyes and look at me, Sophie. I love how your eyes turn a deep shade of green when I touch you, kiss you.” Her eyes flutter open slowly. I brush my lips on hers, then kiss the corner of her mouth.

  Sophie

  I’M BURNING alive. Rafael’s heat is like a bonfire, and I’m standing on the edge, ready to throw myself in and let it swallow me alive. If I died this way, it would all be worth it. I try to wriggle my hands away from his. I need to touch him. Run my fingers down the scruff on his face, down those abs.

  “Sophie,” he murmurs in my ear. “You set my heart, my life, my everything on fire.” He pulls me up and flush against his naked body, making fast work of removing my t-shirt.

  “The bet?”

  “Hawk let me out of it.”

  He pulls back and closes his eyes, as if trying to fight a demon that’s taken him over. “I really want to do this properly. I’d say you deserve someone better, but I’m selfish. I want you all to myself.” He takes a deep breath, as if preparing himself for a long speech. “Sophie . . .”

  “Shh, it’s all right, Rafael. I want you too. And I don’t deserve anyone else. I deserve you.”

  “Sophie . . .” He licks his lips and runs his fingers through his hair, a desperate kind of look in his eyes.

  I glance up, waiting. Is he backing off?

  “I’ve never bowed, or dropped to my knees for anyone,” he says in a cool, arrogant voice. “Never thought I would.” Slowly, purposefully, he kneels. He slides his arms around my waist, tugging me closer and bows his head, pressing his forehead on my stomach.

  “You own me, Sophie.” He looks up, his dark eyes hitting me with enough force to snatch the breath from my lungs. “You’ve owned me from the moment you walked into my life in that music room. And when I saw you slipping out the window like wolves were after you, I knew I wanted you in my life. You’ve wrapped yourself around my heart and mind. I can’t get you out. I don’t want to. I’ve dreamt about a hundred different ways for me to love you.” His breath tickles the skin on my stomach.

  “Sophie, baby.” Fingers skate down my waist and around to the curve of my spine. I’m hot, heating from the inside out. “I need to make love to you. I’ll die if I don’t.”

  He lowers his head and traces his tongue along the same path his hands had taken. “Such soft skin,” he murmurs. I can feel the power rolling all over his body. The muscles on his back flex as he moves his upper body. I cup my hands around his strong jaw, lifting his face to look at me.

  “You don’t need to control yourself with me,” I say, leaning to kiss the corner of his mouth, then straighten to look into his dark, sinful eyes.

  “If I don’t, I’ll hurt you, especially since I’ve wanted inside you for so long.”

  “I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me,” I say. How can he hurt me, when he holds my heart in his hands?

  “You do?” he asks, his eyes wide, hopeful.

  “With my life.”

  He stares at me, emotions rushing across his face. He slowly raises to his feet, his gaze locked with mine. Gone is the desperate, yet hopeful look, replaced by a predatory one, full of hunger.

  He doesn’t have to tell me what to do. I scoot backward on the bed until my back hits the headboard. I stretch my legs out, spreading them wide. He crawls forward, aligning his body between my thighs. He growls deep in his throat before swooping down and kissing me. The kiss is unlike any we’ve shared before. Aggressive. I wrap my legs around his hips. He jerks his pelvis against mine, tangling his fingers in my hair. His tongue wrestles with mine. He takes my breath and I take his. His fingers leave my hair, brush down my face, and skate down the side of my breast. I shiver. I’m not ready to shatter. I want to hold on to this for as long as I can. Savor him. He grips my hips hard until I feel like his fingers are imprinted on my bones.

  “I can’t wait. I need you, Sophie. I’m desperate. I promise, I’ll take more time the next round, but right now, I want inside you so bad it hurts.”

  I chuckle-shiver. “How many rounds are we having?”

  “More than five before daybreak.”

