Hello Life!

by Marcus Butler

  Tash and I are different. I need to visualize what I have to do in order to execute it properly, so I’ll have little sticky notes pinned to my desk or laptop. Every morning I’ll write out my list of daily tasks. Then I’ll cross through things when I’ve completed them in a super-satisfying adrenaline rush of smugness. Done, done, done!

  2 STICK TO ONE THING

  Don’t believe the hype! Multitasking doesn’t lead to hyperproductivity. In fact, it actually has the opposite effect. I was recently reading a science study that claimed multitasking creates the illusion of achievement: it feels like you’re doing loads, but what’s actually happening is that you’re doing more stuff, only less efficiently. And taking your eye off the ball only causes more work for you in the long run because you won’t have completed the ten tasks you were doing (at once) as well as you should have.

  I’m terrible like that. I like starting new things. I’ll have my list and I’ll buzz off the fact I’m starting a new task. Then halfway through I find I’m starting something else. I’ll end up doing half my list at once and everything becomes a jumble. At the end of a day I’m often left wondering, Er, I’ve finished some stuff, but I haven’t done nearly as much as I would have liked, and the stuff I’ve done isn’t as good as I had hoped it would be. . . .

  So my advice is this: stick to one thing as much as possible. Get in the zone and focus. Once you’ve nailed it, move on to the next target.

  LIFE HACK!

  Set your passwords to match your goals. With e-mail accounts, work log-ins, Facebook details, decide on something that reflects one of your bigger aims, for example: “EATHEALTHY2015” or “UNIVERSITY2016.” It will reinforce your targets every day without you thinking about it too hard.

  3 PUT THINGS AWAY

  Seriously! Stop leaving a trail of destruction around the house or office, and find a home for every single item you own. (Those were my mom’s famous words to me while growing up.) It sounds obvious, but so few people do it and it leads to much less chaos. Think about it: how many times have you been leaving the house in a rush, unable to find your phone, headphones, or keys? A lot, I’d imagine.

  I know, because until recently I was quite messy. I’d leave sweaters lying around the house, or paperwork. Don’t get me wrong, I’m big on cleanliness, and if ever a kitchen countertop is dirty, I’m all over it like Mr. Clean. But I’ve been disorganized in the past, and I’ve since found that by finding a home for everything—and I mean, everything—I can have a go-to spot whenever I’m getting ready in a blur.

  Phone? Check. Headphones? Check. Car keys? Check.

  It’s a little bit boring, but try it. It’ll make you doubly efficient in times of stress. Though I should really tattoo this to my own arm because I don’t always stick to my own advice.

  4 WAKE UP EARLY

  I’m lucky. I don’t have to wake up; I don’t have to commute to college, school, or work and be at my desk at 9 a.m. If I wanted to, I could stay in bed all morning, but I always feel guilty because the day is getting wasted.

  Instead I like to be up early because I feel like I’m more motivated to get my tasks done if I’m awake, showered, and fed when the working day starts, even if my jobs for the day are house chores. It also means I have more time to complete the things I want to get done.

  5 LEARN YOUR ALARM CLOCK ACTION PLAN

  The alarm goes off, and what do you do? Roll out of bed and cruise through the morning, killing it at breakfast, ruling the bathroom in style, and power-dressing like a boss before leaving the house ahead of time? Or do you stumble around in a daze, bleary-eyed and ineffective?

  If it’s the latter, then you clearly need to work on your morning routine to the minute. By that I mean record the time it takes for you to get your game face on and grab the day by the scruff of the neck. If you can figure out roughly how many minutes you need to set yourself up in the morning, you’ll never be late out of the door again.

  Here’s my timetable . . .

  • Shower, get ready, do hair—20 mins

  • Breakfast (oatmeal, coffee)—20 mins, including washing up

  • Getting bag together—10 mins

  • E-mails, YouTube, etc.—20 mins

  • General fussing—5 mins (I love a general fuss!)

  Total: 1 hour, 15 mins. But if I’m in a real rush, I can be showered, dressed, and fed within half an hour.

  Ohhh yeahhhhh!

  LIFE HACK!

  Never waste a coffee buzz. You’ll have a rush of focus after a cup, so do your e-mails, finalize your important paperwork, and get your day planned. You’ll find the caffeine energy will make you productive. Those e-mails will be full of positivity, too. Just don’t drink too much or everyone will think you’re a bit weird because you’re talking gibberish. Got it?

  THE MARCUS BUTLER RANDOM-POSITIVE-THOUGHT GENERATOR

  I like the idea of having a healthy mind as much as I love having a healthy body. So when Niomi came to me with a cool idea about getting my head right from the minute I wake in the morning, I was interested. The general idea is that you should think of three really positive things as soon as your eyes open and you start to stir in bed. It is a surefire way of kicking your day into action from the get-go.

  “We both have to lie there for a few minutes,” she said. “In that time we have to think three positive thoughts. It could be things that you’re thankful for in life, or three things you want to achieve in twenty-four hours, or the week, or even in the year. It’s three positive ideas to set you up for the day.”