  “Rafael . . .” He lifts his body and shifts to pick up a pack of condoms, tears one open with his teeth and slides it over himself. I wiggle as he rubs his erection against my core. “You’re killing me.” I whimper. “Hard and fast.”

  He swings his gaze to mine. “Hard and fast.” He slams into me and I gasp, his lips crashing down on mine. We move, trying to find the right rhythm, and when we do, it’s perfection. He slides in and out, his lips tangling with mine. I lift my hips, meeting his thrusts, slow at first, then fast, slowing down again, then fast.

  He pulls back from my mouth, and wraps his arms around me. “Hold me.”

  I do, dear Lord, I do. Like I’m sinking and he’s my life boat. I am sinking and right now he’s the only thing that can save me from the storm thrashing around me. He jerks his hips faster, and I move mine, trying to catch up with him, but somehow, my body is all liquid.

  “Finally, I’m home,” he growls the words, sweat beading down his face. “This is where I belong, Sophie. You feel so damn good, so fucking perfect.”

  His pace increases and I’m soaring. “You feel so good, fuck! This is sooo good.” Everything inside me is coiled tight. I’m ready to blow apart, and I think he senses it. He removes his arms from around me, grabs my hands and laces our fingers together, supporting his upper body with his elbows so he’s looking directly into my face. He locks his gaze with mine, and we don’t talk. We don’t need words, just the heat flowing through us, in us, around us. His eyes grow even darker, and somehow, I know he’s about to come. Closing my eyes, I welcome the wave as it sweeps through me.

  “Open your eyes, Sophie. I want to see your soul.”

  I do as he says, which seems to heighten his need. He groans, his fingers tightening around mine. And just like that, I let go, screaming his name as wave after wave rolls inside me, warming me, mending my heart, merging my soul with his. He growls out my name, and even as he rides his own wave, his eyes are fixed on mine. His thrusts slow down, and he rolls over, taking me with him, holding me. The only sound in the room is our ragged breathing, and the thumping of my heart. And probably a chorus from the cupids, I think, rejoicing that their darts had finally found their mark.

  Sophie

  A WEEK after the dinner gala, I decide to surprise Rafael. I let myself in with the key he’d given me when I’d given him mine, and head upstairs into his room. I rummage through the drawers in search of the maid costume. After the last time, I remember him shoving it in here. I’ve been wanting to surprise him for a while now, especially after that phone call he’d had with Hawk. I grab one of his t-shirts, strip down, and slip it on. The edge brushes just above my knees. At least, if I don’t find the costume before he arrives, I’ll have his shirt on.

&nbs
p; I dig deeper into the walk-in closet, contemplating a contingency plan.

  The lock downstairs clunks, followed by the shuffle of feet. Crap, he’s here. My knees shake with excitement, and I feel like I haven’t seen him in years, even though I woke up in his arms this morning. I tug the edges of the t-shirt and tie a knot to show a slip of my lacy panties, then glance around. The door leading to his mini-practice room is open. He’d said that he wanted to tie me up, so I grab one of his silk ties and dash into the room, heading for the piano next to the window. Wiggling my ass on the soft, black velvet bench, I try to arrange myself. I hear more shuffling downstairs, then the open and slam of what sounds like the fridge, followed by tinkling glass. A popping sound. I close my eyes, and all I can see are his hands, those hands that hold me like I’m made of crystal, pouring what I can only guess is wine. The sound of a bottle hitting the counter doubles the fire racing through my blood. Footsteps head upstairs.

  I grab the tie and toss it across my shoulders, then arch my back so the curve in my spine is visible. Finally, I lift my leg to place it on the bench and knock a brown box over.

  Shit.

  I scramble, dropping to my knees and scooping the papers back into the box. A scrap peeks out around the edge. I lean closer to pick it up, and my lips stretch into a smile. It’s a butterfly drawn by childish hands.

  He kept them. I replace the drawing, then close the lid, shoving it back under the piano. I stretch back and halt, glaring down at the book on the floor.