  I’ve got to admit, the first time was a bit odd. We were both lying there with our eyes closed, not saying anything. It was almost impossible not to laugh at first. In the end I said, “OK, let’s do it properly!” And we spent a few minutes in silence, thinking uplifting thoughts. I went over the things I was grateful for in my life—my YouTube followers, Niomi, and my family. Almost immediately, my mood felt strong. I was happy, energized, and focused.

  I know it sounds like a bit of a hippie-ish idea, but this was a good breakthrough for me. I don’t know about you, but it’s so easy to get out of bed like a bear with a sore head in the morning, especially if it’s early or a gloomy day in the depths of winter. That’s when it’s natural to think, Bloody hell, school, exams, work . . . FML.

  Instead I’ve learned to take a minute to just chill and to work some positive thoughts into my head. Any minor downers are quickly pushed away, especially if I’m drawing inspiration from the list of categories I call the Marcus Butler Random-Positive-Thought Generator. Give it a go. It might just work for you. . . .

  THE RULES:

  1. Wake up.

  2. Pick three things from the list of categories (below).

  3. Spend three minutes thinking about them.

  4. Feel happy.

  5. Get on with your day.

  THE CATEGORIES:

  • Things that made me laugh last week

  • My greatest achievements

  • I’m grateful for . . .

  • Today I’m going to complete these tasks

  • Things I’m looking forward to this year . . .

  • My favorite movies

  • People I love to death

  • My greatest attributes

  • Compliments that have made me smile

  • The times I’ve surprised myself

  “Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently.

  They’re not fond of rules.

  And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things . . . They push the human race forward . . . While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

  —Steve Jobs, Apple

  HOW TO DELIVER A KNOCKOUT P
RESENTATION

  Public speaking can be terrifying. Every year at school there were debating competitions and everyone had to watch. Whenever I was asked to participate, I always backed out. I’d say,

  “No way! Public speaking? I struggle to stand up in front of a classroom during presentations, let alone the whole school of 600 people.”

  But as I watched the debates, I’d always regret not finding the bravery to get up there. Delivering a killer speech to a big audience looked like a real buzz. Luckily, with my YouTube and business presentations, I’ve since had a chance to overcome my fears, though there has been a lot of trial and error along the way. Let me walk you through the steps that helped me to succeed.

  1 GO TO IT

  Someone’s asked you to give a presentation? Try it. Do it in your class. Step up and deliver a speech in your Saturday job or workplace, or even with your sports team. Yeah, it’s terrifying: you’ll be judged, someone might laugh at you behind your back, but think, What’s the worst that can happen? Sure, if your fly is undone, or you’ve tucked your skirt into your underwear, it might be a humiliating experience, but that will pass eventually. Once you’ve got over the initial fear of public speaking, there’s no limit to what you can achieve.

  2 READY YOURSELF

  Preparation is key. Unless it’s a subject you’re so passionate about that you can talk about it for hours, you’ll need to do some prep, especially if it’s a school exam or a work pitch. Know your subject inside out, because a question might get thrown at you as the presentation comes to a close. If you haven’t prepped, you’ll be shown up straight away.

  3 NAIL THAT DELIVERY

  Executing your presentation is the death-or-glory moment. Deliver several pages of witty text in a monotone voice and your audience will drift into a coma. Bring energy and smarts to the stage and they’ll be hanging off your every word. To perfect your tone, practice a stage voice. Present it to a friend or someone in your family. They’ll be honest with you on your delivery. If there’s no one around to work on, do it in the mirror.

  LIFE HACK!

  While watching yourself, consider the importance of body language. Sticking your hands in your pockets can make you look suspicious or unfriendly. But “steepling”—that’s when you put your fingertips together and make a triangle with your hands—can make you look wise, just like Microsoft cofounder Bill Gates.

  4 KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE . . .

  I can be myself on camera. If I mess up, people find it funny (well, sometimes), but that doesn’t work in serious presentations. I was once flown to Norway to deliver a speech on vlogging to fifty people from high-profile brands. I thought, Yeah, sure I can do that. I make videos—I can chat to anyone.

  Onstage, I tried to be funny, but the crowd didn’t laugh and it was awful. I hadn’t researched my audience. I thought I had to communicate with them in the same way that I communicated with my viewers, and that was a big mistake. Now I’ll never do a presentation without understanding the crowd. Once I’ve worked out what they’re like, I’ll alter my delivery accordingly. Oh, quick tip: if you’re presenting to teachers, oldies, or Norwegian internet executives—no swearing. It’s a bit of a buzzkill.

  5 . . . THEN KILL IT (THE PRESENTATION, NOT THEM. THAT WOULD BE WEIRD.)

  With steps 1 to 4 completed, the butterflies will kick in as you walk to your stage, but embrace them. Trust yourself. You’ve prepared, so people are going to listen to your work. Look around the room as you talk; it’ll bring the audience into your story. Trust me, you’ll be fine. And if worse comes to worst, imagine everyone in the audience is naked, on the toilet, constipated. I find that helps to settle my anxiety every time.