  Ugh! Can’t anything go right?

  This is my big reveal. My please-tie-me-up-and-have-me-any-way-you-want moment.

  I swing my legs back to the floor, grab the book and shove it inside the box, freezing as a piece of A5 paper slides from the pages. The word “Olivia” is repeated over and over on the white surface. I grab the book and flip through the pages. Every single line is filled with the words, “I’m sorry, Olivia.”

  Why would he apologize to my mother? I turn the notebook around, hoping to get a clue. This time, my heart stops completely.

  Rafael

  I WALK into the bedroom. Red and white rose petals lead to my music room. The image of her sprawled on the black surface of my piano rolls through my head.

  I halt on the threshold, and grin. God, she’s pure beauty, sitting on the velvet piano bench, one leg folded under her butt. She’s done something with her hair; it’s spread across her shoulders in large curls. My gaze drops to her mouth, the rise and fall of her chest under one of my t-shirts, then back to her mouth.

  Something’s wrong with this picture. She looks lost. One hand comes up to brush her face, followed by a sniffle. I follow the graceful way she lays her hand back on her lap and freeze.

  My body tightens. My mind urges me to run. I can’t, though. I knew this time was coming. It was just a matter of when.

  She lifts her head to look at me. God, so much pain. Pain I’d put there. She lifts a white note, browned with age.

  “Rafael,” she whispers. “Tell me this isn’t true.”

  She looks at me, as if begging me to lie. Her lower lip trembles, and I take a step toward her, my pulse pounding hard in my ears.

  Sophie

  RAFAEL CONTINUES to stare at me, his wide eyes moving from the note in my hand, to my face, and back again. He shoves his hands inside the pockets of his black suit and drops his gaze.

  “It’s true, Sophie. Olivia died because of me.”

  Two things come to mind as thumping roars in my ears: this is what a breaking heart sounds like; this is how it feels when your soul dies.

  I hear his words echo through my head--“Oliva died because of me”--as everything else becomes a buzzing background. All I feel is . . . resounding emptiness. I fall to my knees, and fold my legs up, wrapping my arms around my knees. I take measured breaths, curling tighter, shivering. Seconds later, warmth curves around my body. I hold my breath. I’m not going to breathe his scent. I don’t want to feel.

  Arms reach around to hold me. He rocks, repeating, “I’m sorry,” over and over. But not even Rafael’s warmth can thaw the ice forming around me.

  “Get away from me.” The voice that rips from my mouth isn’t mine.

  His body turns to stone. His hands drop away. I shouldn’t want those arms around me, but I do. I do.

  I bite my cheek to focus on the pain there, rather than the ache bleeding my heart dry. Why is my stomach heavy, like it’s full of lead?

  “Were you playing me all along?” I whisper.

  He shakes his head and lifts his hands to me. “How can you think that? How--”

  “How dare you ask me that?” I snarl. He stares at me, his eyes wide. “You strung me along, Rafael. I told you how I felt about my mother’s death. And you still refused to step up.”

  “I was going to tell you.”

  “I should hate you for taking her away from me. I should despise you for not telling me.”

  But I can’t. I’m in too deep. Fallen too far to hoist myself to my feet without crumbling. I’m a mess. A broken-hearted disaster.

  But my body, Lord, my body wants to stay wrapped in his arms and never move away. Seek comfort.

  I straighten and pull away from him. “I need some time on my own.”

  Sophie

  I PACE around my living room. Dig my hands into my hair. Then pace again.

  “Olivia died because of me.”

  Those words have morphed to pins and needles, constantly pricking inside my head, clamoring until there’s no space to think of anything else. My phone rings. I glance to where I’d dropped my handbag twenty minutes ago. I don’t have enough energy to check who it is.

  It stops ringing, then starts back up immediately. It stops. Then rings again, repeating the cycle a couple more times. Every time, I stare at my handbag, not strong enough to go switch the bloody thing off. At least the ringing breaks the continuous buzzing in my head. It makes me feel alive, because without it, I feel like I’m buried six feet under.

  I head for the sofa and lower myself, but end up missing it. My ass crashes to the floor. I have no strength to stand, so I pull my legs up and hug my knees, dropping my head on them. I shut my eyes. Then flip them open immediately. All I can see is the piece of paper covered in nearly illegible handwriting, confessing over and over. It’s a never-ending circle.

  I can’t stay here. I need to get far away from Rafael and anything that reminds me of him. I inhale deeply, but the air doesn’t reach my lungs. I need out. I need to breathe. Rafael is the only one that makes me feel like I’m breathing well. But now, my source of oxygen is my poison.

  Someone knocks on the front door. I jerk upright and head for the door. But I pull myself back at the last moment. “He’s here,” my mind screams. He’s here.

  I don’t want to see him until I’ve sorted out how I feel. Another insistent knock.

  “Leave,” I whisper. “Please, just leave me alone.”

  “Soph?”

  I lift my head, relaxing at the voice. A wave of disappointment races through me. I’m not even sure what I want anymore.

  “Hawk?”

  “Yes.” His voice is low. “Open up.”

  “Not now. Just leave, please.”

  He sighs as if frustrated. What does he have to be frustrated about?

  “Open the damn door, Sophie,” he says. “I’m not leaving.”

  Hawk’s never used that voice on me. He sounds like he’s about to kick the door down. Every part of me groans in pain as I drag myself forward, muttering, “Stubborn ox,” under my breath.

  “Damn right,” he says. How sharp are his ears?

  I open the door and let him in. Hawk hugs me and whispers, “Rafael told me what happened. Don’t judge him. Hear him out first. His heart belongs to you, Sophie. Not even to music, not even to life itself. You. Don’t stomp on it. Please.” He pulls back, leaving me feeling baffled and scared. Sweat gathers on different parts of my body at the thought of Rafael--my Rafael. Yes, we’re
all entitled to our secrets, but this had involved my mother. And he’d kept it from me. I clutch my belly to stop my stomach from roiling.

  He motions for me and I go willingly, hungry for comfort. “Rafael’s hurting too. I’ve never seen him so destroyed.”

  “He didn’t tell me the truth, Hawk. Why would he do that? He knew how much her dea--” I cut myself off and take a deep, shuddering breath. “I blamed myself for a long time.”

  He came here to defend him. Yet he knows what Rafael did. Rafael took my mother away from me, and all this time, I’d thought I was the one who killed her. That fact doesn’t make me feel better, though. It makes the hole in my chest grow bigger. Because the one person I’d given my heart to, the one I’d made sure to link souls with, had taken her away from me. Was he stringing me along for fun? Or had he thought I’d never find out? Did I look that stupid?

  “It was wrong of him to hide the truth. He feels like shit about it. Just please give him a chance to explain what happened. I’m not here to defend him. I’m not on anyone’s side. I love you both equally. I hate to see the two of you hurting.”

  “I thought when two people love each other, they tell the truth. Shouldn’t love count for something?”

  “Sweetheart, Rafael worships the ground you walk on. Watching him transform from the hard guy he was to someone who feels like he deserves happiness has been something else. I’ve never seen him this happy. I’ve never see you this happy.” He kisses my forehead, and I press my face into his chest, sink into the comfort of his words.

  I lift my head.

  “You don’t look good, Soph.”

  I feel like shit, but I’m not about to tell him that. I don’t need pity right now. I need space. I need for him to leave. I jerk my head toward the door, but suddenly, I can’t open my mouth. I dash to the bathroom and lean over the toilet bowl. I heave, but nothing comes out. Cool arms grasp my shoulders, leading me back to the living room. Hawk.

  “You will be fine. You two just need to figure this thing out.”