  HOW TO BREAK A WORLD RECORD

  If you want a little example of how being focused and super-positive can help you along in life, then consider this: I’ve got world records on my résumé—nine of them. Nine. Sure, several are currently being shared with my friend Alfie, but it’s still a pretty impressive haul. To put it into perspective, Usain Bolt only has three for his killer times in the 100 meters, 200 meters, and 4 x 100-meter relay, so you can see why I’m pretty proud of the achievement.I

  How I came to break those records is a crazy story. First, it happened just as my channel was really taking off. My subscription figures were going through the roof: 20,000, 50,000, 100,000 . . . and people were starting to notice. One day, Guinness World Records reached out and asked if Alfie and I would like to help them to break a few established feats for their YouTube channel. We were going to get paid for our efforts, and as part of the deal they intended to film the whole thing—which I’m guessing they thought would be hilarious—while putting us up in a London apartment.

  Well, I was pretty excited. For as long as I could remember, I’d been a fan of the Guinness World Records book. Mom had bought it for me every Christmas and I must own around fifteen different editions. Every year I’d flick through the pages, looking to see who were the world’s oldest, tallest, and fattest dudes; I loved learning about the weird feats, too, like the person with the longest fingernails. I often wondered what it would take to get my name in there.

  Once the idea was put to us, we were hooked. “Yeah, cool!” we said. “Let’s do it!” Then shortly afterward the reality of our challenge kicked in. I said to Alfie, “So what do we do now? What records are we going for? How many scotch eggs can you eat in a minute?” But luckily the people from Guinness World Records had a plan. Well—ish.

  “So, Alfie, Marcus, we’ll come up with a list of easily breakable records,” said their representative. “In a month we’ll see how many of them you can break and we’ll film the whole lot.”

  It sounded like a lot of fun. Alfie and I packed our bags and headed to London for the first stab at getting our names into the record books—literally. Though we soon discovered that Guinness’s challenges were hardly “easy.” In fact, we sucked at every single one of them. On the first day, for example, they sat us in front of a bowl of hot dogs and asked us to eat more than eight in a minute. I think we only managed three each, and even that was a proper pain. The last one felt like a brick going into my stomach.

  On set filming for Guinness World Records with Alfie, January 2011

  When that failed, somebody suggested that I grip a toothbrush in my teeth while spinning a basketball on the end. “You played basketball, Marcus,” they said. “It should be fine.” How wrong could they be? It couldn’t have gone any worse! The ball kept tipping off the end, smashing me on the nose as it fell. It was another blown attempt and after a dozen or so failed challenges, I admit it, I started to feel a bit down. I really wanted a world record, but they were all so darned hard. In the end we decided to make up a few challenges of our own, while breaking some already established records at the same time. And ones that were a lot more manageable than spinning a basketball on the end of a toothbrush gripped between my teeth.

  First up was the record for the Highest Number of Hits of a Tennis Ball in One Minute While Using the Alternating Sides of a Racket (unlucky, Andy Murray). Alfie and I then set the Fastest Speed for Making a Sandwich While Blindfolded. Another record was shattered when we managed to lay a table with fine dining cutlery at super-fast speed.

  Our proudest moment undoubtedly came when we set the record time for putting bras on one another. We positioned ourselves face-to-face, ladies’ underwear affixed to our manly chests, as we attempted to remove the other’s bra as many times as possible in a minute. Boom! We completed six switches and I’m now the world’s fastest bra putter-on-er and taker-off-er. Not that I brag about that one too hard in front of Niomi. Or her family for that matter. I’m a world-record breaker, not a jerk.

  MARCUS’S STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO BREAKING A WORLD RECORD

  1 FIND A RECORD THAT’S EASY TO BREAK, OR UTILIZE A SKILL OR UNIQUE TALENT

  Clearly I’m very good at taking a bra on and off, but you might have a talent in another area, such as stuffing sprouts into your underwear. Call Guinne
ss World Records. Say you want to see how many small vegetables you can get into your pants in one minute and go from there. The more unique the claim, the better. You can submit most suggestions, though they can’t be too ludicrous. For example, I remember Alfie and I wanted to set a record for The Fastest Time to Lick an Entire Brick. The adjudicators weren’t impressed.

  2 PRACTICE

  We didn’t break any of those world records without practicing. Often we’d get nowhere near a killer time during the early attempts, like with our blindfolded sandwich-making challenge. But if we seemed relatively confident about being successful in the long run, we’d persevere. We’d practice hard. Once our technique was honed, we’d set the cameras rolling. . . .

  3 CONTACT THE EXPERTS

  Check out the website and follow their step-by-step guidelines for how to complete and verify a new world record. According to the rule-makers this can be done if you video your attempt and use evidence such as independent witness statements and logbooks, though the process can take a couple of months. But don’t stress—it’s all explained on the website.

  4 ENJOY SEEING YOUR NAME IN LIGHTS

  Once you’ve shoved a record number of sprouts into your pants, you’ll be handed a glass frame, with your name and record engraved on it. It looks great, and it makes for a nice doorstop, but be prepared for challengers. Once word spreads of your success, I guarantee that you’ll be asked to re-create the record-breaking accomplishment at every single party you go to. Though strangely no one’s challenged me on my bra-unclipping skills yet. . . .